Episode 67 Transcript

Welcome to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Welsby and this is episode 67. Today, we're talking about When you think everyone hates you.

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author, and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident Fierce Fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty podcast Let's begin.

Hello, fancy Welcome to this. This this. This podcast episode. Thank you for tuning in. So great to see ya. Hey, thanks for hanging out with me. I this morning had a good old chinwag with a friend of the show summit in London. I said

Unknown Speaker 1:41

I can't mention you on the podcast again this week because I'm sure I've mentioned you but last four fucking episodes.

Unknown Speaker 1:53

Yeah, but anyway, these like whole episode is is a talking about a conversation that summer and I had this morning, and we were laughing a lot about how sometimes we can think that everyone hates us. And

Unknown Speaker 2:13

I need to talk to you about it. Because I know that so many of you are gonna relate. And yeah.

Unknown Speaker 2:24

It's just so silly. It's just so silly. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? So anyway, um,

Unknown Speaker 2:32

I have this five year diary thing. So it's like, question a day for five years, and I'm on year three now. And so every, every day is a different question. You need to do it for five years. And then you know, every year you go back to that, and it's the same question that you answered a year before and the year before that, etc. And so you can see how your answers have changed. If you want one, I'm sure just Google like five year question a day and you'll find it it's really interesting cuz I'm always a I'm a very much a diary writer callus on my bedtime routine of writing and things and yeah, so the question last night was, do you hold any grudges? And I was like, Um, no, no, really? I don't have any grudges. But like, do I have any negative feelings towards anyone? And I was like, No, I don't have any grudges. But I am really jealous of this person. This person this doctor in the public eye

Unknown Speaker 3:46

and I was talking with with summer about this I was like, you know

Unknown Speaker 3:52

you know what really like get some my get some my tits. I'm just really having like, jealousy feelings towards this one guy who is

Unknown Speaker 4:03

a doctor who understands that weight loss doesn't work. And in all of the Facebook groups that I'm in, or like the fat positive and health, every size Facebook groups, I mean, people always sharing his image being like, Oh, my God, this person is amazing. He's like, I think he's Jesus Christ, come again, to save us. And I'm in love with him and stuff. And I like this guy. I like this guy. I like the fact that he's using his platform for good and educating people on science and how health is

Unknown Speaker 4:42

a very complicated issue and it's really important that he is doing this work and but because he is a straight size person, and everyone's like, falling over him and being like, oh my god, this is so revelry.

Unknown Speaker 5:00

Larry, that you're talking about this stuff, and it's like, well, you know that people have been talking about it for many decades now.

Unknown Speaker 5:07

I'm feeling jealous. And he's got like a big platform, you know,

Unknown Speaker 5:12

many, many, many, many more followers than I do. And I was just like, you know, he's just, he's just getting on my, it's getting all my tips that every every group, I mean, it's just like, we share with this picture and stuff. And, like, why, why, why and it was like, I feel jealous. I just feel jealous. I feel jealous that

Unknown Speaker 5:36

people are not like, I know, worshipping me in the same way. I don't know. It's it's that but it's, you know, jealousy, jealousy that I am. I'm comparing myself to him and comparing myself to,

Unknown Speaker 5:52

you know, why is it that when I share my message, he, it? It doesn't kind of?

Unknown Speaker 6:01

I don't know, I don't even know, I don't even find the right word. I'm just yet I'm just jealous. I'm just jealous.

Unknown Speaker 6:06

Anyway, and so we were laughing about it. And some are saying, oh, yeah, I'm jealous of this person. Because this and

Unknown Speaker 6:15

kind of how silly it is really, and saying, Oh, I'm jealous, because they're more successful or whatever. And we don't know, someone's level of success from the outside, right at all. Do we know? Like, you can't look at someone's Instagram and be like, well, they're clearly a millionaire. Unless they're like, I am a millionaire, you know? Or Wow, well, they're like, they've got their shit together. Because really do we know? Probably not. So? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 6:46

And would we want? As many would we want that much exposure like that many followers on Instagram. Like, if someone could give you or me a million followers overnight on Instagram?

