Episode 78 Transcript

Read transcript alongside audio.

Welcome to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Welsby and this is episode 78. Today, we're talking about mistakes, fears, and misconceptions: why you don't like your fat body.

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident fifth party who loves every inch of this jelly. society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the first fatty podcast Let's begin.

1:22

Hello, and welcome to this episode. How are you doing? You're right on the line. Good. You're right. Nice to see you. Thanks for hanging out with me today. Got an eyelash in my eye. You just hate that. Do you know what little fix for that is? You've got an eyelash in your eye to blow your nose. I don't know if you know that one.

Also, another little I didn't just learn that today what I learned a different hat today. I went to have some lunch today and I had water begin to fringe beget crusty on the outside. soft in the middle. Motherfucker was hard. So wrapped it in some kitchen wrong. That was wet. Waste not soaking wet. But in my grave. 20 seconds. Soft again. Yeah, there you go. There you go. I'm just giving you this podcast is giving, giving, giving giving you all the hacks. Hey, another thing that I've got another hack? Question mark. Someone shared in some fat group that I'm in about, you know how belts can dig into your tummy. It's annoying.

And you know, all of our sizes are different. There's you know, sometimes it's hard to get jeans that kind of stay where they are. Anyway. So if you don't want it like a a traditional belt, you can get these but I've got one, I've got actually got a pack of four on Amazon, which is like an it's like an elastic belt that doesn't tie in the middle. It doesn't fasten in the middle, but it actually clips over your belt loops. And so the belt loops that have closer to the center, it kind of flips over and then there's a little button, and then the rest of it is elastic. And then you can adjust it right again, I got I got some I got the larger size. And I would say I would say they would probably fit probably up to a size 30 Maybe they're like, because they can they can be they can they're stretchy, and they can be adjusted really long. And because it's kind of like elastic, just given up my trousers better than about and I have that belt digging into my tummy and my Dad Oh my gosh, hacks galore here today. And I've been very technical. You know, I've been having I've been having issues with this bloody Milan laptop, the new laptop that I bought rude apple on cross with you making this camera that is dogshit and I've been recording the podcast and halfway through the video has been just freezing and stopping and so the fucking get on but it's because I can't handle the recording of the video. So anyway, what I'm doing today is I'm recording on my phone through zoom, and then using the audio from my proper mic. And so the camera is this is my phone, because our phone cameras are so good, right? I thought Oh, should I buy a proper camera?

And then I was looking online I was like, I'd have to spend like a grand at least. And then and then I was chatting to some friends at the bar and then they suggested yesterday when you use the camera you can get an app that connects it to your computer. And so hey, don't don't go out getting any camera camera things whatever they called webcams. Like I did spend Spending money on the webcam that wasn't any good. Just use your phone just get an app and use your own magic isn't it magic? So we'll see how this goes so far. Video looks good I've done up to this video looks good. Sound looks good. I'm also now facing the window and I have light so it's all you know, just fine has come into gamma or Oh my god.

5:24

But sadface I did lose my purse this week is not the worst thing. Losing your purse. So annoying but happy face. BC have now said that you can see up to 10 friends outside. So last week I saw three friends. I saw Louise green. Big Fat Girl you may know her we went and had coffee outside. And then I went to see my friends Michael J. Park and his husband Hecht door and we were sat and had some Coca Cola in their garden near the Cesar their parents. That is missing feathers. It's not a parrot. It's like a version of a parrot. Anyway, season will bite if you put your finger in the cage, which I didn't do, because I am smart. Yes. And reminder when this episode is coming out, it's in the week that I'm doing this but it's not too late. The how to love your fat body challenge. It's happening right now it's not too late to go and sign up for sunday.com forward slash challenge. And in it we're talking about being all the photos digital boring clothes and stop pulling your top down to high job ballet. First party.com forward slash challenge.

