Episode 124 Transcript

You're listening to The Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm your host, Vinny Welsby. And this is episode 124, 10 hidden ways fatphobia looks in people's lives. Let's do it.

I'm Vinny Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author, and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident fierce fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living with a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money, and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty Podcast Let's begin.

Hello, hey, welcome. Welcome to this podcast episode. Welcome back. If you're returning listener, and hello, and come join us if you're a new listener. I'm feeling pretty good today. Because last episode or the episode before I said, Hey, can you make a review online for me on for Apple podcasts? And you did. Oh my God. Because I was like, Oh, my old reviews mentioned my name Victoria. And obviously I've since come out as non binary and have a new name, which is Vinny. And so you all have put my name in their hair. Thank you. So first review is from a florist who says Listen, five stars. I love listening to Vinnie. Yes, there. Thank you. Frank unapologetic attitude is perfectly balanced with thoughtful well researched analysis and plenty of humor. Thank you, Vinnie, for creating this podcast and for all you do. Exclamation mark. Thank you. A flast. Next one, Vinnie rocks five stars from Alex who says, Vinny is a voice of compassion. They are also intelligent, insightful and hilarious. Do yourself a favor and listen. Thank you. Thank you, Alex. Alex T S, I won't read your last name just in case I didn't know. I didn't know something would happen. But anyway. Next one, life altering five stars. Vinny is the mutts nuts. Oh, love it. They are hilarious, intelligent, empathetic, or round badass human being I truly wish the rest of the world could understand and be like them, it would be a much more pleasant and welcoming existence. Please keep this go wing exclamation hot, hot, hot, hot. And that's when we lose hate not wait. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Honestly, it makes me so you'll say nice things about my oh my goodness. Really? And when I when you read that, you know what you know, like when you say? I mean hilarious. I was thinking about this because I read these reviews earlier and I was like, because obviously I'm in a room on my own and I don't know if I do say funny things. I just I feel like I just talk about stupid shit like assholes and stuff. And so I'm like, all people being like, oh, for fuck sake, shut up talking about assholes all the time. But I don't know what I don't know if that's what it what is hilarious or something else is I don't know what it is. But yeah, I really appreciate it. And it just makes me curious about what it is. It's what it what it is that I say which is enjoyable or whatever or bla bla bla Yeah, maybe I need to stop talking about assholes so much. I was at the dog park the other day. And there was a new person because you know, there are dogs, but we've got a great little community here where I live. And so you kind of spot some new people and I was like, oh my god, they look rad. It was like a fat person. I was like, I'm gonna go talk to them. And yeah, and so I went and had a chat and, and one of the first things I said was like, Oh, look your dogs playing with my other dog. Doesn't that dog have a giant asshole? The dog's asshole was the same with it as its tail. It's a little dog and it was very quite peculiar and she enjoyed it. She enjoyed the observation. She said, You know what? That dog does have a giant asshole

