Episode 56 Transcript

Welcome to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Welsby and this is episode 56. Today, we're talking about “This One Wise Person Is Going To Change Every.”

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident Fierce Fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty podcast Let's begin.

Hello, hello, fatty Welcome to this episode. I'm so pleased that you are here. And welcome. If this is the first episode that you're listening to. We've got 55 before this one, why don't you go check them out? Thanks for listening. Thanks for being here.

Unknown Speaker 1:42

Today we're going to be talking about one wise person. Who is it? Who could it be? Today? I am. If you're watching on YouTube, you'll be able to see me but today I thought you know what? I'm gonna put on some eyelashes. I bought me some eyelashes. Magnetic eyelashes. Have you heard of these before? I've been like they've been on my radar for the last year.

Unknown Speaker 2:11

And I finally bought some and have this is like the third time of me wearing a pair. And today I was like okay, I'm gonna record this this podcast episode. I'm gonna put on the second longest ones. And so if you're like, wow, Victoria's eyelashes are like 17 feet long. That is why is I've got these magnetic eyelashes on. I'm not normally one to be big on makeup. Although I do show I do like a nice lipstick, the micronized lipstick. And actually the very first time I tried stick on false eyelashes was last year. Last year. Yeah. Last last year. Yeah, pretty much last year. When I was in the when I was on the BBC show i with the help of Courtney. Body posi body posi bell on Instagram go follow her. I because she helped me so I had seen some stick on eyelashes in Primark for like 99 P and I was like, fuck it. I've always wanted to try the nine p is all good. And so she's like the queen of makeup and I was like okay, we're gonna go on this night out to do karaoke. I'm gonna try these fake eyelashes. And so she was just like, let's just stick the glue on and then just stick them on your eyes really easy. And I was like, okay, and like two minutes later, I go to home like Courtney and my eyelids were stuck together

Unknown Speaker 3:45

I had major fail major fail and we I almost pissed. I almost pissed from laughing so much. Because it was like this stringy glue in between my eyelids it's like it didn't hurt or anything was very minor. But then she put them on for me

Unknown Speaker 4:04

I actually still have them I've worn them like 10 times nine people probably mark you know, wrong. And so I thought you know, I'll try these.

Unknown Speaker 4:15

He's magnetic ones. You know, Pete I think people struggle with eye lashes because

Unknown Speaker 4:23

they don't wait for the glue to dry which is what I did is I put like tons of glue on and then just like put them on my eyes. And they're all like wet and slippery and the glue and everywhere and and the trick was to just have a little bit of glue and let it get tacky and then put it on which is called me told me this beforehand but obviously I didn't listen to her follow her instructions. And so we need these anyway, these magnetic ones I thought you know make these tiny little magnets on the eyelashes and you put on eyeliner and the eyeliner is magnetic. And then you wait for it to dry and then you put them on and it will

Unknown Speaker 5:00

Oh, it's like I tried it on my on my arm and to see how much like they stuck, they really fucking really fucking thick. They're like really sticky but here's the problem is that after you take them off the eyeliner is like tattooed to your eyeballs. Now your eyeballs eyelids

Unknown Speaker 5:23

ended I did two days ago of me trying like face. So wipes,

Unknown Speaker 5:29

face oil, everything to get it off, and it took two days for it to come off. So it might just be the other brand that I bought. But anyway, anyway, so that is my eyelash thing. So yeah, if you want to watch the video on YouTube to see what my eyeballs look like, then do that. If not, then you can just imagine that I look like Victoria without longer eyelashes. And FYI. So a lot of people think that if you are body positive or fat positive or, or think that our bodies are beautiful, and all that type of stuff, then wearing makeup is like you shouldn't do it, because you should love yourself the way that you are. And that is total bullshit. One of the big things that Courtney gets is, if you if you love your body, then why do you wear makeup because she loves she loves her makeup? And because it's fun. It's fun. And I always like exploring these things and working out my reason for doing it. So am I putting on these fake eyelashes? Because I want to bet them at some boys down in the local village. And I think that if I don't have eyelashes on then I'm less of a human being and I'm less beautiful. And I'm ugly. And no, I'm literally I'm so I mean Ireland at the moment, in the middle of nowhere, no one is going to see me apart from you know, people on YouTube or whatever. And it's just a bit of fun, right? It's just a bit of fun. So but if one day I wake up and I'm like, Oh my God, I need to put eyelashes on. Because if I don't wear them, then I feel like a bad person, then I'll be like,

