Episode 86 Transcript

Read transcript alongside audio.

Welcome to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Welsby and this is episode 86. Today, we're talking about less "healthy" post pandemic, is it because of weight gain?

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident fifth party who loves every inch of this jelly. society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the first fatty podcast Let's begin.

1:19

Bonjour, hello. Welcome to this episode. So pleased to have you here. How are you doing? I live is wonderful. We are in a heatwave the moment in Vancouver. So hot. Actually. I say that I'm like, it's so hot. No human being can live with these temperatures. And and then then I talk to people in the states and I'm like, yeah, so obviously, because I never know when people are like, Oh, it's 100 degrees in the States. I'm like, oh, no, 100 Fahrenheit. I'm like that is that's probably like 20 degrees Celsius. I don't know what the equivalent is. It's not so hot. Here. We're at like 30 degrees this weekend. It's gonna be 34 degrees. So let's see. 34 Celsius to Fahrenheit is 93. So I'm sure a lot of you will be like, 90 Fahrenheit is nothing. You sleep person, Victoria. But listen, I'm Irish, I'm British. I have c three skin. And in Vancouver, we don't have AC. I didn't have air conditioning. And yesterday get this yesterday where the window washers will come in the window washers will come in. So we have to keep our windows closed all day. And I work from home. And the chair that I work from is a leather chair. And yeah, I was sweating my floppy tits off. And these motherfuckers didn't even come and watch my fucking windows. They've missed them. So they're gonna have to go back another day and do right now. So sad.

But hey, thank you for all the love and support you all have been sharing, sending, giving all that jazz I feel really appreciated. So I've been getting PayPal donations, I've been getting lovely messages. I have been getting podcast reviews, and it makes my brain happy. So I'm just going to read out a couple of reviews that I got recently. First one here five stars of amazingly authentic podcast. I recently discovered first fatty and it's the most liberating and useful thing I've ever heard. There are lots of great podcasts about anti diet and haze ideas but stories and stories but first it gets straight to the heart of things and tells it like it is no B S I felt like Victoria was speaking directly to me. It really helped me shift my perspective on my body and society because I'm already a more and I'm already a more confident person because of IRD Thank you very much let's see this one. I don't know if I've shared this one yet. Let me sort it all let me let me Here we go.

Here's another one. Five stars. Love your show. I came across your show when I was searching for EDI recovery podcasts absolutely love your positivity and humor. I listen as I walk my dog Hunter Hunter or Humber that screenshot is blurry so So Hunter remember I think Hunter I have been struggling with Edie with a needy for over two years and I am starting to make steps in the right direction listening to you describe many of the things that I do as part of my my EDI. I have really started to realize how silly my beliefs are in believing diet culture, rather than trust me everybody. So thank you. Thank you very much for those reviews. And if you want to support me, you can do that in a couple of ways. So if you want to send me a donation over PayPal, or I'll share a link in the show notes, show notes, you can get to facebook.com, forward slash 086, for 88, for Episode 86, or just first fifty.com, forward slash podcast, and it will take you to the most recent podcast, you can do that or you can write a review, both of those things will really help me writing a review on whatever platform that you listen to the show is really, really helpful. And especially because Apple, they show only the reviews that are from your local area.

So if you live in like Sweden, or whatever, say if there's no reviews of the show, then it's less likely that people in Sweden are going to listen to it. But if you're listening in Sweden, go leave me a review. I don't know if I've got any Swedish reviews. I know I have Swedish relation listeners. I've got listened to all over the world. So yeah, go leave a review that would that would make my heart pitter patter.

6:12

I'd love you forever. Another update is that, okay? You need to keep this on the DL. Don't be telling Don't be telling any of the trolls. All right. I have now added a search function on the podcast page. So if you want to go and listen to not podcasts, you can go and look for anything that I've ever written or said about a certain topic. So if there's a certain topic that you're looking for, then you can go to the podcast page. And right at the top right at the top of the page, there's there's a search bar.

