Episode 82 Transcript

Read transcript alongside audio.

Welcome to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Welsby and this is episode 82. Today, we're talking about how to love your fat body challenge.

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident fifth party who loves every inch of this jelly. society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the first fatty podcast Let's begin.

1:16

Hello, first, fatties. How are you? It's a bit chilly but nearly today, isn't it? Are you cold? Whenever whenever or wherever in the world that you're listening to this? Can you relate to my current situation have been a little bit chilly, Nick nearly. It shouldn't be. That's the thing. It's various surprising because it's been very warm in Vancouver and I've been out with my short shorts on with my legs out and my arms out and looked at sound and a flaps out all of it. Yeah, you know how it's like getting warmer and at nighttime. I like time having to have a fan and not have you do they? But the thing is, here's the problem. Do you get this problem is big problem. If you don't have something covering you, you know, like at least a sheet, then the monsters can get you. But if you have a sheet then you're safe from the monsters. Is this just me like this. And I know there's no monsters, but it just doesn't feel safe. Not having something covering you. And so even though I might be like sweating my tits off, I'm like, Can I can I possibly just just have a little bit of recovering from the monsters with this with this sheet on even though I'm sweating my tears off. It's just me. I don't know. Someone my neighbors is like, Oh, I sleep on top of the bed on top of the sheets and the monsters like aren't you? Hello? What about the shield to protect yourself?

Anyway, last night I went out to walk Google and someone has hit my new car. Hmm. So annoying. So annoying. Someone hit the the front, they must have been turning the corner and my car is like on the end of the street there and they swipe to the side of it and the bumper is come off and the bonnet is dented. Or as you would say in North America. The hood is dented. So that's really fucking annoying, isn't it? I felt really mad. And so I was I was like, I felt really mad. And I was like, did you want me to pee on a couple more things? He wants to pee on everything. Everything known to humanity. every blade of grass, he just like the tiniest little way. And I'm like, come on and just go can you do like other dogs go out and they do away and they're like I've done my wings now. Thank you very much. And I go back inside not do well. No, no, no, you're like, No, I want to hang out here for at least 55 hours. So I can do a millimeter of we on each. Admit no a million not even a milliliter that's like length. I'm thinking about volume. Yeah, so it's really annoying. Anyway, so I'm just complaining about things. My dog like wheeze, small amounts. And so I was like, no, come on digging. You've had enough ways and I was like, in a mood and then I'm sorry, Dougie, like I should let you hang around for another minute just to we some more even though he probably didn't have any we left. So there was actually no I just need to I don't like this feeling of feeling mad. And I was thinking, Oh, maybe the person was is poor. And they hit my car and they felt terrible. And then they were like oh my god, I can't Like, I can't have that against my insurance because it's really expensive to get that fixed and, and so I'm just going to drive off and, and so like in my head, I'm thinking, yeah, maybe it would have been really difficult for them to have an increase in insurance premiums and trying to come up come out of that way.

But then I was like, yeah, no, I just got a new car. It was not new, you know? A new new to me car and someone's hit it and made it look less pretty. And yeah, so I, I had a bath and I watched funny videos. And that cheered me up. But that did cheer me up, actually, you know, laughing, loving a lot. So yeah. If you experienced that, maybe you have a bath with a bath bomb and watch some funny videos and might to maybe make you feel a little bit better. But then I saw it again this morning. I was like, Who are these rude people? Anyway? So today, you remember in the last episodes I was talking about, I had the how to love you, buddy challenge. Oh, wow, people loved it. And the shit that they were doing was in credible.

6:15

Just yeah. And I really feel like it helped a lot of people. And so I wanted to make sure that if you're just uh, you know, you didn't didn't do it. And you're more of a listener versus a viewer so that you can listen, listen in. And so what I've done is I've broken up the three days into three smaller segments. So you don't have the, you don't have the beginnings of me being like, what's your favorite song? What's your favorite snack or whatever. And so that's all cut out. And so it's just the content there for you. So what we're going to do is, you can do this any way you like, you, don't you but because this is like a challenge, it's over three days, you might want to either listen to this whole episode in one on one and then do the challenges. Or you might want to at the end of each challenge day that's in this in this particular podcast, cut a podcast episode is to pause and do the thing, pause the podcast, do the challenge, and then continue pressing play. But you know, you might be driving or something or on your bike or whatever. And in that case, just go ahead and listen and then do the do the magical stuff. Okay. Alright, so let's get into the first day of this challenge

7:49

I want to introduce you to the self love mountain. So the self love mountain, it's it's the I like to use this analogy of our journey to get to a place of body love. It's like climbing a mountain. Now, it would be great if the mountain just looked like the mountain that's on the screen. But the mountain kind of looks more like this. So we have fear curve ass Upper Limiting ledge diet culture ditch, in a critic Valley fatphobia falls and many other things and things that are specific to you, that is going to be on that self love mountain. And other top is the the goal of where we want to get to feel more confident and at home in our body. So we all try and tackle climbing that mountain. But there are a lot of things that are stopping us from getting to the top the top being feeling better in our bodies. But that doesn't stop us from trying like it's a challenge but we do it anyway. So I'm curious what are some of the ways that you have tried to get to the top of self love mountain? What are the some of the ways that you have tried to feel better in your body and more confident in your body? Let's put the chat on the screen

9:17

alright. Okay, say Oh, my mum's on the stream. Sarah McLaughlin. I'm in Donegal.

9:32

Okay, so some of the ways that you are working to overcome this. speaking out loud to my body parts and having them I love them. Focus on the things I do like about myself, getting rid of clothes that don't fit educating myself about the lies of diet culture. The focus on that one, following more people on social media that look like Me, following women on Instagram who look like me a zillion self help books, fake tan, makeup, nails, burlesque and belly dancing, looking at other bodies that look like mine or social media, trying to buy proper clothing, not just baggy to hide, wearing clothing, let's show skin walking around naked. Okay, building myself a community of other fat folks working through the same things. Alrighty, perfect, perfect, perfect.

