Episode 12 Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Fierce Fatty podcast. I am your host Victoria Welsby. In this episode we are talking about new year's resolutions that won't make you feel like a big bag of shit. Is it possible? Yes. Let's do it.


You're listening to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm Victoria Welsby, TEDx speaker, best selling author, and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self-esteem to being a courageous and confident Fierce Fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad, but what if we spent less time, money, and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century. So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty Podcast. Let's begin.


Welcome to 2020. Oh my God, you survived. I survived. If you're listening to this in a different year, then. Welcome to the year that you're listening to this whole raw, you're alive. So it's the beginning of a new year and during this time, Oh my God, the amount of bullshit that we get bombarded with, you know, diet adverts and all that new year, new you start the new year because you're a fat piece of shit. You're gonna love it. It's pretty overwhelming, right? And there's a thing about starting a new year is you do want to reset or try something new or become the best version of yourself. And I know I just went and had a good old clean and disinfected things. I'm like, Oh my God, it feels so good. So it's normal to want to start a new year and make some changes and often ex dieters or dieters or any human being in the world, one thing that they will try is a new diet in the new year and as we know, diet, doesn't fucking work. They're a big bag of bullshit and diet companies are smart. They're packaging diets in new ways. I always saw this diet advert today. And it was like this animation of this woman's singing. And I'm saying, Oh, you got one on one support. And I was like, Oh, it looks so fun. And then I was like, Oh, it's a fucking ad. It's the fucking diet advert. And I was like, well, no. And so they're smart about repackaging these things and you might be looking at some of these new fancy diets where you put a cucumber up your bum hole and think, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, this might one might work. And it's not because your naive or gullible or whatever it is because they're really fucking smart marketers. They have to be because diet had been around for a while now, and body positivity and anti diet is becoming more and more mainstream.


And so they had to be like, this isn't an ad diet. So many people come to me and say I don't know if this is actually a diet or noise. It's one where you rub pepper into your eyes. Like it's not a dye. And I'm like, yeah, that's a diet. And so if you are trying to manipulate your body size through what you eat or yeah, trying to manipulate, but your body side through what you eat, then it's a diet, right? So if you're on the, I might be thinking about doing a diet, check out this episode, listen on in. Or if you just want to improve the way that you relate to your body and you're not at that place yet, or thinking that you're a bad ass fucking queen or king or gender nonconforming royalty member. Well that would be, I'm with these words like what is the last episode I was talking about that God get a new topic, but I'm just like, what is the nonbinary word for that?


Anyway, so if you're not at that place yet where you know that your body is fine just the way it is, or okay or amazing, if you're a place where you are actively dislike in your body, maybe try some of these suggestions for new year's resolutions that are gonna make you feel better and not worse. Because if you go on a diet, chances are it's going to fail. And then what happens when something fails is we blame ourselves. And diet companies are really good at blaming you as well because you are so bad and naughty and you just ate all the food when the reality is that diets are not sustainable and not eating food makes you feel out of control around food and you need food anyway. If you want to know more about my diets don't work, then go back to episode like two or three where I talk about it.


Yeah, so I'm going to give you some suggestions and these are things that I do and these are things I continually do. Because it's not like you get to a place where you're like, I am amazing, and then that's it. You know you're done for the rest of your life. It's a constant process because we are constantly being bombarded with messages to say that you're not good enough, and the way that I deal with it is that I have a very, I'm very in tune with whenever I am not feeling 100% I'm really out. I'm a detective about it. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Because it's, it's strange, right? If I'm having doubts about who I am as a person, if I don't think that I'm worthy, if I look at my body and I think that there's something wrong, something's happened, something's influenced that, right?


It's not that I'm inherently wrong or bad and it's just I've had a realization, Oh shit, I'm a a unworthy person. I've just realized it no, something has influenced me and so I practice this and so it becomes really easy now, like an instant, almost an instant thing where I'm like, ah, there we go. There's a bad body thought. Yup. Know where that came from getting that out of my life. Thank you very much. So this is a practice. Everything that I'm going to suggest to you, it's not, you know, you're going to get rid of it and then on the next day you're gonna wake up and you're like, Oh, hello. I'm Beyonce. Hello, I'm amazing. You might do, who knows? But you just have to keep practicing it. So some suggestions for you, things that you can take on. You can do all of these things.


