Episode 99 Transcript

Read transcript alongside audio.

Welcome to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Welsby and this is episode 99. Today, we're talking about did rebel wilson gain weight to become famous.

You're listening to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, bestselling author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self-esteem to being a courageous and confident fierce fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money, and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter. Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century. So how do you stop a negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty podcast. Let's begin.

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Hello, hello infatti How are you happy podcast listening? Hope you're doing well. I want to I want to bust out a quick episode. My episodes are not normally quick, are they? But they wanted to bust out a Couric episode because I wanted to talk to you about some things if that's our plan. So someone made me aware of this thing, this FLARM thing, being a Rebel Wilson said saying that they she lost weight so that she could become famous. And so I saw I saw it on fat fab feminists account, I'm going to link to their account. I'm going to link to everyone who I'm talking about here today. Their accounts and whatnot. And I was like, Oh, what is this? And someone else messaged me and said hey, can you talk about this? And I was like, Well, I've already spoken about fat celebs when they lose weight. That was episode 54 When your favorites Fave fat celeb loses weight. So you can find that episode at face value for.com forward slash 054 If you want to listen to that whole episode, but I wanted to give my take on on this so what let me tell you let me and styles going on.

So originally because Rebel Wilson recently his wearable Wilson has been losing weight right as we know. And recently has been talking about it more and said one of her posts on her Instagram is her in her red swimsuit. Look I love her swimsuit actually I want the swimsuit but I bet you it doesn't come in fat sizes anyway richer in a in a red swimsuit with a straight size body and the caption says it's never too late to improve yourself to improve your health your heart your happiness your harmony for everyone out there just trying to be a little bit better this week go for it every bit counts every effort is worth it. And I think that rebel has done also interviews talking about weight loss well obviously she has done tons of interviews talking about weight loss and so anyway so people are talking about this within the fat community saying how how this word ingot is you know for this whole kind of she she What does she call it I mean a year of health or something and so yeah, people talking about how disappointing was and then a tick tock account called fat underscore tats T ATS I'll link to their video pointed out that rebel said that she deliberately became fat or put on weight to become famous. And then Victoria from fat fat feminists saw that and then made a post about it. And so this is the post that this is a Victoria made a an igtv about it and which is a couple of minutes long, I'll link to it. But then also this post afterwards, which is kind of like a summary of what was in the igtv which says Rebel Wilson gained weight with the purpose of using fatness to advance her Read and capitalized off of fat stereotypes making our bodies a bit of every joke just as long as it was convenient for her.

And now says it's never too late to improve yourself absolutely vile. And then the caption that goes along with that poster that reads, you don't have to agree with me you have, but you have no right to tell me I'm not allowed to be upset. This before and after rhetoric of the frumpy, sad fat, who just needed to take care of herself to transform into this beautiful, amazing version of herself is fat phobic. Do whatever you want with your body. But being in the public eye means that your words have repercussions. Her whole career was one big fat joke. Then she goes and talks about how she quote, improved herself and how you can quote, you can do you could do but being fat doesn't make you broken. You do not need fixing this narrative is damaging and hurtful. And I'm allowed to feel disappointed. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.

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And so I know a lot of people struggle with this, this kind of rightly feeling disappointed, and angry, and a ton of different emotions.

So let me just read what Rebel Wilson said. And now so this is she's this, this all came out in 2016. And so fat tats pointed out Oh, she's lost weight now. But you know, she, she didn't always she wasn't always you know, whatever, you know what this guy was gonna articles gonna say? So I'm reading from global news.ca. And so this is titled Rebel Wilson. So she gained weight to get famous in. This is July for 2016, and two other places. So this is a round up of the two places that she said it. I don't want to link to the one of the other places because it's the telegraph, which is a right wing piece of shit. But I went and had a look. And this is literally just copying from their website. Okay. So reading this article says some actors and actresses will go to extreme lengths to be quote, noticed by casting agents. And it turns out Australian Rebel Wilson is one of them. By the way, just an FYI. As someone who has done interviews with media outlets and whatnot, what you say can be so twisted, literally, literally. So let's see what Rachel says. And also keep in mind that this might be a really cool story to kind of blow up and exaggerate. Maybe, or maybe not, maybe it's exactly her word for word, but let's just keep that in mind. Okay, so, speaking to the Telegraph, she noticed that there were benefits to being fat, they used to word specifically that women are seen as funnier if they're bigger. In her first play, she was cast alongside a girl who was bigger than she was, quote, I was like, Oh, that girl is getting a lot of loss a lot easier than me. What is it? Because I don't think there's that much difference in talent. I remember distinctly thinking, I think it's because she's fatter. And then I don't know if it was mega conscious. But I thought, how can I get more laughs Maybe if I was a bit fatter, and then suddenly, I was fatter and doing more doing comedy. The Pitch Perfect talent went on to say if she takes a few months away from the screen, her body weight drops and returns to its normal, natural size. Wilson told the paper she was athletic and had strong arms before hitting it big quote, I'll take six months off and just do a total transformation. But then so many people go, don't do it. Her comments are similar to the one she made to an Australian publication daily life last year, quote, I look something. I took something that was seen as a disadvantage. No one thinks if you're fat, that you're going to be an actress and everyone's going to love you and turned it into a positive and bigger girls do better in comedy. I don't know why. Maybe because people find it easier to laugh. It's very hard to laugh at someone who's very attractive, I think. And normally those people don't have a great personality anyways.

