Episode 45 Transcript

You're listening to The Fierce Fatty Podcast, Episode 45 and we're talking about “This is why you think your fat body is unattractive, plus the crucial questions you need to ask yourself today”. Let's do it.

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author, and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident Fierce Fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money, and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty podcast Let's begin.

Unknown Speaker 1:28

Hello, hello, fatty. How you doing? How's live? I took a week off because it's my birthday. I'm a Leo the whole months about me. I think I told you this in the last episode. Yeah, I did. I did. So what did I do for my birthday? I saw that movie. Stage mother. I probably won't ever remember that. I've watched it. Many it was entertaining. I had a would you call them a nice blouse and some popcorn and reclining chair in a cinema me and my sister was there and there's only one other person so that was good. I went to the beach a lot with my week off luckily. So when in Ireland it's mostly rainy 1000 days a year. But the week of my birthday. It was sunny and really hot for for Ireland. So it'd be like 22 degrees. I don't know what that is in, in. In American Fahrenheit. Probably I don't know. not that hot. So in LA it probably be 35 degrees. So that's a comparison for you. But I went to the beach a lot because of each there's lots of beaches around where I live. Took my nephew. Dig, dug some sand castles got stung by jellyfish. Jellyfish Danone lasted an hour or so that was kill. Oh, and then. So had jellyfish sitting on one foot and then I had fallen down the stairs and I'd broken my toe on the other foot. That was fun. So I was walking downstairs with my laptop, my phone in one hand and then a full cup of coffee like a big giant mug had gone cold because I've been working and yeah, and then I slipped once and then go to the hospital to find out that I broke my time so I'm just guessing but you know what, I've only broken my finger in my life and maybe I've broken a time before but you just know it because it's like so painful and you can't walk on it and it's like really bad pain anyway, so I'm guessing probably a broken toe. I also bought some new brands from Marks and Spencers which is a British company as the only place I buy my bras I cannot find anywhere that the bra sizes are reliable. I went to one Curvy Kate which I think is a British company and I got a bra from there which is my my normal size. And it came and as soon as I opened it I was like no that's not gonna work like the cup sizes were like I know the size of an egg or something and my tastes are not the size of eggs. And it was tiny like no way was it going to fit I was like What Why did they do this? Why bra size is so different everywhere you go. So yeah, let me remember signing and got some songs on my God. Hey protip for you. If you are a human that has bigger fish feet so I am a site in UK size, eight feet in US size 10 and I am able to buy. Sometimes it doesn't work because I do big, small version of men's socks. And the reason why I do that is men's socks. Fox last so much longer. There's so much thicker but not thick as in like bully thick. They're just you know, just a standard sock. And, and the cheaper Hello sexism. So I got myself some, some little socks and then some men's socks. They're a little bit too big but you know, whatever they'll last for 15 years. I also ate some Thai food oh and I have to Chandi a shandy is if you don't know, half lager and a half lemonade, so lemonade as in seventh up or Sprite? I'm just not that big a drinker. You know, I've just, I think I drank so much when I was a younger person. When I was like, in my early 20s, or teenager, I started drinking from the age of 50 that I've just used that my whole life's alcohol consumption. I'm just not bothered. I'm just just kind of get into it. You know, sometimes I wish, you know, I desire to go out on a bender or something. But I'm just not into it. I just Yeah, so I struggled with the second chandia left most of it. I got a haircut. My first haircut since January. Oh my gosh, it was so good. I got it. And if you're watching on YouTube, you can see my gorgeous home looks amazing.