You can do one of them. You can say, fuck you it already, these are all bullshit. I'm not doing any of them. Whatever you want. You're the boss of you. So first one is to take all body shaming language out of your life. And so that starts with talking about you and not saying like, Ugh, I'm so disgusting today. Or, or even not just body shame and just derogatory shared about yourself. And so you might have, a lot of us do have a habit of being like, Oh, I'm so fucking stupid, or, Oh, I should have done this and I should have done that. And Oh, my hair looks like shit today, or whatever it is. How often do you do the opposite? Whenever I talk about myself I'm always just like, Oh, I look great today. Like if I verbalize things, it will be a positive thing.


Cause your ears are right next to your mouth, right? And they're hearing that share. And so if you're talking crap about your body areas, I'm like, listen to me and what she say. And then it goes into your brain. And then it's just a reinforcing of that negative message. And you might be thinking it, but how about if you're thinking it, you decide in that moment to pick out something that you do like about yourself and voice that instead. Or if you catch yourself being like, Oh, you know, something is bad today or I don't look good today, or whatever, say something positive to counteract that. And so the other side of this is talking about other people now it's so common when we want to bring someone down is to talk about their parents, right? Think about Donald Trump. Think about the ways that people take him down.


They say that his hair is shit. And he's fat and he has a small penis. And if you engage in that type of talk, you're saying it's okay to judge others even if they are the devil themselves on how they look. And it's not, it's not, even though Donald Trump is the biggest bellend around, it's not okay to say, Oh, you see such a fat bastard or whatever. It's body shaming. So even if your body shaming your worst enemy, it's body shaming. It's judging others on their body and that's not okay. Even for people that we hate. So get that language out of your life. And even, you know, like someone that Donald Trump like, Holy shit, he's got so many bad things about him and the fact that he is fat is not one of them. Literally like you've got a laundry list of shit to go after day, you know, we just, you know, so many things you can be like, well that he, he's a bad guy.


He's a bad person. He's a racist and a rapist and a predator and evil and all that sort of stuff. And saying, Oh, and he has a small willie. It's just, it's not cool. And talking about him saying he has a small penis is transphobic. So those statues, remember those statues that went up maybe a couple of years ago, and it's just to mock him how many people who have that body that size penis, that size body, that size, stomach, whatever, that hairstyle, whatever. And the nation is like, Whoa, you know, this is so funny look at this statue of Donald Trump naked. To try and belittle him, but it's going about it in the wrong way, right? Because if you had that body and you see the whole nation laughing at you, if you had that penis size and the whole nation was laughing, Oh my God, it's so shameful to look like that. Well, it's not very nice as it those, you know so yeah, body shaming, shamy language get it out of your life and you feel want to insult someone else, just go creative, right. Got on a massive wanker rebellend or whatever it is.


So next, number two. I, there's something about my personality which is I like taking stock of things. And so I have kept a diary since I was 11? 11? Or 12, maybe 13 at the very oldest. But I was given a diary then and then I spent maybe 10 years fitting that up and have another diary. So fucking interesting and funny and sad and all of those things. But anyway, I have this habit of wanting to write and so this is easy for me. And so what I do every night is I will write down in the morning and at night. So in the morning I write down what I'm grateful for, three things I'm grateful for. And in the evening I write down the three best things that happened that day and how I could have improved that day. Now you can just do that or you can buy, I have a specific diary for this, which I wish I bought, which is called the Five Minute Journal. Just Google Five Minute Journal. I'm to think there's a three minute one there too as well. They will just knock off the sore of each other. It's not fat friendly because there's a blurb in the beginning and it mentioned something like weight loss and I was like, Oh fuck sake. So you know, maybe don't read the blurb or maybe get the three minute one, maybe they don't have for mention of weight in it or maybe just write, you know, just write them down yourself.


So the three things I'm in the morning, the three things I'm grateful for and three things that I would like to happen that day and in the evening, the best things that happened, three best things that happened that day and what I could have done to improve the day or make it better. Now this is something that I've done for a long time. So sometimes I'll have breaks and I have always have some sort of diary where at the end of the day I ask a question. I have one, which is a five year one, I'm on year two now. And it's interesting, so interesting. But it really, really gives you clarity and practicing gratitude has been shown to benefit you in multiple ways. And one way that's related to confidence and, and loving yourself is to realize that even if you perceive that your body is not okay, your body still does tons of shit for you.

