Episode 47 Transcript

You're listening to The Fierce Fatty Podcast. I am your host, Victoria Welsby. This is episode 47. And we're talking about the three phases to move through that get you to a place of body love. Let's do it.

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author, and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident Fierce Fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money, and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty podcast Let's begin.

Unknown Speaker 1:26

Hello, hello. Welcome to this episode fatti. I am so pleased to have you here. I am in my sister's at my sister's place today. And so if the sound is a little bit different, it's because I don't have my mic plugged in. I don't have it here with me. So it sounds a bit weird, then that's why also, I need to the USB, both of the USB ports on my laptops appear to be either broken or damaged. So up to new, buy a new laptop or get them fixed or something, probably time to buy a new laptop anyway. Because this, this a MacBook that I have is like six years old, probably mere about six years old. Anyway, so podcasting problems. So hopefully, the sound here is okay for you. So in today's episode, I'm actually going to be doing a deep dive on the stuff that I teach inside my course fears battery Academy. And so the three steps that that I teach inside the program, and so I'm going to be sharing them with you today. Incredible, and how you can move through those three phases. why they're important. And how you can basically get to a place where you don't feel like a big bag of shit. But before that missing up here now, I love me a movie I love. I love movies, I love films, I love documentaries, I love TV shows, I love all of that type of stuff. And one of my top and say top is in the top 10. Top five favorites is Kill Bill. Kill Bill specifically Kill Bill Volume One. But you know, we'll take them as a whole both of them together. So, yeah, I like your bill. And I love thinking about you know, I love a good analogy metaphor. Listen up here I've Googled analogy and metaphor to find out which is the right one I still don't know, is one of the two someone can maybe tell me what the difference is there. So like closely related that they're basically the same, but they're not. Yeah, so because I love stories and I love analogies or metaphors. I see comparisons in a lot of things out there. So Kill Bill being one of my favorite movies. I'm like this is just like this. And this is what we're going to learn from this is so important. I need to tell the world I did one with the Devil Wears Prada. And so now I want to share with you how Kill Bill is something that we can learn from it and it's not learning how to be an assassin. So oh, maybe it is who knows? So I want to share that with you. Okay, so what can the movie Kill Bill teach us about loving our fat body. So funny word, but it actually can teach us a lot. So spoiler alert, I'm going to be talking about kettlebell. I'm going to be revealing the whole plot of both of the movies But if you're like desperate to watch it and you haven't seen it it's not really gonna be that really spoilers, but maybe you don't listen. But you haven't seen it What the heck go and watch both those movies. So the synopsis is the main character called the bride, also known as Beatrix kiddo played by Uma Thurman. She is a part of the deadly Viper assassination squad. And in the movie, you see first thing is that she is shot by Bill, the leader of the deadly Viper assassination squad and her boyfriend. And he shoots her to kill her. What he doesn't know is that the shot in the head doesn't kill her and she's actually in a coma for four years. And when she wakes up from the coma, she seeks revenge on the deadly Viper assassination squad. Because they tried to kill her. They killed all of her family. And everyone she knows. Because she left the assassination squad.

