Episode 205 Transcript

You're listening to Fierce Fatty Podcast episode 205 - Stages of Fat Identity: Signs You’re Thriving or Trapped. Let's do it!

Oh hey, I'm your host, Vinny Welsby. Pronouns are they/them. Thanks for joining me! So excited that you're here. I am doing a Masters in Counselling, as you may know if you've listened to other episodes, and something I mentioned that I had learned a little while ago was stages of identity for marginalised groups, and I was like, this is so similar to something that I've already created in regards to the journey of unlearning anti-fat bias, but this is an established framework which has been, obviously, lots of thought has gone into it. Not that I didn't put thought into the thing that I was thinking about, but anyway, it's more robust and etc., so I wanted to share that with you, the framework in detail, so you can see your stages of development in regards to your identity as a fat person. Also, if you're not a fat person, where you're going with your identity as someone wit privilege, if you have a smaller body, we're going to talk about that too, and also I'm going to give you the things that you might be thinking or saying depending on where you're at in the fat liberation journey, so that you can go, huh, interesting, yes, I have been thinking abc, and therefore I need to work on abc, or, oh, I have been thinking xyz, look at me, I've really come far in my journey. Sometimes it's really helpful for people to point out where we might have a kind of belief that's based in bias that could be modified in order to help us, you know, feel better about ourselves or do better in the world, and some could, because sometimes it's really hard to know, because you just believe something, right, you just, well, I know abc, or you don't even know that you think something, and it's only when someone says, oh well, that belief might not be so helpful, that we can say, oh shit, I didn't even realize it, okay, let's make a change.

So the model is called the racial slash cultural identity development model. It's shortened to r slash cid, but if you wanted to have a little google, that's what you would google, the racial slash cultural identity development model or rcid. So it's a framework used in psychology to explain how racialized people or people from marginalized groups develop awareness of their identity in relation to the dominant culture, and it describes five different stages that people can move through as they understand their cultural identity and experiences with oppression, and you could start at one place and you move through the stages and go back, or stay at the beginning of it and never move through the different stages, or just be at the end stage because you are brought up in an environment that supports your identity as a positive thing about you. If that's you, who are you, that's so weird. Well, not, well, in regards to fatness, how often are we coming from households that are like, you know what, you'd be you, whatever your body size is. Maybe kids now are experiencing that, but people my age, if they're out there, they're weird, they're weird. There will be people who are not traumatized, giant weirdos. Anyway, okay, so let me go through the stages.

So we're going to go through what the stage is, the attitude that you'd have towards yourself, the attitude you'll have towards other people, and that's used towards the dominant group. So this is the framework in regards to racialized people. Then we're going to put it into fat folks, all right. So, and actually, it's not just racialized people for this model, but this is how it's a lot of times used, not always. Anyway, so stage one is conformity. This is the stage of minority development model, so cultural identity stage one, conformity. So your attitude toward yourself is that you're self-depreciating or neutral towards yourself because of negative attitudes that you have towards yourself because of, you know, what other people have taught you. The attitude that you'd have towards the same marginalized group, so that would be group depreciating or neutral because of negative attitudes towards own group. So you would say the other people, they're not so great either. Attitude towards others of a different marginalized identity, so towards other people with different marginalized identity would be discriminatory or neutral, and the attitudes towards the dominant group would be group appreciating. So saying that group, love them, they're the mutts nuts, they're great, we're not so great. Sound familiar?

Okay, stage two, dissonance and appreciating. So the attitude toward yourself when you're in stage two of dissonance and appreciating is there's a conflict between self-depreciating and group appreciating, and there's a conflict between that in regards to how you look at yourself, how you look at others in your group, and how you look at people within different marginalized group, plus how you look at those with the privilege, the dominant group. So there's a conflict between appreciating and something else, kind of like dis, it's dissonance though, right, it's cognitive dissonance, where you know you've always thought a plus b equals c, but now you're like a plus b might equal d. Hang on, no, no, no, no, let's just go back to equaling c because that makes me feel more comfortable, but hang on, something's pulling me, so it's kind of a push and pull.

Next is stage three, resistance and immersion. So this is where you start appreciating yourself and appreciating parts of the group that you belong to, so other people, and then towards other people with a marginalized identity, there's conflict between empathy for them and going back to feeling either neutral or discriminatory towards them, and then you start appreciating not feeling so good about the dominant group.

Okay, stage four, introspection. By the way, I'm going to give you examples exactly what this looks like for fatness, right. So number four, stage four is introspection. So the attitude toward yourself is concern with basis of your self-appreciation, so you're thinking, okay, I'm starting to appreciate myself, but I'm a bit wobbly about it, and then you're looking at the way that you're viewing others, you're looking at the way that you're viewing people in your group and people outside of your group, and thinking, have I been fucked up in the way that I've been viewing these people, and then thinking, have I been fucked up with the way that I've been putting the dominant group on a pedestal. So that introspection of, oh, okay, well, I've learned to kind of appreciate myself, but the way that I've viewed things in the past, was that fucked up?