Unknown Speaker 6:25

Oh my god, and then I dyed it green. And I also fed a pig at a farm. That was pretty cool. Yeah. So I've been busy in this week. And I've had some naps, and it was great. I need to take some more time off. I'm not going to take time off. You know what I just get so like, with with doing work into it and excited on a Monday to do work, that I'm like, Oh, I don't need time off or I don't even think about it. But it's not good. Take some more time off. I think this is my first week of since nine months. Yeah, that's not good. Victoria take my time off. And I'm feeling really proud of myself. Because this is episode 45. It feels like a milestone. I don't know why it's not episode 50. That feels like a milestone, but it was 45. And I the reason I'm feeling proud of myself is because I made a commitment to myself to record 50 episodes this year. Now I started the podcast in 2019 in October, and I did 11 episodes in 2019. And so this means this is episode 34 of 2020. So only have 16 to go and I'm recording this in mid August. And I just feel proud of myself that I did it while I'm doing it. And I know I'll do it. Unless I die or something. Let's hope I don't die. And then people are listening to this episode being like she said she might die and then she died. There's fingers crossed, I don't want to die. That's one of my favorite qualities about myself is when I make a commitment to myself, I stick to it. Unless like the world ends. And yes, the world did kind of end this year, but I still did it. And like I said, if I say to someone, I'll do something I pretty much will. And if I don't it haunts me like I just remember I remember the things that I promised to do. And something that's hurting me is in episode, I think it was episode four or five, when I was talking about that TV show that I was on. We're calling fat. I want to call it the O word. Because that was the production name. It was called the O word. Which is better I think then who are you calling fat. But anyway, and I said, I'm gonna get Courtney and David on the podcast and talk about this stuff. And I haven't done it yet. And it's because schedules have not been able to line up and and I've just been talking to David last week being like, come on, like, look at it and let's do it. And yes, because it's bugging me because I'm like, I Hey, I said I was gonna do this. And it's been months and I want to do it. But also, this is one of my least favorite qualities is that it's say aren't doing doing what I say I'm going to do also translates to being stubborn, which is one of my least favorite qualities about myself is sometimes I can be stubborn. I know. It's hard to believe I have any bad qualities, obviously because I'm perfection wrapped up into a human body. Yeah, stubborn. Maybe some people will call it tenacity. Yeah, I'm not stubborn. I'm tenacious. Yeah. I think it's like it's it's one of my core values to be in integrity, to be in integrity. And for me, integrity means doing what I say I will do. You know, and sometimes life happens but you know, pretty much I do so yeah, it's Celebrating myself today. Now a reminder that last week I shared with you about the fierce fatty vault. And I shared that on my birthday. Your Oh my You like love this, like, people are going wild for it. I'm telling you, if you've got it already go and get it. It's really good people, I only sent one message about it. And one thing over social and one email and one thing over social media and people have have gone bananas for it. And I'm really enjoying it. And we're getting a lot from it. So if you haven't got the first fatty vault, go and get it, guess how much it costs? Nothing. Oh, man. Oh, my. So I've got a two parter podcast here for you today, like two separate topics. The first topic is, this is why you think that your fat body is unattractive. And so we'll get that in. We'll get into that. Right?

Unknown Speaker 11:06

Now, we're going to be talking about why you think your body is unattractive? And why is that? Like what is going on there? So I'm going to be covering what is the reality of living in a body that you hate? Why we feel this way about our bodies and how we can fix the problem once and for all. Okay, so I want to paint a picture for you. I'm gonna read some things to you. And I want to know if any of this sounds familiar to you. Sometimes I find it tolerable. And sometimes I wish I could change myself more than anything. Most days, I don't even want to look at myself. I feel like I try so hard to like how I look. And I just can't. Does that resonate with you? Next? The whole time. My husband insists I am beautiful and perfect the way I am, but I just don't see it. I hide daily in baggy clothes and try to never look in the mirror. So I don't make myself sad. I make sure any shirt I buy is longer than my belly and that anything I wear is not clinging to my fat. Do you resonate with that? Next, I have to find a way to look at myself and just be okay with it. When I look at someone else, I see their wit personality and heart. The weight or body just doesn't matter. When I look at myself, only the body matters. I know this is my hang up, but I need to find a way to assign the things I value in others and value those in me. I have no idea how to get the Negative Nelly in my head to shut up though. Next, I'm trying really hard to learn to love my body as it is, but I find it really hard. A bore to some address recently. I'm a jeans and T shirt girl and I wanted to feel a bit more feminine. I put it on and cried. Has that ever happened to you? I follow many balls body positive people on Instagram and Tiktok and just wish I could feel about myself how they feel about themselves. I want to feel good about me. I do not want to worry about what other people think about my fat. I would love to just enjoy being me and seeing in me what my partner does. And finally, the media overloads us with visuals of slim women, and makes out that this is what a gorgeous sexy woman looks like when I then go to try and feel cute. I look at myself and compare myself to the women I've seen and then I feel disheartened and fall into a cycle of depression, anxiety, and hating the way I look. So do you resonate with any of those things? I know that that used to be my reality, and they are actual quotes from people who have shared how they feel about their body. So if any of that is your reality, I want to tell you that there's a reason behind it. So the reason is that you truly deeply honestly believe that being fat is not okay. So, intellectually, you might think it's okay for people to be fat. It's okay for me to be fat. But deep down, you believe that is either an attractive or unlovable or unhealthy or not sexy or whatever it is.