Unknown Speaker 6:17

And she was an assassinator assassinator assessment. Yeah, she assassinated me, editing Victoria here. So annoying hear me saying assassinator it's assassin Lord. So to do this to get revenge, she wants to go and kill everyone in this squad. And to do this, she needs to level up her her skills and level up her her resources and the how the weapon that she needs because these people are obviously trained killers. And the samurai sword that she has, isn't strong enough because a couple of members of the assassination squad have this really special sword that's made from this really hardcore steel and will defeat her sword. And so you know, some of the assassination squad are easier to kill because they don't have the sword and maybe they're not as skilled as she is. But some are harder to kill. And so she the bride goes to Japan. And she goes and gets the same sword that a couple of members of the deadly Viper assassination squad have, and it's actually made by someone called Hattori Hanzo. So she gets his head Tori Hanzo sword, the finest ever that he's ever made. And she also has tons of training behind her from legend, legendary martial arts teacher, pi Mei. So she she has a sword she has all the training, and she's in Japan and so she gets revenge first, on one of the members of the squad, Orion Ishii, played by Lucy Liu. So Ernie Shi Yi is the leader of the Tokyo Yakuza and is an elite assassin herself. Not only that, she also has his gang of bodyguards called the crazy 88. And so, so, the bride goes to this restaurant club type place where already she is and she goes to try and kill Lucy Liu and the crazy 88 Turn up and she killed all of those and they called 88 because there's 88 of them. So all of these trained bodyguards are there fighting the bride, and she has Hattori Hanzo. She has the training from primay and she kills them she kills the bodyguard, the personal bodyguard of aren Ishii, the school girl Gergo Yubari. And after killing all these people, probably 100 people, she then kills or any she. So that's just like one part of the movie. There's two parts. There's two movies, right. So what does all this have to do with loving your fat body? Well, I want to imagine that you are the bride. You are Uma Thurman, aka Beatrix kiddo. And the deadly Viper assassination squad is diet, culture and fat phobia. And the reason that the bride was shot and all of her family were killed was because she left the deadly Viper assassination squad and to fight back back against the deadly Viper assassination squad, she had to be trained by pi Mae, she had to get the head Tory Hanzo sword, she had to master the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. This is one of my favorite films, by the way. So this is why I know so much about it. She had to do all of this because the deadly Viper assassination squad was smart, were skilled, were relentless. And the same thing is true about diet culture and fat phobia. So a massive mistake people make when trying to leave diet culture and fat phobia behind is that they won't arm themselves with the tools that they need to survive the onslaught that will happen. And that is always happening from diet culture and fat phobia. They don't stand a chance. And it's like if the bride went to try and kill Oh, and Ishii and she just had a pocket knife and no training. Like she'd be dead in a minute. And when I say people, they struggle to, to have the tools and to have the training or that type of stuff.

Unknown Speaker 11:20

They, they struggle because they do think this is the kind of things that people will do and the mistakes that people will make. And this is how they are quite good at bombing themselves against this assassination squad, which is fatphobia and diet culture. So they'll do things like read a book. Follow a few fat people on social media. Try to remember to quiet quieten the voices in their head that tells them that they're ugly. Try to remember to do something about it. Maybe one time throw out something that doesn't fit anymore. Maybe one time by something that is that does fit. Think about maybe setting a boundary with someone who talks about diets and how much they hate their fat body. But then don't set the boundary. Listen to a few episodes of a podcast or watch this program one time. So that is what people do. And it's not going to help you fight diet culture and fat phobia. Because diet culture and fat phobia are not playing around. It is aggressive. It is in your face. It comes at you with hundreds or 1000s of millions of messages telling you that you aren't good enough. And this stuff has hideous consequences. This onslaught from diet culture and fatphobia has hideous consequences including death. So it's serious stuff like it is not playing around, it is out to get you it is out to make you feel like shit is out to destroy your life. And people make the mistake of thinking, Oh, if I read a book one time, then I'm going to be good. Like I'm going to be armed and equipped to deal with this assassinations squad, which is diet culture and fatphobia so if you tried to leave diet culture and don't get serious in how you're going to battle it, then it's like you are the bride going to kill Onishi with a pocket knife is like going up against deadly Viper assassination squad with you know, one of those toy swords or something. You need that Hattori Hanzo SOT you need to be trained by pi may you need to be to learn about the exploding five point Pom, the five point panic floating heart technique then you'll stand a chance of making it out. You have to be aggressive you have to be you have to learn how to fight against this stuff. Because it's insidious. It is an aggressive, it never stops. And you have to become like the bride. Uma Thurman vacay Beatrix Beatrix kiddo, and become a badass diet culture and fat phobia. Assassin kill that shit off. Get your revenge. Be like the ride. Okay, so are you if you've not watched kill Bella, you're gonna go and watch it now have I ruined it for you? Or maybe if you've seen it before, you're gonna go watch it again. Or maybe you don't like it. Some people don't like the film, but obviously it's directed by Quentin Tarantino when he is We don't like it, or we don't like it and why do we do people who maybe create good stuff have turned out to be knops? Just please don't let Tom Hanks turn out to be a knob, or Will Smith, in Will Smith and Tom Hanks turn out to be dickheads, then I'm going to be very upset. They probably are. We're all, we're all knobs in some way, but I don't hope they're not like serious knobs. Anyway, so now let's get into the three phases. And this is really important and powerful stuff. So what we're going to be covering is the three step process to love your fat body, why these steps are important, why people don't do these steps. So don't feel bad if you're not doing these things, and what happens in your life when you implement these steps. So let's get into it. Okay, so there are three steps to follow. Now, the first one are three phases. The first phase is called Explore. Now I like to keep it super simple, so that you can remember what it is I sort of like long big titles, and this is

