Episode 20 Transcript
Hello and welcome to episode 20 of the Fierce Fatty podcast. I am your host Victoria Welsby and in today's episode, we're talking about the things that confident people do that you can start modeling words do it.
You're listening to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm Victoria Welsby, TEDx speaker, best selling author, and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self-esteem to being a courageous and confident Fierce Fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad, but what if we spent less time, money, and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century. So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty Podcast. Let's begin.
Well, hello there. How are you fatty? How's life treating ya? Welcome to double digits of the Fierce Fatty podcast. Oh my gosh. It feels like I've done like three episodes, but no, we're in episode 20, so yay. Pat on the back to me. It's my goal for 2020 to do at least one podcast a week. So yeah, I'm doing it. I'm doing it and we're in what, February you'll be listening to this in March. So I started the podcast in November, question mark. So yeah, I just left the sofa to come and record this podcast and it was so hard because Dougal, my dog was sitting on my knee and being all snugly and more lovely and I was just like, I'm sorry, douggie. Excuse me. I have to go. I want to go record this podcast and I say I have to, I want to, I want to come and chat with you fatties and yeah, talk about this really core topic and the reason why I was really enjoying Dougal being on my knees because the last week he has not been interested in snuggling with me. And the reason is that my mom's dog, Misty is in heat. Now Dougal is neutered, but something happens where his brain just, there's a switch that goes off and he's like, I must hump this dog nonstop for 57 hours a day. It's just, Oh, I have to feel so bad for both of them because I'll tell you why Misty is what we'd say in the UK. She's a dulux dog. And so North Americans out there, what would you dulux dog is an old English sheepdog and so she's this really big fluffy thing. She's probably, I don't know, a hundred pounds no idea about dog waste, but she's like a big dog.
Like, I'd say the biggest of dog. And Dougal is a small dog. He's about 20 pounds. He's a mutt and he's looks like a miniature border Collie mix with papillon, who knows? He's got big fluffy ears and a big fluffy tail, but his face looks like a border Collie. And so Dougal has been trying to hump Misty, but he can't actually hump because his face doesn't even reach her hips, right? Like, so he's just humping the side of her leg and Misty really wants to be harmed because you know, all of our hormones are saying let's get impregnated. And so she gets really frustrated with Dougal and like turns around and like nudges him and like pushes him with a pour to say like, come on and on top of this the neighborhood creepy dog. So creepy dog max. Max is a dog that lives about a kilometer away, like half a kilometer away. And he is allowed to roam free in the day and he comes to the house just to stay in the window and pine cry for Misty so he can get in and hump Misty. Now I don't know if Max is neutered or not, but I have seen the effects of a female dog in heat on Dougal. And what happens when a female dog is in heat is that in their urine is these hormones and pheromones that are released. And so all the dogs in the area know that there's a dog in heat here, come and have sex with the dog. But yeah, Max, he is up in looking through the window. So he's such a creep for so long or like so many hours from the moment I opened the door in the morning to let Dougal out, Max is there and he's like, Oh, hello and to the nighttime, Max is there.
He's normally, he normally hangs around and he's a creep anyway, but because Misty's is even worse. And if you think in like, why is there a dog just roaming around? So I'm in rural Ireland currently, and a lot of farmers will have border Collies. Max is a border Collie that they use on the farm for working. They're a working dog and they don't tie them up and they don't have them in the house because they're seen as a working animal. And so when they're not working, I don't know. I don't know if Max is actually a working dog or if he's just happens to be a border Collie. They a lot of times just roam free. And it's kind of funny, like if you go to the beaches around here, often you'll meet a dog that's just taken itself to the beach and we'll just join you for the walk that you're doing with your dog. And at the end you're just like, see you later. And when I first came here, I was like to my mom, like, this is stray dog here. Like, what the heck? We should take it and take it to the shelter or something. And she's like, Oh no, that's like Patty McGuigan's dog over there. He lives over there. He's just, you know, having a walk on the beach and Oh, this is Smithy over here. And he just loves playing ball. And it was really strange for me. But now I've gotten used to seeing just dogs just hanging around, which, you know, is good and bad. Like, you know, a person. I wouldn't want my dog to be just wandering around because you know what, if they get hit by a car but we're at like rural, you know, so there's not a lot of people around and not that many cars.