And finally, stage five, integrative awareness. So you appreciate yourself, you appreciate your group, you appreciate other marginalized identities, and you have selective appreciation for the dominant group. And so the dominant group, you've gone from thinking they're the best, I just love the dominant group, wish I could be like them, to thinking they might, I think they're dickheads, everyone in the dominant group is probably bad too. Well, you know, yes, there's bad folks within that group and some people with bad attitudes, but there are many people who align with my values, and I appreciate that about them, but I'm not going to appreciate them just because of their identity and put them on a pedestal.

Okay, so what that looks like for fat folks, stage one, conformity. What that looks like if you're in the conformity stage, you are gonna have a brain that's got all of these thin ideals, and you've got anti-fatness really internalized, and you view fatness as something that needs to be fixed, and you're probably trying to lose weight, and you do not claim fatness as an identity. In regards to you're not like, I'm fat and that's who I am, and it's a neutral identity, it might be like, I'm the o word and it's horrible and I need to lose weight, and there's a lot of shame, self-blame, there's judgment towards other fat people, so I'm not like those fat people, I'm a good fat person, I am losing weight and I'm trying to be better. Oh, I remember, I remember that when I was in this stage, conformity stage one, of really, I had a stain for other fat people. Oh, I just thought, oh, they are pathetic, they're losers, why don't they get their shit together like me, I'm at least, I'm ashamed of being fat and I'm trying to do something about it, but them, you know, they deserve to be shamed or whatever, and I definitely didn't want to be seen as fat or grouped in with other fat people because being identified as fat, if someone said to me, you're fat, it would be the worst thing, the worst insult, it would just be like a dagger to the heart. You could say anything about me, but if someone said you're fat, I'd be like, oh god, they know my shameful secret and they've spoken it out loud, it was so painful. So I did not want to claim that group, other fat people, at all.

I also, my attitude towards other marginalized group is limited awareness of oppression and adopting dominant narratives a lot of the time. A lot of time, if people don't understand about social justice, then it's very hard to be compassionate towards yourself and very hard to be compassionate towards others because we have this inner monologue of you should do better, you should pull yourself up from your bootstraps, you should, you're bad, etc. It's hard to extend critical thinking and compassion to other groups because we're probably thinking similar types of things. There might be some good ones if they behave in a certain way, like, you know, we might view ourselves as a good or fat bad fatty because we happen to be eating a salad, or maybe we don't the next day and that makes us bad, that's that kind of binary thinking of good, bad, and so we're not looking at other identities, critically examining how society may position them. We might, you know, there might be some awareness, but maybe not so much.

The view of straight-sized people when you're in this stage, oh my goodness, I would just look at straight-sized people and just think they have their shit together, oh my god, they're so much better than me, they're obviously more healthy, they're more disciplined, they're more attractive, they're more worthy, if only I could become them, then my life would be good. So this real pedestal is so sad, isn't it? Oh my goodness, you know, versus seeing them as, you know, oh, there's a group of people who happen to have a smaller body, they made, you know, they're cool and I'm cool, it was really like, they're so cool and I'm such a loser.

So that's where many people are at, this conformity stage, and it's not bad if you're at this stage, it's so normal. Like I said, it'd probably be a bit weird if you've not experienced this conformity stage because we live in such an anti-fat society that, you know, it would be strange that you miss the memo that fat people are apparently the worst and straight-sized people are the best, right, and being in this conformity stage keeps us safe. It's very, very scary and dangerous to move away from a place where you're keeping yourself small, maybe not literally, figure to figure to really figure to fucking hell, how do I say that word, you know when you just get a word and you're like, am I saying, am I, this sounds strange, yeah, I'm saying it right, it just didn't sound right, what the hell, what was I saying, oh yeah, keeping yourself, keeping yourself safe, right, okay.

It's safe too, it's safe when you have a society that says fat people are awful pieces of shit, blah blah blah, and then you bow down and say, yep, I know it, yep, don't you, don't you tell me, I know I'm a piece of shit and I'm lazy and I'm going to do everything to not be that awful thing that society tells me I am, and it might be the only time that you get, like, praise, that feeling of when your friend's family doctor, whatever, is wow, what did you do to get there, tell me your secret. I was talking, who was I talking to, talking to about this the other day, I had a one-on-one session with someone else and we were talking about this, how, you know, the doctor coming in saying, tell me your secret, and the doctor previously never really paid any attention to you because they obviously thought that you were a non-compliant time waster, and as soon as you walk in with a smaller body, they're like, oh my god, and you know the secret was, oh, I have an eating disorder, it's great, and my doctor saying, whatever you're doing, keep doing it, and I was like, oh great, okay, anorexia, that feels good, that feels good. Obviously then, when you gain weight back, you feel like a piece of shit because, you know, you go to the doctor and they're just like, hi, oh, I see your fat again, and that feels really bad.