Unknown Speaker 16:21

this framework is something that I use inside my course, first party Academy, this is exactly what I teach inside there. Now, step number one is explore. So when you're in the Explore phase, what you're going to be doing is understanding why you believe your fat body isn't okay. You're going to understand what you're not doing in life, because of what you believe about yourself. And, and you explore how your current beliefs are being supported in your life. So why this is important, this first step explore, it's super important because people are making the same mistake over and over and over again. And so what people do is they'll they'll do something to try and boost their confidence. And it worked temporarily. And then you'll they'll just go back to feeling shell again. And then they'll try something and it'll work temporarily, they might have a little boost, maybe they'll buy some new clothes, or maybe they you know, have some new experience and temporarily they feel good. But then deep down really they don't. Or they're faking it till they make it right. So what we're doing in Explorer is we are taking everything away stripping everything away. And imagine if you have a house, that house of body love houses, your house have have self esteem, it is rotten at the foundation, right? It is rotten at the roots. And so what we normally do is we try and use the house by like, I know painting it a new color or getting some new furniture. But because the foundations are crumbling, and they're rotten, that is using up is just pointless and doesn't work because the house is kind of falling down. It's not on solid foundation. And so we have to strip everything back. We have to go to the foundations, we have to explore those foundations and understand what is going on. Why are these foundations so shaky? Why are they so fraud what's happened here? What things have led this to becoming like this. And then once we've done that we can root it all out all of their like rotten wood or whatever it is in there. And foundations I don't know wasn't foundations like wood cement, who knows? Obviously, I know Bill helped build houses. But once we got rid of it all then we can put good stuff in there good solid foundations so that then you can rebuild that house. And it's not going to be like a roller coaster of emotions of being like feeling good feeling shit feeling even more shit feeling a little bit better, feeling good. Again, it's going to be a stable, you know, little bit of undulations but stable in the way that you feel about yourself and obviously, a big uptick on how you're feeling about yourself. So that is why it's really, really important. And you're going to be able to when you do this you're going to make be able to stop making the same mistakes that derail your confidence and our house, okay, our self esteem will be rock solid instead of crumbling and we're going to become soon Pull wise in this process, imagine, if you were a builder, and someone took you along and showed you, the, you know, foundations of a house and how it's built on what is good and what is bad and why things fall down, you're going to be more able to do it yourself. And so this is what we're doing here. And honestly, we're not building a house, we're, you know, building things up in our mind. And so you're gonna be so much wiser, so much more knowledgeable about you, and what is important for you. And you're also going to build resilience when shit hits the fan. You know, it's like that, what is it the three pigs and one house made of straw one house made of wood, and one of the house made of bricks, is like you're building a house with bricks and when shit hits the fan, because it will because you're a human being. And we live in a world that hates fat people, and is just entrenched in diet culture. You know, when something happens, you know, you're, you see your arm, your great arm, and they're like, Oh, you're fat or whatever, something like that happens, instead of it being this traumatic, life changing event, it's more, it'll be more like, oh, well, my great aunt is a bit of a fat foe, or that wasn't fun, I'm not going to spend time with that person anymore. So resilience is the juicy stuff that we get from that. And without doing this, you are an able to truly build lasting confidence because it's just building on top of off something that's not stable, those unstable foundations. So it's really important to do this. Now, most people don't do this, because they don't know that they need to. So they see advice online, or they see, you know, positive quotes. And it'll be like, you know, feel good, or dump your boyfriend or whatever it is. And it's kind of like, temporary goodness. And they don't know, people don't know that you have to get to the foundations. Now you do, I'm telling you to get to those foundations, and they don't have a roadmap. So if you don't know how to do it, then, you know, it's, it's literally like saying, if you're not a builder, hey, can you go build me a house, just build those foundations of that house, you'd be like, what, but if someone gives you a roadmap, then you're more likely to be able to do it.