Now I used to always have a search bar on the main page of my website. But he is, you know what it's like being fat on the internet is I am constantly having to change the URL of my quiz, my first party quiz, because trolls get the hands on it. And then I get hundreds and literally 1000s of trolls doing the IU fat phobic quiz, and plugging up my email with all of their abuse, and they leave like you know, they'll love the live, that email addresses something abusive at Fuck you.com You know, and so it means I have to pay for it. And so, check, I change the URL for the quiz all the time. But what they were doing in the past was just using the search function to find the quiz. So it didn't matter, they changed the URL. So I took the search function off, and I've had it off for probably a year, six months. Because I'm fed up with the trolls getting hold of the stuff and and so now I thought you know what, I really want you to have the search function because I want you to be able to find stuff. And I've done what 86 episodes now of the show. And I have got lots of blog posts and all that type of stuff. I've been doing this for years now. And so I want you to be able to find the information you need. And so I thought, if I put it on the podcast page, I don't think the trolls are going to be that invested in trolling me to listen to the podcast. I might be wrong. A trauma by listening being like, hahaha, she shared her secrets now. Now I know how to fuck with her. But fingers girls do please don't do that. If you're a drill. You can just find the search function on my podcast page. So secret. Don't tell anyone else. Keep it secret go. You can go and search for anything that you're looking for help with. Okay, okay. Okay, I just I tested it today. And I was like, Yeah, works. Just, you know, putting in words like fuck, and cheese and whatever. See what came up with stuff comes up. Yeah, I talked about goat cheese one time.

So the title of our podcast today is less quote unquote, healthy post pandemic, I just want to point out, it's not post pandemic, right. But I'm trying to use common language. So that this is more searchable. But you know, we're not post pandemic, we're still in the pandemic. And as well, many other countries are really, really in it and really struggling. And it's only you know, I live in Canada, and because of the privilege of living in Canada, things are getting a lot better. And I guess in other countries like the US and the UK, but some countries that's not the situation for them. So I just want to recognize that but using that word post pandemic, those words post pandemic, just so we kind of you know, a snapshot easy can see what we're talking about here. So what I'm talking about here is is is people feeling like you know, we kind of you know, we're coming to the tail end of this hopefully fingers crossed, fingers crossed. Oh my god, I just said what I said that is don't pandemic gods don't change things. Coming to The end of this and kind of people are trying to go back to quote unquote, normal. And I have seen everywhere.

10:09

People being like, Okay, well I, you know, I've really, you know, I've got so unhealthy during the pandemic, and I'm, I've put on weight and blah, blah, blah. And I'm seeing a lot of people with with fears and worries about that. And also, I had a group call with my members of phase fatty Academy today. And we were talking about how we are blaming changes that we see in our body. So the way that they function the way that they look, our bodies and our abilities on fatness. And so, you know, I thought when I need to talk about this, need to talk about this, because people are making the conclusion that because their body has changed, and if they happen to have put on weight, well ipso facto, it's because they put on weight, which makes sense, right? Why would they not? Why would you not come to that conclusion? When we live in this? This society that tells us that weight is to blame for everything, right? So. So the types of things that I'm seeing on my online is like, people saying, I must get healthy and lose weight, because I can't run 10 kg now without getting out of breath. And it's because I put on three pounds in the last year. And, and and it's not because I haven't run in 18 months, it's because I'm I've put on three pounds, or 30 pounds or whatever. And in my brain, I'm like, Huh? Isn't? Question mark, question mark is.

And if your abilities have changed, and it's being in lockdown, and you happen to put on her put on weight, then that can be really distressing. And if you're doing this work of unlearning, fatphobia, and you have put on weight, and your abilities have changed, your, your body looks different, then that's gonna shake your brain, right? That's gonna make you say, Oh, my God, like, who was I? What was I thinking? You doing this stuff? Like, I need to really get back on it and start being healthy. And I think that's a pretty normal experience and normal feeling to have. And, you know, society blames weight on everything. So, of course, our brains are going to be like, it's tough on fans come on for. I mean, you know, I used to study Japanese, like, 10 years ago, I studied Japanese for a little while. And since then, about 10 years ago, I stopped practicing it. Right. And also, I put on weight. So it's 100%. My weight that has stopped me knowing Japanese. Right? So if I lose weight, then I'll start to remember Japanese words. Is that right? No? Of course not. But you know, it to? It seems so like, well, obviously, no, it's not because you put on weight that you stopped Understanding Japanese words is because you hadn't practiced Japanese in 10 years. dipshit. Like, of course, you're not going to remember if you don't practice it.