Unknown Speaker 7:04

Would I necessarily go after that? Is that something that I want to achieve? Not really not like, not on purpose. Like if I have accidentally get like a million followers, you know, whatever. But the amount of kind of negative that would come with that as well, because more followers means more trolls. And I've already had my fair share of shit with trolls at the moment. And the more amount of followers doesn't mean doesn't equal more money in your bank account. Um, this is a big one. Oh, my gosh. So

Unknown Speaker 7:41

when I first started in like the unwell online business world, I was like, Okay,

Unknown Speaker 7:47

I know how you make loads of money.

Unknown Speaker 7:51

In the online world, you just need to get loads of followers on Instagram. And so I spent

Unknown Speaker 7:59

probably 18 months posting

Unknown Speaker 8:04

up to three posts every single day, morning, noon, and nights. spending so much time on my Instagram to get followers. And I don't know how many I've got at the moment. 25 35,000 metric

Unknown Speaker 8:22

C 3031 31.2 31.2 1000. Anyway, and so I Okay, that's how you make money business, get instagram followers. And

Unknown Speaker 8:34

no, is not high you eight running in business, and it doesn't fucking matter. Yeah, sometimes people will look at someone's Instagram followers and be like, Ooh, they're a big deal, because they've got X amount of followers, but it doesn't translate into being able to pay your rent at all, at all. Like, I don't know who it was, but there was some Instagram, famous person who had like millions of followers, and she was like, Oh, I'm gonna start a clothing line. And then she sold like, two T shirts or something. So, yeah. Anyway, so you know, we're, you know, we're all like, kind of revealing the secrets of like, I've never told anyone this, but I'm really jealous of this person. And this is the silly reason why I'm jealous of them. And we were laughing and,

Unknown Speaker 9:19

and kind of like getting down to where it was like, Well, we think that they don't like us. So this this famous doctor that everyone's like, Oh my God, it's the new Jesus.

Unknown Speaker 9:33

I'm like, Oh, he he doesn't like me. He doesn't like me.

Unknown Speaker 9:39

And it's just so it's so funny because it's so irrational.

Unknown Speaker 9:44

And I was I said to, I talked to some of the story that don't know if I told you that a few years ago, I was visiting Ireland. So this is before I lived there. So I was visiting Ireland for

Unknown Speaker 10:00

I think I stayed there for a couple of months over the summer. So I was missing a visit, I was visiting Ireland, and I thought, You know what, this is going to be a great time to potentially meet British Irish people in the fat positive world. And so there was one person who I really wanted to meet.

Unknown Speaker 10:22

Very, very famous in the space. And so we had, we had worked together on something before. And so I reached out to her, and we put to meeting and so I thought, great. So because we booked a meeting, she lived in London, I booked my plane tickets and booked an Airbnb, all that type of jazz to stay there for a few days. I thought, You know what, I'll make a little, I'll make a little joke out of it. And I'll book some other meetings with other people who I know are in London or near London as well, you know, they who do this type of stuff because you know, this make friends you know, I'm big into, you know, connecting with people and making friends like, because I just genuinely want to know people, right.

Unknown Speaker 11:10

Unknown Speaker 11:12

this is all set up, worked great, got tickets, and then flew to London, from Ireland. And some, you know, messaging her. Okay, great. So where is it that you want to me what day what time? You know, because we'd already sorted that out. But you know, where is it exactly and stuff.

Unknown Speaker 11:31

She never responded. Never messaged me back ever totally ghosted. Me,

Unknown Speaker 11:39

directly ghosted me and I'd flown, like, I'm here to meet you. And she didn't respond. He was like, wow.

Unknown Speaker 11:50

Anyway, the next day, I had a meeting with someone else.

Unknown Speaker 11:54

And

Unknown Speaker 11:57

this other person that I had a meeting with also in the fat positive space, happened to be friends with her. And I was like, oh, so like, I was meant to meet her yesterday, but I don't know. Like, I haven't heard from her. I don't know what's going on. And this person, let's say person, one is the original person who goes from a past person to person to was like, I don't know, she I know she's, she can get really busy and you know, what kind of don't know about it.

Unknown Speaker 12:29

And, you know, we had a great lunch. And that was that we're back to Ireland carried on life life. Never heard from person one, again. And so I made it up in my head. That person one and person two,

Unknown Speaker 12:47

had a no spoken about me. And they both decided, right, we don't like Victoria. And we have like a little club of, we don't like Victoria club. And we're not going to be her friend.