Okay, so then the next stage two, dissonance, so occurring when you experience anti-fatness or, which, you know, if you're in a fat body, you've experienced anti-fatness, or being exposed to body diversity or fat liberation or something that's different from what you've previously been exposed to, and it creates confusion or a conflict. This was, for me, the moment I've shared before, sitting in my bed, scrolling on my phone, seeing reagan chastain's blog dances with fat for the very first time and reading everything and turning to my boyfriend at the time being like, did you know this, you know, like this is my first exposure to these types of messages that it's okay to be fat, and you know, it's like a secret that society had kept, and it was really powerful, but then also, by the way, I say boyfriend at the time, I'm totally gay now, but also just in case you were like, hang on, I thought vinnie was queer, yes, anyway, but also, what the fuck was I saying, adhd, also that's what I was saying, oh, but you know, we do know that fat people are really unhealthy, yeah, like it's an option to not completely despise myself and my body, but you know, it's kind of irresponsible, but I do really want to become thin and sexy and have my boyfriend say you're so thin and sexy and others say you're so thin and sexy, oh, that means I will be giving up that, I'll be giving up that dream or that reality if I lean into this, but hang on, my whole life I've been trying to become thin and it's not worked, so why would it suddenly work now, so it's kind of like this back and forth, doesn't make sense, but still I'm holding on to these beliefs.

So we have less self-blame, but there's uncertainty, there's growing empathy that we have for ourselves and other fat people, and we have increased awareness of systems of oppression that other people are living with. In regards to straight size people, we begin to notice bias and unfair treatment. I begin to say, hang on, why is it that every store carries only straight sized clothes when there's more fat people than there are thin people, hang on, why is that person getting more dates because they have a smaller body, and I'm getting less, is that, you know, is that true, is it, is it true that fat people are unattractive, you know, so yeah, kind of questioning, questioning, questioning, but still in the back of your mind you're like, oh, someone could say, here's how to be thin, you'd probably be like, give me the answer, I definitely still want to be thin.

Okay, then the next stage, resistance and immersion, and that involves rejecting diet culture, embracing your fat identity and the fat community, alert, and this is the stage where people look angry, which is normal, right, you kind of, you've kind of woken up and you're like, what the, what, what, I'm, this is so not fair, I can't believe my whole life I didn't know this, and I didn't even spot that it was inappropriate that my doctor said keep doing what you're doing because I had an eating disorder, I just, you know, didn't clock that, and then you see it everywhere and it's really fucking annoying. You put the TV on, you know, and you're like, huh, why has this TV show only got straight-sized people, white people, non-disabled people, etc., etc., what the fuck, right, you get really angry. Anger is, anger is really helpful, it's protecting yourself, and so you've got that.

The attitude towards yourself is that you feel a sense maybe of pride, love, acceptance about yourself. This might be the stage where you're quote coming out as fat, so claim the identity of fat, you'll be like, I'm a fat person. You might talk to other people about all of this. I remember when I was in this stage and I'd be like, can you believe abc, did you know xyz, it was just a big part of what I was about and being pissed off about lots of things, rightly so.

Okay, so with the other fat people, you've got the solidarity, you've got community, community identification, so you might be starting to join fat groups or go to events or etc., etc., and you're going to have increased solidarity and awareness about oppression that other people are experiencing too and thinking that's fucked up too. And then the attitude that you would have towards straight-sized people is distrust, anger, or rejection. This is where you'll see online where people will do things like post memes or whatever that denigrate people in smaller bodies, it's because they're at this stage, and so that stage is resistance and immersion, it's that anger towards straight-sized people because they have been the dominant identity and many straight-sized people are the people who are perpetuating anti-fat bias alongside fat people.

And so, like the common thing that I will see is someone posting the meme, dogs like bones, I can't remember what the meme is exactly, but it's like fat women or fat bodies are superior because men don't like thin women because if they do they're a dog, and dogs, because dogs like bones, basically that's the gist of it, right, and so, and then someone might say, well, this is what body positivity is, and I'm like, oh no, no, you know, we love our straight-size allies, it is not them, it is not, it's not, I'm not down for that, of, you know, shitting on them, but when you're angry, right, that feels good to have this counter-culture feeling of like, no, actually there is some good things about fatness and fuck the thins, and when I talk about the thins tm, there's no trademark on the thins, but I'm talking about the thins as in thin supremacy culture, the same way that we talk about white people as white supremacy culture, so white people are doing abc, and we're describing the worst parts of a culture of this dominant culture, obviously not everyone in that culture, but, you know, I'm happy to talk about white people or white supremacy as white people have been doing this, knowing it doesn't mean that I'm doing that because I'm not, maybe in the past I did, but my culture, generally speaking, is doing that, and that's a culture that I'm a part of, and it doesn't mean that I'm a bad person, it just means that I benefit from this thing that I shouldn't benefit from, and I think that that system should be destroyed, yeah.

So anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, in this stage, which is the third stage, resistance, you might be like, fuck thin people, I hate thin people, they're all pieces of shit. I don't think people are actually saying that, maybe they do, but, you know, that's when we get those, you know, memes that are maybe not so kind.

All right, so the next stage, introspection, and this is where people will begin to question those rigid, oppositional beliefs and seek a more personally defined identity. Okay, so that's when, all right, I've let anger run its course, and we have to, we know it's not bad, it's not bad that you might feel angry, you have to feel that because it's, I mean, rightly so, this shit's fucked up, so feel that anger, and then once you kind of like, yeah, okay, I'm feeling good, I'll let the anger explode, now we can be like, all right, so can I get some stability versus being a little bit more, I don't say reactive, but a little bit more kind of less stable in our identity, or yeah, more, more, if someone said something to me at that time like, oh, fat people are pieces of shit, it would really make me wobble, I'd be like, ah, you know, fuck you, and, you know, I would want to have like an online debate with someone because I would really want to present them with evidence and prove them wrong, and I would spend a lot of my energy feeling not so safe in my identity but feeling passionate that I knew that fat liberation was for me, and because I wasn't so safe in my identity, I would not be able to relate to people who were trying to harm me with more balance, and that was fine, right, that's absolutely okay that I did that, and we do that, it's just a natural human thing.

But now, with that introspection, I'm like, people are going to be being ding-dongs all over the way, all over the world, right, people are going to say things and believe things, and, you know, and sometimes I might be like, oh, I'm so frustrated with that, but I have no desire to, if someone was to put something on my comment, something on my Instagram, I wouldn't, something bad, I'm gonna respond to them, I'm just not interested, I don't care, I'm not interested. Whereas before, when I was in that resistance stage, I needed to resist, that's the stage that I was, I needed to, I would be going back and forth with someone on my Instagram comments, you know, and they were like, actually fat people are horrible, and I'd be like, actually we're not, and they'd say actually, and I'd be using a lot of my energy towards that because I needed to resist.

But in the introspection stage, you're more stable, and then you've got that, kind of, still got that solidarity, and you're able to bring nuance to the table. So still, in the resistance stage, my thinking was still very, because, you know, diet culture, anti-fatness is very binary, getting out of that binary thinking is hard. Also, binary thinking is a manifestation of white supremacy culture, and so, you know, untangling all of that and coming to topics with nuance is this introspection stage. So, for example, maybe I would have been like, okay, so say if someone said, oh, I'm a feminist, and they said, oh, I'm a stay-at-home mother and I don't let my husband do any work, my husband doesn't do any work, I would be like, no, you're not, fuck you, you're wrong. I wouldn't be saying, I wouldn't be saying, fuck you, you're wrong, I'd be like, you are not a feminist if you do this, it would be very black and white, right, whereas now, you know, with the introspection, it'd be more like, okay, what's going on, let's look at this.

I was also, like we talked about in the last episode, of looking at systems of oppression versus individuals, I was looking at what individuals were doing and saying they're wrong. I don't know if I'd be saying it out loud to them, maybe I was, they are wrong and systems are wrong, whereas now I'm like, the systems are fucked up, what you just do, what you do to survive the systems, whatever, you know, do you, do you, right, and so that's that nuance that I didn't have when I was resist, and so that also meant the attitudes towards straight-sized people, less generalization, recognition that there are straight-sized people who are incredible fat allies, and that there are many straight-size people who would not perpetuate harm against me or be anti-fat, and also they're within a system that tells them that their body is better, and so they have a job to unlearn that messaging the same way I have a job to unlearn white supremacy culture, right.

And then the final stage, integrative awareness, that represents a secure identity as a fat person, this balanced perspective that supports both self-acceptance and social change, and this is hard because this is the offering yourself compassion, offering yourself and offering others compassion, and I feel like this is a lifelong journey. The more that I've offered myself compassion, the more I'm able to extend it to others, and vice versa. A lot of times with fat folks, it is that we can look at other fat people and say, oh well, I can see that they're beautiful and I can see that they're abc, but for me, no, I'm not so great, you know, it's a rule for them but it's not a rule for me that applies for me, and the reason for that is because it's unsafe for us to go out there and do those things that we admire in other fat people. We can celebrate it for them, but for us, it's not a risk that our brains are letting us take at the moment, you know, it's like seeing someone doing base jumping and you're like, wow, that's so cool that you're doing base jumping, but fuck no, I'm not going to do it for myself because I don't want to die. I mean, I mean, that would be a normal reaction because the base jumping death rates are huge, but that's what it feels like, that oh, I might die, and so our brains are saying, don't you think you can do that base jumping because you fucking can't, because we're trying to keep ourselves safe, but, you know, we've got that, we're able to extend that compassion to other people.