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Yeah, so I maybe I should just keep going on with my talking about assholes because Jessica liked it from the dog park. Either that or she was being very polite. I don't? I don't know. So thank you to Jessica, thank you to all of you who left me a review. And if you want to leave me a review, then you have to do it on Apple podcasts, I think I think I think that's where you can only do it, Apple podcasts. And two reasons. One, it is good for other people discovering more podcasts and more reviews, the better and the annoying thing about Apple is that they don't show the reviews from the world. And so if you're in like, Canada, we'll say 10 reviews. And if you're in the States, you might say 50 reviews and if you're in Ireland, it'll say two reviews. And so the more reviews from all around the world, the better because they don't show all the reviews and so someone new to the show might see, oh, Ireland only has two reviews. Vinny is a decade so I'm not going to listen to the podcast. So it's good for that. And also it just makes me happy. It makes me happy to read when people write nice shit about me versus the normal stuff that I read I'm joking it's not I don't I don't read that stuff anymore. My my wonderful assistant reads my inbox now so yeah, I don't have to read the bad stuff. So yeah, I like reading the good stuff. So today I want to share two couple of couple of things because today I always say this and this almost never happens that I think today's gonna be a shorter episode you wake up this motherfucker is gonna be like one hour 45 minutes long. No, no, I'm my guess is today's episodes can be 45 minutes long. But yeah, so I didn't actually tell you two things brought me happiness into my life recently. Two things which are accessible if you so choose to to want to get them. The first thing is have you ever heard of diamond painting? Diamond painting if you are on Tik Tok, you will probably have seen tic TOCs made about diamond painting what it is, it's kind of like paint by numbers. And so you get you can get it so I first got one from the pound land or dollar dollar store the dollar store there was a picture of a cat. I told you about this before when I made this picture of a cat is a little square thing and the board is sticky. And then you have a lot of little diamonds not diamonds a little pieces of plastic that look like do your mom teas, I guess. And you pick them up with a special pen that has this tacky stuff on and then you put it on the board and like sometimes if you get it right there might be like a clicking sound as you put it in because it Yeah, anyway, so satisfying. And I ordered a so I did that little cat one and I ordered from she in you know the clothing store. That's unethical. And so I wanted from she in like a kit, which has all like the different pens and gadgets or whatever, for like nine bucks and then ordered a picture which is kind of double the size of a4. So double the size of a laptop, I guess or 1/3 Slight size of a laptop, and a three size whatever. And it was like five bucks or whatever. Obsessed been sat there watching 90 Day fiance. Before the 90 days someone told me about it on on the on the Instagrams and so I've been I've been watching that season five, oh, so scandalous love it. No, no fatphobia that I've seen in it. So there was nothing in there where that was eyeroll in regards to fat phobia. So season five of beyond before the 90 days, 90 day fiance safe. Vinnie approved, it's safe. Obviously it's very, very trashy, I guess, you know, but sometimes you just got to watch this stuff and I haven't been I've been enjoying watching that doing my diamond painting or living my best life. The other thing that I've enjoyed getting is something called you know, polymers that do cocoa butter stuff. So Palmer's is called is face oil basically skin therapy oil, face visualage That's French for face. And it help kind of helps you helps because I've been putting on moisturizer at nighttime as well because my skin is kind of dry. And then this is for kind of

Unknown Speaker 9:59

a Lots of different things, but it kind of helps even out your skin tone, because I get lots of red blotches on my face. I don't know why, but it's like, It annoys me. And sometimes they get, like, get hot. And anyway, so I started using this stuff for the last week or so. And they've they've, they've they're starting to go away. Could be coincidence. Could be placebo. Could be anything else. But yeah, it was like eight bucks or something from, you know, the local, the local drugstore. So yeah, there's two things. It's called Palmer's cocoa butter, skin therapy oil for your face. It smells nice. But don't rub it into your eyeballs because it's kind of a little bit stinky. Yours. Okay, so 10 hidden ways fatphobia lurks in people's lives, I want you to write out a list here a list a call of different things. So just so we're aware, all the different ways that fatphobia can sneak in. And, you know, sometimes you don't realize, oh, yeah, that is a little bit fat phobic. And when you think is weird, like with fat phobic beliefs we all have them is the most annoying is when you don't realize and most difficult is when you don't realize that something is fat phobic, because then you can't change it. Right? And so sometimes you need someone to point out oh, by the way, actually, that's something you know, maybe we can think about this in a different way, then you can start kind of pulling the thread of that belief and untangling it. And then next thing you know, you're feeling real fat positive. But yeah, sometimes you need to have someone who points out some of these, you might be like, Well, yeah, of course, this is fat phobia. And some of them maybe not so much. Or maybe all of them, who knows. But here we go, we're gonna go through the 10 of them. And the first one is actually two separate people have have clients, I've said this to me. And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, that they have had people complain about how unattractive. So a friend, a friend. So let's say friend, person A, Person A says, I'm so fat and ugly. And they're saying it to person B, who happens to be bigger than Person A. And this happens quite a lot. And I might this is one rude as fuck, like, hello. You know, you've got this person who's in front of you, who's bigger, and you're like, I'm so fat. I'm so fat. And because I'm fat, I'm ugly. It's like, what does it mean about the person that you are saying that to what you think about their body like? And even though you know, they will probably like, oh, no, no, you look great. You look great, but just me me. I don't look great. Yeah, so that is the first way is they complain about how unattractive they are at their current weight to the bigger friend. And also can spring off from this leading leading on for this from this is treating fat people as the therapist. That is a big thing that we see happening is, is treating fat people like they're desexualized either they're either hyper sexualized or de sexualized. And if they're de sexualized, then they are the you know, the soft bosoms therapists type four straight sides people to complain to or smaller fat people to complain to. Because they must have oodles of compassion and endless energy to council people. Whereas you whereas people can be more respectful of straight size people and not turn them into like mother hen or within the black community. black activists talk about magnifying the magnification. And, and so, yeah. So, yeah, they complain about how unattractive they are at the current weight to their bigger friend, which is also fat person being