Unknown Speaker 13:05

Which is, which is just silly, right? It's just silly. Like, this is the first time I'm like voicing this apart from this summer this morning. Like, they didn't know in the back of my mind of like, oh, they don't like me, then even though that one met me personally met me for lunch, but afterwards, she was probably like, I really hate her.

Unknown Speaker 13:24

And, yeah, no, no, really based in evidence, you know, there's not a lot of evidence there. You know, if someone, someone goes to you, really,

Unknown Speaker 13:37

it's hard to know what's going on, right? Who knows what's going on? I always kind of want to give someone the benefit of the doubt and, and not make it about me. But sometimes, you kind of do, right? You're kind of like, but what if they do have like a Facebook secret Facebook group where it's like, we hate Victoria gang. And there's like, they're inviting people to join and,

Unknown Speaker 14:01

and it's like, 99.999999% sure that they, they don't not like me, you know that they're just like, whatever, who cares sort of thing.

Unknown Speaker 14:13

And if anyone shouldn't like anyone who should be me, for being stood up, when I flew to another country, right? So it should be me that it's kind of like, I'm really mad at that person. And maybe person one is like, well, I can't reach out to Victoria now because I did you know, I did something that was inappropriate and I ghosted her and, you know, she probably didn't want to hear from me. And I'm like, well, that person hates me. And you know, we're both like, um, they don't like me and really like I

Unknown Speaker 14:48

if I did hear from person one, this is years, this is like, you know, three or 45443 This is years ago anyway. So, if this person person one did reach

Unknown Speaker 15:00

out to me, I wouldn't be like, Oh, go away, I be like, Oh, hey, you know, and expect that there was something going on in their life.

Unknown Speaker 15:09

But the reason why I was thinking about this was that someone who is connected with person, one and person two, a couple of weeks ago, I had shared

Unknown Speaker 15:22

something that she was having an issue. So she was she was having an issue, and she shared about it on Instagram. So this is person three, person three is connected with person one and person two, and person three unconnected with as well, like separate away from person one and two, is like getting complicated. Anyway, so person three, shared something on social media saying she's struggling with something, and I had gone through the same thing, and come out the other side. And so I was like, You know what, you know, it'd be really nice if I made a quick video to see, you know, like, a minute long video and be like, Oh, this is my experience. And like, this is what it's like, now. It's fine. And so I did that. And I said that to person three, expected being like, Oh, she's gonna love this. She's gonna be like, Oh, Victoria, so nice. And she saw it and didn't respond. And so

Unknown Speaker 16:15

because of the person one and person two, person three, or being connected, I'm like, I was right. They all Don't hate me. It's true. This like, deep dark, fear about not being liked, has come to fruition. Oh, my gosh. And the reality is, you know, that's my kind of irrational brain speaking, right? I don't, I don't actually think they've got a club. You know, we hate Victoria club, like.

Unknown Speaker 16:43

And I think that, you know, this person gets so many messages and saw it and probably thought, oh, cool, and forgot to respond. And it's no big deal, right?

Unknown Speaker 16:56

So, it's so funny why we do this. And some are saying, yeah, oh, my God, I do this too. And I don't say to anyone, because if I say to anyone, it makes me sound like, I've

Unknown Speaker 17:09

I'm really not. I don't know, like, I'm not thinking straight or something. And also another thing happened. Another thing happened. So there's a, so there's an I've got a friend, a friend, hi, No, it's true. I have a friend. So I have this friend, right. And me and another friend, we're gonna do like a video chat catch up, kind of get together. And in the end of

Unknown Speaker 17:38

end of 2020. And

Unknown Speaker 17:41

friend, friend number one was like, I'm not sure if I can make it. But I'll let you know. And then friend one was like, actually, I can't make it. And so just mean mean, friend two.

Unknown Speaker 17:54

Had a had a catch up or good. And, and then friend number one said, let me get back to you what of when a time that mean, you can catch up? Great. I didn't hear back from her. And this is like a friend who was kind of like, you know, not like, good, best friends type of thing, but kind of like catch up maybe once a quarter type of thing.

Unknown Speaker 18:18

And so she didn't respond.