Unknown Speaker 7:10

let's explore this some more Victoria, this is not really working out for you. Now I want to share an email that I got. And it's really, really powerful. So I got this email. And it was it's from a super fat person who is sharing a day in the life of living in a

Unknown Speaker 7:33

super fat body. And I wonder depending on whatever size you are, even if you're straight size or whatever, wherever you are on the fat spectrum, and even if you're in Infini fat, like how much of this

Unknown Speaker 7:48

resonates with you and how much of this letter is surprising and your feelings for me. I'm going to read this letter to you how you feeling about this experience. Before I read this email from the listener I just wanted to give you a content warning there is brief mention of self harm.

Unknown Speaker 8:13

There is maybe just sordid feelings around food there is talking about the shame of being fat. So if that's if you're not feeling that right now, then skip,

Unknown Speaker 8:32

skip like 10 minutes ahead. Okay, you ready? I'm gonna read this letter to you email from a listener. I am 45 I am a 45 year old sis female super fat. And just in the past month or two, I have been making an effort towards body acceptance. I wrote this sort of Day in the Life piece below to see exactly how much weight stigma impacted my day. And I think I shocked myself with how much it has infiltrated so many of my decisions. I guess I wanted to share this to ask how others experienced all of this. In your experience. How hard is it going to be to leech this poison out of me. I am seeing a therapist but it hasn't helped much yet. An average day in the office. My alarm goes off and I hit snooze says I don't want to get out of bed yet. I'll force myself to get up though. Since I need enough time to make myself acceptable enough. I pick out what to wear. Always choosing a dress so that so that no one could see exactly how large my thighs are. It has to be addressed that is knee length or not longer, so none of the fat around my knees can be seen pants or shorter dresses and skirts I can only wear at home alone.

Unknown Speaker 9:51

I also won't wear short sleeves without a long sleeve sweater to cover it and hide the fat on my upper arms. Those sleeves are

Unknown Speaker 10:00

I have the benefit of hiding the burn marks and knife scars etched into my skin that I received as punishment for not being thin enough.

Unknown Speaker 10:10

I spent around 20 minutes doing my makeup to try and make myself seem more attractive in the hopes of counterbalancing. The ugliness I've been told comes with my body size. One reason I dyed my hair purple was so that people would focus more on my face than my body. I used to be told that I have a pretty face, just my face. But since my double chin has grown, I don't hear that statement much anymore. Whatever prettier might have had, is apparently gone.

Unknown Speaker 10:40

I head downstairs and walk to my car hoping I don't run into another person. People have yelled fat slurs out of the window of their cars or called me other fat hating things as they pass by. So if there is another person around, I usually drop my head and won't make eye contact hoping that will be less provoking.

Unknown Speaker 11:02

I'm usually a tiny bit relieved to get to my car without incident I almost feel a bit normal until I have to buckle myself in with my seatbelt extender, I get to work and I once again, keep my head down so I don't have to make eye contact with any strangers on the way up to my office. Rich people don't usually say cruel things at workplace at their workplace. But it's happened before I walked on my desk and if someone else is in the hallway, I immediately tried to scrunch myself up smaller and hug the wall so they don't think that my body is blocking their path. I always say sorry, simply because my fat body is sharing a hallway with them. There are a number of things in our work kitchen for breakfast or snacks but I try not to go into the kitchen if there is anyone else there. I never eat breakfast before my commute, but I'll wait until the kitchen is empty to hurt hurriedly grab a granola bar and go back to my desk. If someone is walking towards me, I frequently hide the granola bar on my sleeve. Since I don't want to be judged as a glutton. Actual Work is pretty uneventful except for the word chair I don't fit into very well and it generally makes a clicking sound if I move which is which embarrasses me. I assume it only makes that noise because of my weight. If I bring my lunch which I do most of the time, I don't use the lunch room. I've been told seeing fat people eat is disgusting and nauseating. So I will usually eat at my desk by myself. Sometimes a co worker will invite me to lunch and it's difficult. If they want to go somewhere within walking distance I'll usually decline since I hate walking behind everyone with my slower moving body, and I'm embarrassed by being a bit out of breath. If it's a drive, I'm very hesitant, hesitant to go in another person's car since it's humiliating to try and fasten a seatbelt that frequently won't fit around me. I'm also very leery of driving others since I'd be embarrassed if they noticed my seatbelt extender. Once we arrive at the restaurant, I dread looking at the seating options. If it's a booth, I can really fit without some kind of painful gouging into my stomach the whole time. If it's a table, I try to get a seat on the periphery. So I don't crowd any of my lunch mates with my body throughout the meal. I worry how I might cope. If the chair breaks underneath me. It's never happened to me, but I fear Nonetheless, when I order I try to choose meals that are easy to take home since I never finished my meal. It might seem ironic, but I eat very slowly. something most people don't expect from a fat woman. I've always been a slow eater, but I'm more aware that seeing a fat person eat in public is considered disgusting. I try to make myself less offensive by eating slowly and as delicately as I can.