Unknown Speaker 22:35

And also, it can be difficult to know where to start. Like, if you're rebuilding stuff, like, do you dig a hole? Do you put foundations on like, cement? Or, like, what how do you know where to start. And also, people want to rush ahead, like people see this foundation building stuff as unnecessary or boring, they just want to rush ahead to the, you know, super feel good stuff without getting into the digging into the muck and the dirt and finding out what's really going on. Because they want to do that, you know, that stuff that's more sparkly and fun. You know, like decorating the house or buying new furniture or whatever, whatever it is, that makes sense. So don't feel bad if you if you don't do this, or this is how you feel. Because most people don't do this, right. So a member of my face value academy that has done this, shared something with me, and I'm just going to read it out to you. So who's really worked hard at the Explore phase in this process? So she says, Hi, everyone. So as promised, Victoria and myself, I'll be sharing my smart goal. Basically, I'm single, but I've been thinking more recently to make myself available for magnet matchmaking. The reason why I have chosen this as my smart goal is because in the past the issue has tied quite deeply with my feelings on my body image and my thoughts on my desirability. So this brings up a lot of fears. But today I will be sending in the profile thing I've filled out. And so in face it Academy, we it, we do a lot of goal setting and so that we can achieve those things that we previously thought were not possible. And so this person has really dug in deep and understand why that this has been an issue and is rebuilding those foundations so that there can be a more rock solid process in dating, instead of making the same mistakes again, again, again, dating people who are not suitable and being with them for a couple of years and being like, oh, actually they're a massive decade but because of my lower self Do my struggle to see that or I didn't think that I was worthy, etcetera, etcetera. Okay, so that is number one, phase explore. Number two is fun leash. So what unleash is, is letting go of all diet bullshit and feeling free around your body and food, wrangling your limiting negative self beliefs, stepping into the version of you, you may have been too afraid to reveal and finally saying fuck you to beauty ideals and believing it. So that is what we do in Unleash. Now why this is important is because what's this what this is all about and what building confidence is really all about is having and fostering deep self compassion for the real you. For the you the version of you, which is totally imperfect, and probably very weird. And you think that is not suitable to show to the world. And because especially if you have a fat body, we want to show the world that we're so worthy and all these other ways. And it's very hard to show the real authentic version of us. So being able to show the real you but also having deep self compassion for you, the real you and that is what confidence is. It's not this, you know, going around being like, booboo, I'm amazing. Yeah, oh, fuck everyone else. I'm like the king of the world. It's just being like, you know what, I have self compassion for myself.

