Episode 18 Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode 18 of the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I am your host, Victoria Welsby and today's episode we are talking about the good fatty versus bad fatty dichotomy. Let's do it.


You're listening to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm Victoria Welsby, TEDx speaker, best selling author, and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self-esteem to being a courageous and confident Fierce Fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad, but what if we spent less time, money, and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century. So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty Podcast. Let's begin.


Hello. Hello. Hello. Welcome to this episode. I'm so pleased to have your back or if this is the first episode you're listening to, welcome to Fierce Fatty land where all the fatties run around together and dance and sing and do loads of fat stuff together. Wouldn't that be amazing? A fat camp, but not like a fat camp like you have in America where they try and make you lose weight, but a fat camp where we all just be fat and amazing. I just had dreams. I'm coming to you today from a very stormy Ireland. I'm looking over the the sea right now on the waves are huge. We're in storm Siara or Kiarra. I don't know what happened anyway, how we're pronouncing it, but that's what it is. And it's been hailey and rainy and snowy and sunshiny and windy and rainy. And I let Douggie out this morning. Douggie, my dog to do wee and it was sunshiny. And as soon as I shut the door to let him out, all of a sudden this wild hailstorm came and started hailing on him and he was like, Oh, I don't like the asshole. Oh my God, let me back in. And so I let him back in immediately and he was like shaking and not from cold, but from scare, from being scared. And I was like, Oh my God, Douggie, I'm so sorry. And he wouldn't eat his breakfast because he was so frightened. He's a very sensitive dog. But then he eventually ate his breakfast like a couple of hours later. After he'd calmed down from the big hail on his nose or wherever, wherever hit in. That hail is painful, right. I went out in it yesterday and I was like, what the fuck? Oh my God, get in the car. Come on. I was saying to me and Douggie cause it was a thing. Anyway, I'm all snuggled as a bug here though in the house looking out over the wind isn't that nice when you can hear all the wind and rain and stuff outside and you're nice and warm. So that's where I'm at.


And I wanted to share something with you. Just to show you something because I got a bad review for the podcast. And I want you to tell you about it. You're like, why are you excited about that Victoria? Because I just want you to make a point about something. I actually got it in three months ago, but I hadn't noticed because I hadn't looked at my Itunes, my Apple podcasts reviews because when someone does a review, they normally email me and let me know and then I sent him my book. But these people didn't. And so there's people that are here who could get a free book, but you're not, but maybe you've already got the book or whatever. But anyway, so I checked and I got a bad review. Let me read it to you. I've got two stars which is still pretty good. Thank you for the two stars. I could've got one. And it's from Blow Source. I'm obviously not still listening to the podcast because a Blow Source review starts with irritating, decent production values. Thank you very much. But the host's personality and arrogant tone, great on me. Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. And the rest of my reviews are all five-star saying like, love, love, love. This is amazing. It's my soul. Happy, outstanding, fantastic. Listening over and over. Confident. Great. Love it. I love the podcast and why I wanted to share the negative review with you is because people are going to love and hate you no matter what you do.


People are going to misunderstand you. So this person saying I have an arrogant tone. A lot of people might think, yeah, she's so arrogant. Oh my God, she loves herself so much and that might be absolutely true for them. That's their perception of me. And for other people it's just like, no, she's just sassy or she's just confident. And whenever a woman is confident that people are like, Oh, they're arrogant because we don't have enough representation of strong, confident women in our media or whatever. And so if you doubt for a second that people are going to love your hate, your whatever, I want you to go to think of your most favorite movie or your, the book you would read and it changed your life and you just, every single word is perfection. It couldn't be any better. Go and read the reviews.


It's better if you go on like Amazon or something because then you'll get a real range of society and you'll have people being like, Oh my God, this changed my life. This is amazing. And you're going to have people who are like, this is a big bag of dog shirt. The author or writer or director needs to never do anything like this ever again. It's an embarrassment and that's just life, right? You always going to have people who love you and you're always going to have people that hate you. Now getting that review saying that I'm irritating. My personality is grating and I'm arrogant. I could be like, Oh shit, I need to tone down my personality. I need to stop being so irritating. Now, if I did that, not that I'm out there being like, do you know what?