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see seen as a therapist. I'm just typing this a little bit out as well, because I'm gonna make this into an Instagram post. Okay, so um, Someone might make fun, make fun of how fat, greedy, lazy or unhealthy they are. Okay, so if someone's doing that, to me, it's cringe, it's really cringe in regards to I'm like, oh, oh, you don't need to be doing that. And you're doing that because you think it's funny because it's true. You know. I've been guilty of this. I've been guilty of this, man, Big time, big time. And it just, again, any of these things don't doesn't mean that if you're doing them, or if you have done them that you're a giant piece of shit, and that you need to go away and you know, you're dead to me or anything. It's just it. Of course, we do these things, right. Of course, I used to make fun of being fat or being unattractive, or whatever. Because if I made fun of myself, then people couldn't hurt me by doing it themselves. And it would be like, quote, pointing out the obvious. The obvious is that my body is bad. So I'm gonna make fun of it and tell you, I'm not a threat. I'm not a threat to you. Because I know, my body is bad and unattractive. And I want you to know that I know. I'm not out here being fat and being unapologetic. I'm very apologetic. Gonna turn my phone on. So hopefully you can't hear. Can you hear that? I don't know. We just have to, you just have to, you'll have to put up with it. Cuz I'm wearing a hoodie. I'm not going anything underneath it. So I can't take it off. Well, I could I could get up and go to my bedroom. And but I'm not gonna, I'm gonna put the phone on. Yeah, so number two is make fun of how fat greedy lazy or unhealthy they are. And also that's tying in with health ism, with ableism, with colonial settler, settler capitalism, all that all that great stuff. And it makes sense why people won't do it. But it's kind of like, that's fatphobia that's locking. And people might do it to be safe. Okay, number three. They think so, Kay, for other people to be fat, but not me. I don't look good. Being fat, I look better when I'm smaller. Other people can be any size they want. I don't care. But for me, I just feel better when I have a smaller body. I know I'm healthier. When I have a smaller body. Yes. I know, I'm healthier. And these beliefs. These are really persistent beliefs that come up, come up of well, I know that when I was 25, and I was x pounds smaller, I would run triathlons. And I would I just felt so good in my body. And, and I was so healthy. And I know this is someone who is now currently 65 A and is like what's going on there? And obviously, you know you're on you know, that's hyperbole is an extreme example, but a lot of times people look back at two with rose tinted glasses two times where their bodies were smaller. And they say I just feel I feel I felt better. I know, I was healthier. I know, blah, blah, blah. And I'm going to continue on with this vein of thought and another one another number example. But kind of saying it's okay for others, but not for me. And, and it's wonderful that they can extend compassion to others. And I think this is really, really common. A lot of people feel like this, like, I know that fat people deserve equal rights and access and to be treated as human and all that type of stuff. But for me, I know that I'm healthier and happier and feel more comfortable in a smaller body, which is