Unknown Speaker 13:46

Also I have a lapband my weight loss surgery failure and certain foods can stick in my throat and only go and only go into the bathroom to vomit will dislodge them. I usually keep my LapBand a secret since I fear what people will think of me then I'm apparently so irredeemably fat. Even weight loss surgery couldn't help me. I'm deeply ashamed of this failure.

Unknown Speaker 14:11

Once lunch is over, I grabbed my doggie bag and wait. I wait until everyone else is heading away from the table. So hopefully no one can see me struggling to get out of the booth that I barely fit in. Or see that I might have to brace my arm on the table edge to right from the chair. Almost always there is pain. Sometimes bruises from the back of the chair or the edge of the booth table dug in my stomach. But I've learned to ignore them since it's so common. By now it's around 1pm It's only the first half of my workday and I'm already demoralized, and a little exhausted. It can be so hard to constantly fight to exist in a world that has taught me I'm unacceptable. Decades of fat hatred and diet culture particularly from my own family have left a stain on me. I'm sorry

Unknown Speaker 15:00

Ed, I'll never be able to erase. I feel die way too young, heartbroken and lonely believing I never deserved more.

Unknown Speaker 15:10

Those are the bad days. But then that small voice inside me who wanted purple hair because she refused to be invisible, because she wanted to be noticed to be different will speak up, that voice will say everyone else can fuck off. I don't need to give a shit. what anyone else thinks of me. I don't live my life on their terms. My life is my own. I am allowed to feel like I have value. I don't need to constantly apologize for my size to essentially ask for everyone's forgive forgiveness because my body is different. I need that small voice to be bigger, louder and unapologetically untamed. I need that to be the ever present booming voice that drowns out all of the others, but unsure how to go about it. Hmm, that was quite the read wasn't in. I'm sure you know, you all are having different emotions to that letter. And

Unknown Speaker 16:18

I was just so pleased to receive such a beautiful, powerful emails. Wonderful. So my response. So I'm going to read part of my response. My response to this email was, this was so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing. Really, I'm so pleased that you're making an effort towards body acceptance. So many never get to that place and continue to blame themselves for the way they feel about themselves. Your questions? Have others experienced this? Yes, so many 1000s hundreds of 1000s You are so far from alone with this. But it can feel like you are as it is hard to talk about shame. Thing is, this shame is not yours to hold. I'm a medium fat. And I've experienced a lot of the things that you've mentioned, the granola bar in the sleeve really got me hiding. The fact that I ate food was a full time job. I so wanted to people to see me as a good, fatty and be like, Oh, she only eat salads. It's not her fault that she's fat. Your second question? How hard is it going to be to leech this poison out? It's hard for me to answer that because every one is different. Studies show that folks who undergo surgery have a lot of negative beliefs about themselves moreso than the general population. being super fat does mean it'll be harder to unlearn this bullshit because you experience greater stigmatization than smaller fats or straight size people. You have more reminders that society doesn't like flat bodies. But it doesn't mean it's not possible for you though. seeing a therapist is so wonderful, I hope that they are fat positive. Although I know that that can be hard to find. The way that I see it is that you and everyone that lives lives in a fat phobic society have been brainwashed. The tricky thing is that you can't escape or fat phobic society, but you can find corners of the world that support and love fatties. And luckily, there are lots of them, and they are growing every day.