Okay, so what we're talking about today is mistakes, fears and misconceptions. around learning to accept, tolerate, like, even love your fat body. So the more and more and more I am alive. The more I talk to people and work with people and see stuff the more I'm like, okay, so so many people are doing this and making this mistake. And I'm have these fears and I want to tell you about it and make sure that you're not doing the same things. Because yeah, this shoving knowledge, right? So this is what people do. This is what people do. People when they've decided okay, right? hated myself and dieting and all that shit ain't working for me. I'm gonna learn to love my body. And so they wanted to like dive into the like, quote unquote, glamorous side of things. Oh, no, the glamorous is the right side. But the more sexy the more interesting the more pizzazz sides side of things like, Oh, I'm going to you know, the outcomes, I want to move straight to the outcomes of, of, you know, wearing the clothes, wearing the bikini wearing the crop top wearing the sleeveless shirt, or doing the photoshoot or, or dating or, or doing cool shit.

And they're like, right, okay, now I'm going to work on loving my body, I'm going to do these things. And they either try and wait for the confidence to hit them, which bowing to happen. You need to do the stuff, right? So they either try and wait for the conference to hit them. Or they just they're just like, right, I'm okay, I'm gonna even I'm shitting my pants, I'm gonna go outside, in my crotchless underwear in my peephole bra walk down the street. I'm trying to prove to myself that I'm confident and then they traumatize themselves, literally, and then they get arrested for having the flaps out or whatever. So it's kind of one one or the other.

And first, we have to look at why we are at where we are currently at. And people want to skip over this bit. They want to skip over it because it's not glamorous. It's not sexy. It's, there's no people browse. There's no split crotch panties. Right? And we want to move forward, right? We just want to move forward to the to the to the glitz and the glam to the red carpet of the competence awards. But there's some things in here that we no want to talk about. Okay, so So Miskin for the first misconception is that there's unnecessary to look at why we are where we're where we are in regards to too. I like to think about it, like, our confidence is a house. Okay, and we've got cracks in it.

10:11

Things are falling down. And it's, you know, it's not well insulated, it's just been built, not very well, through no fault of our own bass, just what it is, you know, our confidence being represented as a house. And so, when we look at this, we're like, I Great, okay, okay, I'm done with this house, I want a new house, which is, which is like, let's, let's paint, let's paint it yellow. And, you know, let's put like flags on the, on the, on the roof.

And, and let's put a balcony in the back and a pool and, and let's do all this stuff. And that's really exciting and important to dream about what the house is going to look like and what you're going to do and all that sort of jazz, but first things first is we have to tear down that house and look at the foundations. And look at what happened here. What has happened here to make this house just a bit unstable or a bit, you know, shit. And that's boring stuff. Right? You know, just like, I just built a fucking family Foundation's, just whatever, just get on with it. I want a pool in the back garden. So we don't have to be engineers to work out that that's not gonna fly right? In, you're never gonna have that big strong house long term with those shit foundations. And then the house is gonna collapse. Fall into the pool, maybe while you're having a dip. And then what are you going to feel that you're going to be like, Oh my god, I tried again, and it just fell down again. You'll lose even more confidence. And you'll lose more confident, less calm, you'll have less confidence because you're like, Oh, I tried I tried so hard. And it looks so good. From the outside. You know, we hit the yellow walls. We had the flags on the roof, we have the balcony, all that stuff, but it fell down again. So fuck it. I'm not i I can't do this. So we have to work out why we feel the way that we feel about fatness about our bodies, about who we are about food, all that stuff. Now a mistake people make around this is just do it just be like, just just love yourself. Just look forward just let's forget about the past and, and toxic positivity. So if you haven't heard that, that term before toxic positivity, according to very well mind.com Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It's a good vibes only approach to life. So sometimes it's good to be positive, right? Like you don't want to be all the time being like, you know, this is shit. This is bullshit. You remember that one time you did that 15 years ago, and people are like, Well, why are we still talking about this? But you still do need to sort things out before you can move on. And it's not being negative, to talk about things that have hurt you in the past. And why you feel certain ways about fatness or food or whatever it is.