But anyways, and that is what was happening. I caught some really funny videos of Max being like, please let me in and I'll put some pages of the dogs on the show notes. The page for the show noted. So that's going to be fiercefatty.com/020 for episode at 20. So you can see the size difference between Misty and Dougal and see a picture of Max staring in the window like a creep. And because we don't know if he's neutered or not, we don't want Max getting anywhere near Misty because Misty could get pregnant. And Misty, my mom's dog is not neutered spade. Because she had a couple of litters earlier in her life and now she's older and I think she gets paid, but my mom's like, nah, we'll leave her. Anyway. So thats the dog, so popper, drama of pining lovers, star crossed lovers never to meet. And poor Misty stuck with Dougal whose penis doesn't even reach her ankle. And I have to put a dog diaper on Dougal, a dog nappy while she's in heat because he just wants to mark everywhere like her bed and where the room that she sleeps. And I'd know her because he wants the other dogs to know that, Oh, this is my dog, get away from my girlfriend. So he's constantly having to wear a diaper. So he's not happy about the whole thing, but it's wearing off. The whole heat thing is wearing off. He lasts about a month, but the process where dogs want to hump her is about a week. So yeah, the doggy sagas.
Anyway, I spent eight minutes talking about dogs. That's what we'd hear to talk about, which is the things that competent people do that you can start modeling and modeling, like copying so that you can feel more confident and you can spot in your life. Aha. That is a difference between the way that I am thinking or behaving. There's a gap there. And so I want to move things closer to the way that a confident person is behaving or thinking. So I want you to list these out for you and see if this is helpful for bridging that gap of where you might want to be with your competence and the things I'm going to be talking about here. They're not absolute. It's like every confident doesn't person doesn't do every single thing on best lists and say if you, if there's like a confident person, but they just don't do one of these things, doesn't make them not confident.
But generally speaking, most confident people, this is how they engage with the world. This is how they act and this is how they think. And obviously confidence goes up and down throughout life. And there's times when people who are confident will have times where they don't feel as confident. But there's about a general base level. Are you genuinely confident? Are you genuinely very confident? Generally very unconfident or you know, somewhere in the middle there. So it's kind of like a baseline for those who are more confident in the world.
So the first thing that confident people do is that they believe in themselves. They know that they can overcome difficult things and they are resilient. So my, my therapist my therapist in Vancouver, the practice, her practice is called peak resilience. And I just loved that word resilience before I even worked with her. I was just like, yes, that's what it is. It's resilience is knowing that shit is always going to happen in life, but I can survive it. And when they stumble, they will work on their self esteem. So if they gave ever have a stumble in life where something happens in their self esteem is dipped, they will work on getting back to a place where their normal baseline. So they see problems as a learning opportunity and not a reason to give up. They see problems as a learning opportunity and not a reason to give up. I love entrepreneurial stuff and online business stuff. And, that's something that I've learned big time is the difference between someone who is successful and someone who is not successful. Is it the successful person who's just failed more than the unsuccessful person, right? And so I'm confident people are confident to fail. They don't care about failing because they know that failing doesn't mean that they are a failure. Failing means that they tried and that is a beautiful thing. People who are unconfident would rather not try and not get the results versus try and not get the results because they tried, right. And by not doing it might not doing things and not taking action because they were fearful. You're not going to get the results. You're already getting the results that you're fearful that you're going to get. Mm. Mm. Thinking about it that way you, if you don't take action, you already have the results that you fear that you're going to have if you do take action. So why not take action? I mean, you've already got the results that you've got that you're scared to get.