So we have supportive and collaborative relationships within fat communities, and we have active solidarity with other marginalized groups, we're unlearning the unhelpful beliefs that we have held about, we're becoming a traitor to our privileges, so me becoming a traitor towards white supremacy because of the work that I've done in fat liberation, and then within regards to the way that we view straight-sized people, we're able to engage with straight-sized people and recognize that they're part of systems of privilege but see them as, you know, people that are allies and are important parts of the community and have important voices.

When we think about who gets to talk about fat liberation or anti-diet stuff, I think that it's really important, obviously, that we have fat people and the most marginalized fat people, but also I think it's appropriate that we bring in straight-sized people because they have an unearned privilege that means their thinness, that means that they are able to communicate with others with privilege in a way that fat people, because of anti-fat bias, can't. I wonder how many people have discovered fat liberation through body positivity, through, you know, intuitive eating or something like that through a straight-sized person. I know that my first foray outside of reagan chastain was lindo bacon, lindo being straight size gave legitimacy to the messages I was reading from reagan chastain. I wonder if I didn't learn from a straight-sized person if it would have been too scary for me to join this. The straight-sized person gave it kind of like, well, at least one straight-sized person, it's not all of these just loser fatties who are making excuses, which is what my brain said.

So anyway, so there's that more nuance, that more compassion towards everyone, continuing to becoming a traitor towards all systems of oppression. So what does it look like if you are a straight-sized person, do you start at the kind of the other end and then become a traitor to straight-sized people, it's kind of different, right, we have different stages, we've got five stages still, so this is what it looks like.

So the first stage is called contact. So contact, you have limited awareness of anti-fat bias or your own size privilege, and you think, you know, society is fair and that body size is, you know, fatness is caused by someone's choices, fat people are fat because they eat too many food, too much food, I'm thin because I make the right choices, and if you see fat people saying, hey, this is not fair, you kind of think, whatever, maybe you should lose some weight, right, so that's stage one, it's called contact.

The next stage is called disintegration, and that's where you have increased awareness that anti-fat bias is a thing and that you might have some privilege, and you feel confused, you feel guilty, you feel it's uncomfortable, and this is where straight-sized people will say, oh, what about the thin people, so if you see comments on the internet saying, hey, fat people, maybe you're not an absolute piece of shit, this is when you see comments like, oh, what about thin people, are you saying thin people are pieces of shit.

They're not, they're just centering fat people, there's thin people always centered, so that's that kind of like, ah, I feel, I feel uncomfortable, but I kind of see that there's a problem, but I'm feeling guilty and I'm confused, and they're still like in this stage of the disintegration is still like, well, you know, we know fat people are unhealthy, right, so they're not quite, you know, they're not there, they're just like, oh, I think this might be a problem.

And then we've got reintegration, so they're going back into their thin identity, so they kind of keep their head out and they're like, oh, I feel guilty and confused and what's going on, and so head back in, and so they would feel defensive, they could then blame fat people for their body size or justify anti-fat bias of being like, yeah, well, we're just concerned about your health, we're just thinking about your health, and this is because they want to get that comfort back, they want to get that comfort back and be like, well, I haven't been a massive dickhead to fat people or society, and, you know, it's not awful to fat people because really they should just take responsibility for their health and they should just really lose weight, so it's kind of like they go forward and then backwards.

Next we've got pseudo independence, and so that's the intellectual understanding that anti-fat bias is real, but they're still hanging on to certain things, they recognize that their system is unfair, but at the individual level they're thinking, yeah, but an individual fat person should probably, you know, try and fix themselves in some way, or maybe they should be, you know, a good fat person, you know, maybe they're like, okay, well, I can get behind fat people who run marathons and, you know, put salads up their bum or whatever, but that person who's like, I'm fat and I don't want to be fat, then that's a bit too much.

And then the final stage is autonomy, and so that's an internalized understanding that they have privilege and that weight bias, anti-fat bias is so fucking real, and they've unlearned all of that, oh yeah, but what about your health, and oh yeah, but we all know that fat people are this and that, whatever, and all those lingering things have kind of fallen by the wayside, they truly support body diversity, challenge anti-fat bias when they see it, they're being that traitor to thin supremacy, right, they are building genuine, respectful relationships with people of all different body sizes, so that goes from contact, disintegration, reintegration, pseudo independence, and autonomy.

So that's the journey that straight-sized people go on, so I wonder if you're straight-sized, where are you at on that journey. I think many, if you listen to this podcast, you're probably at the kind of pseudo independence or autonomy stage, in the later stages, because if you're here listening to this podcast, it says you've probably done lots of work already, right, which is cool, which is awesome, amazing, and also, you know, if you're not, if you're listening and you're like, no, I fucking hate fat people, that makes sense and also is that helpful for you and society, maybe you say it is, that's fine, whatever.