So let's just move this chat away, again, a lot of stuff you're doing, you're doing the stuff, right, you're doing the stuff. And so these are these are the common common things that people are doing. And a lot of the things that you mentioned, watching reading books, watching TEDx talks, or maybe fat positive shows for following famous fatties on social media, listening to podcasts, talking to family and friends about building communities, swilling new ideas around your brain, maybe journaling? So you've got the reading, watching, following listening, connecting and thinking, so what is missing from this? What is missing from all of those things? I said, so here's a reminder of the slide before, what is missing from that? Let's have a look. So what's missing from all of those things? You might be like that is everything. Okay, yeah, we've got the action. Doing doing action doing? Yes. You all know where you know where it's okay. So taking action, taking action is the thing that is missing, missing. And this is a crucial formula that so many people just they just don't know, they don't know. And if they did, they would probably do it. Maybe a lot of people might not because it's scary. But I'm showing you this formula today so that you are aware what could be happening if you are not at a place of body love. So let's get it deeper into this. Okay, so let's go back here, comms can take the chat off the screen. So technology, a merge zone. Okay, so imagine if you wanted to learn how to swim. And you're so your goal is to learn how to swim, you currently don't know how to swim, the method you use to swim is to educate yourself. Okay, so you do all of the things we do, we spoke about in the other slide. So reading books on how to swim, watching videos on how to swim, following swimmers on Instagram, listening to swimming podcasts, all that type of stuff. But that does that mean? So you're an expert on how to swim in your brain? Does that mean that you will know now know how to swim? Maybe you could coach others how to swim. But are you now not afraid of the water? Are you now a confident swimmer? Well, no, no, because you're not doing the thing. And so you can intellectually know all of the things but you are scared yourself and are not confident. So that you can swim yourself because you've not taken action. And so the option two is to take that education piece and team it with this here represents action. So want to learn how to swim, we educate ourselves and do it and then the result is happy face. So and something else here that is really important to point out is that

14:14

the action has to be the right action. Okay, so we've got two things here we've got tinkling our toes in the water, or we've got diving into the deep end. What could happen if you dived dove, dove dived? If you jumped into the deep end, and you are not a swimmer? You don't know how to swim and you're not confident in about swimming. What would happen if you just jumped in the deep end? What could happen? So tell me in the in the comments. What could happen if you just jumped in the deep end and you have no No experience winning and you have no confidence Okay, let's put this chat on the screen okay, so trauma get overwhelmed drown you would be not being over your head thermic shock. Oh, that's that's an interesting one. Panic flail drown? Yeah. Either way you would drown, or your fights kicks in, and you find a way. Yep. Your bikini could fly off. That is true. So often when I've jumped in the pool, my bikini goes up over my tips. So yeah, so people get really excited, right? They get really excited. And they, they say, right, okay, I'm going to do this, I am just, I'm just going to jump in, and I'm going to do the thing, I'm going to go and grab my bikini and go to the pool, you know, or whatever it is that they want to do. And you can really struggle when you do it that way, because you could have a traumatizing experience. And then it confirm your previous suspicion that you can't do it. And it just confirms that, yeah, I can't do it. It's too scary. It's too much. And then you just retreat again. But if we take action in a way that is supporting us and feels good, it's a little bit scary, but you can still do it, then you will be more likely to succeed. And so that's where coming on tinkling our toes in the water. If you're scared of the water, tinkling your toes is something that you could probably do you know how when we're kids, they don't they, they teach you to swim in the kiddie pool, where it's nice and warm, filled with piss. But whenever we kids, we don't mind. So they you go to the kiddie pool, and it's a little poll, and it's not too scary. And then you see the bigger kids in the big pool, and even the bigger kids in the diving pool, and you work your way up to it. Imagine if you took that kid and you're like, okay, kid, let's go and jump off the biggest diving board. Would that kid ever swim again? Probably not. So.

So there's a name for this that I coined. And that name is for this whole process of, of being in educating yourself and not taking action. And the name for this is Constant Learner mode. So what? Why is it that we do this? Why do we we get stuck in constant learning mode? Well, just an FYI. If you believe that it's okay. To people to like their body, it's okay to be fat. But when you look at your own body, you're like, oh, but my body isn't good, then it is probably the you're stuck in constant learning mode. So intellectually, you know. But you don't believe it for yourself, you're probably in that constant learning mode. So tell me in the comments, if that is you, if you feel like it's okay to be fat, or the fat people are cool, but not my own fat body. Give me a yes in the chat if that's you. So the reason why we get stuck in constant learning mode is it's scary to take action. It is full stop. I'm not going to say, Oh yeah, you can learn how to love your body. And it's never going to be difficult. It's never going to be scary. No, it will be it's scary. But it doesn't need to be overwhelmingly scary. It doesn't need to be debilitating. We can get to a place where things are challenging, but we can still do it. Okay. So it's scary to take action. We don't know how to take action. We don't get taught in school, how to unfuck yourself from diet culture and fat phobia. That would be good. Well, it'd be good if we just never got fucked up with it in the first place.

19:10

We don't know how right, we could have taken action action before and it went badly that jumping in the deep end. And we can a lot of times not feel confident enough to take action. So it's kind of like I don't feel confident enough to feel confident. It's kind of chicken and egg right. And also a lot of people don't understand the importance of taking action. So this is really really common. Don't feel bad if this is you and you're stuck in this place is really, really common. So the consequences of if we stay here, if we stay here we're going to reinforce the belief that confidence is for other people. I'm just not the type of person who is confident in their body. It's just not my my personality or I've just experienced this for so many years, it's just not possible for me. It lowers our self belief, we can feel dejected, overwhelmed and exhausted, especially if we keep trying to climb that mountain, and we keep failing. That's exhausting, right.

And because of that, this means that we miss out on hitting our goals. Most importantly, we don't get to do all the cool shit and life changing important stuff that we deserve to do. Okay, so what happens when we say no to the Constant Learner mode, when we say no to the Constant Learner mode, we can do things like stop disguising yourself, wear the damn bikini, if you want to, you might not be a bikini aware, free your fabulous arms, and the negative thoughts spiral and use that extra brain space to do cool shit. Be in all the photo, ditch the boring clothes, stop pulling down your top behind your belly. So if we say no to the constant learning mode, these are the types of coal shit that we can do. And I love this. And the reason why it's not just one thing is all of us have different goals, right? There's not one thing that we all want to move towards, like, for example, wear a bikini, because some people are like, I'm not a bikini wearing person, that's just not my thing. Or I already do wear a swimsuit without problems. But it's really this is difficult for me. So whatever it is, that is that feels aligned to you, is what we can do when we say no to the Constant Learner mode, okay.

