Episode 138 Transcript

You're listening to the Fierce Fatty Podcast episode 138. 20 ways to tell if your own learning anti-fat bias and diet culture and trend 20 signs that you're not, I'm your host Vinny Welsby. Let's do it.

Unknown Speaker 0:29

Hello, hello. Welcome to this episode how're you doing? I'm I'm doing well, little bit of ginger gender dysphoria today I'm feeling too feminine. I had put on some lipstick. And I had to take it off because I was like, yeah, and now I'm like, Oh, the shape of these glasses are a little bit too feminine, then, I mean, quote, feminine. feminine, what is feminine? I'm gonna take them off. Anyway. Okay, there we go. A little bit more gender neutral now. So sometimes with my gender stuff, sometimes I really enjoy doing more feminine things and you know, makeup and accessories or whatever. And being high femme. And other times I'm just, my brain is just like, No, I don't want it. I don't like it. There's something wrong with something. It's like, you know, when you're looking at a painting, you're like, There's something we need to add? Is it a bit of glitter? Or is it a bit of more? gray paint? Is it what is it and that's how I kind of feel of, but not like, more like, ooh, it's so hard to explain. But I'm lucky because I feel like I can normally quite kind of do something to make myself feel better, like I others, the things that might make them feel better, might be more difficult to achieve, right? So I feel that I'm I'm lucky in that regard of I feel like I can put on a baseball hat or something and, and just feel more, less feminine. And I'm all learning this stuff. So I might be just talking shit. But anyway, that's it, I'm finished today. And I've got some juicy stuff here for you today of ways to tell if you're unlearning anti fat bias and diet culture and signs that you're not. And by the way, I'm going to be reading out these ideas and these listicles that I've created. And if you hear stuff on one side or the other side, I don't want you to be like, Oh my God, I am a giant human turd. Because you're not even if you're doing all other things or thinking or other ways on the you're not unlearning anti fat bias and diet culture. That's okay. Yeah. Because it's to be expected in this world that tells us that dieting and being thin are the best things ever. Often, it's strange when people have a different belief system. I mean, like if they if they naturally came out of life without having to discover this stuff and learn this stuff. I mean, those people that Widow's the giant where are they? Where are they coming from? Some in Arca, you know, in in, you know, global North culture anyway, so, so don't feel bad. Don't feel like oh my god, I thought I was doing really well, really well. But I'm not doing really well. This is all shades of gray. Right? And so some of these things, you might be like, Ah, well, I don't really do that. But I can't do that. And we've got to take the little wins, right? And so if you're like, well, sometimes I think this good thing, but most of the time, I'm thinking you know that my body is a piece of shit. And so we've got to take the you know, what were you? What were you thinking before? Well, you're constantly thinking that your body is a piece of shit. And then now you're thinking like 1% of the time that it might be okay, well, that 1% is better than the 100% that it was before of the opposite, right? So yeah, if you're doing any of the things, I'm not doing these things, it doesn't mean that you're superior, inferior or whatever. It's just stuff that I've noticed common themes when talking to folks. And I had a little insight this morning I made a new friend. I love the West End community here in Vancouver because everyone's out walking their dogs and we have a lot of people who are retired or people who work from home. So I get to talk to a lot of people walking dog at the dog. And so I made a new friend. And this morning, she said, What am I going to have for breakfast? She says, I don't want to have any sugar. And I said, why? What's wrong with sugar? And she says, Well, I don't know. But you know that they say, they say it's bad for you. And I said, What do you mean? And she said, Well, you know, it causes. What is it that it causes? And I was like, do you mean do it? She's like, inflammation, inflammation? And I said it.