Unknown Speaker 14:57

In those deep, deep, dark places. In your mind, you don't believe that it's okay for you to be fat, you might think it's okay for others to be fat, and you might be able to see the beauty in others. But for you, it's not acceptable. And the reason is that deep down truly, you believe that it's not okay to be fat, I want you to imagine this, I'm going to use an analogy. So imagine you you're in your kitchen, you go to the tap, or the faucet. If you're American, you turn on the tap. And outcomes, dirty water is brown, and it's clearly not clean. So you decide that you need to fix it. So what you do is, you buy a new tap, and maybe you buy a new home filtration system, you clean out the pipes, and you try the water again. And it's still dirty. And the reason is, because the source of the contamination is somewhere else. It's not in your home, it's right at the source. And so let's pretend the source here is the mountain. So at the mountain, there's something there and making that water bad, not not good, poisonous or whatever. And that's like not loving or accepting your body. So people don't realize it's a problem to drink the quote unquote, dirty water, and then they get sick, aka, people don't realize that hating themselves is not a normal way to exist in the world. And they get, quote, unquote, sicker, then they believe these things more and more and more. And people try to fix the problem locally, they don't succeed fixing the problem. And then they blame themselves, they blame the tactics they've used. And they never think, to go to the source. It's just, it's just not in their brain, it's not their fault that they don't think about going to the source, they think I'm just going to fix it on the surface level things. And then never go and look at the source the deep dark places in your brain that says it's not okay to be fat. And that goes unexamined. And so if you keep trying to fix the water, and it's not working, it's not working, it's not working, you might just accept that dirty water is a part of your life, you might just accept Hating Your Body as a part of your life. And that's not okay. So I'm here today to tell you that you deserve to have a life that is free from shame, that is free for dirt from dirty water. And it's not okay to be drinking poisoned water, it's not okay for others to be drinking it people you know, in your family to be drinking, and it's not okay for generations to come to have to drink that water, that same water, and then think it's okay. And think that there is no alternative. But there is an alternative, you just have to look in a different place, you have to go to the source and fix it there. So that you and others around you don't have to drink that dirty water you and those around, you don't have to suffer their whole lives, hating their bodies Hating Your Body. This there is another way, okay? It's not your fault. If you hate your body, there is another way. And we need to go to the source and really work out what's going on there. Okay, so I have you in joint. That's the next part of what we're talking about you the crucial questions you need to ask yourself today in order to become body confident. And so what I'm talking about in this is the three crucial questions to ask yourself, so that you can get to a place of body love, the reasons why we make certain mistakes, how to work out the impact of lower slash higher confidence has on your life, and what you need to know to overcome the belief that you can't increase your con further. So