21:50

So the first challenge is to make a pledge, to move out of Constant Learner mode and to take action. All right, make a pledge that you are going to move out of constant learning mode, and you are going to take action with an exclamation mark. So you can either whatever way you want to do that. So you can make a note on your phone, you can write it out on a piece of paper, you can email me and say Victoria, I pledge to get out of Constant Learner mode. Or you can if you're in the first party friends group, you can share in the group that you are going to move out of Constant Learner mode. Yeah, if you're not in, if you're not in my group, then what are you even doing with life, but get into my Facebook group? And make sure when you request to get into my Facebook group that you answer the questions, because if you don't, then you won't get accepted, because we want to make sure that no trolls are in there. And so, yeah, it's want to make sure that you're a real human being with good intentions and lots of stuff anyway. So you can do that any way you like. But just do it. You know, the difference between people who are successful at this type of stuff is is this taking taking action. And it might just seem like a little thing, but you're making a commitment to yourself to say, Okay, I'm going to move out of that Constant Learner mode, and so it's important. Alright, so either pause the podcast right now, right now, or, let's continue on to the next day of the challenge.

23:48

Yesterday's challenge was to make a pledge to move out of constant learning mode, and to take action. So tell me in the comments, did you complete yesterday's challenge? Did you complete yesterday's challenge? And that was to make a pledge to move out of Constant Learner mode

24:10

and to take action? So did you make your pledge? I'm seeing all these comments of Oh, onion rings. Yes, yes. Yes. Challenge complete. Amazing. I love it. Yes, yes. Ah, you guys. Amazing. You humans. I don't like saying guys don't know like, I don't know why it came out. Incredible. Perfect.

24:37

So you just you're doing it? Aren't you just doing it? You're doing the things Dun dun dun Oh my gosh. Okay. You all are amazing. Okay, so let's get into today's content. So I want to share with you there is a three there are three ingredients that you need to get to At the top of the mountain. So the first ingredient is self belief. I'm going to share ingredient two and three later, but let's focus on self belief. So does anyone feel like this? lol, I don't have self belief that I can get to the top of this mountain. Like, imagine if you were placed in front of a mountain, Mount Everest, let's say, and I said, you've not had any training. I said, Hey, go and climb that mountain right now. And you're just like, what? I was just eating my snack of pineapple and yoga and onion rings a minute ago? I mean, my flip flops, I can't climb my I can't climb Mount Everest, would that be reasonable for you to have a lack of self belief that you couldn't climb Mount Everest in that moment? Would that be reasonable? Yes, that would be reasonable. It's wise not to have self belief in that situation, because it would save your life. If you didn't just say fuck it, I'm going to try my best. And I'm going to climb Mount Everest in my flip flops with some onion rings in my pockets, you die. It wouldn't work out. So when we look at, obviously, we're not doing we're not actually climbing Mount Everest, we're climbing the self love mountain. That too, is reasonable to say, I don't have the self belief that I can get all the way to the top. Like so many people say to me, I just can't imagine myself doing the things that you do Victoria. And I think well, yeah, because it's so for a lot of people, it's so far from what they their current reality is that it is just alien. And so they don't have the self belief that they can get to get there, which is reasonable. So what we want to do is to make sure that we are not looking at that whole mountain. Instead, let's look at just one little piece.

So let's look at just this little piece here. And let's zoom in. And let's start at the very beginning. Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. Anyone know where that's from? We've got the musical, The musical audition here today. Okay, so we want to start at base camp zero. So base camp zero is you being at the bottom of the mountain, looking up, and instead of looking all the way up, however high that mountain is for you, and being overwhelmed, and feeling like I can't I can't do it, because you've never done it. Instead, we want to look at it on a smaller level. Okay, so Basecamp one is where we're working towards. But we're not even really at Basecamp zero yet. Right now we're here we're walking up to the mountain. We're like doo doo doo doo doo. I think I'm gonna go to Basecamp zero. So that's where we are like, right now today. We're like, Okay, I pledged to get out of constant learning mode. And so we're like, doo doo doo doo doo. I'm going to get out of Constant Learner mode. I'm going to walk up to that first base camp zero. So we need to work out what is Basecamp one for us. And therefore what is Basecamp? Zero during this little first little bit here? It is reasonable, right? You're not going to climb the mountain and die. We're just going to do just this little bit. Okay. So let me just go back and check the comments. Make sure everyone is Oh, lovely singing. Oh, no, that's gonna stuck me stuck in my head for weeks. I'm sorry. Oh, is this Tammy? Oh, hi, Tammy. Okay, so, let us I'm going to just remove the chat. So we can zoom in a little bit because we've got some some smaller text coming up here. All right, so

29:27

we want to get to Basecamp one. Now, for me in my personal journey, you might have seen me around the internet webs.com Wearing a bikini. Now, the reason why I'm often found wearing a bikini is that when I hated myself, I had a list of 30 things to do before I was 30. So I had this list. And there was there was like there was there was 30 things on there. So 30 things on there. I still have it. I should I should. I should have found brought out and showed you. But there was lots of different things on there like go, I used to love Kate Nash or go to a Kate Nash concert. And then afterwards, I met Kate Nash. And she signed the list and crossed it off for me eat a Big Mac because I had never eaten a Big Mac not a Big Mac a whopper and have sex with someone outside. So lots of different things. And one of them was lose enough weight so that I will be thin enough to wear a bikini. So like all those other ones sounded low, so much fun, right, but lose another weight so that I would be quote unquote, allowed to wear a bikini. Now that never happens. The I was never thin enough. And so this was kind of like a it was it was really symbolic for me to wear the bikini. Now your base camp one will be totally different. It could be the same. You could also have you know, a thing about like, I want to wear a bikini and that's absolutely fine. And it's absolutely fine. If that's not you as well. Okay, so my base camp one was to wear a bikini. So wearing a bikini that was too much right, wearing a bikini was a foreign concept to me, I barely wore a standard swimsuit, you know, I'd you know, be at the pool.