And it's funny because we're programmed to be programmed to be positive. We're programmed to be positive how often people say to you, you know, you got your store. Someone says how are you? Oh, I'm fine. Thanks. How are you? Good. Yeah. Nice day. What's a bit rainy out? You know, whatever. You're not ever going to? Probably not. Yeah, I would say ever, but you're probably not going to be like, you know, someone you know, you get your groceries and the person's like, how are you and you're not gonna be like, You know what, I actually feel really bad. I've got a massive turtle head. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and he's like, he was a massive Belen. So you know, I've got mixed feelings about it. And yeah, I just keep thinking about the fact that I need to have a big shit. And you probably wouldn't, you know, that might be the reality, but you're not going to say that because, you know, it'd be weird. Maybe you said you're a friend. But, you know, it's our default is to do like, yes, good, good, good. Yeah, you know.

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And a lot of times, you don't want to be seen as like the Debbie Downer of like, you know what it's like so hold on. Because, because it could reduce your, quote unquote value in society if you're not always chipper, you know, but that's not realistic. People are not always chipper. People are not always positive. Because guess what? We're human beings with human being brains and our brains can be happy and sad, and angry and mad. And all those things are different emotions. It's magical. Yeah, so we have to we have to honor those. And and anything is like, so if you if you if you like, yeah, yeah, but I thought about this shit that's happened to me in the past. And yet, it still bothers me. But come on. Now let's move on. Because a lot of cool stuff because I thought about it. And it's like, but have you have you really kind of thought about it and dealt with it and kind of picked it apart and all that type of stuff. Because if you had they, you probably wouldn't still be ruminating on it. Like, you know, you might think think of it from time to time.

But if it's something that's really like in your head, and it's still really hurting you, it just goes to show that maybe you need to go back and revisit it, and revisited revisit it with vim and vigor. It's kind of like you know, if you go to the dentist and you have a cavity all this toxic positive positivity, if you guys are dentists, you have a cavity, or the dentist just said to you, she sees a cavity on the on the X ray, you know, sticks out little pokey thing, and it's cavity cavity, this cavity, and you're like, my jaw hurts. I think I have a, I think I have a cavity. And then because you know, your dentist doesn't want to be in doubt. She's like, No actually looks gray, just move on. Just continue on just off, see you later, we'll see you in six months or a teeth cleaning. And you still got my cavity there. And no amount of toxic positivity being like, you know, just just think happy thoughts about the cavity is going to make the cavity go away. Or if the doctor the dentist acknowledged, yes, there is a cavity there and went in to fix it.

And instead of digging out all of the decay, all of the bad to the rotten tooth, just put some white sheet on top of it, whatever that is an animal question mark that white shirt that they put on your teeth to cover a villain. And the and the rock was still underneath there? Well, that's no good either, you know, putting on that shiny facade is not going to help because then it's going to go deeper and worse. And then you're gonna have to have a root canal and they ain't fun. You haven't had a root canal? It's kind of kind of funny. It's not as bad as what people think. I don't think I don't know. I can still I still remember the feeling feeling of it of them going down into the into your roots with like a law. The law is kind of like the whole thing else I went last week, you know, like with the COVID test, like just something being somewhere in your body that is just like doesn't seem to belong? Yeah.

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So getting out that, that that rotten tooth and that decay is messy. And it's hard. And it's not what anyone wants to do. It would just be easier just to be like just, you know, go on your way. Just think positive thoughts. Let's just get over it. Let's just move on, and not have to dig it out or, or fix it, or maybe extract the tooth, or whatever it is that needs to be done. And imagine if your dentist your dentist was a massive people pleaser. So a lot of people are people pleasers, right? And they're like, Well, I don't want to like have to talk about this stuff. Because I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want people to not like me if I have to have a conversation with them about how, you know, things were shit in the past or whatever. And imagine if your dentist was a real people pleaser, and didn't want to say to you, you know what, we've got some bad news, we actually have to do a root canal there because we left that too long. And because your dentist didn't want you to be like, Oh no, that sucks. And instead your dentist is just like, everything's great. Your dentist is being selfish, because your dentist is putting their feelings and their fear of your judgment and your reaction ahead of what is best for you. And what's best for them and their business.