Unknown Speaker 19:29

underneath all of those that those things are a return of unhelpful, problematic, potentially bigoted beliefs. And so if we're having those beliefs, you need to be like, okay, okay, let's have a little thinking on gorgeous noggins of what is going on here. Is that true? Is Is it true and is it possible for me to be smaller and younger? Is it possible to, for me to now run in triathlons now that I'm 65? And I'm not fully. I mean, I'm, I'm disabled in some way or, you know, whatever, like, Is this is this, you know, can I keep the weight? Can I keep my weight off when, before when I was that way, I was engaging in disordered behavior, disordered eating, over exercising. And actually, I felt like a piece of shit, I didn't feel attractive, I just happened to look smaller, which was easier for me because I wasn't exposed to weight bias. And I was in a privileged size group, you know, so it's kind of like, what is going on here? Let's pull the thread a little bit, and try and look at it outside of it. It being okay for others, but not for me. And why that is? Why that why why is that? And I guess, you know, because theoretically, it's easier. It was not theoretically, it is easier to see someone on Instagram be like, yeah, you go girl, you go and show that you're, you're not seeing we're not seeing everything they've done to get there. And also, we're not seeing the hardships of what that might look like, you know, like, say, if someone is a super fat person, and they're on Instagram, having a bit of a dance, we're not seeing the all of the hate messages that they're getting in their inbox, we're not seeing their family members telling them that they need to lose weight and all that type of stuff. Whereas if if we are having to do that for ourselves, no matter you know, depending how privileged we are, we might see those same quote, consequences for living without shame. And it's too much. Also, we might have different expectations on perfectionism, which is white supremacy, culture, and, and compassion, were able to offer compassion to others. And were able to see them as unique individuals with a complex life and give them grace and be like, listen, they've probably struggled for a long time to get to that place. And Hell yeah, they should be, you know, celebrating their body and doing whatever. But for me, no, I just got to stop being so greedy and horrible, and bla bla bla, and I'll be thin and trying to expand it. Extend that compassion to yourself, which is really hard, right? Oh, my God, the same compassion that you might have for I know, a dog or something. Give it to yourself. You know, like, there's a meme that I loved it it was came out years ago and I just think about it. of you know, when you see an animal with a big tummy or what a you know, a big tummy and you know, stupid little fat thing and look at them little legs that they go look at those silly floppy ears, and you're just like, yes, such I'm just want to eat you because you're so cute. You know? And why is it we can, you know, do think about an animal who's got like a big belly or whatever, or, or, you know, in the the cats just given birth, and he's got like, these teats hanging down wobbling all over the place, and you're just like, Oh, look at those little things. We wouldn't think like that to ourselves. We wouldn't be like, tapped me. Then we should and we should, like Oh, yeah. It's nice when you do like that, you know, to be able to look at yourself, like, Oh, look at this silly little belly button. Or whatever it is, you know, it's cute. Ah, yeah. Okay, so

Unknown Speaker 24:01

look. So number three was I think it's okay for other people to be fat, but not Moo. Number four wouldn't consider dating a fat person. So this might be difficult if you are in a relationship to consider this. And theoretically, you might say, of course, I would date a fat person. But when it comes down to it, I wonder if we would and I wonder at what size would we stop? You know, you might say I date a fat person, but you know, they have to be fat in the right way. If I'm looking at dating a sis hitman, he has to be you know, I could do fat with their husky. But what if they are very fat? Whoo. Maybe not. Okay, so why does that why does it stop there? What's going on? Why? Why might that be a cause for pause? It might not be for you. But I noticed Is because obviously I'm on I'm on the apps and I'm just so curious about the people that I swipe yes to in the sleep of people I select no to. And recognizing my, my, my bigotry, which is just simmering at the surface where I'm like making these sometimes unconscious decisions of yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, whatever. And what is going on? Why is it? You know, maybe, you know, why is it maybe I'm saying yes to more white people, or why is it that I'm saying? Yes to people who are more conventionally attractive? Or why is it you know, and just, that's, you know, that's why this shit takes a long time for me? Because I'm like, No, okay. All right. So on a niche initial pictures is, you know, it's a picture of him holding a fish. And you know, there's a picture of him with you, no, no, a baseball hat on and it looks like it might have an American flag or not, okay, I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and presume he's not a Trump supporter or something. And obviously, I'm in Canada, that's nude is not going to happen. I'm going to presume that and I'm not I'm not a racist, and I'm going to read the bio to give him the benefit of the doubt. And the bio is like, I don't want no drama, from no bitches. And I'm like, Okay. And now I've gone into the details. I can, you know, safely swipe No. And so, you know, it takes time. But anyway, we all have these biases and asking this questions of, but why, why? Why wouldn't you date this person or not that person? I mean, I'm asking myself as well, you know, what is going on? What? What is attraction? What is What am I looking for? And, uh, no, annoyingly for me, a lot of times I'm attracted to people once I get to know the personality. So yeah, so for me, it's not necessarily as long as they're not forgetting, you know, profile pictures with you know, facial, you know, Trump flags or with a deck out or whatever. If they've got a some type of bio that's interesting, then I'm probably going to say yes. Yeah, so number four wouldn't consider dating of apples and this by the way, this is not what so when fat haters read this concept of your fat phobic if you won't date a fat person, what they hear is you must date and fuck fat people and if you don't, you are a bad person. That's not what this is. This is saying I know that there is not a single person on the in the whole world. On planet Earth there is not a single fat person that I deem worthy enough for me today or for me to fuck on that sole characteristic of fatness. Like I don't think that that's realistic. I think there there are plenty of you know even if you're uncomfortable with fatness there are probably plenty of fat is out there that you'd be like, oh, yeah, you know. And anyway, fat people don't want a charity fuck. Faculty. We're not on the corner being like, come on, please, please have sex with us. No, listen, if you don't want to have sex with perfect person, if you don't want to go on a date with a fat person don't. You don't have to, you know, fat people are not gonna be chasing you down saying Come on, you know, suck on my tits or something? Oh,