And as soon as I get out of the changing rooms, I'd leg it as fast as possible without running because you know, I'm about to run out the pool, swiftly walk and get in the pool as quickly as humanly possible. So no one could see me right. So that's where I was at. And so wearing a bikini was like, lol. But I wanted to do it. So what was my base camp zero, my base camp zero was Google where to buy plus size bikinis? Okay, that was my base camp zero. Google where to buy plus size bikinis? Is Is that something that I could do? Yeah, I could do that. And so this is what could happen after so googling where to buy plus size bikinis, okay, now, we're going to buy a bikini that isn't too revealing. So not a string bikini, but maybe a bikini that is high waisted and a bikini that is very structural to hold my tits in. Right. So that's the next step have bought it. All right. Next step, I'm not gonna wear that shirt outside five glow, I'm going to wear it in the house. So I've completed my base camp one, I've worn a bikini, it's in the house. But I want to challenge myself even more because I want to wear it outside I do. And so the next step is to go to the beach and wear a cover up. Wear a cover up. So I'm not actually in my bikini I'm I'm in I'm covered up. But I'm doing it. Then the next step, take off the cover up for just a minute, just a minute when no one's looking. And I quickly go tobacco. And then when that is feeling good, do something like go to a pool when it's quiet and wear my bikini. Now in this journey, you may need to go back to just wearing it in the house. And then you may have a fit of a burst of of exuberance and excitedness and just be like I'm just gonna go to the pool and just do it. And that could feel good.

And so this is kind of like everyone it's different. It could be up and down, up and down, up and down. See how this is kind of up and down like that. Okay, and while we're doing this we're also dealing with the fat phobic thoughts that come up all the fear all of the the bullshit that we have on the main mountain. So I'm just go back and check the comments. Okay, good. So is this making sense? Let me know in the comments that this is making sense to you that we need to go to Basecamp zero and not the whole looking at the whole mountain

34:30

so let me know in the comments if this is making sense. Okay, so next once we've done all this and so you can be like okay, well Victoria you I know that you've worn a bikini at the pool before I've seen a video maybe you've not. But this doing these things, these small, tiny little steps is going to create something like this. So these are all pictures of me Now, in the first image, this is a screenshot from a video that I did of dancing at my local pool. And some are in in in my friends, another body image coach was filming me. And so I danced in my bikini in front of a handful of people. That was my first step. My next step. And obviously, this is when I'm a lot more confident about my body. Next step number two, I danced in a public market in my bikini, and a few 100 people were there in the public market. As you can see, there's a car behind me right here, there were buses of tourists going by, it's like a busy market area with with traffic.

So a few 100 people saw me on the day, and then a few 1000 Watch the video. Next, I danced on stage at the end of my TEDx talk in front of 2600 people. Then afterwards, hundreds of 1000s of people watch the video. And most recently, I was on a BBC documentary. And I spent most of the program in my bikini, I stood in the streets in the middle of Oxford in my bikini for about an hour or two. And that was viewed by 2.5 million people. Now it's, it's a lot more because people are streaming it. So if I had said, Okay, Victoria, your goal is to stand in, stand in the middle of Oxford on a BBC show for 2.5 million people to watch you in your bikini, go on, off you go. No, I wouldn't have been able to do it. I couldn't. I first had to take all of these steps and all the steps that we can't see that are above, but you can imagine what they what they were. And so you if you can't imagine doing these types of things, that's totally to be expected. But I want to say like, dream big, right? But also know that we should be starting here at Basecamp zero. All right. So okay, making sense. Good. Good. Good. All right now. So my question to you is, what could be your base camp one? What could be your base camp one so let me read these out to you and tell me in the comments. If any of these are resonating with you, any of these are things that you would like to do and it could be that you want to do all of them or, or none of them. But let's have a look. So your base camp one could be by a bikini that shows your belly slash FUPA fat upper pelvis area or fat upper Percy area.

38:15

Eat 10 food items that you have been anxious about? Tell my mum that I want her to stop talking about diets in front of me. Get my friend to take 20 Cute selfies of me. Wear a crop top in public for at least 20 minutes, destroy my scales, empty my closet of all inspirational quote unquote outfits and things that don't fit. Delete weird uncle Keith, who has Batphone phobic views from my Facebook. Say no to that thing that I have been doing but don't like trying new activity like bike riding speed dating or singing. Book a vacation that I've been putting off because I feel anxious in my body. And then take the vacation when COVID is over. Become a become president or prime minister. i Who knows you've come close to that. Ask for a pay raise, share and update updated picture of me and my full body on social media. Join a dating app and measures right people go rollerblading in neon lycra boombox with a wet perm singing Lizzo songs at full volume. Join an age positive community have sex with my partner with the lights on. So which of those are resonating with you? Let's put the chat up on the screen here. Okay, so lots of things. Destroy my scales, share a full body picture on social media and get a closet of inspirational clothes, wear a crop top in public and start dating again, trying new movement and activity. I definitely want to try dating. It's scary for me. I did recently buy my first bikini Amazing empty the closet. I think my base camp one has to wear a sleeveless blouse anytime or anywhere. Amazing. These are just incredible. And of course these are these are just my suggestions. Yours could be something else. Okay? All right. So that you might be getting a little bit who the heebie jeebies. And I'm a bit scared with the idea of doing the thing. Okay? And lacking self belief. Okay, so let's let's dive into this. So let's take one of these things, try new activity. And let's say the try the new activity is bike riding. Okay, so the types of things that would be your base camp zero. So before you even get to base camp one, the Basecamp zero, first Google bike shop near me. Research what bikes are good that you may like, watch videos of fat people having fun on bikes. Look at where the bike shop is on Google Street View. Pick a bike route that looks fun. Decide what friend you'll bring with you. Imagine the breeze blowing through your hair and how good you'll feel after. Okay, so they are some of the actions that you can take to get to your Basecamp one say if your Basecamp one was trying a new activity bike riding, so can you can you tell me in the comments? Yes. If you think you can do any of these things. Can you Google something? Can you watch a video, talk to a friend, walk into a shop, sit on a bike, cycle one block, take the bike back and go for a pub lunch? Can you do those things? Tell me in the comments. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Amazing. So then you have self belief. Okay. So before, you might have thought that you don't have self belief, you do have self belief. And so that lol I don't have self belief is because we are looking at it. We're looking at the top of the mountain that's so high up, it is unfathomable. But we can actually say, I've got self belief that I can take those first steps. I've got self belief that I can do the stuff to get to Basecamp zero to then achieve my Basecamp one goal. Okay, so today's challenge is to pick your base camp one goal, and one base camp zero action. So if your base camp one goal is I want to ride a bike, your base camp zero action could be Google where to where I can rent a bike. Okay? And share in the comments below or in the Facebook group what it is. And bonus points, complete the Basecamp zero action before tomorrow.