But so let's talk about the signs, signs that you're in learning, so signs that you're further along if you're, if you're a fat person, if you're further along in this journey, you're resisting anti-fat bias and you're thinking, maybe you're coming out as a fat person. Okay, so let me, let me read them out to you, okay.

So signs that you're in learning, if you have a bad body image day, you get curious about it and you realize it's likely not about your body and you investigate what could be the cause, so the cause could be something like systemic issues, you know, like you went to the mall and there was nowhere to shop in your size, or you could be stressed, or you could have been watching bikini babes on the beach dating show and that was a trigger for you, so instead of saying, I'm having a bad body image and it's because my body is bad, you say, hmm, what's going on here brain, what is, are you trying to help me with something, are you trying to keep me safe, is, you know, so you get curious.

Next, you're off the diet land swing of restricting and binging, so you're not doing that anymore, you're not being like, okay, well maybe this week I should be good because I'm going to be bad at the weekend and eat food like a human, so hey, you're not doing that anymore, you're off the swing, you're like, not for me.

If you engage in movement, body movement, you do so for reasons outside of manipulating your body size or because you feel shame for eating, so if you're moving your body, you're not doing it because you feel shame.

Next, you feel relaxed around food most of the time and have reduced the number of disordered eating behaviors that you might have had in the past or have none at all, so just feeling relaxed about food, not thinking about food too much, you know, thinking like, oh, lunch time, what should I have for lunch, versus when I'd wake up in the morning, the first thing I'd think about was food because I was literally starved, so if you're thinking about food, it's probably a clue that you need to eat more food because you're probably denying yourself food, you're restricting. Next, you use critical thinking skills when a new alarmist headline or news story is shared, so you remember I said in, um, you could feel a bit wobbly, you know, that stage where you're angry and you're kind of more reactive, that's the middle stage, resistance, you're feeling a bit wobbly, and so if a storyline drops like, turns out fat people are all, you know, eat babies and are about to die, you are able to say, huh, okay, let's look at the evidence, and, you know, they'll be like, let's look at this study that they've done, fat people love eating babies and snatching them out of prams because they're just so hungry and greedy, and then you look at the study and then it's like, oh, it was done on rats in 1974 and, you know, it's got nothing to do with fat people or whatever, and so you're able to go, okay, well, I'm gonna, you know, look into this or I'm going to look for the nuance or I'm gonna say, well, I know that it's probably some sort of nonsense, so you use critical thinking skills.

Next, the way that you talk about fat bodies or your body is neutral or filled with compassion, you recognize all the wonderful benefits of being fat, guess what, next episode, 46 benefits of being fat, fighting your body is off the table, instead you're drawn to fight institutional, ideological, and interpersonal anti-fat bias, so you're taking that, that, that fight to the right place, not to your body. You call out anti-fat bias when you see it or recognize when it's happening, that's like I said before, like the, you're not even aware, sometimes we're not even aware, and then we become aware and you're like, oh, for fuck's sake, it's fucking everywhere, and all my friends and family, they're all just talking about how they like to snort dust because it's the most carolery reduced way to get energy, and so annoying, and so you recognize it and then you're calling it out, and obviously we can't always call it out, there's lots of different reasons why it might not be safe or appropriate, but when you can, it's happening.

You listen to what your body wants, rest, food, etc., and fight any shame that arises, if you're struggling with that shame, then the book laziness is a myth, laziness is a lie, laziness doesn't exist, one of them, by devon devon devon devon devon price, um, google one of those titles, laziness and devon price is really good to unlearn that nonsense. Next, you're hungry for diverse media and understand how limited representations of bodies is harmful, you have a community of fat positive and anti-diet folks around you, whether it be virtually or in person, you understand that health is a complex topic and know that you can pursue health outside of weight loss and also that health is largely, largely a social justice issue.

This is one where people get, get wobbly legs again, is if they get diagnosed with a health condition, then it's really hard to keep that kind of foundation of compassion and curiosity. People know not to talk shit about fatness or praise dieting in front of you as ending body buggy, body bigotry is a core value of yours. I'm so fortunate that the people around me, they just, you know, no one just, I don't have people around me that are like, oh my god, did you know, like breathing, that, you know, it has like 17 calories every time you breathe, you know, I don't have anyone like that in my life, thank fuck, and I think would people know not to, like new people, I guess if people knew what I do they'd probably be like, oh well, maybe it's not a great idea to say to vinnie, have you thought about losing weight or whatever, so if you've got that, that's, you know, it's really, I think that's really unique, so it's, it's where you're long, along, further along in doing this work because you, it's so much a part of who you are as a person, it takes years to get to this point, by the way, if you're not there and you're like, I'm surrounded by people who talk shit about my body, their body, loves dieting, that's really normal, but, uh, yeah.

