Episode 60 Transcript

Welcome to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Welsby and this is episode 60. Today, we're talking about “Mindset Barrier Busting”

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident Fierce Fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty podcast Let's begin.

Unknown Speaker 1:20

Hello, hello fatti how are you? How's life are your rights I'm alright you rights server server with other server in international I was just uh, just had lunch with my nibbling Finley, who is three years old and he started singing Queen songs. And my sister has, has taught him loads of Queen songs. He feels like he knows the whole back catalogue. And I started singing him like, Oh, do you know this one? Do you know this one? And he started singing along and he's like, he's three, right? He's three and a few months old. And I'm like, super impressed. How cool is it that you can force your own likes and tastes onto another for them to enjoy them with you. And actually, our dad is the one who got us into queen. And now my sister has got Finley into queen. And I started singing, we will we will rock you. And it's like, that's granddad Rogers favorite song. And my dad is my dad passed away a couple of years ago. And I'm like, oh, oh, it is just cute. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I've just been doing. And hey, while I remember in last week's episode, just want to clarify something just in case. Just in case, you can't read my mind. Rude. Why can't you read my mind? I mentioned about you know, was talking about sex and whatnot. And I said something like, oh, feeling like I had to be a porn star or have porn stars or something. I can't remember what it was. And it made me think, oh, do I want to make sure that people know that? I think that it's absolutely a okay to be a porn star to do sex work. Nothing wrong with being a porn star. And being a porn star, what I was getting at, or having like, porn star, I don't know. bumhole, whatever it was I was talking about is just the point I was trying to get across was just that acting and being inauthentic and being a version of a person, which is for the male gaze versus for actual female enjoyment. And I know there's so many, like ethical porn out there so much ethical porn out there. But that was kind of what I was referring to as a shorthand, presuming you would know what I was saying. Not that anyone said anything? Yeah, I suppose he's not even going out yet. But I was just like, Oh, my mind and my brain. I thought, oh, I need to clarify that. So yeah, that's that. Now I want to give a shout out to the members of my first fatty Academy for the Rockstar shit they've been getting up to in the last month. And yeah, just revel in the incredible muscle loss for a moment. So a couple of my members have had realizations about what it means when they see their reflection in the mirror and that triggering them and instead of internalizing that, they have said okay, what is going on in my brain and have decided to examine it. Another member took her daughter to the doctor, the doctor The Doctor started talking about the daughter's weight. And this member stood up to the doctor. And even continued the conversation with the doctor afterwards saying how it was harmful. To talk about that amazing, white badassness, another member bought a bigger size of underwear, after realizing that buying bigger underwear wasn't bad. There's a certain size, that I think there's like a certain size that we've just suddenly decided our brain like, well, if I get to that size, then I'm really bad or fat, you know, and why? Why another member is allowing themselves to work on allowing, allowing all food and eating what her body wants for dinner, and not feeling guilt or shame around this.

Unknown Speaker 6:01

Another member posted her goal. And so when you joined Facebook Academy, you, you pick a goal that you want to achieve by the end of the time together. And her goal was to get rid of the clubs that don't serve her. Another member unfollowed, a wellness coach who was food shaming, and actually left feedback to the wellness coach say that ankle. And finally another member said I start my new job, the first week of December even took a week off between jobs to attend to my mental health. So massive congratulations to my first party Academy members for the work they've done just in the last month. Ah, amazing, incredible. So exciting, is just so inspiring, right? Like, I feel so inspired by the stuff that people get up to. And a lot of times people poopoo their achievements say, Whoa, you know, I needed this, but it's a big deal, it is a big deal. So in today's episode, I want to talk about common mistakes and barriers people come up against with their mindset when it comes to doing this work this work of learning to love your fat body and get rid of diet culture and eat authentically and joyfully and all that type of stuff. So that is what this episode is. So to start with, it's it's important to understand the impact that this work has on us. And not to reduce it down to superficial, unimportant reasons as to why we want to do this work. Because when we do boil it down to something, you know, that seemingly superficial like I want to wear a bikini, then it takes all of the power of what that means out of it. So let me let me show you so external reasons why people want to work on loving their fat body, external reasons. And so if I said to someone, Hey, do you want to learn to love your fat body. And they will say things like to feel confident, to wear clothes, to advocate for themselves in medical situations, to do things in life that they can't currently can't do due to lack of confidence, freedom, to make a positive impact health to feel like a fierce fatty or to feel like Lizzo or Beyonce or whoever is your confidence badass icon. And to know that they are on the right path with this stuff. So they're kind of the surface level external reasons why we say that we want to do this work. And I just say, I want to feel more confident. Well, what does that mean? I want to wear clothes. Well, is that important? Well, if we look underneath, like what does it actually mean? So to feel confident. So really what's underneath that if I want to feel confident is to release the fear and shame. We are feeling like the fear, the fear of rejection and judgment from others. The shame about what