Unknown Speaker 18:36

How much of that letter that email resonated with me and I was just like, I need to share this with you all because I know it's gonna resonate with so many of you even if you're not fat, you know that shame that you know, getting ready in the morning and and if you are fat, that trying to make your body smaller, and that apologising for existing

Unknown Speaker 19:02

and not wanting to be seen to be eating and constantly thinking about how people have these judgments and trying to

Unknown Speaker 19:14

persuade them with your actions that you know you are a worthy person you are okay, you're not one of those bad fat people doing anything that you can to survive in their world that is aggressively telling you that you need to be in a different body.

Unknown Speaker 19:33

It's a it's a biggie right? And so if you are feeling these things and feel like I'm alone in feeling these things and different things as well, because obviously this is one person's experience, but there are so many different experiences and and so whatever you're experiencing, you're not alone.

Unknown Speaker 19:56

It can feel like the whole population of the earth seven point

Unknown Speaker 20:00

5 billion people hate fat bodies. But that is not the truth. That is not the truth. There are many, many 1000s and hundreds of 1000s of people out there who think it's absolutely fine to be fat. There's many people out there who think it's great to be fat. There's many people out there who are working to eradicate fat phobia and working for the rights of fat people who will see you and just

Unknown Speaker 20:33

not think much, you know, just be like, oh, there's a human being, and not judging negatively. So you're not alone. We were, you know, whoever's listening. And if you feel like you're alone, because that's a big thing, this stuff this stuff, especially if you're newer to it.

Unknown Speaker 20:51

If your family there, which chances are they probably are your family and friends and the people around, you're probably fat phobic, because you know, if you're newer to this stuff, then you haven't set boundaries or, you know, kicked out the worst offenders and all that type of stuff. It can feel like you're doing something really wild, something really inappropriate, something irresponsible, or not good or good for your health or your mental health. But as this, this email writer says, there's this little thing at you in you, that's that saying, No, I deserve better. I deserve to feel like I am allowed to be alive and exist in this body.

Unknown Speaker 21:38

So So yeah, thank you to the letter writer, again, email writer, again, for writing such a beautiful thing and sending it to me, I

Unknown Speaker 21:48

am thrilled to receive

Unknown Speaker 21:51

an email like that. So, yes. Now what I want you to talk about two day is

Unknown Speaker 21:59

about the one wise person

Unknown Speaker 22:06

that is going to change everything for you in your life. And what inspired me was this week,

Unknown Speaker 22:15

I was I was talking to members of my first party Academy. And I was they were giving me testimonials for face value Academy. And something that really stands out, is when people say to me, not just members of first party Academy, sometimes people will message me and say that I have changed their life. And that kind of stands out for me. So when people

Unknown Speaker 22:43

do give me credits,

Unknown Speaker 22:47

it's great, I feel wonderful about it. I'm excited and pleased and you know, on a human being, but the way that I see is that people are giving me credit when most of the credit actually lies with them.

Unknown Speaker 23:04

Yes, I may be the person out here teaching this stuff. Yes, I may be, quote unquote, brave to do it, and I'm facing oppression because I do so. But if the people whose lives have been changed, didn't enroll in my program and do the work, well, they wouldn't have seen that change. If they had enrolled in my program, first value Academy, I never did anything, they wouldn't see the change. So it doesn't matter that I exist. And that my message resonates with a lot of people, and is important. If you don't do the work, it doesn't matter that much. Right. And, you know, you can listen to me and absorb fat positivity or even, you know, enroll in my program or do something else.

Unknown Speaker 24:06

But you need to do the work to see that transformation.