Unknown Speaker 28:51

no, just let's think about it. This considerate. Let's see, let's let's be open. And also question why is it? Why is it I'm feeling like that? Why Wayne? Alright, number five. Think that if they are sick, or unable to move their body like they could before then it's 100% The fall of their size. So this is another thing I see quite a lot of think I've spoken about it on a couple of other episodes to have splash, especially post Panini, where someone you know, three years ago before the Panini was going to yoga a couple of times a week and was socializing with people in person and was not living in a global pandemic. And they, they were happier. And since the pandemic they've put on weight. They've not been able to go to yoga, they stopped doing it. The mental health isn't That's good. And therefore, you know, they're not able to do yoga, handstands or whatever it is that you do in yoga. And so they then see the fact that they've put on weight and be like, Uh huh, well, 1am one equals three, I cannot do these things. Because because I have a bigger body. And I'm sad, because I have a bigger body. And I have depression. And it's probably because I have a bigger body. And that is it, you know, it's and so therefore, if I lose weight, then I'll be good at yoga, again, I'll be happy again, I'll be, I'll be healthy in all these different ways. And, you know, the reason why we think like that is because that's what society has told us is lose weight and run through the streets, through the code for the cornfields into the arms of your handsome lover, and everything will be alright in the world. And unfortunately, it's a lot more complicated than that. And so, again, it's kind of like the shades of gray thinking, which is, you know, this is an extension of, it's okay for other people to be fat, but not me. And it's this black and white thinking of, if I am sick, it's because I, because of my body and my size, if you've if you've if you are fat, or if you've put on weight, or even you can be straight size and be like, Okay, well, I need to lose weight to get healthy in whatever way. And we need to start being a little bit more like detectives, and get out those magnifying glasses and being like, okay, let's dissect it and see what's going on with life. Versus, Oh, absolutely, this is absolutely the fault of my, my body size. So that's number five. Number six, they talk about food as something that they can't control themselves around moralizing it, or feeling superior for eating, quote, good food. So this is quite, I think, quite a common one. As in, you know, we all know this is not great, but I think we sometimes have language that is so second nature, we need to stop and think before,