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It actually doesn't. And she was like, oh, and I said, No, just go ahead and eat some sugar. Go wild was sugar. And she says, Well, before, when I when I let myself eat sugar, I just ate all the sugar. And I said, but were you really allowing yourself to eat the sugar? Or were you mentally restrict restricting yourself and saying to yourself that you were bad free in the shitter? She said, Yes. I said I was being bad right in the sugar. And so anyway, it's not often that I come. I come into contact with dieters, or people who have in a non professional sense, like, obviously, talking to clients, that happens a lot, but in my day to day life, because people when they get to know me, they know that it's not a comment that I'm not going to not question. You know, I won't just be like someone says, Oh, sugar. I won't just be like, yeah, totally, Sugar was so naughty for eating sugar, I'll, I'll talk about it. Or I'll tell them, you know, to shut up in a nice way. Unless it's something someone like I don't want, you want to have a relationship with another day. See you later. Any way blubbery blue, blue. But let's talk about the signs that you're unlearning anti fat bias and diet culture. So number one, we're going to do a little listicle. So signs that you're in learning, anti fat bias and diet culture. Number one, if you have a bad body image day, you don't make it about your body, rather, systemic issues. So if you are doing the unlearning of this stuff, it doesn't mean that you are never gonna have a bad body image day because guess what, you have a human brain in that noggin of yours. And so you're going to be affected by things. From time to time. It's not going to be a you know, everyday thing. Oh, my God, I feel terrible. But it will happen. You know, like today with me having this this gender dysphoria, I'm kind of don't feel as you know, fabulous or fierce or whatever, as normal. And so I am not this moment being like, there's something wrong with me. I. And if I was thinking, Oh, I feel too big today. It would be more like, Okay, well, there's something that's triggered me and this is not about me, this is systemic issues, right? This is all of this and all this bigotry that I've I've soaked into my brain, and I'm making it about me, when really, it's nothing to do with me, what can I do to find comfort? What can I do to self soothe that type of thing. So one, number one, if you have a bad body image day, you don't make it about your body, rather systemic issues. Number two, you're off the diet land swing of restrict and binge. And so that diet land swing, which is pulling back into restrict, which is I mustn't eat that I shouldn't eat that and being bad, and I'm not going to eat that. And then the, you can't hold the swing up forever. And the higher you do pull the swing up into the restricting, then the bigger it's going to go into the binging. And there's nothing wrong with binging it's a natural, natural response to restriction, but you managed to get off that or if you are on it still, it's like a little, you know, a small swing, it's a little of a swinging here a little bit, you know, maybe something bad's happen in the you pull back into restrict a little bit. But generally you're not being like whoa, so hang in high and swinging low on the diamond and swing. Number three, if you engage in movement, you do so for reasons outside of manipulating your body size or because you feel shame for eating. So you if you decide to move your body and if you don't move your body you're not like oh, I am a terrible human. But if you do decide to do it because it feels good, it's fun. It's great for your mental health. You might do it because for some people moving is awful, but they're doing it because they might need to manage some type of condition. So it's not always that you're like, oh my god, I love my body but you're not doing it being like okay, well if I work out on I burn X amount of calories and I'm going to lose X amount of weight, or I ate food this weekend and so I need to go to the the workout house and and work off this food. That's a good name for a gym. Isn't it workout house a bit? Yeah, that's already been taken. That's a good one. Ah, yes. Okay, so number four, you feel relaxed around food most of the time, and have reduced the number of disordered eating behaviors, or have none at all. I swear to babe a jazz as the amount of people who

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is so normalized, disordered eating is so normalized in our culture that we can't even see it. And so, you've unlearned, you've learned you've recognized RK saying we're mustn't or or feeling guilty for eating or, or doing fasts or intermittent fasting or, or juice cleanses or detox teas, or anything that we mentioned in the last episode. You're not doing that as much, or you're not doing it at all. Number five, you use critical thinking skills when a new alarmist headline on news story is shared. So we talked about that a few episodes ago, what to do what how to think how to approach when an alarm is like, fat people exist, and they're taken over the world and they're going to eat your children. When something like that comes out or something which is not as you know, isn't it? There's a little bit subtle, like, instead of being like, Oh, well, have you seen there's a new study out that says that fat people have really bad personalities? Oh my god. You can use critical thinking skills and be like, Okay, let's see, instead of immediately going into run for the hills as the sky is falling. Number six, the way that you talk about fat bodies, or your body is filled with compassion. You think about the way society at large talks about fat bodies, and we've got this new film coming out, called the whale with Brendan Fraser, which is a giant pile of steaming shit. The premise of the film is that he is a super super fat person. Of course, he's wearing a fat suit. And he's queer. Is he queer in real life? No. Cast in the queer out of queer actor to play a quick character obscene wouldn't happen. And he's apparently moments from death. I don't know how they know this. I haven't seen the film, but this is what we're saying. I think maybe just the fact that he's existing in a supersize fat body. I don't know. And then the resolution of the story can we guess what's gonna happen is the fat character and it's all about weight. Do they lose weight? Yes. Do they become happy? Yes. Yeah, so he loses weight and becomes happy yeah. So you the person this is from a play that film is from a play and so when we're thinking about fat bodies are we talking about fat bodies as Oh sad sack look at him in his house just in the apparently he has an eating disorder. They don't frame it as an eating disorder. They frame it as of course he's eating himself to death. Is that talking about compassion with about a fat person near and this is uh, this is this is you know, the fat folks are like oh my god, like all the people that well meaning fat phobes are like oh, this is such an uplifting story. No, it's not please don't go and watch it if you're if you're thinking about going to watch it. I might watch it and not pay for it just so I can talk about it here and tell you what an absolute fucking shit show is. And so do you think and I'm curious I want to see it but you don't want to fuck with your mental health? Don't worry, don't worry, I'll fuck with my mental health. So I can tell you not to not to go see it and I've not seen it but I'm already kind of you know, I don't think he's out yet. Anyway, whatever. So are you talking about your body on and and all fat bodies with compassion. Number seven, you recognize all the wonderful benefits of being fat and we talked about this on another episode the benefits of being fat and they keep coming and coming other people pointing out benefits that I had not realized. But I think we did a pretty good job of that. of covering that so if you want to know all of the benefits of being fat go to that episode because there's a lot of stuff or you can go to my Instagram and there's on that nice little overview of the benefits which were many, many. I'm trying to find it now. My tend to net my tend to net web.com has been a bit slow. Can it scroll? Scroll? Scroll, scroll. Oh 28 benefits of being fat. Let's give you a snippet. Let's do I'm gonna tell you what number nine is because that's my lucky number. Number nine strong. Yes, we are strong. 15 safety cushion reduce reduce risks from falls. Yes. Yeah. So it found we found out that older people who have a really high risk of terrible complications if they break bones, and people in bigger bodies were less likely to break bones because they had some cushion.