Like you're like, Oh, my body is disgusting and your body is like, yo, mother fucker. I'm like breathe in here for you. I'm making your heart beat, your brains work. And I know your complain about is that you don't like to tell a lie. Like fuck you, right? So getting that habit of appreciating what we do have in life, which is if you listening to this podcast, you have more privilege, financial privilege then most people in the world, right? If you can read and write, if you have access to water, if you have a roof over your head, if you have people that love you, all those types of things that really is a privilege. And it's, sometimes we can take it for granted, right? And I know sometimes I can be like, Oh, my fucking family is the worst.


But then really there's lots of things that I've got to be to be grateful for and you'll start noticing as well that you do start being more grateful for the things that you have in your life and the people that you have in your life. And you start realizing actually what brings you happiness. And so the three amazing things that happened today, which is you do at the nighttime, you start realizing it's not actually the things that you think that make you happy. It's, you know, the silly little things like, Oh, my dog was curled up next to me and we had a really nice cuddle tonight. Or my family spent time with me, or my partner kissed me, things like that, or I had a really good egg sandwich versus you know, I drove my car today and it's like really fancy. And people stared at me because they thought I was rich. You know, it's not necessarily those types of things. Or, you know, I've got a big package of clothes today and the clothes make me feel amazing. It's not necessarily those things. And so it makes you realize, ah, okay, so spending time with my partner or spending time with kids or spending doing this or going outside walking or whatever it is really have an impact on my happiness levels and it helps you become generally more happy, right? We want some of that. So that is another suggestion for you.


Now this is a good one for the new year, but I do this very often anyway. I do this probably once a quarter. And that is to go through your closets, your home, and look for things that bring your mojo down, that bring your vibe down, that make your brain and makes your brain sad. So starting in the closet do you have things in your closet that don't fit? Get rid of that shit. Why have you got it in there? If you've got things like the fit, maybe when you were 11 years old and you're like, Oh, I'm gonna slim down into that or your, your prom dress when you were a few sizes smaller and you're just like, Oh, well I only have one day, one day. And when you see it, you're like, Oh, I used to be so thin and pretty and now look at me. How often do you go in your wardrobe? Probably every day, right? So you're going into this place, opening these doors, opening the drawers every day. And if you've got things in there that reminds you that you're not good enough for whatever reason, it could be that it's not that you've got clothes that don't fit.


Maybe you've got clothes are really worn out and clothes that don't make you feel good. And if you have the financial ability to, you can just get rid of those things and maybe find something that's nicer and you know, you can get into this habit of wearing clothes that don't necessarily make you happy or is a Marie Kondo says spark joy. And why not wear those things that make you feel joyous on a day to day basis? If you've bought clothes, thats or like goal outfits when you were dieting previously and you're just like, but they were so expensive and they're so nice, donate them. Someone else is out there who's like, Oh, I really want one of those things and they're going to the charity shop and they can't find them, right. So what about the things that you have in your house?


Do you have a set of scales? Get rid of the scales they need to go, Oh my God. Scales. I'm just like, Oh, scales. They give me the heebie- jeebies, no. If you live in a house with a partner who has scales and it's their scales, you could do something like ask them to put them somewhere else that you don't see them or hide them somewhere that you don't know where they are. But seeing those, imagine if they're in your bathroom and every time you go and have a poo, you're staring at the scales and you're like, maybe I'm too fat. Or you accidentally stand on them and you're like, Oh my God. And you know, it's just, is that a reminder for you? You could be like, don't fucking care about scales and it's fine. Keep them around. But I mean, why do you need to scales?