Why not take action and try and along with this belief in South is taking what Shawn Achor from the Happiness Advantage calls it. The third path. I'll link to hawn Achor's book. It's a book I read eight years ago and it really resonated with me. And it's about when shit hits the fan in life is exactly what we would just been talking about. There are different reactions that you can have. Now the first reaction is you can be like, okay, so let's dream up a scenario. You have a car accident and you are injured. You can't risk totaled and it's your fault. Now you, that thing happens, your car is totaled, you're injured and it's your fault. The first reaction, the first path that most people go down is to say, Oh my God, my life is shit. Oh, this is terrible. Why me? It's just typical. This stuff always happens to me. Oh, I'm never going to drive a car again. This is just the worst thing happens. The next path is sticking at status quo. So there might be like, Oh, this sucks, you know, but I'm just going to carry on with life. And there's no kind of learning opportunities from that situation. The third path is eventually, sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes it takes shorter. Eventually getting to a point where you say, okay, that thing happened. What can I learn from it? What can, how can I use this opportunity to make myself better, to make life better? How can I be grateful for this? And know you don't have to be grateful for, you know, shit that's happened in your life, but these are the types of things that confident people might be thinking.
And not always, obviously, and say, if you have a car crash and you know, you have a car crash in the first thought, you're like, Oh my God, I'm so happy. This thing happened to me. I'm so grateful. That's fucking weird. That's not how people react, you know, because you're a human being. That's why I say eventually, eventually, you know, they can say, okay, so what was happening there that made me cause a crash? Oh, I was texting on my phone. Okay. The lesson I'm going to take from this is to be a more vigilant driver is to not rush. Maybe, you know, I was late and that's why I was rushing and that's why I was looking at my phone and maybe I need to get more calmness or stillness into my life. Maybe I'm going to start meditating.
What does this reveal about me as a person? Why was I rushing? Why was I late? Because I was late because I was trying to make myself look in certain way and why was I doing that? Why did I spend so time long getting ready right there. Just more curious about things versus automatically being like, Oh my God, my life is shit. They also might be thinking, Oh my God, my life is shit, but are able to get to a point where they stop being curious. So I will link to Shawn Achor book in the show notes. fiercefatty.com/020. So if you want to read the Happiness Advantage, I loved it. I'm ready in like in like I mentioned about eight, six time , when it came out, I read it. So whenever that is, and I met the author, he's a lovely guy. I don't think there's any diet stuff in there. He had a big impact on me. It's all about the science of happiness. So that first point is they believe in themselves and they see problems as opportunities and they are resilience.
Next one is investing in themselves, investing in themselves in regards to therapy, coaching, self-development, buying them themselves sings because they know that they are worthy. I'm getting rid of the crap things in their life. So, for example, you know, if you have your wardrobe filled with old grotty shirts that you've had for years and years and years have holes in and stains and stuff and you don't replace them. And it doesn't have to be about money. It doesn't have to be like you're replacing them with, you know, designer clothes or whatever. It could be stuff that you buy in at the first store.
But investing in themselves because they know they're worth it, investing in themselves because they see themselves as this valuable thing. And it's like Jess Baker made this, this analogy about the human, you know, human body is, human human beings it's like a having a car and you would never expect your car to just drive for years and years and years without putting petrol in, without getting an oil change, without changing the tires. Because, you can't needs these things and your car is an investment and you know you call it care. And it's just not possible for the car to run forever without you caring for it. And confident people know this too about themselves because they see themselves as valuable. You know, like a car. And think about, say if you, you have a car and you just, you never take it to the garage, that oil is totally dry and then the engine seizes up and then you put the wrong fuel in and it just explodes and you get scratches on it all the time.
If that car had a brain, what would that car be thinking? But like, well, I'm no valuable. Well, if you're not investing in yourself and it doesn't have to be money, it can be time. It can be effort. If you're not investing in yourself, then you're giving yourself a message that you're not enough. And so confident people invest in themselves because they know that they're enough. They know that worthy. They know that they deserve to feel good and deserve to learn and deserve to feel better about themselves in their brain and in their body. And, and it could be simple things like buying a nice chopstick or getting another session with your therapist or buying an online course to do with something that you're really interested in learning more about, right? So it doesn't have to be about money. It's about knowing your worth and wanting to look after that through investment.