Next, you understand that diet culture and anti-fatness is spawned from anti-black racism, colonialism, eugenics, healthism, puritanical belief systems, did I say ableism already, let's stick it in there if I haven't, ableism. You don't try to hide your body for the comfort of others, so you do things like be out of breath if you need to, not do the thing where, what I used to do, if I was out of breath walking up a hill, someone walked by and I'd be like, stop breathing, don't let them know that you're struggling, turn your face away, you know, they're walking up and, you know, you, before you see them, you're like, and they're walking by and you're like, hi, hello, honestly, so being out of breath, wearing what you want, being in the photo, you know that if people don't want to love you, date you, have sex with you or be friends with you due to your body size, then that's a them problem, not a you problem.

You're able to recognize when a clothing line is not actually inclusive, when seats are not suitable for people of all sizes, and other ways larger fat people are excluded from the world, so you're able to recognize, you can bring in that curiosity and a nuance of, of, okay, like, is this suitable for me and for other larger fat people, so you're expanding considerations, okay. You don't have scales in your house and know that all they can tell you is your gravitational pull to the earth. If you have scales in your house, I really encourage you to just get them in the bin, get them in the bin. If you can't get them in the bin because someone in your house wants to weigh things or whatever, make them so they're not in your eye line, you don't know, you can't see them, it's just like a little, like, reminder, day-to-day reminder, hey, you're too big or whatever, and we can just, if we can just get rid of it, that can be just so helpful, right, it's just like an automatic thing that our brain could be doing, talking shit about you when they see the scales.

And finally, you can now see subtle anti-fat bias and diet culture that used to fly over your head, yeah, which is also really fucking annoying sometimes, you think, can't they just go back to not knowing this stuff, I guess it's like the matrix, right, sometimes it's just nicer to be back in that comfort, but it's not, it's not really, you know, sometimes it can feel like that, you know, everything I used to like is ruined, it's the same like, you know, things I used to like, oh, it turns out the guy is like a fucking predator, oh, why does he have to ruin it, people with their bad behavior just ruining things that you used to love.

Okay, so signs that you're not unlearning, signs that you're stuck, you say things like, oh, I mustn't, when someone says, do you want to eat food, or you say, oh, only a tiny piece when someone's like, hey, do you want a slice of this cake, I'm like, oh, only like three crumbs, oh, stuffed, I'm stuffed from my smell, smell of a salad that I had earlier. When you have a bad body image day, you spiral and you dream about being thinner, you're like, you kind of, you're stuck in it, you think things like organic food is superior and reduced fat, sugar, carbs are important things to focus on outside of having a legitimate medical condition, so that's like buying into wellness culture. You can see the beauty in other fat people but not yourself, you move your body due to fear of getting fat or fatter, almost everyone around you is into dieting, is straight-sized, or talks about fat as a negative, you think often about how being thin will make you hot and fuckable and wish you could just be that, oh yeah, I used to think, if only I could be that person.

You see being fat as an indicator of laziness, being unhealthy or unattractive, so this is like, by the way, these are the kind of like, you're at the starting spot, the starting place, you're just entering into this, so a lot of these things you might say, no, that's not me, but is there any truth in that, like you see being fat as an indicator of laziness, is there still that kind of in between, I absolutely don't think that's true, to I absolutely do think that's true, do you think that's true, like is there, if there's a scale, like are you 100 on one side or the other side or are you somewhere in the middle, and if you're somewhere in the middle, could that be a clue that you need to work on that specific thing.

Okay, next, deep down you really can't shake the idea that being fat is bad for your health, that really sticks in people's heads, or not, maybe not health in general, but one type of health condition, maybe that runs in your family, that has been used as a stick to beat you with, like, well, uncle, uncle Jerry had type 2 diabetes, so you're gonna get it, and so you're able to look at other health conditions and say, oh, but with some, with, for example, in this example, type 2 diabetes, you're like, but that one, you know, because you know it might be part of your future because it's almost exclusively a genetic condition, right.

You don't understand about size privilege or call yourself fat even though you're straight-sized, I see this a lot of, of this was me, oh my god, I used to be like, I'm so fucking fat, I'm huge because I was comparing myself to straight-sized people, not comparing myself to all people, I would be like, oh my god, I'm a size 14, oh, couldn't get any bigger, or 16, or 18, or whatever, right, I was, you know, I just really thought I was really fucking fat, I didn't recognize the amount of privilege that I had in, at that time, a smaller fat body because I perceived my head, myself as having the least privilege compared to someone who is in a size zero body.