Like my mom has scales in her house and I'm like, why don't you have scales? And she's like, Oh, I don't want you, don't weigh yourself to you. And she's like, why I use them for like if, if we go traveling to weigh the how heavy the, the suitcases, which this isn't up here now. My mum doesn't go dry, doesn't go traveling. No. The last time she went traveling, she came to Canada. I'm a four or five Finn. Two years ago, actually she came two years ago, she came to see me do my Ted talk. And she was like, never again, cause she doesn't like it. She just likes, she's very, she's a homebody. And so I know she has these scales to weigh luggage for these non-existent tropical vacations that she's going to go on. And so subconsciously when she sees the scales, what is she thinking? You know, I don't know. Because, you know, she says it's for weighing luggage, but you know, when I see them I'm like, fuck you scales. I'm like, can I throw them out? And she's like, no. Anyway. So what about other things that things are bringing you down? Like do you have a Fitbit? You know what a Fitbit is doing is telling you, bitch, you didn't do enough today, right? And sometimes they might say, Oh, you look, you're so good, you did like 5 billion steps today. Well done. That means you're a more worthy human being. Well, no, no, you're not more worthy if you do zero steps or if you do a billion steps in a day. Is that a reminder? Oh, you know, you might be like, no, my Fitbit is fine. I like it. You know, it's good to know how many steps I do or whatever it is.


I don't know what else it does, but probably other magical things. Only you will know, right? You'll know if if it's actually helpful or if you know, deep down actually looking at the steps is, it's given me some type of anxiety around my worth. You have to be very in tune with this stuff because to begin with you might be like, no, it's fine. And then the more you get in tune with how you're feeling and what might trigger those negative feelings, you'll be able to split it better. So if you're unsure why not just not wear it for a while and see if your body satisfaction increases or decreases or stays the same, right? You have to be a detective. Find out what is good and bad for you. What about on your phone? Do you have apps that you need to get rid of?


Like do you have old dieting apps or some type of app that is triggering for you? Like some sort of wide no movement app and you're like, Oh, you see and you think you need to do 50,000 crunches or something. And what about newsletters? The emails that you're getting, like have you previously subscribed to, you know, raw vegan, clean eating bullshit, you know, only like wallpaper to stay thin diet. Unsubscribed from that bullshit. Like you're giving brain space, even if it is just a few seconds seeing those emails come in, get rid of them, unsubscribe, throw them into the sea, whatever it is,right?


So the next step is looking at the things that you are consuming in regards to media and social media and films and TV and magazines and all that type of stuff. And notice how this might change. You might start watching a TV series and be fine and then halfway through you might be like, Oh my God, I don't know. Actually I've spent 16 hours watching this TV series and I've only seen thin people in it, right? Or I've noticed they're making fat jokes. Like I started watching You, I'm not going to give you any spoilers. But there is a fats character. They're like a side character. I'm like, okay, great. There's a fat character and there's like no mention of of their weight or anything like that. But most of the actors are, you know, thin people and they make a fat joke as well. I'm just like, ah, haven't finished watching it. But I wonder, you know, I'm being careful of how much that might affect my mental health, right. Binge watching series. And so I'm watching it still, even though I know that they're straights, there's almost exclusively straight size and, and beautiful, you know, stereotypically beautiful people in it.


I'm just noticing how that might affect me. And so far I've not noticed anything because I think there's a lot of liberal ideas in the show. But anyway, but I saw this cause it's the end of the year, like Roundup of like best articles that you should read. And this one article was like this one website is a body-positive. This one Instagram account is body positive and it's showing how celebs have Photoshop their images. And so I went and checked out of the Instagram account. I must've been fucking one in the morning, but I spent, it seems like 17 hours, but like probably half an hour looking at these images the celebs had photoshopped in and they have like before and after in a like a video. And so it's like it will go from like edited to not edited and you know, the idea is to be like, Oh, these labs, this is what their real body looks like.


And so I thought, Oh yeah, this is interesting, this is good. And then they start showing like pictures of closeup off celebs faces and stuff. And I'm like, well this is good because you can see how celebrities are flawed like everyone. And you know how you get into a black hole of this stuff. And so for like half an hour I'm scrolling and being like, Oh yeah, yeah, they've definitely edited that and thinking why, you know, why and, you know, thinking, getting into their brain of them thinking that, you know, their waist is too big or their bum needed to be more curvaceous or whatever it is, but they're not. Then I was like, okay, there's enough of this. I've, you know, literally Victoria go to sleep. And then I went to the to the washroom and I looked at my face in the mirror and I was like, Oh, well look at my face compared to the celebs. And I started noticing things on my face being like, look at, look at these wrinkle around my eyes. And I had this thought of, you better not be smiling too much Victoria, because you're going to, people are gonna see your wrinkles.