Unknown Speaker 19:47

do you want to listen to it, be ready for it? You're ready for it? Okay, let's do it. There are three questions that I want you to ask yourself today and the First one is, how do you know? When it's time to work? On your confidence? Let me repeat that. How do you know when it's time to work on your confidence? So what I am saying in this question that you should ask yourself is, when is enough? Enough? When is the point where you're gonna get serious and committed about this stuff? And how will you know that you're committed? So a lot of the time, people are in tons of pain around this topic around their fat body, they're in pain, because they don't like it. And they know that that is a problem. Maybe you know that. That is not not normal, it is normal to not like your body, but you can get to a place where you're not constantly thinking that you are a piece of shit. So a lot of people are in pain with this. Yeah, they say, oh, it's not time, it's not time for me to really get serious about this stuff. And the reason that people could say this is that the solution may seem worse than the problem. So this is what I mean, when I talk about that is, imagine if you had a toothache. If you have a toothache, I don't know about you. But if I got a toothache, I would totally put it off, I'd be like, well, then, don't worry, it's fine. Because if I addressed the issue, I would probably have to go to the dentist. If I go to the dentist, maybe I'd have to get a feeling or a root canal. Maybe my tooth might need to be pulled out. Who knows. And all of that costs, time, money, efforts. And also, it's painful and scary. Of course, if I get a little bit of a toothache, I'm gonna be like, Oh, I'll pan out or see what what happens, and hope that it goes away. So it makes sense, right? Of course, you you put it off, because at that moment, having a little bit of a toothache, the solution could be worse than the pain that you're currently feeling with a sore tooth. But the thing is, it could get worse and worse, and it could get infected. Or the decay could get deeper. And if only you had gone earlier to the dentist, it would have been easier. Or it could be nothing, right? So you could have a toothache and the next day like oh, that went away. It just happened to be because I ate an ice cube or something and it hurt my do. Right? So you will know whether you've got this long term pain, or if it's something just like a temporary thing. So if you're feeling pain around the idea of loving or accepting your fat body, is it something that's short lived? Or is it something that's chronic? Something that's been persisting for years? I don't know the answer to that for you. It could be something that you just like, you know, it's just I think it's gonna go away tomorrow. You know, or, you know what, I've had this toothache, aka have hated my body for a long time. And it's caused me pain for a long time. But I've been putting off getting committed to overcoming it because of the solution, my belief that the solution is going to be difficult, painful. Take a lot of time, take a lot of money, whatever it is that you've told yourself. And it can't the solution can't be those things right. And so it's not like you're being irrational, FYI. So I'm British, right? Obviously. Now, in the UK. As you know, in the UK, I was grew up in poverty. And I don't know if it's for all British kids, but British kids. The poor ones. They must be just the poor ones get on many everyone does. Anyway, gets gets free dental dentistry, we go to the dentist up until the age of 18. Kids go to the dentist you get free braces. I even had surgery on my teeth because one of my canine I think was pointing the wrong direction. So

Unknown Speaker 24:59

I had some surgery when I was a kid, when I had surgery, when I was a kid, I was so nervous about the surgery, not because I was going to have a needle in my hand, or I was going to, you know, all the pain that could be after, I was so nervous about the surgery because I believed that when I was under, and they were operating on me that I might hump the bed. Like I thought that being passed out from this that I might start grinding on the surgery table. And the surgeons would be like, Whoa, what is this child doing? Look, I actually such a pervert. That was my biggest fear. So anyway, sidetrack, you don't need to know about me being scared about having anything to get this point across. But when I left the UK, it had been 10 years since I'd gone to the dentist, so I had braces. My teeth were great. But I hadn't been to the dentist in 10 years, because we have to start paying. And I don't know if it's true about British tea people, but all of our teeth are fucked up. If it was true that I'd no kids wouldn't have dentists. Anyway, I hadn't gone to the dentist in 10 years. That's not who I am now. Because I moved to Canada. And maybe it's true that in North America, they like to look after their teeth more. But it was a goal of mine to go to the dentist. Now the reason I haven't gone to the dentist is because I had a few experiences that are things that that had scared me that had traumatize me once when I was 15 or whatever. And they were putting the wire on my braces, my lip got stuck under the wire on one side, and the dentist was like doing it up on the other side. And I was so shy. At that point that I would, I would not say anything. And so every time he clicked in it cut into my lip more and more and more. And then when he got into this, it was like, Oh my God, why didn't you tell me. And I was just like, because I'm scared, I'm shy. And that happened. And then I had to get my first ever filling. And it was in my my canine teeth, my one of my front teeth. And to do a fitting and one of those front teeth, they put the needle it feels like they're putting up through your nose. Because, you know, that's where the nerves are. And so it felt like he was putting a needle in my nose. And that was just awful and horrible for me. And they had to remove probably six teeth from my mouth. Anyway, and so I had all these experiences with the dentist and I was like, I don't want to go. When I got to Canada, they looked at my teeth. And though like, Bitch, this is fucked up. But you have been said, that isn't 10 years, I had to have numerous fillings, I had to have two root canals and root canals. They're not fun. Honestly, they were the funnest experience of my life. But if I had just gone to the dentist regularly from the time that I stopped getting the free dentist at the age of 18. And that wasn't always possible because I was poor and all that type of stuff. But if I had, then I wouldn't be arriving in Canada with stereotypically British teeth and like you know them hanging out on my mouth, and loads of work needing to be done. So do you think here's my question to you? Do you think that it's easier to work on loving your fat body at the age of 35, for example, or at the age of 55. If you have internalized diet culture and fat phobia, for longer, it stands to reason that it's going to be harder to overcome. And of course, that's not always the case. But why wait longer, why not take action now, instead of waiting another year, two years, 10 years, 20 years until you die to tackle this stuff. Because theoretically, it's going to be more difficult if you wait longer because the more you're being exposed to fat phobia and diet culture and negative messages without them going unchecked. So if you know that this is a chronic problem for you, if you know you've been having this toothache, of not liking your body and it's been going on for so long and you've been putting it off. When is the time that you're going to say you know what, even though it might be difficult even though it might take effort and time and all that type of stuff. I'm going to do it. So when when do you know when do you know it's time to work on your on your confidence? So that is the first question. Now, the second question is how much is working? Hang on your confidence worth? Let me repeat it. The second question is, how much is working on your confidence worth? And this is very individual. So, is this actually important to you?