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saying these types of things of, Oh, you must get this thing out of my house. Because I can't I can't live if there's a piece of chocolate in the cupboard somewhere because I'll just eat it, I'll eat it, it'll eat it and eat it and it'll like die. And there's no chocolate left in the world. And, oh, it's just I've been so bad recently. And all we're being naughty by eating this thing. And, and that group talk of that. And, and even if you're not saying those things, if you're engaged in in a group, and I know this can be very complicated, there's lots of different things at play. But if you're surrounded by people, and you're, and they're constantly talking like that, and you have the capacity in regards to privilege, and the personality type and power dynamics to say, hey, that ain't cool, then it's like fatphobia is just there sitting, festering, like some dirty shit, that's just been put in the conversation. And we need to just not have that happen. And again, it's complicated, right? If you're, if you're a fat person, you've got a group of friends who are thin, and you're at work, and they're all talking about how they like, you know, all they want to do in their lives is lick lettuce leaves and, and how being thin is the best thing ever, and all that type of stuff and your boss is saying it, the the dynamics there probably don't lead for it to be a great idea for you to be like, shut the fuck up with it about this stuff. Because there's so many different things at play, right? But there could be opportunities in our lives where we do have the ability to say something, and it still might be a risk. And I think it's important to take those risks because it's not cool to let fatphobia hang around like a dirty turd. You know? No one likes a dirty turd in a hat. fatphobia thinks so nasty one. No amount of popery is going to PooPourri you know that stuff that you spray in the toilet? That's good stuff that is no amount of poop or is going to clean up that smelly turd, or fat phobia. Oh yeah. So seven, they zoom in and examine photos of themselves with a critical lens, or don't even want to be in the photo in the first place. Okay, so a lot of people will be like, Yeah, that's me, again, doesn't mean you're a bad person. But what is going on here? Why is that? Why are you comparing the size of your arm to the person next to you? And oh, maybe your arm is a little bit thinner. Okay, that makes me good. No, no, and maybe it's a little bit bigger or look at my size. I'm a dummy. Look at my face. Oh, the camera is a low angle, and therefore I looked bad. And oh, God, take another picture or don't even take my picture. Oh, it's just a big thing for a lot of people. And why? Why? What is going on? What beliefs are coming up? What is wrong with the visual representation of you? And it mean, I don't know the answer. In regards to for you, girl. You might be like, Vinnie, I fucking love a photo. And that's Glasgow was great. And if you don't, it doesn't mean that you're a bad person again, it? It's, it's Is this a manifestation of fat phobia? Is this fat phobia ruling your life? What is going on here? What's going on? And it's just a nice clue. I say, I like it when we are able to recognize things that we're not able to do because of how we think about ourselves, or how we think about fat bodies. Because it's giving us the clues. You know, it's like we're in an escape room. And finally, there's another clue. And you can like, oh, yeah, if I can, yeah, I'm gonna open the door. And so it's a clue that there's something there for you to work on. And there's some beliefs there that probably aren't helpful for you? And is it fair for you to be erased from your own personal history and have no photos for you to look back on? You know, is it fair for you to be so cruel about yourself when you're looking at those photos? No, is the answer. Because you're like, yes, it is. Yes. It is. It is fair for me to be me. No, no, it's not. It's not. So what's going on there? What beliefs do you have? Let's see if we can untangle them.

Unknown Speaker 37:30

Okay, so that was seven, zoom in and examine photos with a really critical lens, or don't even want to be in the photo in the first place. Number eight, feel relief? at the thought of at least I'm not as big as her and her being person who is bigger than them. So it could be her, him? them, whatever. At least I'm not as big as her. And that sense of relief of, oh, well, you know, well, I'm not that size. So I'm not that bad. And, and it's self soothing, right? That is self soothing. It's self soothing. And, and it makes sense why we do that. And also, to what end? How is that helping us? Is that? Does that align with our values? And it might be temporarily relief, of how we're feeling. But, you know, to what end, and I, I catch myself doing not that but things like things to make myself feel better. Like I was talking to Lauren from feelgood dietitian about this, we did a live together and I was like, Oh, my God, go into people who are like you, like, colleagues of mine in the industry, who maybe I don't know, personally, and go into their Instagram pages and being like, Oh, well, look at them. They've got like, they've got more following followers than me. And people like them better than me. And what is it? They probably hate me, they probably think that I'm really unintelligent, they probably think that I'm a piece of shit. Well, well, well. Well, I think they're, they must be mean, they must be a bad person. Look, there, their opinions are trash, and I'm more intelligent than them. And even though I've got less followers, I get more likes in my last photo than they got and, and then I'm like, really? What are you doing? What are you doing? And yeah, that, you know, the other side of my brain is like, and I stopped doing this, but then there's another part of my brain is like, I need to soothe in some way and okay, you know, I'm gonna go look at some other things that make me feel better and, and so it's normal. And it's normal for us to compare ourselves to other people, but it doesn't feel good. I know for me, it fucking doesn't. It doesn't. So let's just not do it. And this one obviously this is definitely you know, your this is fat phobic, right? Because you're saying at least I'm not as awful as that person because that person will fool for that their life must be shit because of the size of them. Oh my god, you know, it's very judgmental versus versus coming from a place of oh, I acknowledge my privilege. And, you know, I might be having a hard time in life, but I don't have to deal with the extra bullshit that comes from living in a bigger body. You know, it's not that that's not what that statement is about, is it? That statement is like, well, I might be ugly, but I'm not as ugly as you. That's like, oh my god, I hate this. I hate this. But I used to think it was such a good comeback of if someone says you're fat. And the comeback being, well, at least I can lose weight, you can't fix your ugly face. And I think that's such a good comeback. Because it was like, yeah, man, I could get thin and beautiful worries, you're stuck being fucking ugly. And it's just, it's not good. If you're making if you're, if that was one of your comm. bucks. I think we should just use this. Let's put that one in the bin. Let's put that one in the bin. Because well, I mean, it's not even true. Is it? You know, we can't we can temporarily make ourselves thin. But yeah, it's like appearance based. Insults is, is always not a good look. Always not a good look. And where as well, where are those coming from? Anytime I make an anytime I have in the past because I don't do it now. Make appearance based insults, it's really coming from a deep place of shame, deep place of shame. And that's the only power I can get back is by insulting someone's appearance. Fun times fun times. Fun times. Okay, so number nine.