And so of course, our bodies are going to be like, you know, less you capable. If you stop doing the types of physical activities that you used to do. Like our bodies or not, these magic things are just gonna forever remember how to be strong, or whatever it is that you were doing. But we see that we see that correlation, we see that increased body size, and we're like, oh, it's a weight. It's a way it's a ways away. But I do want to say like, sometimes if you do have extra weight on your body, sometimes you can't do certain things because you have more adipose tissue. So say for example, you have a larger belly now? Well, if you have more adipose tissue on your belly area, you're not going to be able to maybe, I don't know, say if you could twist your body up and do some yoga and whatever. If you have an extra volume there, then it's gonna be different right? And is that to be expected, is that reasonable? And is it that much different, you know, like, or is it different enough to be noticeable and therefore be distressing? So yeah. So if you want to improve your fitness Post pandemic.

15:04

And you're feeling like, Okay, well, if I lose weight, then I'm going to improve my fitness. What we know is that chances are, we can't lose weight, right. And only a very, very small portion of people who go on a diet can lose weight. And if you want to whatever it is that you want to improve, like, if you want to improve your stamina or your you know, strength or your flexibility, or you just want to have good happy home happy juices going into your brain from doing the movement that you'd like to do, whatever it is, then do that outside of focusing on your weight. And, you know, so if you do want to improve your health, good for you, if you don't good for you, neither is morally superior or inferior.

And, you know, even if the weight is to blame, so even if you were able to, I don't know how you would do this. Look at all of the evidence and experience and do a study on yourself and be like, okay, the changes in my my quote, unquote, health, definitely, due to the fact that I have more adipose tissue on there. I don't think that you could do like a study to prove that because, you know, we've been through so much in the pandemic, there's so many different things that are going on. And we ignore things like what our mental health how what impact that has on our physical health. And so even if some of it some some way that you were able to prove Okay, right, 100%, this is due to due to me having more adipose tissue on my body, will, we can't get rid of it, right? Because it's very, very unlikely that you will be able to lose weight and keep it off long term. It's just, we know this, we know this, right? We know this. And so what can you do? What can you do, you can't, if it is down to weigh and we, it's very hard to come to that conclusion, we can't lose weight. So what's the option, the option is to maybe support yourself where you are. And giving give yourself some compassion and kindness and and realize that it's actually a very complicated subject. This is very complicated subject.

And, you know, it might be even more distressing being in your body. If you've put on weight, if you can feel a new role. You know, like, say, if you can feel a new fat roll, or you can feel on my arm, my arm is bigger than it used to be. And I can feel it touching my, my, my sides. And that is really distressing. And yes, absolutely it is. It is, it is. It's jarring if your body has changed and you can physically feel it. It's distressing. It can be can cannot be, but I like to think about it as I don't know if you ever had braces, you know the braces that you have on your teeth. I don't know if you call that something different in other countries, but we call them braces in the UK to straighten out your teeth. I remember when I first got braces, I felt them and I was like how the fuck am I meant to talk, eat, walk blink with these walk in, like

18:39

giant structure jutting from my teeth. It is not possible. And I remember the next day at school, just having my hand over my mouth being so embarrassed by it. And one of my friends, I remember codeine, she was just like, listen, it's another run with that you're lucky that you got braces, it's no big deal. Just smile and I was like, Okay. And I learned to kind of embrace it and just move on with it. But but for a long time, it was the they felt giant in my mouth, they felt like they were 57 million times bigger than they actually were. And really, it's kind of a small thing, but it felt like it felt huge. And was distracting. And just made me think about it all the time. I couldn't not think about the fact that I had braces because they were right there. And eventually, that feeling went away because it became normal.