I'm going to be really irritating today. But obviously there's something about me that this person finds irritating, so I could try and tone myself down. Not too sure what they find irritating, but why don't I could just turn everything down a bit. I could just not be me just a little bit more. So this person or people like that person, or not irritated by me, but would the people who wrote the five star reviews believing a five star review, then would it be a four star review? Would it be no review or you could still be a five star review, right? Why not just be the version of me that attracts and repels versus a version of me, which doesn't exist in real life, which is somewhere in the middle that neither attracts nor repels, which is what I did in most of my life is I try to make everyone happy and something that I learned when I was doing my TEDx talk. I'll link to it in the show notes. Someone told me, I can't remember who told me, I wish I did that no matter what you do in your TEDx talk, because I was on the fence about taking my clothes off or not. And even up until a few days before, I wasn't sure, should I take my clothes off, you know, not, I had two different speaking coaches. One said, I think you should do it. It'll be amazing. And the other side, I don't think you should do it. It'd be inappropriate. It could ruin things for you. And, I kinda got down to like, what do I want to do? And someone said to me, listen, no matter what you do, even if you stood on the stage and just did a poop, just pull down your trousers, lifted up your skirt, and just pooed on the stage and walked off.


Or if you delivered the most, you know, touching and heartbreaking and speech ever, there will always be 10% of people who hate you. 10% of people who love you. And 80% is going to be somewhere in the middle. So what do I want to do? Do I want to be the real authentic me? And that real authentic me is the one that flops out how long tits on stage, or maybe do a poo or whatever it is you want to do. And how the 10% of people who love you love you for the real year, right? Versus say if you did something which you know, if you lived your life in a way that is not authentic to you, you'll have the 10% of people who love you, love a version of you that is not true to you. Right? Right, right.


So yeah, bad reviews. Just want you to share that with you. And you might be like, Victoria, I love you. This person has written a bad review is wrong and don't listen to them or whatever. But you know, whatever people think about me or say about me has got nothing to do with me. It has got everything to do with them, right. Really, because you know the people who are leaving all these nice reviews. What is going on in their life that makes them take the time out of their day to write something nice about a stranger on the internet. Cause that's not a small thing. I have literally probably only ever written two podcast reviews and my whole life and I listen to podcasts all the time, like at least one a day. And so I don't generally go out of my way unless someone specifically asked me, Hey, can you review my podcast? Which is why I've probably left two reviews. I don't go out of my way to leave a review. And so these people have gone out their way to do that. What does that say about them? It says a lot about them, right? That they like this content, that they want this podcast to make an impact. And they think others should listen and they want to share, or maybe they're doing it because they want to support me or whatever the reasons is. It's not to do with me, it's to do with them. And the same with any negative reactions. We don't know what's going on in this person's life. You know, they didn't write anything mean. It's just, it's just an opinion, right. And maybe, you know, they're saying irritating. Maybe they had a friend once who sounded just like me and they're like, Oh, that British bitch, I hate her.


And they like ruined their lives or something. And then as soon as I heard my voice, they were like, Oh my God, who is she? She's the worst. So yeah. Anyway, that's a bit of a long tangent or to start off with 10 minutes, not so long. But yeah, seriously, if you ever, you know, worry that, you know, worry about doubt your greatness or doubt what you should be doing or doubt if you should be wearing that crop top or if you should be, you know, speaking up or whatever it is, just know, unfortunately you're going to get, you're going to get criticism, but you're also going to get people who love you, not that you need people who love you but and that's just the way the world works.