Okay, now something that I want to caution you on is to make sure that your base camp one goal is something that's tangible. So I will go to one dance class at XYZ studio versus I want to feel good slash confident. So a lot of people when they when they think about their base camp one goal, they're like, I just want to feel good. Well,

44:09

what does that mean? How do you know when you've achieved feeling good or feeling confident? How do you know how how can you get there? There's nothing tangible, right? So make sure that is tangible. Make sure that you feel it's a challenge, but not impossible. Okay? So if you already own loads of bikinis and you already wear bikinis out, then maybe wearing a bikini is not your Basecamp one goal. Maybe it's something different that makes you feel a little bit a little bit Oh a little bit scared. Okay, that you know is going to challenge you right? So don't pick something that you're already doing, because that is not going to help you grow. Okay and also make It's something that is doable within the next little while. And also for our Basecamp, one goal, let's pick a date that we're going to achieve it by. Okay, so we can be accountable to ourselves and to our accountability buddies that I'm going to do this Basecamp one goal by this date. And the date could be a week from now, it could be a year from now, it's better if it's somewhere in between, probably, you know, within the next month or so, two months, three months max.

And then look at your Basecamp zero actions. So make sure your Basecamp zero action feels doable. Okay. So a reminder, today's challenge, pick your Basecamp one go. And one Basecamp zero action, and share it in the comments. Tag your accountability buddy, buddies. And bonus points if you can do the zero Basecamp zero action by tomorrow. Okay, so Erin says getting photographed and looking at it. Yes. Is it doable? But what it's doable, but what if I feel worse after. So remember, in yesterday's training, we spoke about not jumping into the deep end. So if there's a chance that you you think that you're going to feel like shit afterwards, perhaps take it back a bit. And tinkle your toes. Okay. So it could be physically doable. But if it's not, if you're not emotionally there, take it back, dial it back. And what is the version of tinkling your toes in the water? So, perhaps share what it is that you want to do? And I can tell you what a tone tinkling could look like. Alright, so let's have a look. Download a dating app and start talking to people on it. Okay, so Mary, start talking to people. What, let's get more specific. How many people are you going to be sending messages to? Do you have a goal? I'm going to send messages to five people to two people to 20 people? Let's get even more specific. Okay, maybe take some selfies? Yes. Okay. My goal is to change my Facebook profile picture to a current photo. Not sure what my action should be. Okay, so you're so Jessie, you want to change your photo, your Facebook profile picture to a current photo? Do you have the photo that you're thinking of? How does that feel to you? Can you take some selfies? Can you think of an outfit that feels good to you and get someone to take some pictures of you in that outfit that you like? Can you look at those photos and give yourself some compassion and, and write some things down that you like about yourself? Or, or reasons why it's really important for you to share that photo. Okay, so if you have the photo already, and you're good to go, then you can just do it. Right? But if you're not feeling confident that you can just do it, then what can you do to break it down and make it easier for you? Okay. So my base camp, zero is googling plus sized crop tops are not black. Yes. I'm going to let that go. I'm going to post a swimsuit pic on Facebook.

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I'm going to start by posting a couple in groups. I feel safe in Yes, Laura. That's a perfect, that is perfect. You see how Laura has got this this goal of putting a picture on Facebook. That is big. But let's start smaller by doing it in a place that is safe.

And then you're probably going to get some wonderful feedback and it's going to feel good. And then you're going to feel more confident to be able to do the bigger goal which is putting it on your main Facebook page. Okay, so Elizabeth Elizabeth says base camp one wear a sleeveless top in public to a grocery store maybe before July 1, base camp zero, go to a shop and try on at least three sleeveless tops by tomorrow. Oh my gosh. Amazing. Perfect. People could share in our group. Yeah. So you could share in the Facebook group underneath. So there's going to be a post Today's challenge on the underneath there post any photos that you want to post? Try anything there because it is a safe space. Okay I'm loving all this like you've got good you've got good ideas. Let's see. Oh Amanda says Basecamp one goal take a boudoir style shoot of myself I'm going to research poses and lighting tonight and maybe audit plus size monitor array. Yes, Amanda that is perfect. That is and I love the way that you've broken that down from the bigger goal and then gone getting it to the the zeros of Basecamp zero actions that you can take. Okay, Melissa says try camp one try new movement activity can zero research two to three zoom body positive class options. Yes, I love it. Olga says zero cute. Google cute dresses in my real size. One wear a dress where I show off my shoulders at my friend's big party in the beginning of June. Ah, yes. Amazing. Mary says she's gonna message five people on the dating app. Oh, those lucky babe. Oh, amazing. Love it. Okay. So if you want any, take any of the the Basecamp zero actions inside the Facebook group, then make sure that you you put it underneath, there's gonna be a post that looks exactly like this. And you can put it underneath there and tag your accountability buddies, and we will all support you for doing these amazing things like, holy shit. You're doing it, but you're doing it, you're doing it. This is so exciting. Okay, so I'm just like, I can hang around here for forever. Looking at all of these comments, Aaron says wearing clothes that do not always have to cover up my belly slash FUPA Basecamp. Zero is going to be starting out small, maybe wearing something that shows my visible belly outline in their house. Yes, Erin. Yes. And then Aaron, you can do something like, go outside. But with a coat on.

And underneath is the is something that's more visible, but only only you know it. And then maybe while you're outside, you can open up your coat just a little bit just for a second, just to see how it feels. And then maybe you might want to take it off just a little bit more, open it up a little bit more. And that could be your zero action.