And I remember when I got my braces off maybe like two years later when they came off and it was like whoa, look at all this space in my mouth. I can fit like 25 fists in there now will like what am I going to do with all this? You know, I've got all this space where my braces used to be. And then that became the new Normal I'm sure if I put anything like that in my mouth now then it would be feel really weird. And so, yes, of course, if your body has changed, and you can feel it and you feel uncomfortable in your body, that's to be expected. So, what can you do to feel more comfortable in this in this moment? What can you do to support yourself? What exactly is the most triggering for you? Is it wearing certain clothes? Is it doing certain activities? Can you remove, reduce protect yourself? So can you remove the stimuli? Can you reduce your exposure to it? And if not, can you protect yourself from the effects of that? Remove reduce protect. So I just want to read you a little excerpt excerpt from Linda Bacon lindo bacon.com And this is titled, The Hayes manifesto Hayes HIE s Hayes is health every size and so just so that we've got it in our brains about instead of blaming weight for everything you know let's let's have a little get comfortable let me read you something and read you something okay.

So how fair every size the new peace movement we're losing the war on fatness fighting fat has not made the fat go away. The you know the we're losing the war on fatness by the way that's kind of in in Lindos work they talk about how that that's you know, that statement is bullshit but there's there's not the the the brackets here like oh, by the way that's bullshit here but I just wanted to point it out but they do mention that so finding fat has not made the fat go away. However, extensive quote unquote collateral damage has resulted. Food and body periodical preoccupation, self hatred, eating disorders, weight cycling, weight discrimination, poor health. Few of us are at peace with our bodies, whether it's because we're fat or because we fear becoming fat, it's time to withdraw the troops. There is a compassionate alternative to the war health every size, which is proven to be much more successful at health improvement and without the unwanted side effects. The scientific research consistently shows that common assumptions underlying the war on fatness just don't stand up to the evidence. Okay, assumption first assumption, assumption, the O words the O word people die sooner than Lina people so fat people die sooner than finna people false. Almost all effort. epidemiologic studies indicate people in the quote unquote overweight or moderately quote unquote obese categories live at least as long or longer than people in the quote unquote normal weight category. The most comprehensive review of the research poll data from 26 studies and found quote unquote overweight to be associated with greater longevity, then quote unquote normal weight

23:26

and you just continue there let's just more stuff about that assumption. Being fat puts people at significant health risk. False epidemiol this word every fuckin time epidemiological studies rarely acknowledged factors like fitness activity, nutrient intake, weight cycling, socio economic status, when considering connections between weight and disease, yet all play a role. When studies do control for these factors increased risk of disease disappears or is significantly reduced. What's likely going on here is that these other factors increase disease risk at the same time they increase the risk of weight gain.

Next assumption anyone who was determined can lose weight and keep it off false. The vast majority of people who try to lose weight regain it regardless of whether they maintain their diet or exercise program. This occurs in all studies no matter how many calories or what portions of fat protein carbs are using the diet or what types of exercise programs are pursued. Many studies also show that dieting is a strong predictor of future weight game. Assumption weight loss will prolong life false. No one has ever shown that losing weight prolongs life. Let me just repeat that no one has ever shown that losing weight prolongs life. Some studies actually indicate the that intentional weight loss increases the risk of dying, dying early from certain diseases. Assumption, the only way for fat people to improve health is to lose weight. Most health indicators can be improved through changing health behaviors regardless of whether weight is lost. For example, lifestyle changes can reduce blood pressure, largely or completely independent of changes in body weight. The same can be said for blood lipids, improvements in incidence sensitivity and blood lipids as a result of aerobic exercise training have been documented even in persons who actually gained body fat while participating in the intervention. Assumption health is declining as a result of and fat Ness epidemic they use the word but I just I just don't I just want to use them.