Unknown Speaker 24:11

So, in my in my life, I have done various programs. And when I need to do when I want to do something in life, I will get someone to teach me how to do it. Mostly, you know, some sometimes I'm like, Yeah, I just learned off the Internet for free. I'll just Google it, just watch some videos, and then I'll learn how to do it, you know, a lot most of the time, if I've done that, if it's something important, you know, not if it's like, how to put on false eyelashes. But if it's something important and big in my life, I'll try and do it like doing that going on the internet and all that type of stuff and but I'm not really invested. Right? And so I won't see the results. And so I will then be like Oh, fine, you know, I know what I need to do from the beginning. And then I go and do it. So one of those things that

Unknown Speaker 25:00

And I enrolled in a course to do was to learn how to do a TEDx talk. So how to craft my application to get a TEDx talk and submit the application. Okay, so not to learn actually how to do the talk, it was to craft my application. So I paid a couple of grand to learn how to craft the application. And so when the application is you do a, roll them or you do a two minute video, right. And so these two minute videos have to be good to stand out from

Unknown Speaker 25:31

the many submissions that they might get. So

Unknown Speaker 25:36

and so that's, that's one example. In so in the program that that I enrolled in for that TEDx thing, it's really great, by the way, if you want to know who it is, and just let me know. But, you know, when you start the program, this is a cohort, and maybe there were, yeah, there were actually like, 30 people in this cohort. And by the time the program had run its course, so we'd had all the calls and all that type of stuff. I was the only one who had got

Unknown Speaker 26:05

a TEDx talk.

Unknown Speaker 26:08

Now, that had nothing to do with the teachers ability. She's great. She's great.

Unknown Speaker 26:17

And she went above and beyond to get this, you know, this dream for people to get it achieved. But what I saw, and this is not the first time I've seen it, and it continues to happen today is that people will enroll in a program, or it could be not even a program, it can be a buying a book, whatever. And then they just don't do the work. And so these people have spent like two grand, I think it was more than I think it was 2500. Actually, a US so 2500 us

Unknown Speaker 26:49

to learn how to just do the application. And I know it's a, it's a big deal, right? It's a daunting thing to go and to do a TEDx to write a whole 20 minute thing. And so this is broken down just to the other application and the video, and most people didn't do it. In fact, I was the only one in this cohort to get a TEDx talk, they would, maybe they would do some of the work, maybe they would get to the they know, they watched some of the modules. And maybe they would do a first draft of a have a video. And the thing is, we have to do many drafts to try and kind of nail it because we have, you know, just to maybe even just a minute, depending on the TEDx to get your idea across. And so we have to craft it, so you're not just rambling about shit. So I just I'm always just, I'm always just like, why, why? Why, why why? Why do people invest in things, or they have this desire, right, they have this desire for change, whatever it is to do something, and they just don't do the work. And they don't see the results. And, and with this person, she had, you know, two or three TEDx talks, she was a TEDx speaker, and coach, she wasn't an amazing teachers, I had nothing to do with the teacher, but it had everything to do with the students. And so what I'm trying to get at is, your success is down to you, people who've been in my program, their success is down to them. Like, yes, I'm giving them the tools, but if they didn't do the work, then they wouldn't have seen the results. And I can't force people to do the work. I can, you know, encourage people and if people are

Unknown Speaker 28:38

struggling, you know, support them in that type of stuff. But, you know, you can't go around someone's house and be like, right, okay, today, you know, go and like, watch this video, do this thing, right this thing out, you know, and, and the thing is, with with my program with phys, Ed Academy, I deliberately make it so that the videos are bite sized. And so there are less barriers to overcome. Because, you know, sometimes because I've done lots of different e courses, sometimes you go in an E course. And the video is like two hours long, and you're like, Oh, two hours, and then they'll give you tons of homework. And then you'd be like, You know what, I'm just not gonna, I don't want to do it today. You know, I'm like,

Unknown Speaker 29:25

a star student, which is probably coming from some sort of, you know, feeling of lack or something I've no, I'm always an I always do the work. So if I buy something, if I buy a movie, you know, buy a program and I've spent money, I do it, like I do the stuff and I get the results. That's just me, you know, and

Unknown Speaker 29:47

even really, really expensive programs. So I've mentioned I'm doing like coaching for my business. And so when you want to run a successful business, most people just you're not you're not taught how to do it.