Unknown Speaker 18:21

And so then a couple of weeks ago, another friend, a mutual friend, not not friend, not the other friend that this is getting really complicated. Another person that knows her reached out and was like, Hey, do you want to catch up? And I said, Oh, hey, yeah. Get? Do you want to invite the friend that couldn't make it the first time? And she said, Yeah. And then she came back and said, actually, that she's really busy and can't do it. And I said, Okay, well, let's do it. Just let me know when you can. And so we haven't booked anything. And so my

Unknown Speaker 19:00

deep, you know, fear of not being like that we all have this deep, irrational thing. I'm like, Oh, I've done something to piss her off. I must have said something sometime in 2020. To make her not like me. Mm hmm. Yes, that is what is happening.

Unknown Speaker 19:20

And so I said to, I said to summer, I was like, oh, like, you know, and this thing too. And

Unknown Speaker 19:27

she's friends with this person, too. And she's like, you know, what, actually, I know that she's going through a lot of stuff at the moment. And I was making it about me, but the reality probably because I can't guarantee it. Yeah, the reality is, she's probably just like, you know, dealing with life, like most of us are just trying to survive and do things and if you've got anything else going on, and that you then you know, it's lucky that you managed to get out of bed in the morning type of thing, right?

Unknown Speaker 19:57

And so me and someone like, why are we doing

Unknown Speaker 20:00

As to ourselves, like we're confident people,

Unknown Speaker 20:03

we, we think that we're good and that type of thing. And some are pointed out that because we're in,

Unknown Speaker 20:12

we're in the midst of a pandemic, we are way more in our heads, you know, we have not been, depending what you do, would normally do, how much your life has changed during the pandemic, but a lot of the things that we normally do to keep our brains busy are not there, and a lot. And then I pointed out a lot of the things that keep our mental health and check

Unknown Speaker 20:38

in like, I know, for me, I'm not there, like, you know, things like, you know, seeing, being able to spend time with friends and over over a meal and hug them and see your therapist face to face and ghost ghosts singing, like, I'd go singing and go do all of these things, right things that would keep my mental health in check that kind of has changed. And some of those things I can't do anymore. And so what can we control? Well, we can

Unknown Speaker 21:14

we can control how people perceive us. Question Mark, can we know, but we like to think that we can control the way that people perceive us. And we want to make things about us. When really, it's probably not about us, like this one friend who's just not responded is probably busy, and dealing with stuff and is probably, you know, gonna message or, or whatever or not, I'm gonna message her, I've decided I'm just gonna message her and be like, Hey, okay, and, and not make a big deal out of it. Because really,

Unknown Speaker 21:53

it's probably not a big deal.

Unknown Speaker 21:56

And I find it so I'm using when I'm having these feelings of someone who hates me, or I'm really jealous of that person, it all comes down to

Unknown Speaker 22:08

a feeling of lack, a lack lack in myself,

Unknown Speaker 22:13

that I'm not good enough that I don't measure up to them that I am an undesirable friend, that I'm not worthy enough.

Unknown Speaker 22:23

And that's the work that we're doing. Right? This is the work of, of, you know, learning to love and accept your body is one thing and, and learning that.

Unknown Speaker 22:36

You You're okay, you're okay. You don't need to measure yourself up against other people. Because it there's no kind of scale of who's the best person in the world, right? It just doesn't exist. And, and we can't compare. I can't compare my success to someone else's, because there's so many different factors and what is success? Is it how much money you make? Is it how happy you are? Is it how much free time you have? Is it how much you can spend a day taking pictures of your dog and stroking him, like what is what is excess.

Unknown Speaker 23:15

And we will talk about as well, our podcasts, and how we do it differently. Because I was like, Oh, I'm gonna record a podcast episode this afternoon. And I was like, I don't know, what I what I'm going to talk about yet. And what I normally do my like my process for doing the podcast is

Unknown Speaker 23:35

one day a week I choose to do like the podcast, maybe on a Wednesday or Thursday. And the morning of I will spend

Unknown Speaker 23:43

half an hour an hour writing out notes of the stuff that I want to talk about. And then I have lunch and then in the afternoon, then I'll record the podcast. Sometimes I'll write write down topics are things that I want to do in the future, and then kind of just like, think about it for a bit. So like the episode that I did about sex that was on the that was on the kind of ticket for about a year before I did it, because I was like, I'm not sure what I want to say. And I'm not sure how much I want to talk about my sex life. And so it took time for me to think about what what feels good for me, right. But then there's other things which are kind of like, topical, that I've just bust out really quickly. And Selma was saying, Oh, it takes her to like a week or two to do her episodes, because she'll think about it. She'll come back, she'll, you know, add notes and new ideas, ideas will come to her. And both of those. And then with my method is if I if I say something I don't like then afterwards.