Unknown Speaker 30:18

Will having higher confidence make life better for you? Will Hating Your Body make things harder for you? And in what ways? Now, I can't answer this question for you, because it's so individual. And you could say how much is working on my confidence worth to me? Not a lot. I don't care. Or it could be a lot. Or it could be massive. I don't know it's individual to everyone. So here are some ideas of ways that having higher or lower confidence could be affecting your life. Okay, so the first one is relationships. So think about your spouse, friends, children, family. So if you're interested in finding a romance romantic partner, for example, would that be easier? If you didn't hate yourself? Hate your body? How would you relate to your friends differently differently? I know when I had low confidence, and I was dieting, I was the worst friend ever. Because I'd always be like, I got attended to American from California, which is not how California sound anyway. Did you know that that bag of crisps has like 17 calories more than that other packet that Gris and so you should eat that. And oh my god, I ate my three tomatoes at lunch. And I was just, I was boring to be around. Because that's all I ever spoke about. Not saying that you do that. That was just me. That was my my experience, I was the worst friend. And so when I got to a better place, and I wasn't dieting, and I did like my body, I personally think that I became a better friend, because I wasn't also adding to someone else's body and security with my own body and security. What about the way that you relate to your kids? What are they picking up through osmosis now you might, if you're confident or you're not confident, it's probably affecting those around you. And so you know, your extended family, your close family or your children or your spouse or whatever, how you relate to them is probably different if you are body confident versus if you're not. So how that affects you is different ruin. Now, next one work, being able to ask for your worth. Maybe if you're more confident, you are able to ask for a pay rise, or if you're going for a new job, ask for the salary that you desire, or even apply for the job or even go to the interview. And not be worried about what you look like do things in, in in work that you might be nervous to do this, or this stuff about work. That's what really got me interested in, in in confidence is so I was in corporate recruitment for nine years, nine years, nine years. And I would see time and time again. So I would do recruitment for companies. And I would do recruitment. Working for for an agency and so I replace people into different companies and then work for in house at one company and get people to work in one company. And so I would see I would interview tons of people all the time, always talking to people. And I would see it on the both sides. Because as if when you're working for an agency, people could be more truthful about how they feel and and what money they're looking for, and their hopes and desires and their fears and all that type of stuff. And I would see these incredible people. And they would be like I want to know, I don't know, I think I maybe should I should ask for like this much money. And I knowing the market knowing who they were as a human being and as a candidate, I'd be like, No, you're not asking for that. You're asking for double, because that's what you're worth. And incidentally, mostly would be not men who would be asking for less than that they were worth or, you know, had worries about whether they were good enough or mostly the men would be like, boom, boom, give me a million dollars and I'm like, okay, cool your jets. Yeah, so that's what got me really interested because I'm like, what, why can't we see how all So they are like, I can see it. A lot of my conversations with candidates would be like, Hello,