Okay, so this is where they are saying, oh, yeah, by the way, it's bullshit. So, so false. While it's true that we're moderately fatter than we used to be life expectancy has increased dramatically during the same time period, in which our weight rose from 70.8 years in 1970 to 77.8 years in 2005. Oh, I wonder what it is now. Because this book was written 10 years ago and lindo has gotten two more books since this book came out. So yeah, anyway, that's right governments is to statistics predict that the average kid now can now can now expect to live almost eight years longer than their parents. Not only are we living longer than ever before, but we're healthier than ever and chronic disease is appearing much later in life. Death rates as a tribute attributed to heart disease have steadily declined throughout the entire spike in fatness. Both the World Health Organization and the Social Security Administration. Project Life expects Project Life expectancy to continue to rise in coming decades. We are simply not seeing the catastrophic consequences predicted to result from the fatness epidemic.

27:10

And just to finalize it, blame economics. Why do these faulty assumptions continue to proliferate? And why isn't the reality more widely known? There can only be there can only be one explanation when science so blatantly contradicts popular thought. Economics. There is a huge industry that benefits from widening the boundaries of what is considered a problematic weight including weight loss centers, supplement makers, drug companies, physicians and purveyors of diet books, foods and programs. Even scientists benefit by getting research grants and serving as consultants or by running weight loss centers at universities. convincing us of a crisis can also aid government agencies in obtaining congressional funding. An expert panels that create public policy and determine research funding are populated by individuals with financial conflict of interest. That said, I do not believe that those engaging in this damaging paradigm are part of part of a widespread conspiracy. We are all raised with the assumption that fat is bad and permanent weight loss can be achieved through dietary change and exercise.

These assumptions are so strongly part of our cultural landscape that they are regarded as self evident and few even consider questioning them. As a result, many well intentioned caring people allow, unknowingly collude and transmit this cultural bias. Also, there is a there is little reward for questioning these assumptions, other than peace of mind, indeed, for professional to challenge his ideas is tantamount to career suicide. This is in stark contrast to the large financial status incentive for supporting the old paradigm. So that's, that's from Linda Bacon. I'll link to it in the show notes. Linda Bacon has so many resources and links to literally hundreds of items of research. And actually what Linda was saying at the end of that, that that makes me remind me of just this week, a researcher a scientist came out I'm going to try and find it find it on their name. I can't remember the name off the top of my head. I think it's in the my fat Studies Group. Oh, yeah. Okay.

So, Katherine Fleagle. So Katherine Fleagle. I'm going to link to this in the show notes to this is whoa be a Na Na. Yes. So Catherine Fleagle in 2010. Alongside colleagues published a paper about let me see if I can find the title of the original paper, basically saying you know, fatness is actually not that bad, like chill And and for years have have sustained attacks. So this is this is the beginning of the paper. So the paper, Katherine Fleagle wrote the the oh, what are the Oh walls and the education of a researcher a personal account. Let me just read the beginning of this. A naive researcher. That's who she's talking about herself, published a scientific article in a respectable journal. She thought her article was straightforward and defensible. It only used publicly available data and her findings were consistent with much of the literature on the topic. Her co authors included two distinguished statisticians, and to her surprise, her publication was met with unusual attacks from some unexpected sources within the research community. These attacks were by and large not pursued through normal channels of scientific discussion.

Her research became the target of an aggressive campaign that included insults, errors, misinformation, social media posts behind the scenes, gossip, and maneuvers and complaints to her employer. The goal appear to be to to appeared to be to undermine and discredit her work. The controversy was something deliberately manufactured in the attacks primarily consisted of repeated agitations of preconceived opinions. She learned firsthand the Antec antagonism antagonism that could be provoked by inconvenient scientific findings, guidelines and recommendations should be based on objective and unbiased data development of public health policy and clinical recommendations is complex, and needs to be evidence based rather than belief based. This can be challenging, challenging when a lot of hot button topics, topic is involved. And it goes on and actually, Katherine does a so there's a famous study called mokdad a hour, which is basically

32:01

says the results of this study says estimated fat associated deaths in 2000 is 365. And so that is like the cornerstone this this mokdad and mokdad, when after Fliegl, Catherine Fliegl. Because Fliegl looked at the data and said that actually, instead of 365,000 deaths, because of fatness in 2000, it was actually 112,000 which is still, you know, it's very hard to count, you know, to prove that, definitely, but, you know, 1/3 of what this mokdad was saying, and the research that Fliegl did was way better. And so it's like, there's like a table here of saying what mokdad did, which was not that great. And then what Fliegl did to which was look at the data again, and and find the errors, and, and the stuff that people were doing to her to try and fuck with her. And also this is so interesting goes into the things that people did studies on.