Unknown Speaker 24:48

Take it out. You know, like if I whatever, if something this doesn't sound right or I'm not getting my idea across in a way that I want then I'll just go take out after whereas someone will do it before but

Unknown Speaker 25:00

What we're both doing is

Unknown Speaker 25:04

trying to

Unknown Speaker 25:07

present ourselves in the best light possible. Like, trying, like, this is not the main motivation, like trying to get you to like me, but I don't want to do a podcast episode, and the result be Victoria's a knob. You know, like, that's not my goal. Like, my goal is to spread this message and, and spread awareness of my brand, all that type of stuff of my company. And and for you to like me, right? Because if you don't like me, then

Unknown Speaker 25:44

what's the point? You wouldn't listen to the podcast? Would you if you don't like me? Maybe this is your first episode and you're like, I hate this person. That's fine. That's why. And I'm thinking about how, like, I will record an episode. And then maybe during the week, or

Unknown Speaker 26:02

the week that it comes out, I'll be like, What did I say in that episode? And like, oh, did that come across like this? And are people thinking that I actually really hate them? Or I think they're, they're less than in some way and, and thinking about, am I? Am I communicating in the best way possible? And or have I fucked up in some way? Have I fucked up in some way? And trying to control how you perceive me? Which is, it's not possible, right? And when I say this, it's not like something I'm thinking about. on a grand scale. I'm not like, no, from the moment I wake up in the morning being like, Oh, do they like me?

Unknown Speaker 26:44

Just make like a, you know, fleeting thought and have another kind of

Unknown Speaker 26:50

assessing how I'm doing type of thing. So it doesn't feel like, disordered but it's just something that I've noticed how

Unknown Speaker 27:00

I think it's pretty normal, wanting people to like me, and it's normal, right? It we need people to like us, because without other people, we would struggle to survive and, and reminding myself of the fact that not everyone is gonna like me. I know, it's impossible to think this, but it's true. There are some people in the world who don't like me. And that's okay, that's okay. I've shared this before. But someone before my TED Talk, said to me, it doesn't matter what you do on your TED talk, if you just went on to the stage and just did a big shit. 10% of people will love you 10% of people will hate you. And 80% will be somewhere in the middle. Like if I just went on the TEDx stage, pull down my trousers and just did a giant pool 10% of the world will be like, Oh, my God, that is inspired. That is art. That is amazing. I think more people would probably not probably not like it. But anyway, because I was deciding about whether to take my clothes off or not. And I thought, Well, I'm just going to be my authentic self. And just do it because the 10% of people who love me, or love me for being the authentic Victoria.

Unknown Speaker 28:15

So that's something that that we all and I have to remind ourselves and continually remind ourselves is that if you're being your authentic self, then there will be people who are just like, Gee, you know, I just really don't like that person. And that's okay. The people, the types of people that would like me, uh, probably the types of people that I would probably like myself, and the people who don't who don't like me. I probably wouldn't like them either. You know, because the people that don't like me, I am, you know, if they, if they, if they especially hate me, they're probably the world from the emails I get of the people that hate me is, you know, men, white men, not all men, white men.

Unknown Speaker 29:02

Straight sized.

Unknown Speaker 29:04

The people who have the power that I'm saying, hey, maybe you shouldn't have the power, anyway. And as well, thinking about,

Unknown Speaker 29:14

everyone can get people to like them. Even fucking Trump. Trump has millions of people who like him, and loads of people who love him. And if someone like that can have people that like and love them, well, then you and I have got no problem. We are a okay. As long as you're not like a massive, massive, massive, massive, massive bellend there are probably people who think that you're right. And I think that maybe there are a few people that think I'm alright too. And not everyone hates me. And not everyone

Unknown Speaker 30:00

To you, it's not possible, right?

Unknown Speaker 30:02

And as well, something I think about is, we're all walking around in our heads thinking,

Unknown Speaker 30:11

Am I okay? Do people like me?