Next thing that confident people do is, and this is very hard for a lot of people, but component people really do this. They cut off toxic people in their life and they set boundaries. Now I see this time and time and time and time again that people who are struggling with a competence cannot do this and have terrible boundaries, have super toxic people in their life. And the thought of cutting them out is it's an, it's an non conversation. It's never going to happen. It's never gonna happen because they don't think that they're worth anymore because they are terrified that if they set a boundary, the person is going to say, fuck you. Don't talk to me again. I hate you. You're a piece of shit. Go away. But in my point of view my thought on this is that by not setting boundaries, you're being very selfish.
Think about it this way. So you have people in your life. You might know if you have people in life, we'll have people in our lives to some degree, right? And this is what I used to do. So I used to be a big offender for this. I would have friends that maybe I had known for a long time. Maybe they were childhood friends, maybe I went to school with them. Maybe their friends are friends, maybe they're in my friend circle that I hated and I loved slagging them off behind their back to other friends and other friends. Cause I would be drawn to other people who'd like slugging other people off. We would just be like, Oh my God. Did you see what Michelle was wearing? Can you believe that her boyfriend did that? And I didn't hate them, but to their face, I'd be like, Hey Michelle, how are you doing? And that made me a terrible friend. Terrible friend to Michelle fictional, fiction, Michelle. If I was able to say if Michelle or whoever was actually a very toxic person in my, we couldn't mend the relationship, I should have just cut her out of my life by loved the drama. I loved it because it made me feel better about myself. Or I could have set a boundary with Michelle and that would have been such a beautiful thing to do because then Michelle could actually get close to me instead of me, you know, being two faced and know saying to her face, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah. Oh my God. Huh. And pretending to be a friend, which I thought I was a friend. I thought that's what friendship was.
If I said, Oh, Hey, this is actually, you know, I don't like this, or whatever, she could have had the opportunity to get closer to me versus me automatically pushing her away because I was a coward and I didn't want to tell her what it was that was bothering me. Say if I wanted to a relationship with Michelle, or I was too much of a coward to say, I don't want to be friends with this person. They're just too, we can't mend this, you know, I've never liked them in the beginning or whatever. I'm not interested because it's difficult and it's scary. And the thing is, it's confidence. Building, setting boundaries and cutting out toxic people is the biggest for me. Confidence boost ever. And a lot of people are like, well, when I'm more competent I do, I'll do it.
What is the catch 22 how can you be more confident if you are not cutting out these toxic people? Say if you've got someone in your life, he's always like, Oh my God, fat people are the worst. Oh my God, why are you so fat? Oh, you look like shit today. Why you so ugly? How are you going to care? Confident when you have someone like that in your life? Really it's just the constantly pulling you down and you're not. You're not serving them by being their quote unquote friend. You're really helping them. If you're taking up their time by being their friend, being in their life, they don't have the opportunity to go out and meet someone who will actually want to be their friend. So it's selfish to not set boundaries and it's to not cut toxic people from your life. Why are you holding onto these people,
Set them free so that they can be friends with someone who is more on their wavelength instead of having a friend who secretly hates them or is holding back secrets from them and not telling them how they really feel and not letting them ever get close to them in a real meaningful way because you're not saying how you feel and now this is really difficult and this is something that really, you know, sets apart confident people from unconfident people and seeing people set boundaries is just fucking amazing. It is so good. And what people think is going to happen a lot of times when they set boundaries is unconfident people or think that people are in their lives only because of the way that you behave like people or you know, whatever it is you're doing, you know, not setting that boundary.
They think that if they say, Hey, can you change this behavior or can you do this for me? Or whatever it is that the person is going to be like, fuck you. You're a piece of shit. Go away. I hate you. The relationship is over. And of course that can happen. That has happened millions of times in the world, but that is beautiful information. Remember what a confident people do is they take it as a learning opportunity. What learning opportunity do we have when someone behaves like that? Hmm, maybe they're not someone you want in your life. Could they be a toxic person? Well, there we go. Done. Cut them out of your life. But more likely is that someone who loves and cares about you say, Hey, can you avoid talking about fat as a negative because I am on my journey to loving my body. Someone who loves and cares for you will say, thank you for sharing that with me. Or some variation of that. It might take time for them to get to this place of saying, thank you for sharing. I will absolutely try that. You know, there might be like to begin with them, I'd be like, fuck you. And then mellow down a bit. But that's a big one in those toxic people out and said, no male and ruse.