You know, they did rebuttals on her study, and they were their rebuttals. Well, you know, like, she says, abc and abc is wrong. And actually then, you know, that in this, this thing I'm talking about? Katherine will be like, Actually, I didn't say ABC, I said, CDE. And so what you're talking about is bullshit. Anyway, so there's lots of different things there. And it's really interesting that so this, this has been going on for a decade of people harassing her attacking her, because they have an interest to make sure that this person is their work is not seen as legitimate. When it's like, like Katherine says at the beginning of the the introduction here, is that it we need clinical recommendations that are evidence based rather than belief based. And that's all Catherine did is she looked at evidence rather than beliefs. And you know, exactly what Linda was saying that is there there is unfortunate outcomes for people who do speak up. And, and as well, like Linda says, you know, it's not like this conspiracy theory where people are like, Oh, we know that this is wrong, but we're gonna just do it anyway. But I genuinely believe that mokdad And any of the other people who think that fatness means that people spontaneously combust. I think they genuinely do believe that and I feel like they, they genuinely feel that saying that this issue isn't as serious as we have been led to believe, is very dangerous. And so I believe that they're, they're human beings and they're doing their best. But I also believe that they're influenced by by what their work is, like, I mean, how if you're an O word, researcher, if you are an O word, Doctor, how the hell are you going to after years and years and years have one line of one thought on fatness is bad? How are you going to be able to turn around and be like, oh, yeah, turns out, I've been fucking wrong.

All this time. actually turns out that I've got lots of bias against fat people, even though I said that I was trying to help them. I was trying to help them. But really, my own bias and fat phobia meant that I was doing the opposite, like, how can you how can you get to that conclusion? Yeah, I think you couldn't, because we all want to believe that we're good people. And we're, you know, we're doing our best. And I think it's very difficult. It's very difficult for these these Oh, word researchers to be like, everything that you believe is, is not based in evidence, that must be very, very difficult. But still, let's have more compassion for people like Katherine Fleagle, who go out there, and I can see crusading and

36:44

standing up to these, oh, that must be really, really hard. So I'll link to that into the in the show notes. And something as well that I want to remind you, we've spoken about this a lot, which is what what makes up health, and what makes up health is actually very, very complicated. And only around. So 36% of what makes up an individual's health status is, is your own behaviors. And within that sex subsection of your own behaviors, there's six different things, and one of them is food, and one of them is movement.

And, you know, the other ones are things like sleep, your your your mood, your your your psychological, psychological assets, things like that, like that. And so that makes up the 36% and risk related behaviors. And so if you have access to guns, if you're having less safe sex, if you are doing donuts at the local supermarket in your car and doing 500 miles an hour down the road, like that's individual behavior. And then the rest of it is medical care, environment, social circumstances, genetics and biology. So that's things like, how much do you have access to health care? Do you are you literate? around health literacy? What is your your race and your gender and your your citizenship status? And have you been in the army and the military and things like that? So it's like, really, really complicated. So just a reminder, in case that's not stuck in your head, and you'd like to be healthy, I need to not be fat? Or one, we very unlikely that you can, if you're fat, become not fat, even more unlikely if the higher your weight, and and what's that going to achieve? Mike? Is that gonna make you healthy? Well, let me know what makes up the determinants of health. You know, there's not much evidence, and there is evidence to show that trying to lose weight is not going to be helpful. So another thing I wanted to talk about is, you know, with this leaving leave, leaving your house and going to see people is that a lot of people are experiencing that fear and anxiety about going out and seeing people and people judging them.