So let's talk about the good fatty versus bad fatty dichotomy. Now this is so interesting and you might have never heard about good fatty, bad fatty or you might have already, but we're going to go on a deep dive into that today. And I'll explain what they mean and how they impact us and how buying into the good fatty, bad fatty dichotomy is, can be stopping you from truly loving yourself. So dichotomy, just in case you haven't come across that word before. Dichotomy, so says the internet, a division of, or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different. Okay. So it's like two different things. And let me start out by reading a little excerpt from Reagan Chastain's blog, Dances with Fat, if you've never come across dances with fat. Donald says with fat by Reagan Chastain is the first place that I ever learn about fat phobia and the fact that the fat people should be treated like we're humans. Strange, right? I was like, what? We should be treated with humanity, get out of here. And I remember being in bed just reading Dances with Fat and the blogs and just being like, Oh my God, Oh my God.


And then, you know, turning into my then boyfriend being like, did you know, did you know? And he was like, well, anyway, there's loads of, she's a prolific writer. And so you can just uneasy it as well. You can search our site. So if there's anything that you're like, Oh, I wonder what Reagan thinks about this. And anyway, fangirling. so what Reagan says about good, fatty, bad fatty. And then I'll explain more about what good and bad fatty is. So the good fatty, bad fatty dichotomy, originally named by the fabulous Kate Harding happens when people try to divide fat people up into two categories and suggest that one group deserves to be treated better than the other group. Good fatties are seen as doing the quote unquote right thing by people who think they have the right to judge.


It may be that they are seen eating how they dress, their current health slash ability, whether or not they engage in movement, the type of movement they engage in and bad fatties are those who are seen as doing the quote unquote wrong things based on those same criteria. So that's from Reagan Chastain, Dances with Fat. So the idea is that say if you think of fat people, say if you knew nothing about fat positivity or body positivity or anything like that, the general population will think about fat people in certain ways and they will categorize fatties as a more palatable version of a fatty or a less palatable version. So a more palatable version of a fatty to society is a fatty who knows their fat and knows that there is a really big issue with the fact that they're fat and they're doing things like they're on a diet.


So they're like, I know I'm fat and I know it's bad to be fat, but high. I'm doing everything I can to lose this weight. They do things like eat, quote unquote healthy foods or work out a lot. Do you know, go to the gym or go running on the street or whatever. You know, you see those memes of you know, don't make fun of fat people when they're in the gym. At least they're trying to do something about it. So that is, you're a good fatty, good fatty is also. So this is according to society, so just because you happen to like working out doesn't mean that your subscribing to this good fatty thing and you're like, I'm a good fatty is it's to do with the way that people perceive fat people. So if you're just like, Oh, I just like working out, am I doing something wrong?


No, that's not what we're talking about. Go and workout or no. Do what you want, right? Another way that a good fatty is perceived as a good fatty is they're the types of clothes that they wear. Are they fashion forward? Are they doing makeup and do they wear high heels and do they subscribe to trends and are they cool? Right? And another good fatty is a fatty who is funny, right? You know, the funny fat guy and probably they're making a lot of fat phobic jokes. They're probably making jokes about their, you know, how fat and horrible they are, how they can't see their penis, how they've not had sex in years, and how, you know, they're just so fat and disgusting. And, and that is very nonthreatening to society because, you know, fat jokes like that, it's like, I know what my place is in society.


Don't worry, I'm not trying to, you know, take any of that privilege that you have because I know I'm disgusting, right? And a good fatty is, you know, outwardly fat phobic. There will be like, Oh yeah, fat people who are obesity epidemic, all that type of stuff. Now that is like a very rough kind of guideline and a bad fatty would be doing things like eating quote unquote unhealthy food. So foods that society have decided that we shouldn't be eating. So a bad fatty would be a fat person who is eating a pizza in public or eating an ice cream or whatever. And you know, someone would walk by and see that fat person eating something that they quote unquote shouldn't be and will be more likely to be like, Oh, look at them. Typical, typical fat person eating a slice of pizza.