Unknown Speaker 42:14

Thinking that an alpha only looks good or better. If shapewear is worn underneath, and believes it's a way fat folks must control their body. So shape wear, again, is complicated. Some people will wear shapewear for lots of different reasons. And it's not to do with what it looks like. It could be Century century stuff, sensory stuff, it could be it just it. It I don't know, whatever. It could be something which is not fat phobic. And even if it is, I think that I look better when I'm wearing shapewear. If that's how you need to do things. That's how you need to do things. I saying this on the podcast a couple of episodes ago, like shit, if that's how your your affiliate feel comfortable right now, then that's it, that's fine. If you need to do that right now then that's, you know, that's just where you're at. But I think what it is, is the idea that I've seen on a lot of accounts of, you need to be wearing shapewear. You need to be smoothing this out. And so this is kind of like you need to do this. Versus I'm doing this for me, and this feels good. And I know it's probably not the best and I probably want to get away from it. Versus the Whoo, that dress does not look good. Because I can see every wrinkle and bump and cellulite. You should really put on some Spanx. You're ugly, you know, you know. And so the difference being to conform as a fatty people are people, you know, having the belief that you need to and others, others need to. Others need to too, because if they're not they're letting the side down because they don't look as good. Because the real deep belief that fat bodies look better refer squeezed and you know, squashed into shapewear. Which is some people could say I mean it's true. It's a it's objectively true that fat bodies look better in Spanx. And I would challenge that like, is it? Why is it why do we believe that? Where's that? Where has that come from? Is that is that a belief or is it a fact? Are their bodies that are fat and not controlled in that way that are also beautiful. I mean, you think so. And finally, number 10 They view fat people as angry can planers unreasonable or excessively large slash scary especially black men. So I want to give a trigger warning because I'm going to be talking about police brutality here. I would say just skip to the end of the episode because I yeah yeah for the rest of the episode that we're gonna be talking about so viewing fat people as angry and complainers and unapproachable and scary and and we know we've seen this post lindo bacon stuff that's going on of fat people are just unreasonable and and we've seen this with police brutality and I took I took this week was it this way last week. So now we're now gonna positivity pride, which is an account on Instagram, hosted fat positive di CrashCourse dei diversity, equity and inclusion. So fat positive dei crash course you can go and check it out yourself. But so something there that they were talking about, and I'm just going to give you a little snippet and if you want to learn more, you should go to now go now gonna positivity pride, check out the show notes for a link to it to take this course is it's cheap, right? It's like,