And, and being social and going back to work and all that jazz and, and, and who this is a unique situation. I mean, it's not many of us, you can say that we've we've had to be away from people for this amount of time and not see them, you know, apart from like our heads on Zoom or whatever. And I mean, I have been experiencing this kind of, maybe not to the same degree, but just a general anxiety of being doing the things that I have done lots of lots of times before. So last week, I went out for dinner with, with three friends. And so there's gonna be four of us. I've been out for dinner with one friend, right? And so I would, I would just do like solo, what? Not solo with one other person. And so the idea of being with three other people, the day of this dinner thing, I was like, Well, I feel I feel anxious. What what is going on? Like, we're going to this place, which is half a block from my house, so I didn't have to worry about like, finding parking or, or where it was or, or anything. And I looked at the menu knew I was going to E. And I was like, Wow, I'm experiencing some anxiety. And I see these people like I met, there's a couple that we went with, who is people I've met at the dog park. And so they know me, they know what I look like. But what if it was people that I haven't seen in a while, you know, that will probably be different? And what if I didn't like my body? And that would be different? Yeah, so when I when I got to the dinner, like immediately, I felt fine. But I said to them, Listen, I felt a bit anxious about tonight, which is very unlike me, and they were like, wow, that's really interesting. And we can totally get that. And I think it's 100% normal to feel that way. And it's normal to worry about being judged. In this really, really unique situation, which puts on extra stress and pressure.

Nevermind, when we're normally worried about being judged, nevermind, there's a whole other layer of stuff. And not even one layer of stuff. There's so many layers of stuff that's happening in our brains right now and the amount of stress we've experienced.

41:42

And I feel like so many of us worried, we're so worried and which leads me to believe that the people that we're worried about seeing, if so many of us are worried, leads me to believe that the people that we're with, we're worried about judging us, or too worried, they're worried, if a lot of us are worried, then the people that we're worried about are probably worried about us judging them. And so they're probably like, oh, man, I haven't seen Victoria while and she's probably going to notice that I've put on way or, or think that my clothes are shared or whatever, I would hope that my friends would know that I'm not like that. I mean, they would.

But you know, it's we've got a variety of people in our lives. And so knowing that the person that you're going to see is probably worry too. Maybe that will give you be able to give you yourself some more more compassion. And as well, I feel like this is a really good indicator like this, it feels like this is really like blown up. And as in like, it's really like put a magnifying glass on certain relationships. And you see a lot of people are like, uh, now I've realized that I don't want to do that thing anymore. I don't want to you know, I've realized what makes me happy and what not what doesn't make me happy. And I've got out of the rut of everyday living and I've realized this and that. And so if there are certain people in your life that you're like, Okay, well, seeing this person feels okay, but seeing that other person, I know that they are a judgmental motherfucker. I think that could be really, really helpful evidence to show to you that maybe hanging out with the person who is really really judgmental and you know, they are is maybe not the best for your mental health. And should they be one of the first people that you see post pandemic? When you're kind of at your your wiliest? Probably not. Should they be someone that you either set boundaries with have a conversation about that judgment or side? or reduce contact with or just cut them off? Completely? Want to know? I don't know. But it's questions to ask yourself right. And, and the idea of, okay, the world is now open now go and do everything is too much is too much. You know, the analogy that I love the the to learn to swim, you know, reading a book, but then you need to get in the water. But with an asterix there the Asterix is you need to get into the water in a way that is is is doable. So don't jump into the deep end and expect yourself to be fine. Just Tinker your toes in the water. And so, in when you're getting back into normal life, again, post pandemic, maybe the first thing that you do isn't like a house party with 10 people, because that's probably, you know, that sounds like a lot. Maybe that's maybe the fifth thing you do. Maybe the first thing is dinner with two people or going to the cinema with a friend or Something that is easier than something that's, that's kind of a little bit more scary. And then you'll get back to normal, you know, like the whole braces thing. Soon, you know, to begin with, it's going to feel really uncomfortable, but then it's going to feel normal again.