A bad fatty would be someone who doesn't move their body. Again, this is according to the way society views. So if you don't move your body, you're not, it's not that you're a bad fatty or you know, anything like that. You know, society is way more sympathetic to a fatty who is outgoing for a run versus a fatty who's out, you know, watching a Netflix marathon. So doing a marathon or watching a Netflix marathon, there's two different perceptions that you'd get from the general public because of those two things. Yeah. So a bad fatty too is maybe someone who was like, Hey don't be mean to fat people. People, you know, the types that these are the types of people that straight sized people and just society in general get mad about, like so typical. Look at them, look at them just sitting on the sofa and eating food.


Like they need food to survive or something. Oh my God, I can't believe it. So that is what good fatty and bad fatty is about. Now I engage in both of all of those types of behaviors are good and bad, right? and so it's not that we should try and not do certain things or do certain things, but examine what we are getting from doing certain things. I'm not doing certain things and how I'm trying to become or be a good fatty could be holding us back from loving ourselves. Because we want the wider world to know that we know we're horrible and disgusting and we're trying to change and all that type of stuff. And if you do engage in quote unquote bad fatty behaviors, you're going to be met with anger and disgust and disdain. And if you are engaging in good fatty behaviors, then you're going to be encouraged.


Good for you trying to lose weight and celebrated and probably pitied like, Oh, she's trying so hard. I feel sorry for her for being so fat and horrible. And maybe one day she'll be thin and people are going to skin be like, Oh my God, I can't wait to see where you're going on your journey, how you're working so hard and don't worry. One day you're going to be thin and it's going to be amazing. And what we're trying to do with those types of behaviors is we are trying to be accepted. We are trying to get more privilege by not experiencing as much oppression, not experiencing as much oppression. Jesus, why is oppression such a hard word for me today? So the thing is we can really work to experience less oppression if you're living in a fat body, because that's always going to be that, you know, generally if you're just walking around and you know, you're just experiencing life.


You can't always be engaging in these good fatty or bad fatty behaviors, right? Because you're a human being and you're not just one that one thing. So talking about good fatty attributes as a positive thing is justifying why we should be included, right? So think about how you're talking or, or justifying fat people. Like I used to do this a lot when I first came to body positivity. I'd be like, Oh, fat people can be healthy. Now, I talk about this a lot because I know this is a barrier for people because they're like, well but fat people can't be healthy. But it'd be a big thing of but fat people can be healthy and fat people do work out on fat. People do eat healthy foods. You know, I'd be thinking like that, like fat people are just like, you thin people is what I would be.


You know, in my head talking about being like fat people can be as good as thin people. So is that making it more palatable for you to be getting into fat positivity or body positivity to know that, but I can be healthy if I want to. I can. That's subscribing to the good fatty, bad fatty dichotomy. And we're not all just like one thing, right? We're all a myriad of different things and different behaviors and attitudes and we're not all just good fat. You're bad fatty. It's not helpful to think of people as, you know, this black and white thing. And we, I always avoided my whole life trying to be bad fatty. I did not want to be seen as a bad fatty. I would do ridiculous things really. Most ridiculous thing I used to do would be, I would eat with small cutlery. So if I was eating a bowl of cereal instead of eating with a spoon, like a normal spoon, I would eat with a teaspoon because I'd be like, okay, Oh, I'm so delicate and gentle. I could only manage two Cheerio's look how tiny my spoon is. Why not greedy? I'm not greedy. Like the other bad fatties who we were the ladle, right? I'm not like paddle eating cereal, bad fatty. I just, I just eat Cheerios. I'm so tiny. To try and fool people being like, Oh, look at, ah, right. Oh eight in certain types of food in front of people and never eating other types of food because you know, you didn't want them. I didn't want them people to be like, Ooh, look at her eating a chip. Oh, can't believe it. No wonder she so far. I want it to be seen as good. And so I would do things like run. I hated running. It was so fucking boring. Running for me is boring. Cool. If you love it, that's you, just you do you. But for me it would just be running. When I move my body, I like moving my body because it's fun. Like I'm having a dance, I'm having a groove, I'm jiggling my fat or whatever. I guess running. You do a lot of fat jiggling.