Unknown Speaker 35:05

do you realize that you're incredible? Don't worry about it, you're gonna get this job. And you're going to, you know, obviously, I wouldn't say you're gonna get this job because we didn't know. But, you know, I would be encouraging them. And it would be confusing to me, because I could see in black and white that they were worth a salary and they could do the job. And they were great. And all this stuff, and they didn't believe it. So are you accepting less? Are you maybe working for a boss that likes to like throw chairs across the room when he's angry? I had so much gossip about people who do that, because you know, we'd hear all the insights inside stuff when we're talking to candidates and like, why are you leaving your job, and there was this one property construction company and the the owner was like a Donald Trump. And whenever you get mad, you'd like throw chairs, and he just randomly fired people. And, yeah, one time he owed me money. And he was he was known for not paying bills. And I went to his office, and I was like, I'm not leaving till the till he pays money. And they're like, he's at lunch. And I was like, No, he's not gonna my money. Are you getting the money? Anyway? So how are you working for, you know, a ship, ship boss or a ship company, because you believe that you're not worth more. Now, sometimes situations dictate that you have to work at shady places, because there's no alternative. But is it because you believe that you're not good enough for whatever reason? Okay, so the next criteria, and this one is the way that you're able to care for yourself. If you had body confidence, or higher body confidence, word, being able to go to the doctor be easier knowing that you are worth weight neutral evidence based care. Would it be easily easier if you had higher body confidence to be able to move your body in ways that make you happy, or even not move your body because you realize it's bad for your mental health, or finally stopping, shaming yourself when you eat food, and being able to nourish your body. So those are just a few examples. But the list can be really long. Or perhaps not the list of ways that your life could be affected by this stuff. Again, it's individual. Yeah, so the list could be could be really, really long. And you may decide that Hating Your Body or not loving your body doesn't have that much of an impact on your life. And that's fine. Or you may realize, like holy shit, this is this is having a massive impact. And so how much is confidence worth to you. So, if you're thinking that high self esteem higher body esteem would be a good thing for you, then really take the time to work out what is possible. And what you could do, and what impacts in your life having higher body confidence could have for you. Again, it could be worthless. Or it could be something that is priceless. For me, this stuff is priceless. It changed so much in my life. And want to say like pretty much everything, trying to think of something that it didn't change. I'm not thinking of anything. I say the third question is, am I capable of being a first party? Slash confidence? Okay, let me repeat the question again. The third question to ask yourself is, am I capable of being a first party? Or being body confident? Do I believe that I can do it? Or do you believe like, it's just not possible for me for someone like me, I just know it's not you know, in my some it's gonna happen in my life. Now, there are various barriers in in people's lives and systems of oppression that make things

Unknown Speaker 39:43

various degrees of difficult, right? That's just life. So outside of that. Do you believe there is something about you as a person, your character, that means that you can't improve your relationship with your body So we already have tons of barriers in life. So if you're fat, then that's already a massive barrier to be able to love your body except your body because the whole world is telling us that our bodies are wrong. So that's a massive barrier. And if you have other marginalized identities, then that's more stuff that you have to deal with. So knowing that, do you want to challenge that thought in your brain that could be making it even more difficult? That thought that saying, you're just not the type of person that can do this? And if you do believe that, that you can't do it, then is that true? Is it a fact? And a reminder? A fact is something that's 100%, true 100% of the time? Have you ever felt more confidence? Have you ever achieved things? Have you ever exceeded your own expectations? So, yes, probably, most likely, right? And that is evidence to show you that maybe you are capable of improving your body confidence, and perhaps even becoming a fierce, fatty. But I totally get it right. How can you be confident that you can feel more confidence? If you're not confident? That's a bit of a tongue twister revealed that how can you be confident that you can feel more confident if you're not confidence? So I just want you to challenge that thought, if you have it, that being more confident isn't possible for you, when you know, deep down, you've achieved plenty of things in your life. And when I say achieve things, I don't mean that you know, you've got the Nobel Peace Prize, or that you have wrote 17 best selling books, I mean, that you have able to go outside, brush your teeth, talk to other human beings. These are all achievements. And so if you're just poopoo in yourself and being like, Well, I haven't done anything, have you not done anything? Because I think you're not lying to yourself. You're amazing. Okay, so how have you done things, even though there are so many barriers in front of you, that just goes to show that you're even more badass, even if you've got all of these different marginalized identities, and you're having to deal with a world that tells you that your body is not okay. Or, you know, violence against you, or all the different things that could be happening, and you still have achieved things in life. Holy fucking shit, that is amazing. versus, you know, if you're, you know, a straight cisgendered, white man, and you've achieved things, that's still good. But it's even more impressive when you have these different identities that might cause barriers in your life, not saying that they absolutely will cause barriers, you know, it's different for everyone. Okay, so those are the three questions. Let me repeat them back to you. Am I capable of being a first party or confidence? So ask that to yourself, see what comes up in your beautiful brain? The next question is, how much is working on your confidence worth? So how much is working on my confidence worth to me? There's no right or wrong answer. You could say no, I feel like fucking Beyonce is it's not worth anything to me. Because I'm already super confident. Or if you feel like Beyonce already, you might like, well, it is super important because I feel good. Whatever is up to you. And it was the first question is, how do you know when it's time to work on your confidence? How do you know when it's time to work on your confidence? when is enough enough? Do you have this chronic pain around this stuff? And are you going to, you know, just do it and even if you think the solution is worse than the problem, examine that and see what comes up for you. Okay, so some questions there for you. And yeah, thank you for hanging out with me today. And reminder that you can get access to the first party vault which has a massive resource rich collection of resources around this topic, offer free offer you and click the link in the description to get that and