And so right now, it feels uncomfortable for so many people. But before you know it, you're not even you probably won't even remember that it was kind of where to get back to normal life post pandemic, you know, in years to come. You know, you'll just, you'll just remember, you know, the key things about the pandemic like Tiger king. Oh, I want you to do Louie through documentary about the tiger King documentary. I just fucking hate Tiger king. He's a piece of shit. And he's got this like cult status of like, Oh, he's so funny and quirky, but he's like, and he's a straight up animal abuser. And the there was a podcast about Tiger King that came out before the documentary in the podcast was way less favorable about the things that he was doing with animals, which was totally fucked up. Anyway, so I watched a blue through documentary with that VP, and I told you on BBC One, BBC, BBC iPlayer. And I really like Louie through I think he's, I used to fancy him for years because he was kind of weird looking. And now I'm like, he's not weird looking. He's think I think he's pretty normal, you know, average Joe Schmo looking, but I think Oh, because he was a bit of a nerd. I was like, I would always find people who were a bit weird or quirky, because I was like, oh, because he's a bit of a nerd. It's more more likely that he's going to fancy me versus I wouldn't fancy the very, very, like,

46:38

you know, traditionally hot celebrities because there's no chance I'd get with him but no chance that I could get a Louie through anyway. You know, like, when am I gonna bump into Louie through, he's married. We live live in different countries. He's a celebrity. But this is my child mind like Louie through and Paul Scholes, if anyone knows, in the UK in the 1990s, Paul Scholes was a ginger footballer. And so I was like, Okay, I'm not going to fancy the footballers that all of everyone else fancies I'm going to fancy the ginger because in in the UK, everyone's like, Oh, Ginger is an attractive. I think it's I think it's great personally. Yeah, so I fancied Paul Scholes because I had a bit better chance of getting with him.

Clearly, I was like a, you know, 12 year old girl I had zero chance of getting a Paul Scholes and also, Frankie Dettori. So Frankie Dettori was a a jockey, Frankie tutorial, I'm going to look up his name, Frankie Jinora. Yeah. So he's an Italian horse racing jockey. Because he is short. I out but she's not that short. One meter 63 What is that? 163 and feet. In feet? Five, three. Yeah. Okay, so I fancied Frankie Dettori because he was five three. And I thought I might as well Fancy a celebrity used by three because more chances that I'll be able to get with him. You know? My logic as a kid, did you all do that? Like did? I think I think most kids fancy the the one that everyone else fancy, you know? Or maybe not message me if you please message me if you fancied someone who you had decided was less attractive. And all of these people that I mentioning, they're, you know, they're gorgeous, and successful, and all of that stuff. But I had decided in my kid brain. Oh, those motherfuckers are ugly. And so I'm going to fancy them and I did fancy them I fancied them. Actually the one which wasn't that I fancy that wasn't I didn't see as an attractive was oh, the Danish goalkeeper. What was his name? Danish goalkeeper. Peter Schmeichel, Peter Schmeichel, that was it. Peter Schmeichel. He is, yeah. Peter Schmeichel. I'm just I'm just Googling him right, Danish footballer. And just looking at the picture of him when he was, you know, the age that I fancied him and it's kind of, you know, funny, Nikes picture anyway, and he was so he was like, He's 57. Right? So he's like, what, 2021 years older than me, and that's who I fancied. And actually, the very first thing I ever Googled was Peter Schmeichel, but the internet wasn't working because someone was on the phone. So yeah. Anyway, side tangent, side tangent.

So I think that was everything I was gonna say anyway. Yeah message me if you fancied anyone that you had decided was bad looking because you thought that it gave you a better chance to get with them like a celebrity tell me I want to know oh I had such a good shot with all of those celebrities when I was like 11 years old I'm sure they would have seen me and gone for look hubba hubba oh my gosh, I was out there trying to steal steal those men Oh, what a dangling what a dangling finish Michael's planning might be know what Peter Schmeichel looks a lot like what my dad looked like. Like, like a younger obviously a younger version of my dad and that's probably probably something there about that. Anyway, that's getting creepy.

So thank you for hanging out with me today. All of the things that I mentioned. I'm going to put them in the show notes and I'll see you in the next episode clfp Thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to fears fatti Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body, then go to first fatty.com forward slash waitlist again that is phase fatty.com. Forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist. For when first Matty Academy my signature program opens