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visually interesting, lower risk of cancers and many other conditions. Great to have sex with. Really cool counterculture. Yeah, so amazing. So you're able to recognize those and be like, Fuck, yeah, fat people are a mover. Number eight, fighting your body is off the table. Instead, you're drawn to fighting institutional, ideological and interpersonal anti fat bias. So you're, you're you've stopped the war with your body. And now you're like, Ah, how was it wrong war with the wrong person. Actually, I need to continue to fight all of these systemic issues that made me feel like my body was wrong. Number nine, you call out fat phobia when you see it or recognize when it's happening. So it's not always, always possible to call out fat phobia. Sometimes you are not bothered. Sometimes you don't have the capacity. Sometimes there's a power imbalance, sometimes lalalalala. But you, you call it out, or you recognize it. And so you might be like, Okay, I see. fatphobia is happening right there. And I'm clocking it in my brain and I'm gonna be late later, I'm like, Oh my God, you can't believe what Sharon said. Or whatever. Number 10. You listen to what your body wants. So that might be rest, or food, and fight any shame that arises from that. And, you know, it's like fighting shame, because shame is probably gonna rear its head and be like, Look at you, fueling your body and resting like a human needs to do. You're so lazy. You're so good. Say we'd probably, you know, that shame that shame goblins probably always gonna be like, hey, look, are you having a fun time? Have you thought about this? But you're fighting it versus being like, yeah, yeah, shame. You're right. Yeah. I am a terrible person for having a little nap. Nap. Oh, nice little nap nap. Number 11. You're hungry for diverse media and understand how limited representation of bodies is harmful. Right? You've got hungry, guys, do you remember that song? But hungry a eyes, or ears or brain or whatever. Like, when you see all of this media, that is the normal stuff that we are normally presented with it for you. It feels like a bit boring. Like you'll see a show and you'll be like, holy shit. Why is everyone thin and white and 22 years old? Or you'll go on search it out. And you'll know that how how it's harmful for society to be only seeing these bodies, and how potentially it's harmful for you. I know it is harmful for me. If I've watched a lot of hours of normative bodies, that is a trigger for me for bad body image. And then I'm like, Okay, fine, I need to go and watch some more diverse media. Number 12. You have a community of fat positive and anti diet folks around you, whether it be virtually or in person. And when I say a community, it doesn't mean necessarily mean people that you engage with. But it might be people who you have a parasocial relationship with so people that you follow and that you you feel really good about a new feels like you're connected, right? And so you've got a lot of that surrounding you. You might not be friends with lots of other fat people depending on where you live. And virtual connections are just as important as in person connections. And so you're so you're swimming in the fat positive waters basically, and the anti diet waters. Number 13. You understand health is a complex topic and know that you can pursue health outside of weight loss, and also that health is largely a social justice issue. So when someone talks about health you're like, huh, huh? You're using those critical thinking skills and know that you didn't you you've internalized, you know, the idea is that diets don't work and you can, if you want to, if that's something that interests you engage in health promoting activities, knowing that there is a limit to that, because a lot of stuff is, is to do with with genetics has to do with where you live, what family you're born into, if you have access to, to, to money and food and all that type of stuff.

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Number 14, people know not to talk shit about fatness or praise dieting in front of you, as ending body bigotry is a core value of yours. So the longer that you're doing this stuff, the longer that you are swimming in the fat positive anti diet waters, it will just become a part of who you are your personality, your core values. And to begin with, you will maybe no one knows that you're doing this stuff, right? And, and because you still kind of like a little a little baby, a little baby phone or something with wobbly legs and someone could be like, Oh, but you know, fat fatness is unhealthy and you were like, wobbly legs, I fell over and you're not so stable on your feet in regards to what you believe and, and how you're feeling about yourself. The longer that we do this work, it seeps into our relationships, you can't help but you can't help it because the more that you know about it, the more you're like, I can't unsee this shit and Oh, that's really problematic when my friend talks about that and I know it really triggers me and so I'm going to talk to talk to them about it and and etc etc. So it just becomes a part of who you are and a part of what your values are as it as a person and body bigger tree is something that is a value that you're committed to not perpetuating. And so eventually people will know not to talk shit about fatness and and talk about how someone's lost weight and this new diet and all that type of stuff because they know that you're going to be like Hawkins knows first or you know, they know that you're not interested or you know and obviously that comes with a kind of an asterix of relationships are complicated in some relationships and might be not not be like that. But on the whole alright 15 You understand that diet culture is an anti fat bias is spawned from a racism, eugenics and puritanical belief systems. Let me read that, again, you understand that diet culture, and anti fat bias is spawned from racism, eugenics and puritanical belief systems. And so if you want to learn more about that, go to Sabrina strings book fearing the black body. And it talks about all of that all the history and yeah, all of this stuff, you know, all of the all of these ideologies that are making you feel bad. You're now you're now they're connected to some sort of ideology, which is not great, right? It's like, Why do I feel bad about giving a guy a blowy? Is it because giving guys blowies are bad? Or is it because I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm feeling that Catholic guilt that I learned and from from going to Sunday school, when they said don't give boys blowies. They never said that. You know, where they were, you know, what they said, you know, and where does that come from? And where does that come from? And it's like, it's always like, oh, white supremacy. That's what I got was wrong. Yeah. Again, number 15. You understand that diet culture? Oh, no, we did that one number 16. You try. You don't try to hide your body for the comfort of others. So things like being out of breath when you're walking up a hill about you, but I used to be like, Oh, someone's coming, hold your breath. And just be like, hey, gliding up this hill without needing to use oxygen, because I'm so thin. And because my fatness doesn't impede me in any way whatsoever. Even though everyone walking up this giant hill is out of breath. And then there won't be any like close to death. Oh my god. So you breathe. You don't know don't hide yourself. You take up space, you wear what you want. You're in the photo, you know. And this is Shades of Grey too. You know? Sometimes it's not safe to do those things. But you don't see your body as an inherently negative thing that needs to be hidden. Right It feels it makes me feel so good. So there's I'm I'm at the top of a hill, right? And so whenever I walk in my neighborhood, I'm normally walking down a hill and then have to walk back up. And it makes me feel good. When I walk past someone if I'm walking down and they're out of breath. doesn't feel good. When you hear them being out of breath. It feels like I don't know why. Why I like it so much. I'm just like, yeah, look at you breathing. You're just breathing and you don't even care. I did love it.