Well I did because my fat jiggle when I ran, but I was running because I really believe like, okay, this is what thin people do is that they run, which is, you know, I'll see. That's a problematic statement in itself. But that's what I believed and if then people saw me running and thin people saw me doing like the 10K. I did a 10K and in Vancouver they'd say, Oh yeah, look at her working so hard to try to not be fat. And I felt more assured in myself and it was safer for me to behave in those ways because at that time I didn't have the capability to stand up for myself and I couldn't handle if someone did say something like, why are you eating that? Cause I was so deeply filled with shame that there's no way that I could be like, because I fucking want to, what the hell?


Why the hell are you talking to me about while I'm eating? Get out of here. I would just, you know, someone questioned me about a quote unquote bad fatty behavior. I would just, you just kill me. I would just shrivel and die and hide because it wasn't safe, right? I wasn't at that place where I could engage in bad fatty behaviors, which is, you know, we all engage in all of these behaviors, right? We all eat healthy food and eat unhealthy food as much that there is unhealthy and healthy food because that's not really a thing. We all, you know, don't move our bodies, you know, cause we sleep, right? We all engage in all types of things, right. And obviously I say, Oh, but he's know not always all. Yeah. So we know we're not just a good fat, you're a bad fatty but by embracing body positivity or fat positivity, we are stepping into that bad fatty place. And now for me, I'm just like, yeah bad fatty stuff like Whoo, eat the pizza or whatever and it's a celebration to me. But it's really fucking scary because like I mentioned before, people are going to notice and are going to judge and could be making comments to you and you might not be ready to handle what they're going to say or they might not say anything or even what your brain is thinking about the whole thing. So if you're engaging in good fatty behaviors and you know it's not actually what you want to do, you might be engaging in good fatty behaviors and it's exactly what you want to do. You love you know, working out or eating these foods or whatever and that's fine and it serves you then, then that's perfect. But you might be engaging in behaviors that don't serve you. And like I mentioned me going for a run or going to the gym.


Oh my God, gym was so boring. But everyone, I used to work at this call center and after the shift, everyone at the call center would go to the same gym and you'd be like, Oh look, look at us all on the treadmill. Working out is so good. So amazing. And so yeah, you might not be able to stop engaging in those behaviors because it might not be safe for you. It might not be physically, emotionally safe. It might not be good for your well being. You might not be in a place where you can do that. So I just want to put that out there. If you are engaging in these behaviors to keep yourself safe and you recognize. Actually, I don't want to be doing this, but you need to because of whatever reason that's going on in your life, that's fine.


Like, you know what's best for you, right? So don't be like, Oh my God, I'm doing it wrong. I'm trying to be body positive, but I'm like eating loads of kale and I shouldn't be, I should only be in pizza and no, that's not what I'm saying. No, no, no. But just to recognize that you don't have to adhere to what society thinks that you should do to be more palatable. Now there's a really cool zine that Stacy Bias has created and it's all about the good fatty archetypes and Stacy has identified 12 of them. I'm not going to go through all 12 today, but I'm going to give you an idea because it goes even deeper into good fatty, bad fatty. So I'm going to link to this. You can actually buy this zine. It's so good.


I remember seeing this when I first got into fat positivity and I was like, yo, this is amazing. But there's these different types of fat people or archetypes or tropes are more palatable. So let me share some with you. Okay. So the fact, the first one, the fat one, the first one is the fats unicorn. And so this is a fat person who engages in healthy eating daily exercise. When they go to the doctor, they have perfect lab reports. They are absolutely healthy. So these fat people don't engage in the typical behaviors that are associated with fat people. They're basically the poster child for health at every size. Of what, you know, if we have to tolerate a fat body, we would want them to be this, you know, this type of fat body that is a good, you know, engages in all the types of behaviors that, you know, society says that we should.