As part of the telegraph interview, the bridesmaid stars said that the other reason she believes she grabs gigs more regularly is because she can ad lib when it goes on about ad libbing a little bit. So yeah, so that is that that is what she said. Yeah. It's fucked, right. It's fucked up. It's fucked up. And, and I think as well as other things are at play here. So as I mentioned in my episode 54 are talking about any fat celeb that's losing weight like you know cuz we've seen what recently what Adele someone else cupcake. Someone else anyway. It's a pattern. It's a pattern a lot of times there was who was it there was I was watching a video of some Dream Girls Who was the one of the original dream girls and I was watching like a production from like 1996. And the and I'm telling you, I'm not going that's it. I'm telling you. I'm not going who was that? I'm telling you. I'm not going Jennifer holiday. Thank you internet. Oh my god, that was gonna bug me. And I was like, yes, Jennifer holiday look at this incredible fat black woman just tearing this shit up. And and then I like Googled her and I was thinking, Oh, is she still alive? And I looked and I was like, and she was sin now. And I was like, Oh,

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I was sad about it. And that was a picture of her before when she was a dream girl. And now and you know, before she was fat, and now she's not. And I mean, I had feelings about it. I was I was disappointed. I haven't I don't know anything else about Jennifer Holliday. I don't know why she lost weight. I don't know how I don't know. Anything. Right. So I was disappointed. But is it got anything to do with me? Has her body got anything to do with me? No. Would I I have preferred for this person who has nothing to do with me? Do you have stayed fat? And be fabulous fat person? 60 year old now? Yes. But that's just for me. Right? And how often do I get to decide people's lives or my preferences? Never. So anyway, so Anyway, anyway, I that get that? What I'm saying is that feeling of disappointment is so normal and natural. And so a lot of times what people can feel and what can go through our minds is that we thought that that fat celebrity was quote, like, on our side that they got it and now they've maybe betrayed us or let us down or disappointed us like, like, imagine if I turned around and I said Do you know what? Hey, everybody, I'm going to lose way then you would probably like what the fuck? But you know, I am a fat activist. And so that's probably not likely to happen. I mean, it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. Don't worry. It's not like I'm like, Oh, don't get scared. I'm not gonna do it. But we thought we presume that the these people would we're safe right? So when people listen to me first faddy is that there's that presumption that I am safe around, like, I don't think that being fat is bad, right? And this person that we thought might have been safe is no longer safe for us. And it kind of feels like them getting comfort. Comfort from the fat community was temporary and not genuine because actually that fat celeb hates fat bodies hates their fat bodies, and it can feel like we would double crossed. And that fat celeb has benefited from the fat community and the work of fat activists. And it can feel like they're just throwing that in our face. Like I'll take your love I'll take your support I'll take your money but I don't want to be like you because your grace Yeah, and it's so it's so painful to see these incredibly talented people who have achieved bananas and wonderful things in their life. And then kind of their greatest achievement is having a smaller body you know, apparently that's what the media and maybe what they think. And it's not accurate that that is the most interesting thing about them. And it makes us you know, non celebrity folk think well then my my weight must be the most interesting thing about me, the most noble thing I can do is to lose weight. And these the celebs who lose weight are then treated like they are more human now more more real now that they are thin they've arrived right? And now they can get the serious movie roles and now they can date the hot guy and now they are you know, proper, responsible human adult.