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Do you love it? Is that just is that amazing? I think everyone loves it is probably like, you know, when, when I you know, watching do go drink water, watching a dog drink water, and you're just like, yeah, you drink that water. You know, that's nice. And that's good for your body. You just drink that water up your good little puppy. And that's how I feel about when I see people out of breath. Walking up a hill. And when they're not out of breath, I'm not I don't trust you, motherfucker. What are you doing? How are you breathing? What is happening? Because I know your breath. Are you holding your breath? Are you waiting for me to pass? So then you can be like, ooh, the sound wasn't happening. Yeah. So yeah, breath, you just own it. Because it's like you're a human being that needs oxygen. Oh my goodness. 70. And you know that if people don't want to love you date you fuck you or be friends with you due to your body size, then that's a them problem, and not a you problem. So people don't want to date or fuck or be friends with fat people. And unlike me, whoa, you are missing out on this party. Imagine all the people who don't want to be friends with me or fuck me or whatever. You know that they're missing out, you know that they're missing out. And it's got nothing to do with me. It's got to do with them and the fact that they are stuck in anti fat bias. Right? If that's why they don't want to fuck me or be with me or whatever. And again, we mentioned this last episode. Fat acceptance liberation is not about forcing people to have sex with you. Just Just an FYI, in case I was listening, but like, Ah, I know it. This is what they're all about forcing them to be able to fuck them. No, no, I, I don't know about you. But I don't want to have sex with people who don't want to have sex with me. It's a weird kink of mine. That I really, I really like it. You know, when people who were gonna have sex with me one joke for me. It's I know, it's weird. It's weird. But yeah, that's me. Number 18, you're able to recognize when a clothing line is not actually inclusive when seats are not suitable for people of all sizes. And other ways. Larger fat people are excluded from the world. So what other times if you are not a larger fat person, or supersize fat person and Infini fat person. But you asked it, but you are a smaller fat person or a medium fat person. It's hard to understand the breadth of anti fat bias and how it manifests in the world. And so you're like, oh my god, this is an inclusive clothing line. And they go up to three eggs and then it's like love the 3x is actually like a US size. 12 But you know, we said three eggs are inclusive. And even if it is a true 3x I'm still excludes a shit ton of people. And so before I would be like, Oh my God, a clothing line goes up to XL. Wow. They are so they're thinking about the fats? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So you know, recognizing that unless a clothing line is goes up to infinity sizing custom size and then it's not inclusive. You're able just to go to a restaurant. Aha, okay, I understand about people's experiences that are not similar to mine, I recognize that, you know, this restaurant doesn't have seating for people of all sizes. It's, you know, booths only in his arms with chairs and you know, you're able to put your shoes in people in in larger fat people's put yourself in their shoes, if you're not already if you're not a larger fat person, and so understanding the complexities of the fat experience obviously if you don't have that lived experience we can never ever fully understand it I'm I'm a medium fat person myself and and also knowing that those things are valuable too, right? Just because I'm included in a clothing range. Doesn't mean that I can be like, cool done with the fat activism. Managed to get Ivy Park Beyonce to go up to a 3x or whatever. All is right in the world. She's inclusive now. Now.