Next is confident people don't do things that make them unhappy for a consistent period of time. Sometimes they might do things and make them happy and they're like, I ain't doing that again. But you know, if they've learned that something is not good for them, they generally don't do it again. So things like we mentioned before, being a people pleaser, they're not people pleasers. The reason why they're not people pleasers is because they know that their worth is not connected to how others perceive them. They are an inherently worthy, whether they do things or they don't do things. So and as well being a people pleaser is being a bad friend again or whoever it is you're doing it being about family member or being a bad spouse or whatever because you're not communicating your needs, your wants and your desires. So saying this could also go, you know, saying doing things that don't make them happy for things like the way that you exercise or move your body. So a lot of ex dieters will move their body in ways that they think that they should because they want to punish their bad fat body. So they might go to the gym or do CrossFit or whatever, but they don't like it when your confident, you say, ah shit cause I really fucking hate it. And then you're like, no fucking way, I'm not doing that thing. I might want to move my body in different ways or I might not to want to move my body. They're confident in that desires and wants and needs and adhering to it and honoring who they are. Truly deep down.
Next ties in with another point but they care for themselves and they will self care and even if it's seen as selfish cause a lot of times people are like all self care selfish and a lot of times people don't like self care is not selfish but it's okay to be selfish even if you know you are being selfish because a lot of time we're told to make it all about other people.
But they will treat themselves in a way where they will stop dieting because they know dieting harms them. They will start intuitive eating. If they need to heal a relationship with food, they will strive to get to a place with intuitive eating where they'll just keep going on the intuitive eating journey versus like, you know, giving up and being like, Oh, dieting is better. And listening to their body that goes for exercise as well. Moving their body in ways that they want. Advocating for themselves at the doctors. That's a big one. So self care in regards to looking after your brain, looking after your body, demanding what you need to look after yourself next. Something that confident people do is they know that they are worthy no matter what they look like. And they also believe this about others.
So confident people don't go around saying, Oh my God, did you see how fat my person was? Or, Oh my God, did you see his hair or whatever. Because they know deep down every human including themselves is worthy. No matter what they look like, no matter what they do, they don't feel like they have to prove themselves by with, you know, great achievements or trying to impress people and buying fancy shit just to, so that people are like, Oh, is that a Louis Gucci handbag? And it's fine if you're into Louis Vuitton or whatever. But, you know, is it like, where is it coming from? Is it because you enjoy it? If you do amazing, is it because you want other people to say you're a better person in you're worthy and you should be alive because you have a Gucci belt or whatever? Maybe it's not as helpful. So they're not ashamed of who they are. So quirks and all, they realize that human beings are deeply flawed. They realize that they are not perfect. They realize that they have done bad things in their lives and good things and genuinely they're an all right person. So they embrace their humanity and the humanity of others and they don't expect other people to be perfect as well. And they realize other people make mistakes. Other people are good and bad and generally are somewhere in between. And they are constantly working on raising that judgment that they have for themselves. If it comes up judgment they have for others as it comes up, because the human beings and human beings, we will always have something that will come up and you're like, Oh, yup, Oh yeah, that's not good. And that goes for biases as well. And so trying to work on being a better person and you'll never get to that place where you're like, yup, I am number one. I am the best person in the world. I can get an A star for my personhood. I've done it. I've nailed it. Because, you know, we're humans and we fuck up all the time.
Next thing is that competent people ask for their worth and follow their passions. So at jobs, they'll ask for a pay rise and they'll put up a good case and say, Hey, I know that I deserve this much money. And I know that's not always possible. You know, you might be working in like a job where you have fixed pay rate or whatever. But generally they will know their worth and ask for it. They might do things because if they're following their passions, I might start a business with their passion because if they're competent, they know they're gonna do it. They're going to get out there and people need to see what they want to show with money. They will speak up about money and say, Hey, you know, they're not gonna let people take advantage of them when it comes to money, which is boundary setting. So they know their worth and they ask for it and they know that if they don't get their worth, it doesn't mean that they're not worth that.