Unknown Speaker 30:15

Maybe thinking, Am I attractive enough? Am I presentable? Do I look silly?

Unknown Speaker 30:22

Am I likeable? And so you're walking down the street, in your head is filled with these things like, do the shoes look okay with this outfit? Is my hair a bit wonky today? And then you catch someone's eye and you think, Oh, they're staring out my hair. Oh, they think that I'm this and that. And that person who just walked by you who caught your eye is thinking, Oh, that person's judging me. Oh, they think that this jacket is silly. Oh, they think that I'm this and that. And we're all just walking around being like, oh, ladies love murmur. And if we can get out of our heads for a minute, realize that

Unknown Speaker 31:03

we are fine.

Unknown Speaker 31:05

Fine. You know, it's probably not about me, people probably are not thinking about me. As much as I think they're thinking about me. They're just getting on with their day. And they're like, oh, we'd always message me. Cool. When I ever want to see.

Unknown Speaker 31:21

Or don't maybe, who knows.

Unknown Speaker 31:24

So I'm gonna send a message to my friend who haven't got back to me, and just check in on her.

Unknown Speaker 31:31

Instead of being like, why are you not responding to me? Do you hate me? Or something wrong? I'm just gonna say, Hey, you are gay? And she's probably gonna be like, oh, yeah, I'm good to you. No, no. And hey, let's catch up. That's my prediction of what is going to happen. versus you know, that deep dark fear of her not responding? Or her saying, actually, you know what, I've realized that I fucking hate Yeah. Like, I don't think that that is going to happen, really. But if I let my, my,

Unknown Speaker 32:05

my ego when my fear talk, then maybe I wouldn't reach out to her. And then maybe the relationship would eventually dissolve? Who knows? Right? But I'm not gonna let that happen. So is there anyone that you're jealous of? That you're having? Like, really, you're measuring yourself up against them? And you're telling yourself, you don't measure up?

Unknown Speaker 32:30

Is there anyone that you think hates you? Is that rational? Is it rational? Do you think that they do have a secret Whatsapp group where they text each other being like, fucking hate? As far as?

Unknown Speaker 32:44

Do you think they is that? Is that real? Is that real? Or is that kind of like the deep, deep dark fear part of your brain?

Unknown Speaker 32:55

Or sometimes that can feel very real? And very, yeah. distressing, but, you know,

Unknown Speaker 33:05

could be real. Maybe maybe that our Facebook and Whatsapp groups of people saying how much they hate me. And actually, you know what, you know, Regan Chastain, she's got a website of people. And the whole Reddit forum of people saying how much they hate her. So for Reagan, it would be true.

Unknown Speaker 33:27

Obviously, saying that with a very empathetic, oh, that's fucked. It is fuck is much. But for most of us,

Unknown Speaker 33:37

it's not true. And I'm sure you know, if someone has made a hate website about you, you probably probably don't want to be friends with them. Anyway. So let's release all of these people

Unknown Speaker 33:56

who we think don't like us. Let's release that that? I don't know. I think that they don't like me. Just, we'll just let them get on with their life and or maybe we'll wait me Warner, we want to reach out to them. And actually thinking about it. I think so many people probably think that I don't like them.

Unknown Speaker 34:19

You know, I bet you I bet you so many people probably think that I don't like them. Because I I'm so I'm a really bad organizer in regards to organizing time with friends. You know, like, doing stuff on the weekends, that type of thing. I'm the type of person Saturday will come. And I will like, what do I want to do? Now like that think about pre pandemic. And then I will like, Oh, let's see if X Y Z friend is about and I'll message them and they'll be like, Oh, actually, you know, I've got something planned and they would have planned it like 15 years ago. And so I'm kind of like fly by the seat of my pants, organizing and