Now they quote have their shit together, right and also They have succumbed to the pressure. They have succumb to the pressure of living in a fat phobic society and we wanted them to be strong. We wanted them to be proud and fat, and ignore all the fat phobia, their experience, and they weren't able to, they weren't able to. And it's kind of like, why did they have to, quote give up, and like, throw in the towel and, and

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just be like everyone else when we thought that they were our fat friend, you know, and they're not, they're not. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing, uh, specifically with the Rebel Wilson thing, Rebel Wilson, looking at pictures of her as a younger person, she's always been fat. I don't know if you'd say fat fat, but she's always been nothin. She's, I don't think she would ever describe her as a straight sized. So she wasn't a super thin person. And it's not like she was like, thin, you know, straight size person and then was like, Haha, I'm going to do something to win movie roles. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to get fats, like definitely fat. And then I'm going to get all of those comedy roles, and I'm going to really fuck with the fat community and Haha, that will show them. Like, obviously, that's not what people are saying when when we think about what rebel might have done, but it kind of feels like that, right? It kind of feels like, Oh, this is really calculated and a real betrayal. But I think the reality is somewhere in the middle where she was, she was fat and and then she got fatter? Would you still fucked up? I mean, still fucked up to say, Hey, I'm going to use the tropes of who fat people are, to get ahead in my career, that's not okay. Even if she was fat, and then just got fatter. And she said, You know, I, I got the roles then. And, and. And as well, she said, I was in a play with a friend. And when was that? Like? We don't know, was that when she was a teenager? Was she is that when she was 20? Was that when she was 25 when she was 10, you know? And then she started getting roles. When was that? You know? And she said, Oh, it wasn't really a conscious thing. And maybe she's looking back and reflecting upon those things. And those things are deeply inappropriate and fat phobic. She doesn't know though, because she doesn't understand about weight stigma. Right? And so she's not, she's not it doesn't sound she might have been. But it doesn't sound like she was looking back and being like, Oh, shit, you know what I realized? I had this unconscious thought. And I thought that being fatter would be better for my career. And it's really interesting that I thought like that, and I really wanted to unpick that and realize that that was really a lot about my own internalized fat phobia. And, you know, like, it doesn't sound like that's where she's coming from. And that, you know, if that was it, then he'd be like, Oh, that's really interesting. Let's talk about it. But it kind of sounds like she's almost putting on a costume of fatness. But again, I don't think that she was ever straight sized. And I don't think I don't think it was this conscious, calculated thing. And the thing is, we don't know if any fat celeb is, quote, one of us. We don't know, if any fat person, any fat person is a happy fat person. You know? Like I was saying a few weeks ago in talking to a fat person. And I said, Are you fat positive? And he responded, Well, I'm fat. So. And I was like, well, being fat doesn't mean that you're fat positive. And a lot of times, we can put these judgments on Oh, they're fat and in the in the public eye, and maybe they're talking about all my curves and things like that. And it kind of leads us to believe that they are fat, and happy. And maybe they say they're fat and happy. And they're proud to be fat. And maybe they say that.

So a lot of times we hoist meaning onto the bodies of fat people and make them the spokesperson of loving your fat body. And yeah, perhaps they've made comments to suggest that, but do we know exactly what they really think and feel? Is it easier as a fat celebrity to be like, yeah, no, I'm celebrating my fat body versus being like, actually, I think that I'm disgusting piece of shit, you know? Would it be easier for them to just say yeah, celebrating the curse? And also, would there be a little bit of calculation around that? have, oh, I'm going to be speaking to a larger part of the audience because most of the audience are going to be fat people because you know, lots of fat people in the world. And so if I say, Oh, I'm embracing my curves, and yay, yay, go curvy people, then people are gonna like me more versus if I say, Oh, I'm really gross.