So it is a story of how this happened to me is this was a turning point in my confidence journey of when I knew, okay, this stuff is really sinking in. And this was maybe, Oh, seven years ago I was working in those recruitment job. I was in corporate equipment for nine years and I had been in that job, I don't know, a year and a half. And I wasn't making that much money because a lot of it was commissioned based, but I wanted a bump in my base salary. And so I went to the regional boss, we didn't have a boss in the office and one day he came in and I went to him and I said, Hey, I would like 2k pay raise. So I think at the time I was making 38k yeah, I was making 38k Canadian and I wanted to go to 40 and I remember so clearly I'm sitting in the board room and him exactly where he was sat and me and him saying, Victoria, you're not worth 2k more.
You're lucky we even have a job. Like how can you be coming in here asking for pay rise? And the way that he was speaking to me, it was really fucked up. Like, you know, you can just be like, nah, we can't afford to give you 2k more or whatever. But he was really kind of like, it felt like he was trying to tell me, you know, we did say that you're lucky to have a job, but you ask for something else. And in that moment, instead of internalizing what he was saying and being like, Oh shit, yeah, you're right. I'm not worth, you know, 40k a year. I'm lucky to even be getting 38 and in fact, maybe I should be, you know, I'm worth less than that. And maybe I would stick at that job for ages and you'd eventually be totally bummed out.
And and so, but I didn't think that. I just thought, no mate, you motherfucker all wrong. I know I'm worth more money. And so what I did, it's from there is I went and I looked for a new job and within two weeks I got a pay rise in this new job of 12k more. So I was on a salary of 50 K with the bonuses and all that type of stuff. And that just confirmed my suspicion is his opinion of me was that, to him, I wasn't, and that's fine. I didn't want to work for someone who didn't value me and I easily was able to go out with this confidence of knowing, Oh, I have more. I know I'm worth more. And went and got it. Now I know this is not possible for everyone and you know, I'm talking from a place of privilege to be able to go out there.
It's easier for me as a white person to find a job is easier for as a someone with a British accent to find a job because a lot of times North Americans presumed that I'm smart or I dunno partials, I think I am so not posh. And you know, I have privileges in there as well, so I just want to recognize that. But if it wasn't for myself competence that was growing at that time, I couldn't have taken action and gotten that 12k pay raise. Okay. So another big thing that confident people do is that they do things when they are scared. So confidence isn't feeling like, you know, never feeling scared. Confident people are oftentimes shitting their pants. And the reason why oftentimes people are confident people are sharing their pants is because they are doing things that expand themselves and help them grow. And this idea is summarized beautifully in a quote. This is a quote that my sister sent me when I was, I had just been cheated on by my boyfriend with 17, I found out he had four other girlfriends and I thought I was gonna marry him. And I was like, Oh my God, my life is over. I'm never gonna find someone who is nice as him. And obviously he wasn't nice cause he was cheating on me. Anyway. So my sister was in Canada at the time and she said, move to Canada. And I was like, I've never even left my hometown. And I'm terrified to do anything. Never mind leave the country and move across the world without a job, without really knowing anyone apart from my sister. And like, no, that's a nice idea. But no, and she sent me this quote over MSN messenger back in the day.
And it's a quote from Nelson Mandela. It's one of my favorite quotes. It is, I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. And that is what? Confident people are courageous. Even if they are shitting themselves with fear, their heart is pounding, they think they're gonna die. They try and then see, see what happens. So with all of these things that we've spoken about today is kind of a self perpetuating loop, a self fulfilling prophecy. Because if you do those things, you will become confident. If you do those things, you will become confident. If you continue to do it, your confidence will grow. If you don't do those things, your confidence will stay exactly where it is or will diminish.
And so a lot of people say, when I am competent I will XYZ. Well you have to do the thing to get the confidence. Confidence doesn't come from a book. Confidence comes from taking action, which sucks cause it would be so much easier if we could just learn what confidence is. And then even our brains, everyone would be confident, right? I remember a summer in one time comparing it to going on a roller coaster. You can learn about the roller coaster, you can understand like why, how it loops it does and how it throws you in the air and all this type of stuff. But if you are scared of the confidence of the roller coaster, you're not going to get confident by watching it. And you know, maybe a little bit learning about it but really what you need to do is go on the roller coaster.