Because if they if they just you know, send people on the way all the time then people are gonna like that. Then it was a shit. I came back and I still had a toothache. And so that's what people pleasing is doing. It's putting it's it's it's selfish, it's putting your own feelings above what the other person needs to hear. Right? And trying to and trying to manipulate the way that someone perceives you. And so if that's what you're feeling like I'm I don't want to, you know, I don't want I want to be I'm a people pleaser. You know, that's really what's what's going on. So that is the mistake. The fear that people have around this is that they are too fucked up, that it's too hard. And they are destined to be broken for ever. And, yeah, it's working on this stuff is hard, right? If it was easy, then everyone would be walking around being like, Oh, my God, I felt like an amazing Look at me. But that's not what's happening, right? It's hard. But we can take it step by step. Take breaks. So imagine if we're building that foundation. So if someone said, go and build a foundation, you're like, Well, I don't know how to do it. Okay, we'll take step by step, we'll just pour a little bit of concrete, whatever it goes into foundations. And then let's have a little break, let's have a tea break, let's have a relax. And actually, you're done for the day, let's go home. That's all we need to do just one bag of concrete. And that's it.

And maybe next day, we'll come back, right? You don't know, you don't need to know how to do it. If you're able to get someone to guide you through this, someone to help you, then it'd be a lot easier, you know, if you went to the worksite, and there's a house and there's a site foreman and, and she says you know what, actually just grab that, that wheelbarrow over there. And just hold that for a second. That's all you need to do. And I'm going to pour in the concrete. And then you just need to take it over there. Easy peasy, lemon and lime. Black. Okay. All right, I can do that. So that's the fear. And it's also the obstacle of, of not knowing how to do it. So the fear, I don't know how to do it, and therefore, I won't be able to do it. And the obstacle is the not knowing how to do it. And you have to take it by the step by step. And with the fear of like, but what if, what if I try and what if I try and I fail? But what if it's just impossible for me to ever become better or feel better or whatever? Will if you try, you're either going to get the lesson you need, or the result that you want? And what's the where is the loss in trying in a very gentle and kind way? In a non kind of

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fucking dry? No fucking way. And what are a lot of people do is, like I mentioned the beginning is like, right, okay, I'm going to do it, I'm gonna do it. And then they, they jump in feet first. And it's scary and hard and traumatizing. And they're just like, Oh, my God, I can't do it. I can't do it. See, I told you I can't do I can't do it. It's like, well, yeah, because you're jumped in the deep end, which is scary. Let's just tinkle them toes in the water first and get comfortable and take those small steps. So so how to how do we build those foundations? How do we do this work? Well, I'm going to give you some things that you can try. If you wanna, you don't have to. But something you can try is thinking about how you feel. How maybe you feel now how you felt when you were younger? adults, adult adults, how you feel how you felt, how you felt as a teenager as a child, like what words come up and you can just Google like feeling words like I felt, felt frustrated, I felt sad. I felt happy. I felt jubilation I felt misery whatever it is. So you can just go and have a look and be like

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that this word isn't exactly right. And so you can do something like a spider grant where you write the word on a piece of paper and you just put words which are similar on the outside, like, Okay, well, I felt sad. Sad is not the right word. Okay, so let's explore that. More or less sad, was it? Huh? I felt like I was in the way. What's another word for that? Oh, I felt like I was a nuisance. Yeah, okay. Nuisance what else? What else knew Since Oh, I felt naughty. Yeah, I felt naughty. Okay. And then when you get to those words, feeling and working out, why is it that you felt naughty? Why is it that you felt like a nuisance? Now, FYI, if this feels big and scary and too much, then please don't do it. Like if you feel like oh, I had a really, I've had a really traumatic past and thinking about this stuff is too much, please, you know, use your your discretion to not do it. But if you're, if you feel like you're in a place where you can go for it, or you might want to do this work with a professional who can who can guide you through. So. So from there, okay, so why did I feel so me personally, I did feel like I was a nuisance, and I was naughty, a nuisance or naughty? So what what, what was going on there for me to feel like a nuisance and naughty? Like, what lessons did I learn around that? Okay. All right. So let's have a think about that. What lessons are learned. And now you can go in, okay, and learn and think about what lessons you learned.