So you might be looking at that fat unicorn trope archetype and that be your kind of hope or example of, see I can be a good person. See, I can be healthy and therefore worthy. So it's absolutely beautiful and fine if you if health is something that you want to pursue and something that you you know, that's a goal of yours or your, you know, it was a big, is a big thing about your personality, whatever, that's absolutely fine. But is it that you're getting self worth from a certain health status or hope that you can achieve this health status?


So the next archetype is the fat athlete or the fatathlete, fatathlete, the fatathlete known as the exceptional fatty. So this is an athlete who does things like is an accomplished dancer, you know, like, so Beyoncé's backup dancers, some of them are fatties and so people are like, Oh, they're fat. But they are like. Did you see how long we were dancing at Coachella? They were dancing like for three hours straight like Holy shit. So they don't really qualify as being fat because they're an athlete or you remember, you remember like we have the same brain a couple of years ago there was a young fat ballerina, her name is escape me at the moment and she became viral and I, she was probably on Ellen and all those types of things. And she was like doing pirouettes and jumping into the air and there was also another video of a fat man doing that. Now those types of fat people are celebrated because they are an athlete. Now you know, the same thing, not that this wouldn't happen before for various reasons, but if there was a fat person, you know, just eat an ice cream or, or not moving, then they wouldn't go viral because that was boring. But also because that's, you know, that's not the palatable good fatty.


So the next one is the work in progress. And this is a fat person who was like, I know I'm fat and I am going to get thin. So they're dieting, they're doing some quote unquote wellness thing, which is a diet or maybe they're looking to get the the stomach surgery or taking pills to make them poo themselves or anything like that. The working progresses. I'm not a fat person. I am a thin person temporarily living in a fat person's body, even though I've been fat my whole life. But the real thin me is coming out, and this is a temporary thing. So don't be judging me as a fat person because I'm not a fat person. I'm going to be thin soon. Okay. Like not a fatty, this is, you know, you're not really a fatty because you just waiting for that thin person to come out.


The next is the fat celebrity, the fat celebrity. They are the ambassadors of fatness. So think like Adele , Rebel Wilson, Beth Ditto, Melissa McCarthy


On the subject of Rebel Wilson. The amount of people that come up to me and they're like, Oh my God. Yeah. you are just like Rebel Wilson. No, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me, I'd have probably about six dollars. That means hell. Yeah. Like I always think like is that because Rebel Wilson is the only funny fat person that you can think of, you know? And so you're like, Oh my God, you'd just like her. So I get it all the time, even though I don't look like her anymore. I used to look like her cause I had long blonde hair, but now I have short hair. So yes. So they, so fat celebrity, they are these extraordinary artists, right? They're an exception to the rule because they are, you know, the funny one that a sidekick, they, they serve us in different ways, right? They entertain us. And so we can kind of excuse, I'm doing quotation marks, excuse their fatness because they're doing you know, things to make us happy or entertained or whatever.


Next, we have the mama hen. So the maternal fat body and so maternal fat bodies, you know, you're not your grandma, your mom, those types of fatties, they are seen as more acceptable because it's seen as more acceptable in that position because you know, it's soft and homely and warm. And, and what Stacy Bias says is the maternal fat body exists as a metaphor for compassion and comfort as well. She says the maternal fat body doesn't need to be an aging body at all. This stereotype works to dismantle the natural sexuality of many fat women of all ages.


Okay, so the next one, the next archetype or trope is the big man. So this is the powerful man metaphorically and physically. So men who are seen as the protector, the bear, the beast, the strong man or even the clown and it's related to the fat athlete, the fat fat fleet, but more relevant to the family. In the big man is sometimes the unlikely hero. And they're probably sweet and vulnerable that the good guy you know, they're the guy that you would end up with after dating. Those are jerks and you kind of like settle with the big guy. That's the, you know, the trope. And as well as there's also comedy tied in with that. Next one. Next trope is the no fault fatty. So this is one that I think about quite a lot is the, that when people find out or know that their fatness has been caused by something that is out of their control, they feel a lot better about it versus say they affect for a reason that they blame themselves.