So you don't recognize that you have size privilege, if you have size privilege and you call yourself like, you're like, I'm so fat when you're not really, or you might even be straight-sized. You have scales in your house and you use them to dictate your worthiness, you don't shut down diet talk and anti-fat bias or sometimes even think that it's not a big deal if it happens. I see a lot of that of like, well, it's my mum, you know, what am I gonna do, you know, it doesn't really affect me anyway, and things that people say make me think that it does affect them, these little offhand comments here and there, so is it that you're minimizing, and sometimes, you know, we're not ever gonna say something to elders depending on your culture, it would be totally inappropriate, not part of what you would ever do, and that's okay, so you don't always have to shut down diet talk or things like that, but recognizing that it can be harmful and working out ways to mitigate the harm.

All right, next, you feel good, you feel good about yourself for eating quote healthy food, do you ever get that feeling, you're like, look at me, I'm eating something really healthy, I feel good, it's so normal to feel like that, it's so hard to get rid of that messaging. Most of the media you consume features normative bodies, you struggle to connect the day-to-day anti-fat bias and diet culture, how they're connected to larger systems of oppression, this is like kind of a minimizing, oh, it's just someone that's like talking about their diet, it's not that big of a deal, but it's actually connected to these huge systems that harm not only fat people but people of all body sizes and other people in other marginalized identities.

Next, do you think that fat people are fat because they did something quote wrong to get that way or because they're traumatized, I've seen this in the mental health space and it really gets on my tits, fat people can be traumatized, of course, but some people, old school people in the mental health field think that if you heal trauma you are going to get thin, I know I certainly thought that, I thought that that fat people were traumatized and they were fat because they were making themselves fat to protect themselves from something, and not saying that that can't ever be true, but evidence is not supporting it, and how many fat people have worked on trauma and surprise, fucking surprise, they're still fat because they just happen to have a fat body.

All right, you believe everyone shares your opinions on fat people and aren't aware that many people love fat people, think they are gorgeous, and that fat people have rich, fulfilling, and successful lives, so basically if we're thinking the life of a fat person is the life of a fucking loser, loveless, pitiable, embarrassing, and don't see the fact that many people are like, I would just love to be with a fat person, they are fucking gorgeous, living full, interesting lives, the same way that straight-sized people can live the same lives and the same way, you know, sometimes straight-sized people don't and sometimes fat people don't, right, but that is a very real and common experience of fat people to have good lives.

If that's something that you're like, oh, if I'm fat then I'll end up alone with cats and just awful, although being alone with cats sounds good to me, but the stereotype that you're just gonna be some pathetic loser. Next, you shame yourself or others for being lazy when resting, you don't like being in photos and don't want them shared anywhere or you do lots of different poses to make sure that you hide your fatness, and finally, you can get behind fat acceptance but only quote as long as you're healthy, aka you feel more comfortable when fat people perform good fatty roles.

I see this so much, my hairdresser in Ireland, I told her what I do, she's like, oh my god, I love it, I love it, as long as you're healthy then you go for it, I'm thinking, what, what, uh, what if I'm not healthy, like, because I guess she's thinking, oh, that fat people are unhealthy, so you're allowed to fight for the liberation of fat folks but only if you're healthy and the fat folks you're fighting for are healthy, because unhealthy fat folks, they don't deserve equal access to life, yeah, so as long as you're healthy, well, you know, I don't believe that.

So if you're like, yeah, as long as you're healthy, then that might be a sign that you're maybe earlier along, you're still learning, and yeah, so if any of these things you're like, yeah, that's me, don't feel bad about it, I mean, shit, you've got a human brain, you're soaking up these fucked up messages, these fucked up messages that we're all hearing every day, even, even, even if you're doing a wonderful job at all of this and you've come a long way, something can just pop up and then all of a sudden your brain's like, oh, you remember the hating yourself because of your fatness, maybe you should start doing that again, right. Our brains are really trying, working hard to keep us safe, and life's gonna throw shit at us, so it doesn't mean that you're a better or worse person if you're further along on the journey, it means that it's just, it's just a fact of where you're at, and use the information of, you know, the things that maybe you're not quite there yet as, you know, maybe write them down and explore them more.

And if you're feeling like, you know, I feel pretty good actually, yeah, you know what, I do, I do a lot of these things, I believe a lot of these things, give yourself a big pat on the back, even if you're just, you know, just give yourself, even if you're at the beginning, give yourself a pat on the back, give yourself some love, if you're there. If you're not there, who cares, you know, that recognition that you've done something really fucking scary, how hard is it to do this in a world that tells you that you need to be invisible, be quiet, don't rock the boat, don't behave yourself, be a good thin white woman and obey whoever, to say that's not really my thing is really hard, legitimately, and dangerous.

So give yourself a big pat on the back, give yourself some love, give yourself some compassion, and thank you for being here, thanks for hanging out with me, I hope you are feeling good and that your life is nice. My life is nice, I feel good, and remember that you're worthy, you always were, you always will be, and stay fierce, fatty. Okay, good bye.