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Okay, yes. All right. So this is excellent. You all absolutely rocked my world. Honestly, the bravery is through the roof. I hope that you know that you can do this though, right? I hope you have that self belief that first part of those of that three ingredient thing I'm going to be sharing the other two tomorrow, I hope you have that self belief. While also you know, still still shitting your pants, you know, it's fine to be taken, you know, to be really scared about this. But know that you can do it. And if you think that you can't, maybe you need to break it down even more, even more, and be as gentle and is kind to yourself and remember to not jump in the deep end where you could damage your journey because you know, if you're like, I'm just gonna walk around the street with my tits out, that could, you know, traumatize you. And we don't want that we want it to be gentle. We want it to be affirming. We want it to be fun. We want it to be a little bit challenging, challenging enough without it being terrifying. Okay, so just because you're not standing on a TEDx stage in your bikini doesn't mean that it's not good enough that we are overcoming years of programming that tell us fat bodies or not. Okay? And so to do that, we're having to take steps like this. Okay, so what you're doing is really, really cool, badass and brave. Alright. Okay, so it might would be a good idea. Now if you've didn't pause before, if you can to pause the podcast to have a think about what your base camp one goal is, and what your base camp zero action is. And then pick when you're going to do it, you might do it right, right this second. So you might decide, okay, my base camp zero action is to Google something. So you might pause the podcast, and just fucking Google, or whatever it is that you need to do what you want to do. Yeah, so do that now or take this time, you can just, if you're doing something, you can take the time just to pause the podcast and just have a little think in your brain. You might be thinking while I'm talking, look at you multitasking, how I think getting around what you would like to do.

Alright, so now we're gonna move into day three. And you're gonna hear all of the incredible things that people got up to and it blows my mind. It's so freakin inspiring. You know, and people are just like, no big deal since yesterday, I walked down this high street with you know, my bumhole showing and it was no big deal. You know? People are doing things and they take an action even though they're scared and that is just makes my heart pitter patter. Oh, I just love it. Love it. Love it. So okay, let's get on with hearing what people have achieved and the day three content and your challenge yesterday was to pick a gate Basecamp one goal and one Basecamp zero action and bonus points if you completed Basecamp zero action before tomorrow, which is today so tell me in the comments. Did you do it and did you complete your base camp zero action? I did yes but not S Yes. But not yes and yes. Oh whatever wrapped up in Yes. Yes. Completed Blaze camp zero action. Yes. Oh my God ordered the shorts. Yes. I Googled how to take a full length selfie. Yes, I completed the challenge. Oh my gosh. You lot are rocking my world. You're doing it. I did mine. I research boudoir and photography and ordered a red and black lingerie set. Oh lala. Where did you get it from? Amanda? Yes. Chosen cute clothes online. Amazing. I picked out the bikini. I did. I downloaded the dating app. Oh,

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wow. This is incredible. Oh, Be still my beating heart. You're doing the things. I google burlesque classes in my area. Yes. Katya. Christina says I had a tough time picking a girl. That's okay. We can still work on this stuff. I got it from Hsien. Now, how do you say this? Is it shine, or Hsien or something else? I've always called it shine. But now I've seen people talking about it online. And they're calling it she in and now I'm like, Oh, those how it's pronounced. So how's it pronounced? Okay, you lot rock. You're incredible. Okay, so did you do it? Yes, you did. Now, we know how to get to base camp worm, we need to work out how to get to the summit, and avoid all the scary pitfalls and overcome the dangers in the process. So we're climbing here. And as we would be climbing any mountain is not just a seat, simple route up, as you know, when you're climbing the self love mountain. The reasons why we have maybe not been successful in the past is because of all of these pitfalls. And so there are three ingredients that you need to get to the top. Yesterday, we spoke about self belief. And now hopefully you have channeled that self belief that you can get to Basecamp one and understand that it's a part of you, you've got that determination. You can do it. You can take those tiny actions, those base camp zero actions and those types of actions continue. And if you have that self belief, now we can move into the next stage which is the road map. Okay, so if we're going to climb a mountain, we need to know okay, go this way. Go that way. Avoid this. Make sure you're doing ABC.

And I want to share that with you now. now. So this is the fierce framework. And this is your roadmap to body confidence. So I've put it like this in a triangle, but it's kind of hard to read like this. I put it on its side, but this is the climbing the mountain right to the top. And we've got three stages. And each stage has two modules in there. So let's turn it on its side. I'm just going check the comments. I always said she, okay, okay, she, okay. Okay, good, good. Good. All right. So let's look at this roadmap. So we've got F ie RC E phase framework, and we've got explore, unleash and activate. So the first framework is a proven mythology method methodology that will seek out all the unhelpful, fat phobic and self limiting beliefs, zap them into outer space and replace them with new beliefs that support your journey to becoming someone who loves their body unconditionally. And do we want to be people who love and accept our bodies unconditionally? I know I do. So tell me in the chat if you are resonating with these, these steps.

Okay, so first off, diet culture. So feelings Foundation, diet, culture not only affects the way that we eat, but also fucks with our body satisfaction in a big way. So first, we need to learn how diet culture has messed with your life, and root out those nasty messages you believe about yourself because baby, they ain't true. Tell me in the chat, some nasty, fat phobic diet culture based messages that that you believe about yourself currently. So tell me in the chat, some of those messages that you currently believe. So here we need to understand why you feel the way you do and learn how to change those feelings. Okay, great. I'm seeing all these beliefs come through believe I should always hide my fatness. Especially in photos within friends. Yes, diet culture, messaging fat people aren't worthy of love. can't possibly find a mate. Yes. Even though my partner tells me where did it go? These messages move too quickly for me to read. Cavanna partner because I'm fat shouldn't be in a gym. Yes. Melissa says bad time over the real troll. Yeah. I can't get my arthritis treatise. And until I lose all sorts of weight. Yeah, absolutely.