And then you can decide whether you want to remove that as a lesson from your life. Keep that as a lesson because it was a helpful lesson, or tweak it and change it a little bit, because maybe the lesson was a little bit skew whiff. But you're going to tweak it and make it a new lesson that you want to change. And now it's great to be able to do this as adults, because we are able to look at these situations that when we were younger, maybe we didn't have the full capacity to be like, Hmm, this is what's really going on. So let me give you some examples. So you can you have a little thinking your noggin some things. So this doesn't all have to be negative. Right? Some things you like, you know, what I felt really loved. You know, and what, what are what is that accepted? And why is that and then you can be like, You know what, that was a wonderful, fantastic lesson that I want to learn, embrace, and continue on in my life. But here are some lessons. Okay, so So growing up my mom, she still does has a best friend called Jane love Jane. Best, amazing. And so Jane down the street. Now, my mum and Jane, both were not rich. But they had this kind of game where they would try and give the other person money. And the other person would say, No, no, I'm not taking that money. And they would refuse to take it.

And then they would ask me or my sister Take this money and slip it in their purse, or slip it in their pocket when they're not looking. And so sometimes Jane would say that to me, or my mum would say that to me, and you know, I'd slip it in a bag, and then later they discover and they're like, Oh, you shouldn't have done that. And so, you know, I interpreted that as you know, they, they want to give each other presence. And that's what you do as friends is you give each other money and they were good friends and we really like Jane and so when you have friends you give them money and but the friend will protest and say no, I don't want the money. But then you're secretly give them money. So what I learned from that was to make friends you need to be there there's some exchange some exchanging goods to get the friendship so I remember the first time I got any money first thing I did, I went around to all the neighborhood kids, I had 20 P or something like that as an hour. I'm gonna go to the shop on my bike. I was too young to be cycling to the shop on the bike. But I had some money and so I was like, I'm taking orders for sweets, what do you want? And then was like I want and I remember like cycling off to the shop being like yeah, I'm gonna buy everyone sweets and they're gonna love me they could be my friend forever. And then a member come in like going to the shop with my like 20 P I don't even think it was 23 I think there's like 10 P and you can get like 10 P sweets like so you'd get 10 or sweets

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and go in and be like giving them the money but like I have all the seats and you don't have enough money and getting the little sweets I could get and then cycling home and then my mum being like, where are you oh my god. And then giving some sweets to my sister and not the other kids were gone home for the dinner by that time. But you know that's that's just something that stands out. Something that's a part of my personal and personality now is I just I do genuinely love giving people gifts. And like, just yesterday I was chatting to my next door neighbor and I was like, Oh, I'm gonna go to the bakery. Get some bread news at all, you should get some, you should try that apple fritters. And so when I was at the bakery, I got him an apple fritter enough to his thought. Because that's just I just, you know, it's a little thing, but that's the way that I expressed my friendship. You know, like little things all like the guy that lives underneath me, he got a job. And so I wrote him a card and left it on his doorstep.

So that's a lesson that I kind of want to keep, because I like I like that anyway, but I want to tweak it. So my friendships are not dependent on me giving them gifts, like, I don't make friends with people who are like, I'm only gonna be your friend if you give me money, right? Which is not what happened with my my mom and Jane is just how that's how I interpreted it as a kid. So I want to embrace the idea that it's nice to give gifts and that's not everyone's love language, some people would like doing different things, but that that's just happens to be mine. Maybe that's where I learned it from, I don't know. But I like that. And I like giving gifts. I like receiving gifts, and it's not necessarily what's in the gift. Like, it's like, someone could give me a packet of chewing gum, and I would be really happy. I'd be really happy with a packet of ginger my fucking loved chewing gum. But it's kind of like the, the expression of I went out of my way to show you that. You know, I'm thinking about you. Okay, so that's a lesson I want to tweak. Now, another one another example. I always felt naughty growing up. So like, Why did I feel naughty? Well, I would do things like, I would sneak food. When whenever possible. So we will por and we didn't have a lot of food. And also, we were in diet culture.