For now, if he's all the BBC TV show in it, we did these tests, they took our DNA and they were going to look to see what genes we had in our bodies that made us more likely to be fat. Things like in your family you might have certain fat genes and so your mom and dad could carrier your mom can carry a fat gene and carry a fat gene. And together if, you, you know, they procreate then that that child is way more likely to be fat. There could be genes that make you less feel less satiated, so you need to eat more. There could be genes that make you enjoy foods that have higher calories and higher fat. There could be genes that you have that mean that you don't want to move your body as much.


There's loads of different things anyway. And so I allowed them to take my DNA only because I want it to be in the room apart of the discussion, but I actually didn't want to know any of my results. The guy accidentally revealed one of my results and I was just like, ah, I don't want to, I personally don't care whatever either way. But for the viewing audience, I didn't want to share that. I had a quote unquote excuse to be fat as in if you don't have an excuse then your, there's something wrong with you. And so a fatty has a quote unquote excuse, like, I don't know, say taking certain medication, a certain illness something happens where your body gets bigger because of something outside of your control. Then these people are seen as way more power to than people who don't have a quote unquote excuse.


Now in the house, the BBC show, they went round and every single person there had different genes that made them more likely to be fat and made it harder for them to be thinner people. And all of the people there were the people who didn't like being fat. They were over the moon. And the reason they were happy with these results is because it put them into a category in their brains that I'm okay, it's not my fault. I didn't do this to myself. And that's problematic. And I'm guessing like, Oh, that's what they were thinking because, you know, I don't actually know, but I'm just, I'm guessing the people can, you know, their family and the people watching the show can look at them and be like, it's not their fault guys. It's not their fault that they are fat and disgusting and really ugly unlike that guy over there that all he does is eat loads of food or whatever it is.


And so are you thinking about like, Oh, maybe it's not my fault that I'm fat or you know, I'm only fat because of this and so it's not my fault. And are you putting you know weight on that as being a good thing? And are you looking at people who don't have a quote unquote excuse and being like, Hmm, well, what did they do? It's their fault and me know they deserve less sympathy in your brain than other people. Okay. And so the last one I want to tell you, because I'm not going through all of them, I'll leave only the recipe you to discover yourself when you clicked the link is the fatshionista. So the fat fashionista, and we spoke about this before, is the fats person who is dressed really nice and fashion forward.


And of course this is an issue for larger fats, for super fats, for infiniefats, they don't have easy access to fat fashion you know, things because of course there's hardly any stores that carry sizes above 4X, 5X, 6X, et cetera. And you have to have the financial resources to do this. But when a fat person think about this, like if a straight sized person comes they're walking around and they're just in their sweatsuit, they're sweating suit, they're wearing their sweating suit, their hair's in a messy burn and you know, they just got the sunglasses on and they just look at, you know, their clothes are a little bit schlumpy versus if there was a fat person who had the exact same outfit on you, the thin person, you'd be like, Oh, they're just, you know, they're are casual and they look cool and they're just having a relaxed day or as a fat person wearing more schlumpy type clothes, you're just like, Oh my God, pull yourself together.


Have you no respect. You know, you're fat. You could at least dress up to try and, you know, you know, polishing a turd type of thing and you might, if you like dressing up, I personally do too, then that's fine. You don't have to not dress up. But this is again, reminder the way that people perceive fat people. You might also be putting spending a lot of time on hair and makeup and that type of stuff after kind of going through like, do I like doing this? I worked out personally, I'm not a massive fan of high heels. But I am a fan of like doing my hair and I'm interested in makeup and all that type of stuff because I like it not because I'm trying to be more palatable, but again, if you're doing it to be more palatable, to keep yourself safe and that's what you need to do, that's absolutely fine too.