So this is this stuff is it's insidious. It's everywhere. We believe it. It's just most sucks. Okay, so next I internal revolution. So how many years have you felt dissatisfied with your body? For a lot of people, it's their whole life. We don't want to spend the rest of our lives and learning all the negative messages we have internalized before we feel comfortable in our skin. And with module two, step two, you don't have to, you need to use proven systematic and effective ways to change your neural pathways, so you can begin to feel better. So tell me in the comments,

1:03:29

how long have you not liked your body? How long have you not liked your body? About 3035? Three, and all these other messages my entire life my whole life? Since I was child, yeah, yeah. And so for me, it was since I was the first time I was aware that I had a body. So that's a lot. But we don't actually need to spend the next X amount of years unlearning this stuff when we have got this path, this roadmap we can take the steps to feel better quickly. Alright, so next enlightened eating. So it's hard to have a quote unquote normal relationship with food. When we live in a society that tells us there are good and bad food choices and liver it living in a smaller body means you're automatically healthy. So you need to ditch those negative beliefs to the curb and understand what is happening in your brain when you quote unquote, binge or quote unquote, overeat or when you're dieting enlighted eating is like intuitive eating, but it's specifically for living in fat bodies for people living in fat bodies who have another layer of trauma to heal. So tell me in the chat, do you feel like you might have some trauma around food around the messages around food around what you should be eating around like, you can't win. Like, if you eat a salad, then oh, you're in a salad to look like you're you eat healthier. And if you don't eat a salad, then you shouldn't be eating a salad. Because if you don't, then you're not healthy. So tell me in the chat if that is resonating with you? Absolutely, definitely. Yes. I have a lot of trauma around food. Yes. Holy cow. Yes. Yeah, yes, definitely. Yeah. And he's even harder, like dealing with food stuff, when you're straight size is one thing, because people can be very supportive of you learning to not diet. But when you're in a fat body, people are like, wow, shouldn't you engage in in disordered eating, and it's praised a lot of times eating disorders. In fat people are praised so often and disordered eating is praised. And so it's very, very difficult to learn this stuff, when you are living in a bigger body. Okay, next. Ah, so we're in the next bit of the unleash section, who we are bombarded with hundreds of 1000s of messages about who we should be day in and day out.

No wonder we start to believe the lies that we are fed. So in this module, you'll learn how to wrangle your inner critic so that those damaging messages don't shake your confidence, like they have been doing for years, and so bombarded with hundreds of 1000s of messages, aka like that troll that just came along to try and ruin our party, but we are not going to let trolls ruin our party. And so I wonder if you have any other apart from Trolls? messages that you're getting in your life from not only society, but from your friends and families? Is that something that you struggle with as well? So tell me in the chat Are you also hearing messages from friends and family? that your body is not okay and that you need to diet?

1:07:24

Lobby nutrition says Not anymore. Thankfully. Thankfully. Yes. Yes. Dina says friends. Yeah, this is a big one. And that, you know, that's just one. One section. But it's so powerful from when it's from people that we know and love Steph says yes, constantly. Yes, definitely. Especially parents family, for sure. Yes, my mother. Yeah, so we then internalize those messages. And we start to believe that because why wouldn't we it'd be reasonable for us to believe the things that people are telling us. So, okay.

Now, courageous commitment. Now you have already be doing this. And this is something that we need to keep doing, learning how to be confident it's fine and dandy, but what about actually taking the actions you need to take, so you need to test out your new competence muscles, and do the things that you previously never thought possible? And a reminder that you seriously can do it. Okay. So finally, we want to excel with ease. So if you plan on moving forward with your life now that you feel fan fucking tastic and your closing, getting near to the top of the self love mountain, then you need to continue to harness the tools that you've learned so that you can overcome any of life's challenges that may give you confidence wobbles, tell me in the chat, what things give you confidence wobbles, what things can make you feel like, not very good about yourself. And I wonder I wonder if you have a strategy to deal with those wobbles when they come up? Because guess what, they are gonna come up. They always come up. That's just life. Right? So showing my FUPA in public seeing my side profile and pictures, bringing my daughter swimming. Yeah. So these and these are things that we want to do, right? We don't want to have have to stop doing these things. And we want to know how to overcome them when they do come Up. Brianna says people staring Yeah, and it'd be good if we could just be say to people stop fucking looking at me close your eyes when I walk by. But you know, those are things that we can't do. Nicholas says go to the doctor with pretty much any issue. I stop and breathe and reframe my thought, Yeah, great idea, Kimberly. It is it says any show social event triggers my lack of confidence and send me into fits of wondering what to wear, conceal my body as best as possible. And we don't want that right. We do not want that because it just makes life so much harder. So much harder. What if we could just not think about that bullshit, and just be going out going to the doctor's see and our friends doing stuff with our kids, and not having to think about that. Tom? fuckery. Right. Okay, so moving on to, we've got the self belief, we've got the roadmap. Now the third ingredient, the third ingredient, if you were to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, you have the self belief, you've got the roadmap.

Now what would you else would you want, you would want a guide, someone who is an expert who is going to help you because they're experienced get up that mountain. So what happens when we are missing any part of this, the these ingredients that we need to get up the mountain. So if we just look here, if we have self belief, and we had the roadmap, but we had no guide, we've got no support. If we've got self belief, and a guide, but no roadmap, we've got the wrong direction. If we've got the roadmap and the guide, but no self belief, we've got no results. So let's go into here deeper.

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Now, if you've got no roadmap, then what's going to happen is that you are going to do things. And this is something that we probably all have done, to try and make us feel more confident. And that is to diet. Okay, because we don't have a roadmap for confidence. We don't know how to do it, right? And so what do we do to try and feel confident? We try and diet and gain confidence in unsustainable ways. Tell me in the chat, if that is something that you have tried in the past. If you have, because you've had no roadmap, you've tried to become confident by dieting, or doing things that are unsustainable to try and increase that confidence. And what happens when you are doing that is that you get exhausted, because it doesn't work. It doesn't work. And it leads to burnout. And it's like your self belief, then your self belief starts to fade, your self belief starts to fade. So we've tried that.