And so don't eat too much food because it's bad. And so I knew that I should stop this behavior of taking food when I had the opportunity, because it meant less food for everyone else. And so the lesson that I learned there was that I was bad and greedy, and that I was eating my family out to house of house and home. Is that something that your parents would ever say to you? Your reading is out of house and home is a weird phrase, isn't it? And which was not true, like, but that's how I felt as a kid. Also, because my dad was very domineering. Children would like to be not seen and not heard, like, like, get out of the way when he comes home. Just go, you know, just hide, just don't bother him. And so, you know, even though I was I was a good kept, I was a good kid. And I I worked hard to do well at school, and my only quote, unquote, naughtiness was sneaking food. And I think organs do that, right, like, but I saw it as there's something wrong with me. I'm so bad. And I'm so naughty. So is this a lesson that I want to keep? Do I want to get rid of it? Or do I want to tweak it? Well, I want to remove it. So now as an adult, I can see I was doing exactly what any other person would do in that same situation when you're food deprived. And also in diet culture, of course, you're going to be fixated on food more. And when you have limited joy in life, because we were poor and, you know, lived in a terrible, scary neighborhood. We didn't have access to all of the fun things that a lot of other kids had. It meant that food brought me a level of comfort and joy. And so like, of course, I would do that. So I did my best, and I survived. So I was not greedy. I was just a wonderful little kid who was trying to survive in life. So next.

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So that was my next lesson example. There's this boy who would come and visit his grandma, whenever it was the summer holidays or the Easter holidays or whatever. His name was Daniels when and he was a month younger than me. And there was another girl on our street called January Loski. So January gasca, was the same year year as me and then Daniel's in was the year below us but he was like a month younger. So he was technically kind of like this. He was the same but he was the same age as us. And so we have three would hang out and so our three Daniel would take it in terms of being my boyfriend and being January housekeys boyfriend. Now Jenny was I was thin and she had like long blonde hair. And I wasn't, I was chubby or you know, chubby kid. And what I believed is that because I wasn't thin and didn't look like Jenny, then I had to make up for it. And so to make up for it, I would do Reno, I'm kiss Daniels when and we will do all these different types of kisses on how the fuck we came up with all these different fucking type of kisses. Like, I'll tell you what, like, okay, so we'll come up with this kiss like I've heard about this kiss on the street where, where you just suck my tongue for like 12 seconds, and then I'll suck your tongue.

And then we'll put our fingers in each other's ears like this is a new case illustrate, okay, we're gonna do that. And I'm like, Yeah, okay, let's do it. So I was like, maybe off eight 910. I was definitely in primary school, so. And so because in my mind, because I was fat, I had to do more and more things with Daniel that I didn't want to do. I think I've told you a lot about this before, but

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about the rainbow case. Like one day, he was like, you know, the kids in the street was like, Have you heard about a rainbow case and where it's in, it's

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where you content warning here. This is disgusting. Where you, you spit into each other's mouths. And so the other person is there with their mouth open, and they're catching your spirit. And so when the Spirit arcs in the air and falls into the mouth, it's meant to look like a rainbow. And then you return the favor. fucking disgusting. And I remember I remember being like Daniel being like, do you want to try the rainbow kiss and I was I remember being at the time being like, grows, but I did it anyway, because Jenny wouldn't do it. And Jenny didn't have to in my mind because she was thin and pretty. Whereas I was so horrible and ugly and fat, and that I better be doing these rainbow kisses with Daniel's wind because he would dump me. If I didn't, this is my perception. So do I want to keep that remove it or tweak it? Well, I want to remove it. I am fat. And that's not bad. And I don't have to make up for the fact that I'm fat. And do things like rainbow kisses if I don't want to now if you weren't if you're someone out there being like, I fucking love a rainbow kiss, then go for it. But I don't want to be Rambo, because no one think of my much. Okay, so they hit about that, you know, you know, that kind of idea of me dating, dating, like, quote unquote, dating Danny Daniels when? And that idea that I believe that my body was bad and what? So so see how this can go like, Okay, well, why? Why did I believe that my body was bad? Like, why was it so clear to me that, at that age, age eight 910 Whenever I was that my body was clearly ranked and below agenda regarding skis. And, you know, why did I what was going on there for me to learn that? And so what is the lesson underneath that? And do I want to keep that? Do I want to tweak it? Or do I want to throw it away? Right. So now as adults, we can look at these and be like, what was really going on? Is that true? Is it true? That I was bad? That I was, you know, horrible and ugly and all that type of stuff that I still am? And we can take these lessons with us? And not question them. Of course, I was greedy as a kid. Of course I was I remember because I would, you know, take bags of crisps and eat them and the hide the packets? Of course that meant I was greedy. Really, but because what was going on there? What was happening? What was the alternative? Like, really? So the examine these lessons, what we're doing is we are looking at those foundations, and we are saying, Okay, well what went what went wrong? What was good? What needs changing? And what do we need to make a little, you know, make a tweak to what do we need to throw in the bin. And with knowing that, then we can be like guy, you know what?