Let's say if rollercoasters are always good, cause sometimes roller coasters are shit, right? Sometimes you can get your head knocked around, but sometimes they're really good. It's a good rollercoaster and he'd have to go on there. And then you're like, Oh, it wasn't actually that scary. It was really fun. And then you might want to go again, but you're still a bit scared and you have to go again and you have to go a hundred times on the roller coaster before you're like, yeah, whatever. No big deal. You have to be like, did you ever see the like the world record holder for being on the rollercoaster the longest? And he was like slept on the roller coaster, ate on the roller coaster. It was on the rollercoaster for like days. Like he was not scared of the roller coaster. So you have to like sleep, eat, toilet, everything on the roller coaster and whatever your roller coaster is, that's what you have to do.
So you have to take action even if you're shitting your pants because that is what will make you confidence. And that is where most people get stuck is they are waiting for this magical thing to happen and confidence just to be bestowed upon them. And one day wake up feeling like Lizzo and go out wearing a T shirt and a thong with a whole cutout so people can see your bum cheeks. That's not going to happen. You're going to have to go put on the T shirt with a thong, with some fishnet tights with a hole cut out on your bum cheeks and be like, Oh my fucking God, I can't believe I'm doing this and do it. And they'd be like, yes bitch, I did it right, Liz. I didn't, you know, just one day, wake up and be like, I'm Lizzo bitch. She probably had to work on it, right. She probably had to start by wearing, you know, maybe some booty shorts or something or, or tight jeans or you know, she just didn't one day wake up and be like, I'm Lizzo. I'm going to watch a basketball game with my bum cheeks hanging out and then do some twerking on the core. She just wasn't, you know, the confidence fairy godmother didn't come and just be like, I bless the Lizzo with all the competence of a mediocre white man. And you know, then she went out and got her, you know, her T shirt with a hole in it. She worked on it. And that's what confident people do cause we're not born knowing that we, you know, we're not born knowing how to do things. We try, we fail. We try again and we learn that we can do it where some people learn I can't do it. Which is a belief. It's a belief, which is beautiful because if it's a belief, it means we can change it.
So yeah, now the things that competent people do. So the big one, the big takeaways from here is boundaries. I know, I want to say boundaries. Boundaries, getting toxic people out your life and taking action. Even if you are shitting your pants, even if you have a turtle head, a poo coming out of your bum hole with fear. Just do it and if he shit, you said his shit. If you fail, you fail. What's going to happen, you probably are not going to die if you might die, don't do it. But you know, like those, Oh my God, it makes me sick. Watching these, ah, those people who were doing a park hall, what's the English name for it? Jumping in, you know, then the jump around buildings and stuff and like swing from lampposts. You know what I mean? What does it called? There's another word that North Americans use. Parkour is the French word that Brits use anyway. It might be called parkour too in North America. And you know, when you do you see them doing parkour on like a 5,000 story building and like fucking doing backflips on the edge of a building. And I'm just like, Oh, maybe don't do that because you are gonna die or like base jumpers and you're like, you're working up to be coming a base jumper.
Like, yeah, high chance that you're gonna die. But maybe that's your thing you want to do base jumping, go do base jumping. Base jumping if you don't know is jumping off. What does it stands for. Bay stands for buildings, Ariel, Ariel structures and tennis, something like that. Anyway, the base jumpers listening, which although we hundreds were like, no badges is what it's called. A jumping off them without and then releasing a parachute afterwards and it's super dangerous and massive. A majority of those, the people who do it die because because it's a short drop to the earth versus if you jumping on an airplane, if something bad happens, you have at least a couple of minutes to try and, you know, fix your parachute or whatever. But with a base jumper, you know, say if you went unconscious or your parachute is tangled does mean, your dead because you have like four seconds to you hit the ground? Anyway, I don't want to do any base jumping, but if you wanna do a base jump and you go wild, if you want to do parkour on the tops of buildings or you know, have you seen those those ones where people climb to the top of a massive thing and they just hold on with their hand and then take a picture of them holding on with just their hand. I have a physical reaction when I see that shit on Instagram, I'm just like, no, nope. Don't want to see that because I know the person didn't die because we're seeing the video. Maybe they did, but the friend took the video of whatever I just can't handle it.