Unknown Speaker 35:00

Whereas other people, they'll be like, Oh, hey, let's hang out in three weeks time or whatever. And so I need, I need more often than not friends to reach out to me to say, Hey, do you want to do something? And then I'll be like, fuck yeah, I'm there. Because if I, if I don't, if they don't, then I won't, because then it will come to a like a Saturday or whatever. And I'm like, well, there's no point in reaching out because they'll definitely be busy. And then I kind of get into that, that rut of that cycle, and then say, if someone is friends with me, we hang out, we have a great time. And then they're like, Okay, well, I'll leave it to Victoria, to reach out to me to hang out next time. I know that I wouldn't reach out to them. I would. But I maybe might not reach out to them as much as what I would want to, if that makes sense. Like, friends do well with me if they're just like, hey, do you want to hang out? And I'm like, yeah, we'd so we just do it. I think I need to improve that about me. I don't know. I don't know. I just makes it sound like I don't make effort. I do make an effort. I do make an effort. I say, Let's hang out to people all the time. But yeah, I need to do more forward planning for friendships. Like, instead of saying to people, Hey, do you want to come out for my birthday? Like, two hours before my birthday? Maybe do it a couple of weeks or a month before? Something like that?

Unknown Speaker 36:26

Oh, hanging out for your birthday. Remember when we were able to do that?

Unknown Speaker 36:30

Sad face. So yeah, I wonder how many people out there think that I don't like them. If you're listening to to the show. You think that I don't like you? You're right. I hate you know, I, I, I really, I don't have a grudge against anyone and anyone you know, as long as you're, you know, a normal human being and are not a bellend then, you know, I like Yeah, I like you. Okay, I like you. I Like You listening. I like you. I think you're great. Okay, especially because you're listening to my show. So you and I are probably going to get on. So we're friends. Okay. I'm your friend. We're friends. Are you my friend? Yeah. Okay. Good. I'm glad. I'm glad we are friends. Okay.

Unknown Speaker 37:19

Oh, it's like deep stuff. Tube stuff. You know, in length me.

Unknown Speaker 37:27

I have. I have my new laptop that this week I'm able to record on it because I got an adapter for my mic to go in. Because you know how Apple likes to change their fucking adapters every 13 seconds. So I've got an adapter so I can put my mic in. I don't know if the camera is as good as my old Mac which seems like

Unknown Speaker 37:52

wrong, doesn't it?

Unknown Speaker 37:55

If you're watching on the video, tell me if you're if you're watching on YouTube, does it look as good? Kinda looks a bit grainy or something. Maybe I need to buy a

Unknown Speaker 38:07

web webcam webcam. Yeah, maybe I need to buy a webcam. Unlike you probably get them for like 30 bucks or something.

Unknown Speaker 38:17

People who have webcams are probably like no stupid. They're like 300 bucks. Anyway, I'll look see see what I see what we think about this video.

Unknown Speaker 38:26

But it doesn't make sense. It will be not as good as the old Mac does it? No. Doesn't make sense. So anyway, thank you for hanging out with me today I swung operation. And yeah, I feel I you know, I feel like we've had a bit of a bit of a therapy session here. I've talked about these feelings. And I feel like I'm able to release them and you know, all these, these irrational things, I'm able to release them and maybe you're able to release them for you too. And so, thanks for hanging out with me if you know you've really helped me sort some things out in my mind some of the bullshit. Yeah. Oh, something that I get that I thought of was

Unknown Speaker 39:10

Brene Brown, you know, Brene Brown, the

Unknown Speaker 39:14

author. And she's I think she's a therapist, some sort of thing anyway, I was really cool. When she met Oprah. I was not like, really watch Oprah but I saw a clip of her saying, the second time that she met Oprah. She's confessed to Oprah, that when they met the first time after the interview, Brene Brown was like, Oprah hates me. And she was telling her she was telling Oprah in the second interview, that after the first interview, she thought that Oprah hated her and Oprah was laughing being like, No, I thought you were gray and I think Oprah said something like, oh, you I thought that you might not not not like me, but you thought maybe something I said was wrong or something like that. And and Brenda was like

Unknown Speaker 40:00

No, you know that kind of we're both being silly here. My No.

Unknown Speaker 40:07

Yeah, so

Unknown Speaker 40:09

yeah.

Unknown Speaker 40:10

Yeah, yeah. So it happens to everyone it happens to to Brene Brown and Oprah.

Unknown Speaker 40:15

So, yeah, well thank you for hanging out with me today I Rumery shade it and I am looking forward to seeing you in the next episode of this fat to podcast and I'll see you later

Unknown Speaker 40:32

crocodile

Unknown Speaker 40:39

thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to fears fattier Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body. Then go to phase fatty.com forward slash waitlist again that is phase fatty.com. Forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist. For when first party Academy my signature program opens