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You know, is there that calculated thing of that? Like, I don't want to say that even though I feel like that. I don't know. I'm speculating, right? Do they feel they need to be seen as body positive? Because? Because they're fat. When in reality, they're not. Or they've not even thought about it. The problem thought about it. We presume that they must be super confident in their body and worked their shit out to be where they are, but they probably haven't. Right? They're just like us. They're just like us. Hey, I got a request for an interview to make a comment on a Selena Selena. Selena Gomez, his new swim line. And I think she had some new swimwear or whatever, and camera what it was, what was it that she had? Oh, that's what it was. She posted a photo that wasn't airbrushed. And so the request the interview request I had is, can you comment on the idea of Selena Gomez being the new face of body positivity. And, and it was just because Selena Gomez, he was a straight size person posted a photo that wasn't airbrushed. And so Selena Gomez, theoretically, I don't know because I don't follow them, but follow her. But, you know, I presume that Selena Gomez, and I looked I remember looking Selena Gomez wasn't like, Hey, everybody, I've decided I am the new face of body positivity because I'm posting a picture that is not airbrushed. No. People put that to her and said, Listen, listen up here. Selena, you can't claim that you are the new face of body positivity, because XYZ. And Selena is like, Well, shit, I'm just trying to sell the fucking swimsuit over here. But like, I'm not saying that I'm the new face. And any like a that goes with any celebrity that, you know, Rebel Wilson, I don't think Rebel Wilson has ever said, Hey, I'm the face of the fat community. I'm the face of body positivity. I am your fat leader? I don't think so. I don't know. But a lot of times, if there's someone who is just fat and existing in the world, we can put a lot of kind of expectations on them. And we have to remember that their body does not belong to anyone, not for fat people's consumption, not for thin people's consumption. And imagine you met the immense amount of pressure, having your body picked apart every day in all the magazines in a very public way. What that would do to you. And it's wonderful to see fat bodies being represented, but what does it mean if that fat body becomes smaller? Like we start to have judgments about that person? Is that okay to then judge someone if they're smaller. I see it so much. Oh my gosh, I really don't like it in, in Facebook communities where it's kind of like, oh, have you seen rebel Wilson's lost weight? And instead of the comments being like, I It's so disappointing. There are some of that. Oh, it's so disappointing. So many of the comments are, oh, she looks so unattractive now. She looked better when she was fatter. Oh, look at her skin. Oh, look at and I'm like, What the fuck is this? What what? Why is it then okay to now pick apart her body because she's no longer fat? Answer. It's not okay. It's fucked up. And of course, not everyone is doing that. But many people are. I'm always just like, oh, let me check out the comments here. Oh, it's his body shaming. Hello? No, thank you. Another thing to consider is we don't know what's going on with them. Their mental health, their physical health. Maybe shit being an imagined being in Hollywood, but you're so thin and white and healthiest and ableist and fat phobic, and all of those messages. So think of all the messages, you know, non celebrity folks get all the time that you need to be thin. And then imagine if all of your peers had had tons of plastic surgery all looked all had these normative bodies not even normal, like like fucking, you know, supermodel bodies, and then you're seen as the kind of like funny fat one, and you're not attractive, and all of the other pressures around that and all the messages that affects the level but we're getting about

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How they're unhealthy and, and it's kind of amplified and they're just existing in the world. And you know, they're just on Instagram, posting a picture of them, you know, living life and the amount of comments that they're probably getting being like we are promoting fatness and loss. Why are you so disgusting? I mean, shit, I've got what 36,000 followers, it's got too much for me that I've had to get my, my VA to respond to messages because I can't handle it. It hurts my mental health too much to be that small of a public figure. Nevermind having millions of followers, like fat would really fuck with my mental health? And and why do we think that celebs have different reactions? And yes, they've got more money to go and go and get tons of therapy to help them with that. But are they doing that? I mean, I wouldn't be if I was like, famous like that. I'd been talking therapy 25 times a day, being like, oh, my god. I can't handle it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And also, if you have to think about as well, you know, think about all facts of lives, what marginalized identities? Do they what are the model identities that they have? So they're fat? Are they a woman? Are they gay? Are they a person of color? Are they you know, are they trans, etc, etc, etc? Because then that adds on even more marginalization. So how hard is it to walk through Hollywood with different marginalized identities? And if, like, if you can try and get some relief from that, because you believe that you have control over your body weight, then you would probably do it right. And we have to remember that we have all of this education around how diets don't work and all of that type of stuff. And but in certain circles, that is not the message that is getting out there. And so theoretically, rebel hasn't heard that message. Do you think that that Rebel Wilson has has been, you know, someone's come to her and said, Hey, rebel, by the way, I'm an expert in in health and turns out, losing weight is not an indicator of health of or worth. And actually, you go in on this whole year of health is the whole thing is kind of healthiest and ableist. And what do you mean by health? And, you know, like, that's not probably not what's happened, probably, there's some kind of one of our celebrity friends has hooked her up with some celebrity chef or personal trainer. And they're like, right, we know how to make your fin. You just have to put let us up your bum. And rebels gone. Okay, cool, because that's the information that she's got, right. So, I think about as well, you know, rebel losing weight is temporary. Chances are, it's temporary, even though she's a millionaire. She still has a human body. And it's, it's like, it's probably less likely that she will put the weight back on because she has so many resources to to do that. But she still has a human body that doesn't want to be thin, because it seems like she's she's had a fat body for most of her life. Right? So this is a temporary place forever. We don't know, in a year, two years, five years, 10 years, whatever down the road. Rebel is going to be coming out being like, you know what, I fucked up big time. You remember in 2021 when I was like,