Unknown Speaker 30:00

I'm in school. And a lot of times, you can't learn how to run an online business in school. Because you know, when I was at school, it was like, here's a computer from 1957. And it was like, Ooh, fancy, you know, so there's no way that I could have learned how to do this in school. And so I have to pay to educate myself about how to run a business. And so I'm in this expensive program for a year for 12 months is how you're paying for 12 months, it's not lifetime access. And

Unknown Speaker 30:26

I've seen people in this program, you know, their month 11. And then like, I've paid 1000s of dollars for this program, and I've not seen any results. When I first looked when I first joined this program, I saw this post on in the Facebook group, and I was like, Oh, my God, what is this? I was like, oh, scandal, gossip, I'm gonna read this post, you know, thinking, like, have I just bought something that's already shit. I knew I hadn't, because my friend's friend is one of the coaches in it. But anyways, I read this post, and this person's like, you know, I'm really mad that I haven't got any results. And so one of the coaches like responded to me being like, Okay, so what's going on? You know, have you done the stuff? And they're like, Well, no.

Unknown Speaker 31:11

Like, well,

Unknown Speaker 31:13

I set up this thing and this thing. And then like, What, did you do this? The main thing, you know? And did you look at your results and track them and then come in and, and work on improving the results and blah, blah, blah? And then like, well, Mo,

Unknown Speaker 31:33

and I was just like, oh, I can't wait to see what their coaches they. And like, you know, you know, I don't know, I don't remember what they said, but I think one of them was like, basically, listen, you've got to do the work, we can't do it for you, you know, just buying this thing is not going to make you you know, a multimillionaire business owner, you have to do the work, right. And, and the wonderful thing is, when you do do the work, it's you that's done it right. And you You're responsible for those things. So for like, for me, it doesn't matter how great I am, or not or whatever, it doesn't matter how great I am, if you don't do the work, then what I teach is close to useless or meaningless, not 100% useless, because things rub off on you through osmosis.

Unknown Speaker 32:28

But also, what other things are rubbing off on you through osmosis if you're hanging around with, you know, fat phobes.

Unknown Speaker 32:35

And the reason that people don't take action is many fold. And it's complicated.

Unknown Speaker 32:44

And for me, the crux of it is that the solution seems harder than the problem. And so you believe that being in a difficult situation is easier than

Unknown Speaker 33:04

the solution, which is tackling the problem.

Unknown Speaker 33:08

You know, the pain of it. And, you know, there's obviously so many different reasons, and you know, fear and people are scared, and, and sometimes people like to blame others, and

Unknown Speaker 33:19

all sorts of things, you know, all sorts of things are going on. And it's not often just one thing. But if we look at it, it's kind of like, which pain is more painful. And if you view doing the work, as more painful than your current solution, then why the fuck would you do the work, right? And the thing is, is the solution that bad? Can you take us tiny step forward.

Unknown Speaker 33:47

And just believe that you can take a tiny step forward.

Unknown Speaker 33:53

The teeniest tiniest little step,

Unknown Speaker 33:56

you know, like with this TEDx thing,

Unknown Speaker 33:59

making a two minute video

Unknown Speaker 34:01

to send to these TEDx applications. So if you say it like that, make a two minute video. That sounds small, right? But still, that was the whole program was on this two minute video. And so we had to break it down even more to just writing one sentence, you know, the opening sentence of your video

Unknown Speaker 34:24

the title of what your talk could be, you know, one sentence and for me it started as one word so in my kitchen at the time I had this, this the the wall was painted in Blackboard pain. And I drew I wrote the word fat. And I did one of those spider grams. And so you know, I know if that's a word for it, but that's what I call it. I'm sure other people will know that to where you have word in the middle and then you do lines out with you know, different ideas and stuff. And so I like wrote all these different lines.

Unknown Speaker 35:00

out you know about people's perceptions and good fats and bad fats and hit ill health and all that type of stuff. And so that the process there started with just one word. And that was possible for me one word was possible for me. And so what is possible for you, what can you do, which is the smallest step, and make that commitment to yourself, and the title of the podcast, this one wise person is going to change everything for you, you are that wise person, you have it have have it all there for you ready in your brain, it's ready. And you have that, that, that desire, and drive and, and need and all that type of stuff to make these changes, or you probably wouldn't be listening to this podcast. So you've got it right. And so you just need to get the tools. And someone like me is the one providing the tools and helping a little bit, but it's you that's doing it, and you were so infinitely wise, you were so wise. And, you know, I get this, this kind of feeling of being like, oh, this person changed my life. But it's kind of like, maybe this person was the,

Unknown Speaker 36:24

the fuel, or this person kind of helped you push you into a new stage or this person just held a torch or flashlight, if you're from the states have held the torch up and said, you know, here's where you need to go. But it was you that needed to grab that torch, grab a flashlight, and go then and explore and look for what you're, you're looking for what you're seeking.