But by being a fatshionista so you're defying the stereotype of dumpy, the dumpy, fatty and as well fashionistas tend to be more hourglass shaped fatties and so hour glass shape fatties this is another one is, you know, people will celebrate our glass shape fatties but if you're a fatty, we have tiny tits, flat bum, big tummy, you know, an apron, anything like that, then that is not seen as, as acceptable as a fatty that is more sexualized, right? It's all about, it's all about what these fat people can do for us in society.


So, whew, good fatty, bad fatty, so you don't have to do anything on the good fatty or the bad fatty side. You'd just be, you just do what you want to do. But, be critical about the way that you are thinking about other fats and yourself. Are you thinking about yourself in that terms of well at least I'm doing X, Y, Z, and these are the types of behaviors that, that we try to engage in to try and lessen our impact on the world in a negative way but fuck that, right? So instead of things saying things like, yeah, but I'm fat but I'm healthy, or you know that that guy over there, he's fat, but he works out loads, he's actually really muscle-y. It's all just muscle. Those types of things are problematic, right? Versus just, you know, whatever. They're a fat person who cares, you know, if they eat in a certain way or move their bodies or whatever is, you know, none of our business basically. So hopefully that's been helpful. And I mentioned before like holding on to these, these tropes and buying into this, you know, I have to be a good fatty or you know, I have to engage in bad fatty stuff.


If I I want to be fat positive, I'm holding on to any types of rules is you know, could be keeping you stuck and holding on to wanting to be more palatable to the world. Oh wow. You know, it's just keeping you small small in the way that your impact in the world versus you just being you and just doing what feels good. And it could be that you happen to engage in all these, you know, good fatty behaviors. Cause that's just you and, but you know you're doing it cause you would genuinely enjoy it and that's fine and I'm good. So no judgment, no judgment, no shame or current.


So any questions about, I wish you were here to say yes Victoria. Actually I don't get this bit. If you do just just email me victoria@fiercefatty.com.


My little fact today, and this is a little trick for you, you can try there. So on Facebook, my name is Victoria S. Welsby. The S is theoretically my middle name, but it is not my middle name. The S I put there, gosh, six, eight, 10 years ago. Oh my God. Yeah. Maybe when I first came to, yeah, 10, 10 or 11 years, Holy shit. Time goes so fast. When I was just starting out and discovering this stuff, I changed my name on Facebook to Victoria S. Welsby. And I just have never changed it. And the reason why I did that was because I wanted a reminder to love myself. The S stands for sexy. So I wanted a reminder just in my daily life, you know, no one else could see that, you know, just like a little prompt. The I was okay or you know, I was sexy or I was whatever. And I've kept ever since. In fact, one time my mom was like so my mom's named Sarah and my sister's middle name is Sarah. And one time she was saying to me or about me, my middle name being Sarah because S on Facebook, and I was like, my middle names is not Sarah. And she was like, well, what is on your Facebook? And she's had six kids. So I left forget who we are. But could you do something like that? Cause people don't need to know, right? People just presume it's your middle name or whatever, you know, unless you change your name on Facebook to like sex machine, sexy hot stuff, dick killer, 29, 69, people will know. But then that might be your identity. So go with it. If you want to be, you know, the dick destroyer on Facebook become the dick destroyer. And if aren't Mildred said, what's this all about? You might listen, Mildred, I'm trying to love myself, alright. If you criticize me, that's my identity is a dick destroyer. All right, Aunt Mildred can go suck a dick. Yes.


So that is our episode today. I hope you enjoy it. And a reminder to share on social media that you're listening to this episode. Maybe share and tag me. Tag me if you've got a public account, you know, as not private account, you can tag me and I'll see. I'll put you in a draw to win a Fierce Fatty mug. Why not tag me and put me like, Hey, I'm the dick destroyer. I'll enjoy that. That'll make my day. I want dick destroys all over the place, okay. Yeah. So thanks for hanging out with me. I really do appreciate you spending your time listening to me blab on about fat stuff and I will see you dick destroyer in the next episode. Okay, bye.