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Do you really want either Park clothes, so I'm too poor to buy them. They're really expensive. Anyway, whatever. 90, you don't have scales in your house. And know that all they can tell you is your gravitational pull to the earth. And if you have scales in your house, as you know, you're there for something like, Oh, I like go traveling all the time. And so I weigh my suitcase, get one of those fucking weigh things. But sometimes, if you do, if your suitcase is too heavy, you can't pick it up. So anyway, yeah, you don't have scales, you're not getting on the scales. And if you are, for some reason, you're not making it about who you are. It's just your gravitational pull to the earth. And number 20, you can now see subtle fatphobia and diet culture that used to fly over your head. Like before, it it kind of sucks learning about anti fat bias and diet culture, because then you're like, for fuck sake is everywhere. You know, before I thought it was okay to say blah, blah, blah. But now I'm like, oh, that's, that's not cool anymore. So, you know, and I'm being facetious when I say that, but it is everywhere. And it can be exhausting. Whereas before, even like, no, no, it's all good. Like, for example, I here's an example agenda. So I've joined this new choir. And before I signed up and paid my fees, I message the choir director and I said, Hey, I'm non binary. Is this place inclusive to gender queer folks? And they they sent me an email back saying kind of like, yes. How dare you question us because we are in a queer neighborhood. And I was like, Okay, well, I'll you know, I'll give it a go. And already, there's been a couple of instances where they are not inclusive. Like, yes, I got an email and they've not met me, they've only talked to me on the phone. And so from the phone, even though my email is Vini, so they wouldn't have they would just presume that I was a man. Right. But then I, I spoke to them on the phone. And so I have a low voice, I have a alto tenor, anyway. Can tell contralto and whatever. I have a low voice. Not low, low, but low, lower on on the range of what a woman's voice would be. And, and so they sent me an email saying, Oh, you're a you're a there's female, female tenders and male tenders. And I said, what what tender would I be? Because I'm neither female or male? And they said, Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So whatever your your 10 a one. So they change it to 10 or one or 10 or two, which is cool. But they're like, oh, yeah, with color said How dare you question our inclusivity. And everybody, like women wear the shirts. Men wear the shirts. Well, what, uh, what about the non binary people? Yeah, now, you know, and so we're, the more that you learn about this stuff. You you're like, Oh, well, I'm really inclusive. Like, even me. There's going to be stuff that I say in this podcast that I say, day to day life, that in a year in two years, whatever. I'm like, Whoa, I really wasn't not aware of that. Because we're all still learning this stuff, right? Our career so let's move into the signs that you're not unlearning anti fat bias and diet culture. Okay, so number one, you say things like, Oh, I mustn't, or only a tiny piece when talking about food. So it's a part of your language. It's a part of your thought process that they're shaming food. Number two, when you have a bad body image day, you spiral and dream about being thinner. Like the solution in your brain isn't isn't shit, we need to we need to destroy we need to destroy fatphobia and the patriarchy and racism, all of that type of stuff. And it sucks that I'm feeling like that and it's due to those things. Instead, your brain goes to a phony I was thinner, I would just feel so much better. Right? And it's kind of like a spiral thing. Number three, you think that organic food is superior? Guess what it's not and reduce fats. carbs, sugar are important things to focus on outside of having a legit medical condition.

Unknown Speaker 34:56

I used to work for an organic food company and I was like Oh, gee, I thought organic food was better. Yeah, no. Basically the gist of it is we can charge rich white people more money for this food and so why the fuck not? They think they're gonna get something healthier. They ain't right organic foods still uses pesticides and chemicals and it's just a it's just a bigger wellness swindle in case you weren't aware. But I mean if you want to keep paying more money for food and it makes you feel better than you know, whatever but I mean it's it's not it's not better and neither is often he's he's having a little cough if you What is that noise? The exam a little cough Thank you baby. Okay. He says he's okay. Yeah, so none of those things are superior. Um, number four, you can see the beauty and other fat people or fat people but not yourself. This is a big one being like I can understand it, I can get it like fat people are fit us but not me. That tells me that you have a lot of beliefs and biases are still lingering and you can extend compassion to others but you cannot extend it to yourself which is what we all do right? You can be forgiving and compassionate towards other people but not ourselves because we have to hold ourselves to different standards because we believe that our safety is at risk if we're not perfect human beings. Okay, so number five you move your body due to fear of getting fat or fatter Yes, and you do in it because you just use us as guilt is guilt is guilt it's fair. It's shame it's all that type of stuff. And maybe you don't even like doing the exercise but because you were so motivated by thinness you do it number six almost everyone around you is into dieting is straight sized or talks about fat as a negative. And so when I talk to people who are new on their journey, I will say how many people around you are also into Intuitive Eating anti diet fat positivity and the answer will be normally zero or one person who is kind of interested a little bit but not really maybe and that's the kind of swimming in waters and I'm not saying okay go and you know get rid of everyone in your life but like sorry later there's because that's not realistic, right? But it just goes it just tells me that there's a lot of anti fat stuff and pro diet stuff getting into that gorgeous noggin of yours. And we want to be able to support your mental health as much as possible by making sure that you're surrounded by messages that feel good for you. Not make you feel bad Alright, number seven, you think often about how being thin will make you hot and fuckable and wish you could just be that so a lot of people this is a big one that kind of deep, dark desire of I wish I was hot. I wish I was that person on Instagram that guys would save their image and have a Wang Kovar. I wish that my partner was like for Blumenauer like you're so hot and I want to show my friends off to you. And I'm not and to get there. I will be I will strive to be thin. Right? Versus being like, oh, yeah, my, my partner really is objectifying me a lot. Sounds like they've got a lot of stuff that they need to go to therapy about or work out because turns out I'm not an object. And, and yes, I understand the desire to to to be seen as hot and fuckable. But you know, it's a temporary state. All of those people whose images are on Instagram making me feel like a piece of shit. They are aging, that's probably not a real image. They are, you know, their bodies are going to change. What does it do to for me to objectify them in that way? You know, so you're having these types of dialogues versus like, Oh,