I was like, what? I immediately, I was like, Oh shit, that half an hour looking at this one Instagram account. I'm not going to tell you what the account is because I don't want you to have the same experience. Even though I went in thinking, Oh, this is good, because this is like highlighting what celebs actually looked like. Really what I was looking at was looking at bodies, which was still socially the top ranks of what a body should look like according to us society. Even though when there were unedited, they were still absolutely unattainable unrealistic. And so I was looking at this quote unquote perfect image and then going back to the imperfect one and the imperfect one was still insane, right. And then the close ups of subspaces and some of the faces where, you know, older celebrities and obviously no wrinkle inside perfect skin, you know, and they're trying to find the little kind of imperfections.


And then when I looked at my face I was like, Whoa, what my face isn't like the celebs faces. And I've never cared about my face. Like I've always been like, my face is fine. Like not my face is good. I've never needed to worry about it. But I started worrying about it and this is a couple of weeks ago and I still, I'm noticing sometimes looking in the mirror at my face, I'm having a reaction. And so what that is, is great information for me. So I know if I ever see an article about being like, Oh look at these Photoshop fails, I am not looking at that now. Maybe in a few years time I might look again and you know, forget about this story I'm telling you and look again and it might not affect me. It might not affect you or maybe it will affect you, but in that moment that affected me, maybe I'm having some sort of also something else is going on where I'm thinking, Oh my God, I'm, I'm getting older and I don't have a partner.


And you know, who knows, right. What, what else is going on that is influencing that. But I found that that was a trigger. And so yeah. Are you looking at things that you know afterwards don't make you feel good? Well guys, don't look at them and it can be really hard, right? Like even on, on Instagram, obviously I never like pictures of like diet accounts or foods, you know, you know, change the pastor for, for, for air and you'll be thin and things like that, those types of accounts. But still, you know, on the discover page, I'll scroll down and sometimes things will show and I'll be like, Oh, what's that? And I'll look at it and I'll be like, Oh fuck, it's a diet thing. Oh shit. He said before and after, but I didn't see it from the small thumbnail. And so they're still trying to creep in because you know, a lot of people do like that type of stuff.


And the algorithm is probably like, Oh, well she likes all this plus size content, this, you know, anti diet stuff. And maybe she'll like diet stuff and maybe she'll like people who used to be plus-sized and they've lost weight. And so it's a constant battle of protecting your mental health as much as possible. Like protecting it like it's a newborn baby, you know, especially if you're not in a place where you're rock solid with how you feel. You have to be really aggressive about it and be strict with yourself because it's like taking poison. And you might take, just take a little drop of it, but it's just simmering in your system. Or, you know you might notice the immediate effects, but if it's just like a little drop here and there and eventually, you know, you're gonna die from this poison from miracle to die, but you know, an allergy.


So be strict with yourself. And if you've noticed the like for example with this you know, me looking at my face and being like, Oh, maybe I should not smile but ridiculous. Then what can you do to counteract that? And so looking at images of older people maybe or off or people who are, whatever it is that you're concerned about, people who are embracing those parts of those their body and joyful, not people being like, Oh, this is what I used to look like, or, you know, that type of stuff. So you can, it's like the antidote, right? It might not be as powerful as that poison because I'm telling you half an hour of me looking at these before and after pictures of celebs not be know before Photoshop and whatnot. It might take 10 hours of body-positive content to erase that.


Or you know, three hours talking to my therapist about it or whatever, right. So you have to be very careful because that stuff is really powerful. Nah, we just spoke about it. My therapist, Oh my God, I fucking love therapy. I love therapy so much. I talk to my therapist, so once a month, normally almost once every three weeks. I've been talking to her for maybe seven years now for the same one. Amazing, love her so much. And before that I didn't have enough money before that to go to see a paid therapist. And so I found a free therapist. And so they're probably, maybe I don't know where you live, but there may be resources for you to go and see a therapist. So that's my next one is if you can, working with a professional on this type of stuff.


I cannot tell you how much I love and appreciate the fact that I have access to therapy. It really is really, really important. And the way I see it is you might be like, well, I've got friends and family that I can talk to about my stuff, but one, sometimes your friends and family are too close and they're trying to influence you in ways that they want to influence you, right? And so the ways that they want to influence you, we all do it then it might be good for you, but we don't know. It might not be the best reason, but when you have a third party who is not, you know, carrying their own baggage about who you are and all that type of stuff is very helpful. And also it's not actually your friends and family's jobs to be your therapists.