Unknown Speaker 44:48

I will see you next time. Thank you for hanging out with me today. Have an incredible fatty day. All right, so that is our podcast today. I hope you had the best Hello, I'm tuning in. Or if you're in North America and you'd say, tuning in, you're wrong. Hey, hey, I went into a black hole learning about why is it that certain countries, USA, say things like, hey, so the countries, Iraq and Iran as Iraq and Iran, it gets on my floppy tetes so badly? How is like, why is it because I started watching this. This program Designated Survivor on Netflix is five out of 10. Don't bother with it. Maybe if you like, I don't know, whatever. Anyway, it's like the president. And they say, I reckon I ran all the time. And I'm like now and obviously, I noticed it before then. And so then I googled it like, why, why, why, why? Why is this happening? And apparently, so two different theories is that Germans say, Iraq and Iran. And during World War Two, this German phrasing of it rubbed off on people from the States. And most more recently, which I found was interesting was, that is a way to mock those countries, the same way that people used to say itallian instead of Italian, and that's kind of fallen out of thing. I didn't know that I Italian was a way to mock Italians. I didn't even occur to me, because I don't say, but that's kind of fallen out of out of the lingo of, of people from the States. But apparently, that was what people from the states would say, would say itallian they, and I'm presuming people still do. But mostly, it's fallen out of fashion. But saying Iraq, and Iran hasn't fallen out of fashion. Isn't that interesting? And also, there was another theory that it doesn't make sense in, in English language, like an eye before a an AR should be eye rack, not E rack. Because that is not a sound that is associated with those orders of letters. So who knows. But if you and a lot of people were like, Oh, I just don't know how to pronounce it. I was not sure. So I always just say Irek. But it's like a wrong, I looked up the correct pronunciation, I'm probably going to pronounce it wrong. But it's Iran, Iran, like an E R N. N Erec. So anyway, side note, I was just thinking about it. I'm always just thinking about because my accent is changing all the time. It's becoming more Irish, the longer I'm in Ireland. And the more Canadian the more I mean, Canada, and I've been there for 10 years. And so I noticed myself saying words differently. And like, you know, John Oliver from Last Last Week Tonight, I really like I really like that show. And he was saying some words, which were, he said in a North American version, and I was thinking, Oh, I wonder if he's doing that just to because most of the audience are probably from the States. Or if he has fallen into saying these words differently. And you know, what I heard was, right. Really, words are words unless you're being you know, purposefully a dick about it, which most people probably are. But yeah, anyway, side tangent, I'll say goodbye. And I think by and you started making me talk about all this stuff. It's not making me talk about all of this stuff. Anyway, all right. Okay. All right. All right. All right. All right. Okay. I'll see you later. Have a great rest of your day. Stay fierce, fatty. And I will see you in a while. Alligator. I gotta go bye bye.