Unknown Speaker 39:52

I just feel sick with the desire to be hot unfuckable that was me. So Much like the pain of not being me believing and thing is, what is hot and fuckable? It is a very specific image. And it's not obtainable for most people. So, and who picks those images? Who decides what systems of oppression decides that a thin, white, young, non disabled English speaking? You know, etc, etc is the epitome of beauty. You know? Sounds like something that someone like Donald Trump would have picked out. Do you want Donald Trump to think that you're fuckable? No, no. No. And you know, obviously, it's not Donald Trump. But he is a good representation of the types of systems and people who uphold those systems that decide what is hot? That youth is superior that thinness is superior that white skin is superior that? No, no. So, I mean, when you start getting into that type of stuff, it takes that power away in it, and it makes me think, you know, and it's still in it was painful, right? It is painful. And I think about a time where I was super, super insecure with my my boyfriend at the time. And I looked through his phone. And he he had said to his work colleague that he had delivered a pizza to two women. And the guy said, what did they look like? And he said that they're smoking hot, and I'd never heard those words come out of his mouth before. He'd never referred to me as smoking hot. And it haunted me. And thinking about, you know, he was talking to a male colleague and thinking about, Oh, what you know, that machismo that sexism that was happening, right, then, you know, like, would hear if a female colleague said, what did they look like? Would he have also said that? What was he? Why was he? Why why did that happen? You know, anyway, so this is a you know, it's painful, right? It's painful, but we can pick it apart, we can pick it apart. Number eight, you see, you see being fat as an indicator of laziness being unhealthy or unattractive. And so if I said, corn, tell me your deepest, darkest, like, what do you think about being fat, and those types of things are coming out, that tells me that you've got a lot of work to do. Number nine, deep down you really can't shake the idea that being fat is bad for your health. You're like, Yeah, I know the studies but it's just because it's so deeply ingrained. And so you've got someone learning to do their the return you think about food a lot, but not in a joyful way, and stress about what to eat. So you're not like, Oh, I'm hungry. I'm gonna have some food. You're more like, oh, what can I eat? What should I eat? Oh my god, he must Jade. Number 11. You don't understand about size privilege, or call yourself fat, even though you're straight sized. So this is you know, it's like our body. It's like our self of our perception is warped. Because we see so many images of of which are digitally altered of what what is a desirable bodies, and then when you see yourself and you're not thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, but with a big bomb, and with big tits, and butt with thin waist, you know, so when you don't see that digitally altered image, when you look at yourself, then your brain is like well then you're fat, and not understanding size privilege and being like, well actually, Am I fat? I wear size 1214 Like does that make me fat? New? You know, am I am I am I really the most grotesque person walking the planet? Probably not. Is my life terrible because I am now a size 16 And I can't shop in the forever 21 Straight size section. I don't know what straight size forever 21 goes into and not realizing that there are people who are sized out of all stores, you know, plus sized stores.

Unknown Speaker 44:55

And also recognizing that that is painful and it's okay to feel like shit and Feel sad if you're resized out of a straight size store, but also recognizing, I feel like shit. This is why I feel like shit is because of all these systems of oppression, but also, I've got so much privilege in my body. And so not understanding that that privilege that you might have and we've all got privileges, right privilege doesn't mean that you don't feel bad about yourself. And it doesn't mean that you don't deserve compassion and, and don't deserve to feel good about your body. It just means that you don't have that extra barrier that others do barriers that others might have in different identity factors that you might have. I have a post on my Instagram. thin privilege explained. So if you want to know more about that, go to my Instagram. I have a postcard podcast episode is about it as well. If you want to really get in dupe Yes, okay. Number 12, you have scales in your house and use them to dictate your worthiness, use got scales in your house, get rid of that shit, hide it, put it in the bin, do a shit on it. Whatever. We didn't don't need those nasty things. Because literally, the number is telling you if it's a number lower than what you thought, what does that tell you? I'm a good person, if it's higher, I'm a bad person. And the only difference is that, you know, that maybe one day yeah, you you happen to weigh more or having to weigh less for whatever reason, and it doesn't mean that you're, you're now a terrible human. And a lot of times, you know, we have these Oh, well, I'm so bad. And because I put on X amount of pounds. And it's sometimes it's like, you can't even you don't even know that that's how you didn't know that that had happened unless you had gone on a scale. So why do you have this torture device in your house? Why? For the odd chance that you stand on it for that one chance that you stand on and it says something lower than when what you want that you have that you're a good person, it's like being in an abusive relationship, you get fed loads of shit, shit, shit, and then you're moving away, and then you get a little bit of good. Okay, well, I'll stay No, get rid of that shirt. And you won't have someone in your houses into dieting. So just get put it in their room, tell them to hide it, you don't want to say that. It's not good for your mental health. Number 30. And you don't shut down diet talk or fat phobia, or sometimes even think that it's not that big of a deal if it happens. So again, shutting down diet talk or fat phobia, that is with an asterix of is it the right time? Do you have the spoons? What is the power? Different different difference there with you and that person? But if that's consistently happening, it's just washing over you washing over your brain? And you're like, Wow, is it that big of a deal? And you have no plans to ever one day set boundaries with people who continually do that, then that's probably going to be a problem. Number 14, you feel good about yourself for eating, quote, healthy food. So if you noticed that you're like, oh, yeah, I just ate a dust and toenail salad. I must be going to heaven. Because I'm such a good moral person. Oh, you know, we don't have those. We don't we don't think literally Oh, I'm gonna go to heaven. I'm a moral person, but you just you just like, ooh, ooh, I'm so good. Or, Oh, if someone came in now and saw me eating a salad, they be like, Oh, look at you good person. That's, that's, that's in control and has their shit together. And, and people might think that right, you know, regardless of what we're thinking, but we can be like, is it? Is it true? Is it true because I eat a tomato that I'm all of a sudden this house their shit together person? Or if I don't let I'm the opposite. 15 Most of the media you consume features normative body so and you don't even think about it right? And so have a little think about all the things that you're going into your brain and so that could be your Instagram feed your tick tock of movies, your watch the Netflix or whatever. Is it mostly thin, white? Or if it's you know, muscle muscularly, muscular, you know, whatever, normative bodies, bodies image standards we have today.