And of course, you know, we talk with our friends and family about our problems and, you know, come up with solutions and say if you're sad and all that type of stuff, but it's not anyone else's job to fix you. It's only your job. And honestly, our friends and families aren't, unless they're a therapist, even if they are that they're not qualified to do that, you know, cause you wouldn't have a friend as a therapist, therapist as a friend, cause they might be too close is what I mean about that. But yeah, so even if you're investing, you know, a couple of hundred bucks every six weeks or two months or month or whatever it is, however much a therapist is in your area, I don't know, like it's probably cheaper in other places, but the investment, the return on investment for me for therapy has been exponential.


It's been like a bazillion percent return on investment. Honestly I cannot tell you enough and a lot of people say to me, well, I went to therapy once and I just didn't like therapist and guess what, well there's loads of therapists out there that you might go to one, two, three and be like, nah, it's not necessarily therapy. You don't like, it's that therapist, right. So, my therapist I went to she was probably the fourth therapist, my previous therapists, they were though two were okay. One I went to before her and she was like this British lady and you know, I'm British, but she's very like snooty and being like, Oh, this is your problem and this is what's wrong with you. And I was just like, Mitch, we've been like speaking for 15 minutes. How do you know what's wrong with me?


And another thing, I spoke to another therapist for the BBC show. They provide you with therapists before to make sure if you're okay to do the show and afterwards. And I didn't like her either and it wasn't a fit. And so, you know, I've had, that's probably five actually now five therapists and this one I've had, she is a great fit. And it's like meeting people at a party, right? You might meet one person and be like, there are massive dickhead and you might meet someone else and be like, Oh my God, I want them to be my best friend and therapists forever. So, so do some experimentation. Six and people out. And the great thing about modern technology is that you can talk to therapists online nowadays. And so no matter where you are in the world, and I've seen these adverts, I can't remember the name of it, but you can Google it and find it.


We can talk to therapists virtually. And so you can text with them. You can email them, you can video chat with them. And I'm really sure. It's pretty inexpensive. So how about that for a new year's resolution, trying doing some therapy or you know doing a program or something Oh, something that you could do is a program that could support you loving your fat body is Fierce Fatty Academy, which is my program. It is not available to buy or to enroll in currently. It will be sometime in 2020. I don't know yet. I haven't done my planning for 2020 yet. I'm recording this in 2019, by the way. So don't be like, Oh my God, it's 2020 already. It's still 2019. I have time. So I don't know when you can get it, but enrolling in a program like face value Academy, which helps you love your fat body and find peace around food is that a wise investment for you in 2020, right? Am I not be, it might be, you might be like, no, it's not actually also a different program could be, but know that, you know, something like Fierce Fatty Academy is out there in the world. So with therapy, with working on their stuff, I was able to do my next step.


My next step is getting rid of shit people. So new year's resolution, write it down, get rid of shit people from my life. This has been one of the hardest things for me because it's dating with other people, right? And sometimes the people you get rid of or you need to get rid of you know, limit the time you spend with them or get rid of the amount of your life completely. Could be people who are very close to you and you might have a deeply you know, dysfunctional or entangled relationship or codependent or whatever. And so this is very difficult. And so with therapy, maybe, maybe not, who knows? You could work to know how to deal with those people, the people you know who aren't right for you in your life, move away from them or get rid of them completely. And it can be a really long process. And so I have a family member who is in the immediate family and for years in therapy, I've been working on trying to repair the relationship. And so this person let's call her Becky, this person, Becky for years has broken my trust, has been really inappropriate. And so by wanting to get over it, I was just, I just want to get over it and I just wanna forget about it and not, it just not be a thing. I'm just so done with being mad at this person. And so literally years in therapy of being like, okay, so what do I do? Okay, I'm going to reach out to her and tell her how I feel. I'm going to send her a letter. I'm going to set a boundary. I want to take some time away from her. And tried, honestly tried everything I could to try and make this relationship work because it was in the immediate family. And not having a relationship with Becky would be very difficult. And so eventually through therapy I had to work out. Actually I can't have this person in my life in any capacity. So I can't talk to them, I can't engage with them, I can't even if they try being like, Oh, I love you, I'm sorry, and please be my friend and things like that. I can't do that right now. It might change. But and this has been the situation for the past year and having this person who has for many years been a negative influence and just a source of anguish because I wanted to fix the thing and I couldn't fix the thing. And why can't I fix the thing? Why can't I just get over it? I'm realizing I just have to let it go. Has been so great, really great hard, complicated. I've had a lot of flack from other family members because I should just get over it and be their friend and stopping so sensitive and things like that. Which those comments are not appropriate by the way. But that stuck a big example of something that I've done, which I'm actually very proud of because I've set boundaries in place which are very difficult to do because it's you know, like I say in the close family but I'm not saying you go do that tomorrow, just you never talk to your parents again or whatever.