Actually, I'm just going to date people and just not do rainbow cases or not feel like I'm less than because I'm in a big body. And I'm going to work on overcoming that belief that I have. But if I wasn't even aware of the belief, how am I meant to overcome it? You know, y'all Oh Ha. So of this of this, let me do a little roundup a little review now of all of this. So A lot of people, a lot of people want to skip ahead and do the quote unquote sexy work when it comes to learning to love your body, like wearing the bikini wearing the crop top, doing the photo shoot, dating during the call shit. And they don't stop to work on the foundations of their beliefs, how they're feeling and kind of why they ended up where they're currently at why we all believe that

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we aren't good enough. And so the misconception that people have is that it is unnecessary, that we can just kind of brush over the past and our feelings and what got us to where we are today. And that a big mistake that we have around this is that toxic positivity idea of just love yourself is gonna be fine. Don't worry about it, just move on. And sometimes it's great to be positive. But that's not authentic, like we're human brain beings and our brains are sometimes sad. And it's not doesn't mean that you are a negative person, if you want to delve into why you don't like your body, it means that you are doing the work. And a big fear that people have around this is that they are too broken, they are too fucked up that it is not possible for them to overcome this stuff. And so why bother, and they don't take action. And they don't know how to take action as well. And so the big obstacle there is that they don't know how to get from A to B. And so they might dive in, headfirst, and traumatize themselves in diving into the deep end, or wait for confidence to miraculously just arrive to them one day, and they will magically be able to do all of these confident things. So we really need to understand how we feel, how we used to feel when we were younger, as a young adult, as a as a teenager, or even as a child. What What ways were we feeling what words come up when we think about how we're feeling about ourselves?

And what lessons are connected to those words? And do we want to remove them? Keep them or tweak them? So okay, so if you want to continue on the learning of this stuff, which you you do you do? You do? Do you? Well, if you do, then come and do the challenge. Come do the challenge is free. It's amazing. It's gonna be great. So go to facebook.com forward slash challenge starts on May 3 2020. I'm sure if you go to that link at any point, then there'll be replay or something. There'll be something there. We're just gonna We're laying this guy. I'll put the link in the show notes. You can get the show notes@facebook.com forward slash 078 for episode 78. I'm thinking I want to do for episode 100. What should we do for episode 101? Is that going to be magical things? Episode 100. I wrote down episode 100 October 5, it feels like because I'm an episode 78 Episode 100 like next week or sometime because you know 78 And 100 is really close to each other. But it's actually one episode a week. So October 5 What should I do for that? Ooh, should I do? Ooh, like interviews with cool fat people. Tell me Can you hear giggles little tip tap toes? Don't stop Tic Tac Toe wings on the floor. Yeah, so if you've got any questions you want me to answer, then you can go fuck yourself because I'm not gonna answer. No, you can email me you can go to the shownotes and there's a form there for you to anonymously anonymously anonymously submit a question if you so choose. And if I think it's a question that people would like to hear the answer to, you know, like me, it's like how, how to I don't know, do something that I don't know how to do, how to look after a secret And I'd say I don't think that that I can answer that on the podcast because I don't know the answer and I don't think people are interested.

But if it is then answer it for you. So you got any questions? Go to the show notes for that the form there that says questions for the show. And thanks for hanging out with me today. And I'll see you in a while. legate Stay Fit Fadi cielo.

Thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to fears fattier Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body, then go to first party.com forward slash waitlist again, that is phase fatty.com. Forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist. For when first party Academy my signature program opens