Unknown Speaker 49:51

That's affecting how you think about bodies, right? And so, just recognizing it you're not I'm not saying that you don't watch these things. because some of these, these shows are really fucking good, right? Oh, they're so trashy, like I need to watch it. I'm not saying don't watch them. Oh, you could not watch them whatever. But recognizing that that is probably not helpful for society not helpful for your mental health and okay, what can I do to mediate that? And what can I do to help myself with that? I'm going to watch something which is a little bit more fat positive, a little bit more queer and a little bit more disabled or whatever? Yeah. Number 16. You struggle to connect that day to day fat phobia and diet culture, or connect to larger systems of oppression? Right. And so when I think about this stuff, like something that's really powerful for me is, I really want to be anti racist, right? I really want to be an ally to those who have marginalized identities that I don't have. And I'm sure you do, too. Right. And, and something that I will come back to is if I'm struggling with, with feeling shame around something is, Who am I hurting by perpetuating these myths? And of course, I'm not deliberately trying to hurt people, but connecting it back to those bigger systems that are bigger than the way that I'm feeling about myself, helps me really cut that shit out. Because why am i Believing these these racist beliefs? I'm not trying to obviously. But why am I you know, the, you know, because fat phobia and diet culture and all that type of stuff leads back to racism. So am I am I committed really to try to be trying to be anti racist? Well, then I'm not I'm, I'm gonna work on this stuff, right? I'm gonna continue to work on it. And I probably never get to the end destination because there is no end destination, but making that connection, making that connection with all of those formulas, stuff, you know, like, hoping that your husband thinks that your heart, okay, what what bigger system is at play here? What bigger systems are at play here? And making that connection and be like, Okay, do I want to support sexism and racism and transphobia and ableism? Now? Not really my bag. Okay, so I'm going to try and work on this. Number 17. You think all fat people are fat because they did something quite wrong to get that way or because they're traumatized. So we think about these tropes that we have about fat people is that they are fat, because they were out of control lazy. Eating too much food and watching video games or whatever, playing video games, or they're traumatized. And so they're like, Okay, well, I want to not be attractive. And so I'm going to decide to become fat. And of course, they there are fat people who these things might be true. And also, the majority of of the majority of stories about fat people are very complex, are probably wouldn't probably never know. Right? Really, we've got studies that show that the reasons why pack fat people are fat are in the hundreds. Right. And, and as well, kind of, I'm thinking about they're sort of like, Why Are Fat People fat? Like saying, quote, it's not their fault? Almost. When it does positions fatness is this negative thing. And there are fat people who are fat and who want it to be fat, right? Who who chose to become fat? And that doesn't mean that the bad. So yeah, so basically, it's that shades of gray thinking. So critical thinking skills. And I really deeply believed this. I was like, I thought that everyone who was fat needed to go to therapy. And then if they went to therapy, they would be thin. And then when I started going to therapy, and I didn't become thin, I was like, What the fuck? Why? Because I'm obviously fat, because there's something wrong with my brain. Not that you know, whatever. You know, I'm just, you know, genetically happened to be fat, whatever.