But do you have people that your kind of may know, friends, friends or friends who you don't see that often, but you know that when you spend time with 'em no good comes of it and you leave spending time with them feeling down or not as good, you know, are you, are you spending time with people and you're like, Oh yeah, that person's fucking awesome. Oh my God, I can't wait to see them again. Or you know, the way that you're feeling afterwards is a really good indication of what's going on, you know, in that dynamic, in that relationship. And of course you can work on fixing it, but some people, you know, deep down we know that that person isn't good for us. Just can you move away from them? Can you spend less time with them? Can you write on a vision board?


Get rid of Becky in 2020. Then Becky comes around and is like, what's this? They go done for you. But you don't have to have shitty people in your life, by the way, right? It's not your job to fix them. You're not a bad person for breaking up with people. Even if you've been friends with them for years, even if they're a family member, even if they are your spouse, even their the father or mother of your child or whatever it is. If people are not working for you and you know that relationship is not benefit beneficial for both of you, then seriously consider ending it. Spending less time with the person putting in boundaries, life too short and no on that is you might feel like you're being too sensitive and overreacting. And if you, you kind of drift away from someone or break up with them, they may accuse you of being too sensitive.


But as you become more confident and realize your worth, you realize the things that you have been taking as this is okay behavior is not actually okay and it's okay for them. That's fine, but it's not. It's not okay for you now and it's fine. So there are some suggestions for ya. Tell me. Are you going to do any of those things? All of them. None of them. Do you have your own? Are you inspired to do your own version of one of these or some of these? Message me, let me know at victoria@fircefatty.com, or you can find me on Instagram, fierce.fatty or Facebook, Fierce Fatty. Or anywhere else. Twitter. I'm already on Twitter. I'm on Twitter. I'm on Twitter, but I've made my account private because of all of the trolls that I got from Who Are You Calling Fat? The BBC documentary that I was in though. They attended to congregate more on Twitter than they did on Instagram, which was interesting.


Anyway so my sister was hanging out with me today and I told her that I was doing this podcast episode and I said to her that at the end of the podcast episode, I always show, tell you a fact about me. And so I said to her, what should my fact be today? And my sister told me to tell you some embarrassing things about me. So the first fact that she wanted you to know about me is that once, when we were kids we lived in a really rough neighborhood and we were hanging around in some bushes as you do. And I found this Teddy bear, this I don't know, looks like maybe it's a polar bear. I was maybe 10. And she was 8 around that. And so I found this bear, and it was a white bear used to be white and it was like covered in like mud and it looked like tar basically don't even touch it, you know, don't even go near that thing, put it in the bed and like disgusting, duh, you know. So I said to my sister, Oh look, I found this bear. And she's like, Oh, can I have it? And I was going to be like on a story in the bed. And I was like, yeah, but you have to pay me for it. So then she was like, how much? And I was like five pounds, five pounds. And five pounds then was loads of money, especially cause we were really poor. We were really poor kids. And so she probably had to save up and give me the money, but she, she gave me five pounds.


And this Teddy bear she called Snowy was literally disgusting. I think mum put it in the wash, but I remember she kept it, she still got it Snowy. It's her Teddy bear but she's gone. She's had for years and now it's kind of whitish, gray white. But for years it had these big black stains on it cause it was like in a bush. It was this disgusting thing. And I saw the opportunity to make money from my poor sister, my poor little sister, and sold it to her for five pounds. So, but she's still got it. Now she's got Snowy. So she's very lucky that I found that and sold it to her. Very industrious child I was and the other thing that she wanted to know once she wanted you to know is that one time when it was her birthday my other sister who's older than us, bought her some white musk perfume.