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Look how fit and healthy I

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am. And I was such a knob. I had no idea that it didn't matter what I did. I was never meant to be a straight size person and the amount of pain that I caused the fat community for my you know, all of that shit that I did. I was such a knob. Can you believe it? And because I think about that, when I was in it when I was like, Look how thin I am. Why are you all so lazy ingredient eating food. Look at me. I don't eat any and I'm like, I mean, I might nothing, you know. And I'm just like, Oh, God, that was so embarrassing. And thank God I don't have to play it out into the in the public eye because that was before Facebook was a thing. Right? So I thank God I wasn't on social media because the login shit that I would have shared, I'd have to be going back and deleting so much of that because, you know, the embarrassment of it.

And we all get to this stage at different times. And sometimes we don't sometimes people don't get to that place where they realize that you know, weight loss and all that type of stuff is bullshit. So, yeah, it's not okay. It's not okay. None of this is okay. If you are feeling really mad at that rebel, I get it, I get it. And there's other things that are going on. And she is super privileged and has tons of money. So theoretically, she should be able to get, you know, pay for someone in her life to tell her that she's fucking up. But that, you know, that's not happened. Because most of the world is fat phobic, you know. And she's probably getting a ton of praise right now. Yeah, just take a deep breath here. It's exhausting, isn't it? Isn't it? Right? Oh, yeah. So yeah, that's what I think like, I think yes, it sounds it's rebels words were I've put on I put on weight to get more roles. How about how accurate is that? How is that taken out of context? I mean, she said it, let's just take it on face value value. She said it. But Has she ever been Cynefin? This no evidence to support that she's ever been thin, thin. The evidence supports that she's been fat, fat. Not fat, fat, just you know, fat. And, and so is Robert Wilson, this evil person? I don't think so. Does Rebel Wilson hold tons of problematic beliefs that are super harmful to many people in our audience? Yes. Yes, she does. Is Rebel Wilson, maybe on the journey to learning that diets don't work? And maybe could robber Wilson be an awesome fat positive representation for us? Maybe, maybe not? We don't know. Right? Who knows? So, I mean, I think it's, you know, feel those feelings. feel mad. And also, I think if we have a, you know, a bit of empathy around it, too. I think that is probably more helpful. For us, you know, even just us, you know, not rebel. Yeah.

Anyway, so, um, I wanted to share some findings with you from because I got so many responses about Episode 97, which was titled when your spouse isn't attracted to your fat body. So I shared a little video kind of summary of, of that episode. And the amount of responses I got was really. I was surprised, I was surprised. So if you don't want to, I would say, trigger big trigger warning here. If you don't want to hear other people sharing experiences of their spouse, saying they're not attracted to them. And what happened, then just skip the rest of the episode because I'm going to that's what I'm going to be talking about. And so that might not be feel good for you today. And so if that's the case, then skip ahead, skip to the next episode. Just skip to the next episode. Okay, so these are some of the stories that people shared. I'm going to read them read out in response to when your spouse isn't attracted to your fat body and in that episode, I talked about how it's not okay, that your spouse might share with you that they think that your body is not attractive, because that is fatphobia in action and sexual preferences in regards to oh, I only date thin people.