Unknown Speaker 54:30

Yeah. Number 18. You believe everyone shares your opinions on fat people. If you think negative things about fat people, and aren't aware that many people love fat people think they are gorgeous, and that fat people have rich, fulfilling and successful lives. And it's hard to think things like that if if we're steeped in anti fat bias and diet culture to imagine that a fat person can have as good a life as a thin person or Guess what, maybe even a better life than a thin person? How is it possible? It's not it can't be because the idea is that when we think about fat people, it's like sad sack, no friends, desperate to be thin. Lose, you know all of this stuff. And to know that actually, as, as much as there's a variety of stories within people, it's the same with fat people. And there are many fat people who are just glorious human beings that that lead wonderful lives, same way. We're straight size people, right? And fatness is not a determinant of all of that type of stuff. And presuming that everyone thinks about fat people in the same way. Yeah. Number 19, you don't like being in photos and don't want them shared anywhere. So this is a big one, if you're if you're if you don't want to be in photos, it tells me that you are feeling uncomfortable in your body. And so we've got some work to do there. And that's just one way that it that it manifests other ways that it manifests is, is you know, struggling to decide what to wear, or only wearing stuff that hides your body or, or pulling down your clothes all the time, or not wanting to get in the pool with the kids or with your friends or whatever. So there's lots of different ways that it manifests. And so if you're doing any of those things, then it tells me that there's probably some diet culture, anti fat biased beliefs going on there. And number 20, you can get behind fat acceptance, but only as long as they're healthy. AKA, you feel more comfortable when fat people perform good fatty roles. I see this so often, right? You know, when I when I say if I get a new hairdresser, or whatever, because you know, I have 50,000 hairdressers because I can never get a good haircut. And when I'm making a new person, I tell them what I do. Often. Often they say, that's gray. I mean, at the end of the day, it's all about whether you're healthy. As long as you're healthy, then it doesn't matter. And I'm like, Oh, so close. Close. But no, no. Because what what we're wanting from fat people when we're saying that is for them to perform a good fatty role for us, I did a podcast on good bad, fatty versus bad, Fatty, good fatty is a fat person who is more palatable, according to society. So a fat person who is trying to lose weight a fat person who, who says, I know that I'm fat and disgusting. And I'm so sorry about that. A fat person who hides their body, a fat person who goes to the gym and eat salads. And, and by the way, it's absolutely okay if we are performing the good fatty trope, because sometimes that's the only way that we can survive in the world. Because fat phobia is so devastating that if we have to perform, then sometimes that's what keeps us alive. And so it's more about not that the fat person is doing it is that we expect fat people to do that. And then we give them a little bit of humility. Whereas if a fat person is like, I'm going to wear what the fuck I want, I'm going to share my body I am not gonna die. In fact, I'm going to in front of you eat this, quote, unhealthy food. I'm going to fuck you, I won. And I like being fat. Society is like, No, we can handle it if you were, if you are, are a pleading with us to accept you. But if you don't plead with us, then then you're bad, then you're bad. It's making me think of is called making the cut is on Amazon Prime. And it's designers and they design clothes. And at the end of the episode, they'll be like, some people are going home, someone's going home, whatever. They're so mean to them. And a few instances they've made people beg

Unknown Speaker 59:28

to stay. And it made me sick. I was like, Ah, this is so disgusting that they're doing this to these these people. And you know, the person was like, please, you know, I'll do anything to stay and and then there's the option to change their minds. That's the thing is, if they beg well enough, then there's the option for the people who voted them out to change their mind.

Unknown Speaker 59:56

The judges like Heidi Klum and Paris Hilton sidekick? What's her name? Anyway? And then a, someone who works at a fashion design house. And they were like, Have

Unknown Speaker 1:00:12

you changed your mind? No, I have not changed my mind after the person's done the begging. So people don't do the begging. And I'm, like, good for you. But also, you know, there's some of the people, some of the people who've done the begging and have been let back in. So anyway, and so how even in in that in that instance? The people who who do the begging, they're seen as more likable, they're seen as more kind of like, Oh, fine, we'll give you another chance. Whereas if you were to just say, Okay, thanks. See you later, then it's kind of like, whoa, they were rude. It's like, no, they would, you know, they're not, they're not not doing anything wrong. They are leaving with with dignity, and not saying that the people who begged not leaving with dignity, but they didn't want to do that. And so they didn't want to perform, they didn't want to perform for us. And we're like, oh, wow, they're ungrateful. Did they really want it? And it's the same with it's the same with a lot of different roles and societies, if they are not, like, I'm so thankful, thank you so much, oh, you've changed my life. And we're not performing, then you're seen as less acceptable? And, you know, I think even like, with with jobs, you know, oh, my God, this, why do I want this job? Oh, you're the best company in the world. I've been dreaming about working for this company since I was a baby. And you know, and it's kind of like, you just, you're just trying to get a job to pay the bill? Doesn't mean it says, Why is it that I have to write a cover letter, which is basically fanfiction for the company that I'm applying for? And I was like, yes, exactly. You know, you need someone to do a job. I want to get paid with money. There we go. There's a transaction, I don't need to tell you that I have wet dreams about you every night to get the job. And, yeah, and and so if we can't get behind the fact that there are going to be fat people who, who we might not like because they might have, you know, a different personality to us. We might have fat people who, who don't want to exercise we might have fat people who like eating food that we we think is unhealthy. If we can't get behind fat acceptance is for all fat people, then that tells me that there is some bias going on there that we do. Earn, learn. All right, so that was my two to 20 thingamajiggy is the for you. What do you think? And I mean, this these these days, because could go on forever. I was like, I need to stop at 20 Because I can be like going on forever with these things of different signs. But these are the big ones that I see. And again, if you're like, Oh, well, Vinnie said I'm doing this so that means I'm a terrible boss, and I need to go and just leave the planet. No, no. And also, I am in this journey with you. I'm not this person who was like 100% always like some fat positive guru that's like, oh, I never have a bad thought about a fat person ever. How would I never know I'm perfect. No, I have a human brain. Right? Just like you. And I get influenced things influenced by things don't. So, but there's some like kind of key kind of low hanging things where like, Ah, okay, we've got a little bit more work to do here. And, and also, okay, I've been doing the work and I've, I think I'm doing pretty good with unlearning this stuff. Also knowing that the journey is never ending. Unfortunately, if only we could get to like fat utopia of I've arrived and I will never ever have a fat phobic thought or a bigoted thought in my life again. Yeah, that's not going to happen. Alright, well, thanks for hanging out with me today. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. And remember to stay a fierce fatty and I'll stay See you in a while. Alligator.