So, Hey, guess what? Guess what? You're going to love this. So the, so the other day I was like, Oh, I need some more fat positive means in my life. And so I searched Instagram for the account that has fat positive memes because of course it exists and found that it didn't exist. What is wrong with the world? How is fat positive means not a thing already. And so I created the account on Instagram. Fat positive means brand new. Go follow it. I've put up about, I don't know, 20 posts so far. Some of them have created myself. I'm like golfer, I'm a fucking comedian during these posted memes. I do like a meme. I do like a meme and I wanted it. Cause I know there's body-positive memes, but you know, I ain't really, you know, eh, body positivity as discussed in the last episode. So these are like for fat. This is fat. This is fat. Goodness. Okay, so go follow it. I'm going to put a link in the show notes. Fat positive means on Instagrams. And let's see if we can get the following up to. Okay, let's see. What do I want the following to be? Let me see what the following is right now. I think it was like a hundred something. Fat positive mems, fat positive means. Here we go. 201 followers. OMG, pretty good. Okay. So, Hey, let's go just 300, because people need fat positive memes in their lives. We're saving the world with these memes. And share them. Tag me. You've got a picture of Beyonce on there. Oh my God, I've got Miss Piggy on there. We've got cats, we've got fat horses. Life cannot get better if you're on Ursula. Oh, beautiful, beautiful. Anyway I will link on my show notes. It's been amazing to hang out with you today. I hope you got some goodness out of it.
And Hey, listen, if you working towards this adventure in confidence and there's always going to be ups and downs. So there's times I feel like I'm a very confident person and there's times when this shit happens where my confidence will take a drop. It could be a little drop, it could be a big drop. And the example is if you listened to all of the shows being on the BBC show and then the aftermath of that made my confidence drop in a big way where I was like, am I a bad person? The answer is yes, I'm a bad person, but I'm also a good person. I'm also, you know, in between, you know, I've done bad things, some good things, you know, I'm a human, but you know, generally I'm not a bad person I like to think anyway, but I had a moments where I was like, I'm a bad person.
And genuinely believe that and the difference between if I wasn't confident is I would have probably been in that place of I am a bad person for a lot longer than I was. That was probably two weeks of being like, Oh my God, I'm a bad person. And then I was just like, Hello, do you even know who you are? And then I was like, Oh yeah, I knew her, you know, I know who I am. And if you are like not doing these things or doing these things, it doesn't make you a better or worse person. You know, I'm not a better person because I happen to be more confident. It just means I happened to have done certain things to get to this place. If someone has less confidence than me. They are equally worthy and you know, needed in this world and are just perfect and great.
Just how they are having more confidence doesn't make you a better person. Okay. So I don't want people to think I'm like you low confidence losers. Oh get out of here. I hate you. Because 90% of my life I had confidence that was in the pits. I was like inverted confidence. I had inverted confidence. Like if my confidence was a belly button, it'd be like it'd be an any. But most people have enemies so maybe it'd be an alley, but most people are not confident. So it'd be in any anyway, I don't need to compare confidence to belly buttons. I think you know what I'm doing. I'm always, not always a lot of time. I have really shit analogies. I'm sorry. I was listening back to the last episode and I was trying to say like parts of my personality or whatever and I was like, they're like sticks.
What the fuck fucking sticks. What are you talking about? It's because I'm looking out the window here where I'm recording the podcast. I am looking over fields and there's lots of sticks. So that's why sticks came to my brain. So I'm sorry for all my shitty metaphors. I will do better and try and try and no mixing of metaphors. Just be good, solid metaphors. Unless I'm trying to think of something on the fly then who knows? Well, thanks for hanging out with me today. It's been fun and I will see you later, crocodile. I will see you in a while, alligator, and I hope you have an amazing day. My incredible Fierce Fatty. All right, I'll see you later. Good bye!