And so white musk perfume was from the body shop and it was just like we loved it. We were like, Oh my God, we love this white musk perfume. And so my sister bought Cath McAfee's, my youngest sister's name this white musk perfume. And I decided that I want it and so then I stole it from her. And obviously like we shared a room we went to the same school and everything and she's like where's my white musk? And I was just like, I don't know. But then she like, you smell like white musk, you have my white musk perfume. And I'm like, no, and we were at this bus stop going to school. And she's like, well, let me look in your bag. And I was like, no, you can't look in my bag. There's nothing there but you can't look. And at the end of the day I was like, you can look in my bag now. See there's nothing in there. And obviously it was like in my pokey or something. But then my oldest sister to buy my younger sister another bottle of white musk but eventually I gave it back. I was just so jealous. I was so jealous. Like, yeah. But my sister was no angel one time and she was mad at me. She made me a cup of tea and she took all the hair from hairbrush and put it in the bottom of the cup of tea. So ain't no angel either. Okay. It wasn't me that was just the massive knobhead.


Although I feel, I do feel like there's lots of stories of me being a knob. When I was young, I was younger. One time, so my mom would work and we would have to entertain ourselves. And so one Saturday we decided, this is where my I, my entrepreneurial spirit started when I was a kid. We decided, I decided, I said, let's have a fair in the back garden. And so like a fair, like you know, there's games and like we sell things like brick and back, brack and stuff. And so we're like, okay, well what are we going to sell? And we just went through the house and took all the stuff in the house, but it all out into the stuff that we decided that we didn't want. My mom's stuff. And then we made posters and bear in mind we lived in the really, really, really like if not the roughest neighborhood in the city that I grew up in Peterborough.


The second rough like really dangerous. And so when we put posters up everywhere with our address and come along and I employed neighborhood kids to run the the games and stuff and we were like, the whole neighborhood was just traipsing through our back garden, like buying my mom's stuff probably for like 20P and not that my mom had anything of value anyway. And then I went to meet her from work midway through the day and cause she worked until like one or 2:00 PM walking home. I went to mirror a wall at work and walking home and I was like, so it's pretty cool. We have like a fair going on in the garden. And she was like, what? And then she saw one, like one of the posters up somewhere and then she just ran home and she was like, get out, everyone want to get like a house ransacked.


And the money that I made that I made basically, the money that I stole from my mum from selling us stuff. I had to give it all away to the neighborhood kids that I'd employed because I wasn't very good with business at that point. So didn't end up making any money. But I guess when, you know, when kids are left to their own devices, I kind of do that kind of come up with shit like this, right. So anyway, that was a little fact about me being a knobhead child. I wasn't completely a knob head, but yeah.


All right. So, Hey, message me and let me know. What are you going to be doing for 2020? I love hearing from you about the podcast. So yeah, it makes my day when you say, Hey, I really liked that podcast, or Hey, you're so sexually attractive. I know. Oh my God. Yeah. But yeah, reach out. Say hi. And Oh Hey, the show notes for this episode is fiercefatty.com/012, cause we're episode 12, so show notes. And so if you want on social media Fierce Fatty, www.fiercefatty.com/012, you can find all the other episodes on that page, you know, there's falling pages. But wherever you're listening to it, all the other episodes anyways, I don't even know why don't you that. All right, so happy new year.


I hope this 2020 is going to be incredible for you. I will be going back to, I'm currently in Ireland, but in the first quarter I'm going to be going back to North America, to Vancouver, Canada, which is where I'm normally situated and I'm, yeah, I'm going to be finding an apartment there. Wish me luck because it's like a feeding frenzy for any type of apartment that's not like $5,000 a month or something. Yeah, but I'll be back in North North America in quarter one, and taking over the world for the rest of the quarters. So wanna join me be a part of the Fierce Fatty Revolution. You're welcome. Come along for the ride. All right, we'll have a wonderful rest of your day, Fierce Fatty, and I'll check you out in the next episode of the Fierce Fatty podcast. Goodbye.