Unknown Speaker 26:51

So this is important, because you're able to let go the fuck that you've been giving about unimportant stuff, like seriously, seriously unimportant stuff, like reducing your body size and shit like that. You're able to express yourself. And if you're able to express yourself, you're able to find self fulfillment, and also no longer have negative or disordered, a negative or disordered relationship with your body and with food? And what impact does that have on the world, on your, on the world, and your smaller community on the people close to you, and to you? What impact will all of that have? A lot, a big impact, the laboring. Now, most people don't do this, because their negative beliefs are so deeply ingrained that they think that it's not possible to change, just not possible. And as well. They just don't know how they don't know how to start. They try a few things, it doesn't work. And if they try some things, and it doesn't work, then they then it, it helps solidify that belief that they can't do it, it's not possible for them. And then maybe they don't try more things because they think that they can't do it. And so it's like a vicious circle. Now, someone within my program, first it Academy, really embraced this unleash stage and shared with me, I'm going to read this out. Everything I've learned and put into practice has started to trickle down to my wife. And I think she's starting to realize she is worthy just as she is. That's a positive impact I'm really proud of, for myself, I feel much happier. I'm seeing myself in a different, much less judgmental light. And I say, oh my god, this is amazing. I'm so impressed with that accidental outcome. And she replies me too. I can see changes happening within her too. And it's a beautiful thing. And not that we're doing this work for other people. You know, sometimes we might be we're really doing this work for ourselves and trying to put ourselves first but the magical, magical worse. Magician is and the magic homeless. Definitely a word of this stuff is how it impacts a world, you know, really impacts the world. Okay, so that is number two. Now number three, the final stage is activate. So what activate is, is activating it's doing the scary shit. It's becoming an expert at living your life authentically, and with joy, and it's achieving things you previously thought thought were impossible. suitable, and is it's having the ability to weather, any storm. So, why we do this, I like to think about it as

Unknown Speaker 30:14

the self love mountain. Now you've probably heard me talk about the self love mountain before. Imagine if someone said to you, hey, climb Mount Kilimanjaro. And Mount Kilimanjaro was really big, obviously. And so you've never climbed it before, you've never climbed even a hill before, you're going to be like, I can't do it, obviously, you know, you probably, you know, you might die doing it. And so you are nervous. But then a guide comes along, and says, Hey, I'm gonna do it with you. And so you, they bring the gear, they tell you what to do, they're with you every step of the way. And then you get to the top of the mountain successfully, and it's great. And you do it again, with a guide, and again, with a guide, and then you might do it on your own, but with a guide on a walkie talkie, and you will then become wiser. And you'll know okay, well go this way. Because that way has a bit curvaceous, make sure I take this equipment with me because it's really important, I have no oxygen and water, for example. And then finally, you are going to be able to do it totally unsupported. And even be able to take people with you, and you be their guide, because you're so experienced at climbing this mountain. Now that is what activate is, it is starting to climb that mountain over and over and over again. So that you are an expert at it. So that you know, okay, if we go this way, there's gonna be a crevasse. If we go that way, it's steeper. If we go this way, it's easier to do, and read the weather and know Okay, so we're going to have a storm coming. And this is how we deal with the storm. And if we if you stumble into a storm that you don't know what's going to come, you're more prepared than if you were the first time on the mountain. So that is what activate is all about is becoming that self assured. Person who is able to climb the self love mountain on their own, and even take others with them. So this is this is important because you won't always need help or reassurance from other people, it's important that you, you go it alone, right? Because it's not often that you're going to have someone who is able to support you all of the steps of the way. And you don't want that anyway, you want to be able to just go roam free. You don't want to like a babysitter all the time, right. And confidence then will just become a