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Is because of the society we live in. A fat phobic society. And fat phobia is not a sexual preference. Okay, so first comment, just a couple of months into dating my now husband a good seven plus years ago, he confessed that he had questioned whether he was attracted to me slash wanted to date me because I was on the body type that he usually went for, and asked why I was choosing to be fat. I was fucking devastated and hurt and rightfully so. He had made fat phobic comments during this exchange slash discussion afterwards. We work through it and I felt ultimately thankfully, I knew it was a 100% a him problem and not a reflection on me on my worth, but it didn't make it hurt any less, or questioned my attractiveness unfortunately, especially knowing I was at my lowest yet still fat weight. And joke's on him. I stopped restricting Of course I gained it all back and more since lol. That being said, I still need affirmations reassurance from time to time from the pain those early conversations caused. People truly need to leave each other's bodies alone, let alone live and love them. for who they are, as they as they are, and drop the shirts. Okay, next comment. Wow, wow, wow, I needed to hear this 10 years ago, my solution when my now husband told me he wasn't attracted to me because I had gained weight. What's to tell him that we should break up? I said that I loved him and would be sad, but I love myself more than staying with someone who thought like that. Thank you, Samantha Jones from Sex in the City. And I watched 16 cities so much like 15 years ago, like hundreds and hundreds of hundreds of hours of it. Repeat repeat constantly, in my my DVD player. We ended up working through it and he is now incredibly supportive. But it took a long time for me to forgive him. I wish someone would have said this to me. us back then. Thank you so much. Next comment, ex who I was with for five years ended our relationship, in part because he was not attracted to my body after I recovered from an eating disorder. That was fun times. Can you imagine? Unbelievable. Yep, this happened to me. In year four of dating someone I thought I would marry, he really broke me. I shouldn't have let him had that power in hindsight. And I should have noticed other red flags before it even got to that point. That experience of debt has definitely left me weary of intimacy and has been a huge insecurity for me. And this happened seven years ago. I'm still damaged from it and Phil undeserved, desirable and resent him so much. Not only does it affect how I view myself physically, but it really changed how I perceived anyone who might dare to show romantic interest in me. I just get angry and have no patience. It's something I'm working on. But it has definitely impacted the way I think of myself, including embarrassment now for letting myself get so wrapped up in wrapped up and affected by that one person. Yeah, I mean, shit. It's just Yeah, yeah. I mean, the, you know, the embarrassment about letting myself get so wrapped up into the unaffected by one person. I mean, I don't think that you should feel embarrassed because this is massive. This is massive. We're told by society that being fat is the worst thing you can be.

And then someone that you love, and trust and have deep intimacy with is telling you, You are the worst thing that you can be, according to society, you know, according to like, attractiveness levels. I mean, FARC it's like, it's like your partner being like, Hey, by the way, so actually, I think you've got a really shaped personality. I just hate everything about your personality. Can you just change it for me? You might what? This is me what? Anyway, next comment. Thank you for sharing this. I'm luckily not in one of those relationships now. But I now know now. No. But now how much being not. But I guess trying to say I now know how much being in one of those relationships harmed me. Praying for everyone who is was or will be hard. No comment. I will never understand how my mother went through with marrying my dad after she asked him if he'd still love her if she were fat. And he said, as long as you don't weigh more than me next, I've had this said to me by one ex that didn't like it when I gained weight. And then another when I lost weight. See, you know, this person saying gained weight and lost weight they didn't like them when when they lost weight. It's all about it's all about

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objectifying your body. You know, you do too much too, too little too late to this, you know? How about I'm a human and not a not a an objects and trophy for you. Okay, next comment. Amazing. Thank you for this. My last partner did this and it ultimately ended in divorce. I'd become intuitive eating and gained weight and he told me he wasn't attracted to me and did not want to be intimate as much anymore. You are so right in that the shame is palpable. When he initially told me he lost traction, I stopped intuitive eating and I frantically began dieting, but my weight loss was not quick enough. I remember feeling such deep remorse and guilt about my body, mind you, and he would tell me that he couldn't help it because, quote, men are visual, by the way that is that's just that's just fucking sexism. You know?

Anyway, the worst was when I Googled to see if perhaps it was just him and and the men on the forums online just confirmed what they said. Men are visual. We can't help it. I would think my god what would happen if my face got burned in a fire or my look began to fade as a naturally would, would he still not want to be intimate with me? Ironically, I ended up losing weight after we broke up. I felt such pride for that and always hoped I'd run into him so I could show him. Five years later, the weight came back on, and so did the guilt and shame. I've recently begun intuitive eating again and have not felt this freedom with food. And so long as I gain more weight, I'm worried that my current partner will do the same thing as my ex. Thank you for reminding me that it is his problem and not mine. I don't ever have to punish myself for the sake of a relationship ever again. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life. Okay, final comment. Thank you for this. I've had this happen in two relationships. It's soul destroying, and initially was the catalyst for my subsequent eating issues. And eventually, my eating disorder. I always thought it was something that was not to be changed in that they couldn't help who what they were attracted to. Yeah. Yeah. Just think if we were brought up in a society where fat bodies were heralded the same way that straight sized bodies are. Do you think that these these people would still have the same beliefs? I don't think so. Right. You know, it's just absolutely bizarre to me like I was watching the you know, that show on Netflix the circle. And is some reality TV show anyway. And I was watching the first season because I watched season two and three, and then they put the first season first season on then the first season is not as good as the other ones anyway. Bad season. But I'm still watching it off, obviously.