Unknown Speaker 36:57

So, you know, I don't want to I don't want people to

Unknown Speaker 37:01

overemphasize my role in their transformations, and not

Unknown Speaker 37:09

realize the power that they have. And, and also that it is their responsibility to it is no one's responsibility. Like, I have a responsibility to my students in first fatty Academy to be that facilitator to be that guy to help them. But my students are responsible to themselves

Unknown Speaker 37:35

to do the work. You know, like I can't

Unknown Speaker 37:41

carry around people's houses. It reminds me of one time when I was in recruitment.

Unknown Speaker 37:45

I was in recruitment, I worked for this global company, right. And so one time I was in New York, doing this training with this, this new company that I was with, and there was this other there was this girl from where was she from like, Florida? Yeah, she was from somewhere hot, because we were in New York, and it was winter. And she was like, I can't even buy a coat where I'm from, they don't exist, because it's so hot there. Anyway, and she was telling me this story, how she had got this, this young kid a job and he was like, I really need help. I mean, you need to make some money. And, and so she'd got him a job. And he'd started it. And you know, we can, he didn't turn up to work one day. And so he was like a temp work around, you know, a young person. And you probably didn't think much of it. And so the company called her she was recruited, by the way. I don't know if I mentioned it was recruitment. You thinking, What the fuck are you talking about? Is this a recruitment?

Unknown Speaker 38:40

And so the company caught her and was like, Where is this kid? And she called him he didn't answer. She's like, you better get in like, because it's really her reputation. And so she was so mad about it, because she had given this kid a chance. He was like, really begging her like laying it on thick. I need this job. And so she went around to his house and his mum was there. And she went into his mum and was like, Listen, I'm here, this kid doesn't turn up to work. And she waited there with the mum for this kid to come home. And the kid came home and they both like told him off and was like, get to work now. And he did. And I just thought I was so I was like why you like rallies house like, but she was like really fiery and passionate and like, let's just do it. And so she like literally went around the house and forced the kid to do the stuff. But, you know, if he didn't turn up the next day, was she going to go around his house again? And was she going to, you know, get him dressed and and put his shoes on for him? No, he has to do that. Right? She can set up the opportunity of here's a job but she can't do the job for him. She he has to be the one that gets up in the morning, puts his shoes on, get on the bus, do the work, come back the next day. And so, you know, she facilitated him getting that job but he is the one that

Unknown Speaker 40:00

did it. And so you're the one that is doing the job, I might be a facilitator, but those who succeed they have themselves to thank. And those who don't do the work, then they have, I don't wanna say have themselves to blame because it's complicated. Sometimes people don't do the work for various different reasons. But they can look at themselves and be like, Okay, I still have the power to make these changes. So you are the wise, incredible person that is going to change everything for you. It's you. And yeah, you can you know, you can thank various different people for, for kind of giving you that flashlight, giving you that torch, giving you the map or giving you a guide. But you're the one who does it. So basically, you're You're amazing, you're incredible. Do some magic shet.

Unknown Speaker 40:54

To take the tiniest step, take the tiny step, because sometimes this can feel really overwhelming. And depending how long you've been in this, you know, it can take longer, and it can be more difficult. You can have big breakthroughs very quickly and then sometimes stall a little bit. And everyone's journey is different, and everyone's experiences are unique. So yeah, that is the end of our episode. I hope you've enjoyed hanging out with me today. Thank you so much for making it to the end of the episode. You are an incredible, incredible human being. And I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. And I want to remind you to stay fierce, comma, fatty. All right. See ya Lena Greg IO goodbye.

Unknown Speaker 41:47

Thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to fears fatti Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body, then go to first fatty.com forward slash waitlist again that is first fatty.com forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist for when first fatty Academy my signature program opens.