And now we all know that that is not sustainable. Right? And so it's, it's, it's no good. So what if, for example, we had no self belief, and that is what we've been working on in this challenge is to make you realize that you can do things that are going to support your journey into feeling amazing. So imagine if you had no self belief, but you had the roadmap, and you had a guide to help you get up the mountain, well, without self belief, then you're going to be stuck. So that's when you're going to be in constant learner mode. And that is why the whole of day one was talking about constant learning mode, because it is a big trap that people fall into. And as you have all pledged, hopefully, all of you have, you're going to be getting out of constant learning mode. And if you stay there, this is going to reinforce negative self beliefs because you're stuck. And so you're going to yourself believe you're gonna be like, well, of course, I'm stuck. It's because I can't do it. It's not possible for me. And that's not the truth. So finally, if we have self belief, I think I can do it. And we have the roadmap, but we don't have a guide helping us out. It's going to be difficult to overcome the obstacles when they do come up and they will come up and that means that you lose self belief, and then you'll be tend to doubt the roadmap like this this map true. I didn't know that there was this big crevasse here and how difficult it was going to be I don't know if I can cross it. And it takes a lot longer. And it's so depleting.

And so a lot of people will give up because they can't see how close they are to the top because they don't have a guide there to tell them. You're so close. You can do it. It's just this way. Take my hand. I'm going to lead you up this little bit here, which is difficult. So anyone resonating with that scenario? Melissa says weight loss surgery massive fail. Oh, such compassion for you, Melissa? That's so difficult. So many diets. Yeah. Name a diet. I've tried it. Yeah, yep, yep. Yep, yep. Yep. Okay, perfect. Good. So, so you have got a choice at this moment. Choice one, you can go it alone, potentially waste tons of time and effort trying to figure it out all by yourself. And we've been doing it all by ourselves already, right. Or Choice two, you can fast track your results with a coach by your side and a proven road map. So today's challenge is deciding what you want to do next. So you have the self belief, we've talked about that, you've now got the roadmap, I just shared it with you. Now you need to decide who is going to be your guide to lead you up self love mountain.

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So I invite you to let me be your guide. There I am, I'm going to help you up self love mountain. So we've had our three days here today, but our time together doesn't need to end. And if you do want to choose me as your guide, I would be thrilled. So right now the chances are that my program first party Academy is not open for enrollment, whenever you're listening to this podcast on the phone. But if you want to, if you do want to choose to have me as your coach, then something that might be a fit for you is one on one coaching with me. I might not be the person to be your coach, right? You might be like, You know what, actually, Victoria, I think you're a bit of a knob. And that's fine. That's fine. I might not be the right bit fit to be your coach, and you might not be the right fit to be coached by me. I work with a certain type of person. And that's someone who's who's, who's quite motivated who, who this is this is important for them, who's willing to learn and to be open or all that type of stuff. And so some people that's and that's not them. And that's, that's fine. It just means that there might be someone who is better for you out there. And there might be others who are doing something similar. Who can help you? And like talking you out of that maybe your coach, I'm awful. No, I'm not. So you could also just decide to go it alone for whatever reason, right? There's lots of different reasons why you might decide to go it alone. And and yes, it is harder, and it will be it'll take longer. And you're not going to have someone there to to help you and guide you on the way. But it's not impossible. If you do want to do it on your own, right? It's not the it's just not achievable. It's just, it's just going to be a lot more difficult. And sometimes that's just the the what people do, and that's fine, that's fine, right?

For whatever reason that that's what you might decide. That's fine. But if you do want to have someone by your side, then one on one coaching with me might be an option. If Facebook Academy is open, that might be an option. Whatever you think is the best fit for you is you're the boss of your brain, right you know what's best for you. So, go and do make sure that you've done if you haven't already paused the podcast to do the challenges. Make sure you do the talent, the challenges and the decide like, what is your next step? What is your next step here? Is it to find a coach to find? And whatever that could look like? Is it to? I haven't ever told you how to if you do want to do coaching with me how you go about it, you'd go to my, my website facebook.com forward slash coaching is, is that the URL? Hang on, let me just check. Or if it's like one on one or something, coaching, coaching, coaching, coaching. Yeah, so feels like your.com, forward slash coaching. So you can get, you can have a look at the details. And then what happens is, you will apply. So you're, you're, you see all the details, you'll see how much it costs. And then there's a button here saying I'm ready to apply. And then it will take you to a form and the form asks you questions like, What are your goals? What are you? What are you looking to achieve? What are your current frustrations? What is? Where are you now? And where do you want to go? And, and asking if you have any questions.

And then you apply and then within 48 hours, or respond and say, I think that you might not be the best fit for me. Or I will say hey, let's schedule a call, just to just to meet, just to make sure that you are the right fit, and to make sure that I am the best person to serve you. And then we can decide to move forward or not. So yeah, yep, yep, yep. Yep. So we want to make sure that you're the right fit before moving forward with with anything, and everyone feels good.

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All of that good stuff. Alright, so yeah, I hope this has been helpful. And if nothing, I hope that you move out of that Constant Learner mode and have that self belief seriously. A lot of people struggle with this idea that they can't do it, it's not possible for them for some reason, and they've got a reason in their head, they're too old, their belly hangs too much, they, their, their tits are too small, they an introverted person, or you know, whatever it is in. And what I want to say is that, when you take those smaller steps, it builds up into something else, and your body is not some sort of, you know, abomination or disgusting or whatever. That is a that is a belief. And that's something that we can change, and we can work on, right? So I really want you to have that self belief that you can do it and things can change for you. And really what, what this whole work or this whole work is about is me holding up a mirror to you a mirror that is true, so that you can finally see who you are. You know how sometimes people will be like, Oh, you're gorgeous. And then and then you'll be thinking, are they just saying that to be nice? Because really, I'm not, but they're seeing something else, right? And the reality is that the mirror that you are maybe looking at is broken, or it's distorted, or it's it's just not doing his job, for whatever reason. And this work is holding up a mirror that's true, so that you can be like, Oh, actually, I was okay. All along.

Actually. I was pretty incredible. And I am pretty incredible. And I'm actually really fucking good looking or what whatever, whatever it is, right? So I hope that I hope that you you realize that you you can do it. Okay. All right. Well, thank you for hanging out with me today. And I will see you in the next episode of the face honey, but guests. See you later. Krakow and stay face

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thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to phase fatty Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body. Then go to first party.com forward slash waitlist again that is phase fatty.com. Forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist. For when first party Academy my signature program opens