Anyway, and so one of the one of the people on it, no spoilers, but one of the people on it is like in the first episode, he's like, Oh, I said, blonde. That's it. I'm blonde, only blonde people. And so then there's a blonde girl on there. And he's like, Oh, my God, and blonde. And like, I was just like, you're such a knob. Oh my god, this guy is such a knob. Because I think, you know, like, why is he so interested in the fact that they have blonde hair? Who the fuck cares? What color their hair is? And I and it's because it's, it's a status symbol, right? Like, what, what are we told in society is the most attractive white skin thin body blue, or green eyes, blonde hair, like that's seen as the epitome of beauty. Right? And so he's just playing into such a boring stereotype of what beauty is, like, he's, he's cutting himself off from anyone else with other hair colors. And I don't he didn't say that. Like, I would never date someone with, you know, brown hair or whatever. But he's just like, oh, loans, loans, loans, and it's just, it's just so transparent, that it comes from place of, of lack of self esteem on his part of, of being deeply sexist and buying into patriarchal ideas and, and, and racism and all sorts of things. That it's just, it's just so basic, and boring, and really just start examining their shit, because it's kind of like 101. Like, really? Is one on one stuff of why is it that I'm attracted only to thin blonde white women? Oh, could you because I have some biases? No, it's just my time. I can't help her managers visual. No, really, really? Okay. No wonder. Yeah. Yeah, so those are those comments. But you know what, I don't want to leave on a note where it's kind of like, well,

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all sis men are trash, which I don't know the genders of these people. Right? So, but there are so many people who fucking love size diversity, they don't care about what size their partner is. I bet you if I asked you listening right now, like, would you care if your partner put on weight? Especially like some of these stories are saying, After me recovering from something that was harmful, you know, dieting, all that type of stuff. They were doing something wonderful that was really helping their mental health. Can you imagine you saying that to your partner? I'm guessing most people are saying right now. Hell no, Victoria would never fucking do that. And so these are these are lots of stories of people who've experienced this fucked up thing, but there are still so many people who and including sis men who would be horrified to hear these stories. Who would be devastated thinking about that harm that you and I have experienced or might experience with these stories? And would never dream of saying anything as cruel as that. And there's even tons and tons of people who have an actual preference for fat bodies who are really into fat bodies who really appreciate fat bodies who say things like oh my god, it just so soft. And, and a fabric for bodies are so feminine, and they're just so beautiful and they're just so welcoming and they're just so sexy and they're just so like, I've heard people saying, it's kind of like nature, like, you know, like the thing that I say all the time from Rubicon waves and honey. And, and they and they talk about how sensual fat bodies are, and how they feel really held by fat bodies.

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I mean,

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shit like I would so I mean, obviously I would so datafied AB with a fatty like a fatty. Oh, ah, I would love that and there's so many people who think the same right? And yeah, there's people who don't because they have not worked on their their internal I shit. But do you want to be with someone who hasn't worked on their shit or isn't trying to work on their shit? You know, it's okay if someone says you know what, I'm really struggling with my fucking my bullshit. I'm just I'm struggling with it and I'm gonna overcome it. I'm gonna work on it. Versus being like well we're

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gonna sue you know, fucking you know, they're grabbing that digna managers we're just looking visual creatures. So you know you have to stay like a you know a model whose preteen for the rest of your life. Like no

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no, thank you if that's how you think then you can just go in the bin. Not for me. No, thank you very much. It's just not cool.

Anyway, when I said this is going to be a flying episode, but it turns out it wasn't I miss just love talking. Yeah, so thank you for hanging out with me. Right now I'm feeling I'm seeing the next episode. I got my buddy. Stay face funny. Thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to fears fattier Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body, then go to phase fatty.com forward slash waitlist again, that is phase fatty.com. Forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist. For when first party Academy my signature program opens