Unknown Speaker 32:53

part of who you are. And you can then fill your life

Unknown Speaker 32:57

with all the things that bring you happiness without constantly doubting, if you look okay, or if you should lose weight, or if being fat is bad. Or if your partner really thinks you're disgusting, you're just going to be that self compassion field. Resilient, reassured person that knows that they can do it and knows, you know, there are human beings, sometimes it's a van, but they can survive. Now most people don't do this, because it's kind of a catch 22 How can you do confident things if you don't feel confident. And so the catch is, you just have to do the thing, you have to do the thing first, and then you become confident. And it's getting out of remember we're talking about the Constant Learner effect constantly learning and trying to get confidence through learning when really you need to do the things. And so getting out of that catch 22 of I don't feel confident to climb the mountain Well, you just have to go and try, even if you're shitting your pants, but don't try in a way where you know, the first time you're on your own and you're just like, I'm just gonna give it a try. I've got my flip flops on, it's gonna be amazing, you know, go in a supported way with a guide and, and make sure that it's not a traumatizing experience for you because then you won't ever want to climb the mountain again. Also, people don't do this because they don't have the system to get to a place where they believe that they can do it. There's no, you don't go to school and learn this stuff. You know, you no one no one is sharing the, you know, step one, how do that step two, of course I'm sharing it right now, but it's it's very rare, right? You can't just walk up to someone in the street and be like, tell me A to Zed or Z. How to feel better in my body. There are steps I've created step EPS, but they don't know that they need the steps. And also, most people don't do this because it's scary. It's really fucking scary. Really scary. And it's scary as well. Doing it alone is scary to be going against potentially people who are like, you can't climb that fucking mountain. And if you do, if you think you can, you are ridiculous, like, Who do you think you are? You shouldn't climb that mountain because this bad thing is going to happen. And to have the bravery to say, actually, you know what, you know, the way I'm doing things right now it is not making me feel great. And to start to understand how to climb that mountain is very difficult and very, very, very brave. So most people, it's a struggle. It's a struggle, right? So yeah, so a member of first party Academy who really embraced, activate, shared this. So this is what she said, I attended the self love summit in London on Saturday, on my own. That's the first thing on one of the speakers announced at the beginning of her talk, that she was going to invite the audience of 400 plus to join her onstage at the end and take their clothes off and sing the one and only by Chesney Hawkes. You know that song?

Unknown Speaker 36:31

I'm the one and only we're, we're no, read B. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 36:38

you know, that's I'm continuing, I thought, No way in capitals and exclamation marks. I had noticed a hole in my bra in the morning when I was in my hotel room. And I had some non matching light colored and quite loose knickers on. So no confidence boosting underwear to hide behind. Anyway, when she invited us up, I decided to go, I was one of the first upon stage, so I had no idea anyone else was coming. Actually, around 40 women went up. So I ended up being at the back. But I did it. I took my clothes off and sang the one and only at the top of my voice. Thank you for the part you have played in. In my journey to get to this point, I was amazed at myself and still out. Now this person who did this, Suze, she wasn't before going around taking her clothes off at conferences. Like, no, she hated her body. She had been dieting for years and years and years, Suzy witch who was on the podcast, maybe 10 episodes ago. So, you know, she this wasn't in her wheelhouse. But she did it. She did it. And now she's in that stage where she is helping others to do it with her business. And she would never have thought that that was possible for her. So confidence doesn't happen on its own. It's not like, The heavens are gonna open and then you know, a lightning box strikes you and then all of a sudden you're like, oh my god, oh my god, amazing. Each of my students increased their self esteem because they had a system in place. And they followed it this system that I use and visit fatty Academy. So yeah, they are the steps. So number one is explore. Number two is unleash number three is activate. So why don't you use those steps, see if it helps you see if it works for you. See if you can get to the summit of self love mountain and how that feels for you. Okay, I hope that was interesting and impactful. And you're able to implement those three steps. Now. If you want to work on loving your body more then make sure that you check out the first fatty Vault, which is just a plethora of loving your fat body finding peace with food resources, help guides, workbooks videos is amazing. Oh my gosh. So it's free. Go to the link in the bio or wherever you're listening. Or you can always go to facebook.com forward slash podcast to find out all the latest episodes. And a reminder that if you leave me a review, amazing, juicy beautiful review, email me and I will send you a free copy, digital copy of my book, a digital and Audio Copy of my best selling book fierce, fatty. All right. I hope the audio was okay for you today and I want to get my USB things fixed. Although what you know what I don't want to I don't want to get my laptop to get fixed because I'm like, I don't watch TV or watch like stuff on my laptop and I'm like, How can I go a day without watching stuff or and obviously I use it to work which is more important, right? Maybe I can do it over the weekend and like actually do something with my day. Question mark. All right. Okay, thank you for hanging out today and I will see you in the next episode. Stay fierce batty. See you later crocodile goodbye.