Unknown Speaker 46:31

I think I paid like 75 bucks is like a sliding scale. And it's an obviously it's really important because these are the who's teaching it is to women of color. Anyway, so just a little kind of overview about that is one slide. They're all talking about how on. So Mike Brown, in 2014, was murdered by a police officer in Ferguson, and he was 18. And what the police officer said about this murder, because he was a fat black man. The police officer descriptor also officer described Mike Brown as quote, Hulk Hogan claimed that he shot Brown. As he shot Brown, he quote, bulked up to run through the shots. And he called him a demon and claimed that Brown was looking through him. And so I think that's that's that's really important stuff that NPP are talking about and I'll go into positivity, pride, pride in this presentation, which is fat positive dei Crash Course, which is a two to over two days. And it's talking about as well like this stuff and also fatness in the media and all that type of stuff and really interesting, really interesting stuff. And so thinking about how how we view fat bodies and how, you know, at the beginning, I was saying about how we see you know, the fat person has a Saraf bit therapist and mummified and either hyper sexualized, you know, like, BB W big, beautiful woman, and let's not treat them as humans and fetishize them and consensually or totally. De sexualized, and, and then as well, we see with a police brutality, fat black men being seen as an human, like, you know, because they're big, seen as needing, I think it was like 12 bullets that Mike Brown was shot. The officer, the guy that murdered him. And, you know, why was such force needed? And obviously, this is just one example. There's many, many, many, obviously, as we all know. And so how are we viewing people what is going on when we're seeing when we're seeing fat people on the internet and the fat person is angry? And what else is going on? And so if they're fat, and they're also black, and if they're fat, and they're also neurodivergent and black and if they're fat and have other other intersectionality going on? What is good? What is coming up for us? And asking that question. Is this my ableism? Is this my fat phobia? Is this my racism and white supremacy that is telling me that I don't like this person. I don't like the way that they are talking. I don't like the way they're going about things. What is going on here? And again, like questioning ourselves, what is what is happening with this stuff? So, yeah, let me round up all 10 of those. So 10 hidden ways fatphobia looks in people's lives. Number one, they complain about how unattractive they are at their current weight to their bigger friend, which is obviously problematic because they're complaining about their size when their friend is fatter. So what do they think about their fat friend, and also, it's putting that fat friend into that role of therapist and person who listens to the problems of others, which is a trope. Number two, making fun of how fat really lazy or unhealthy they are. Number three, number three, they think it's okay for other people to be fat, but not me, I just know that I'm healthier, better looking and feel more comfortable when I have a smaller body. Number four, wouldn't ever consider dating a fat person or has a weight limit on how fat they might date or have sex with.

Unknown Speaker 51:31

Now, number five, think that if they are sick or unable to move their body like they could before if they had a smaller body, then it is 100% the fault of their body and how it's changed. Number six, they talk about food is something that they can't control themselves around moralizing it, or feeling superior for eating, quote, good food. Number seven, they zoom in and examine photos of themselves with a critical lens or don't even want to be in the photo in the first place. Number eight feel relief at the thought of at least I'm not as big as her and her being the person who is bigger than them. When it could be anyone at least I'm not as big as them. Number nine, they think that an outfit only looks good on themselves or other people, especially fat people if they are wearing shapewear. And believing that fat people need to control their body and squeeze their body into shape where to be seen as acceptable. And number 10 They view fat people as angry complainers, unreasonable, or excessively large and scary. And that is that last point, especially for fat black men. And now a reminder that if you are doing any of these things, it makes sense we live in a violently fat phobic society. And there's lots of things that we do to try and conform. And so if you're doing any of these things and feel guilty or bad, I don't want you to at all, but sometimes we need to have someone point out how these things are contributing towards fat phobia. So we can start to unpick them, untangle them and remove them from our lives. If it's if it's something that is accessible to us. Sometimes, it's easier to engage in these types of things because we it's not safe for us to not wear shape where it's not safe for us to not eat healthy quotes, or good food because we don't want to be seen as a bad, fatty. And so all of this with a lot of nuance, and a lot of compassion for yourself and others who might be struggling with this with these things. And also, let's work to try and change this stuff because it's not the great No, it's not the greatest. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay, so yet again, it's 54 minute episode. I guess 44 But no 45 But no. No like to chat. I like to have a chinwag. So I have a chinwag. Alright, thanks for hanging out with me today. So I hope you over have fun hanging out with me being my friends. Will you be my friends? And I'll see you in the next episode. Have a wonderful rest of your day. See you in a while. Alligator stay fierce Fadi.

Unknown Speaker 55:00

Thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to fears fatti Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body, then go to fifth fatty.com forward slash waitlist again that is phase fatty.com. Forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist. For when first fatty Academy my signature program opens