Unknown Speaker 9:37

what it means to look like someone with a fat body and to feel confident that that shame is not yours to hold. And that fear is a lot of times futile because people are gonna judge us no matter what. So you If they'll judge us for being ourselves, and so that's what's underneath to feel confident for a lot of people, so to wear clothes. So I say wear clothes, you know, clothes that express your use, or clothes that you feel uncomfortable in, or you're scared about what you want to wear. So, you know, crop tops, or sleeveless things or, or something that doesn't cover your bum, etc. And the reason why, a lot of times we want to do this is, is so that we can express ourselves and not care about what people think about them. And to express ourselves and expressing ourselves authentically is so important for us, versus going around being a vanilla version. And hiding away when we might not want to hide away. And maybe we're not a vanilla person want to say vanilla, you know, doing things to please other people versus pleasing yourself. So to advocate for themselves in medical situation, so underneath this is to feel educated, to feel confident in their in their worth, and know that they deserve evidence based care. To know that advocating for themselves around weight and health is important and actually will save their life. It will help them get treatment that is suitable for them versus Have you tried losing weight losing weight sets. Okay, so to do things in life that they currently can't do due to lack of confidence. So this is so big, right? So it's like, I want to do stuff. And that doing stuff is things like getting a partner or asking for a pay rise or going into a dance class or doing activities with friends and not feeling like the slow fat word and not caring if you are the slow fat one. And it's living life. It's living. So when you say I want to do stuff, it's I don't want to live freedom. Like free, what is freedom? What is that so freedoms are free from the weight of shame, free to be you free to do things like not hold your breath, when you're walking up some stairs in case someone hears you breathing, voicing your opinions, making yourself hurt. letting people see you. You know, everyone holds their breath when they're like walking upstairs, or walking up a hill because, you know, even like people who are fit and are probably like, oh, I can't let people know that even though I'm fit sometimes I need to breathe. It's so unnatural for me to breathe. So weird, right? And so, next make a positive impact. So for me, this means that you can be the one who after X amount of generations stood up to fatphobia and diet culture, you healed yourself when those before you or around you didn't or couldn't you were brave, you created an a legacy that will outlive, you

Unknown Speaker 13:39

know, think about my family. So a big part of my family are from from Ireland, and I think about the potato famine. And I think about what going through a famine does to people. And it's probably you know, a hardcore version of dieting. Right and, and, and those feelings of shame and guilt. And as well, during that time. During the potato famine, Irish people were were seen in society by British people as being lazy. And if they weren't so lazy, they wouldn't be in a potato famine, which is not true. And so I wonder how many Irish people internalize that you're lazy and You're so lazy. You don't have food to eat. And so then when they did get food, and when the feminine was over what their relationship with food was like, and none of that is their fault, right? But I wonder how I wonder how many generations that kind of disordered relation to food drips down until it came to my mom. And, and then on my dad's side, my dad's British i Who knows what went on on that side? I don't know. Right? But I was the one who said Enough of that shit. So that's pretty cool. Right? And maybe people before me did as well, I don't know, but and you know, your family and what's been going on with your family, and are you going to be the one that says, I'm, I'm stopping this with me. That's and that's, that's a big kind of reason for, for for doing this versus you know, I want to make a positive impact, or does that mean? That means stopping people going from this through the same pain that you have gone through, or even worse. So next health. So health, this is really big and entangled thing in people's minds. Because people don't want to be will struggle to say, I want to learn to love my fat body because they worry that it means I want to be unhealthy. I am, quote unquote, giving up, I am lazy, I can't lose weight. And so I'm a failure. And so this is my only alternative. A lot of people feel like that. And it's actually the opposite. And so health is, you know, feeling good in your body. Eating in a way that is good for you relating to a way that is good for you. Instead of being in fear, and being stuck, and being believing that the only way to be healthy is to lose weight. And knowing that you can be in, in control in some parts of of your health, quote unquote, health status, but realizing a lot of what makes up health is out of your control. And if you choose to embracing the things that you can control, and letting go of things that you can't, versus being like, I need to lose weight, I need to lose weight, being on a diet making you unhealthy, your mental health being damaged, this cycle that isn't good for your health, or your mental health, your physical health, your mental health, and just being stuck to feel like face fatty, Lizzo Beyonce other icon that you might have about Beyonce in there, because Beyonce is my icon, put Alyssa in there because there's always a lot of people's fat icon. So really, this is could you could say this is quite superficial, I want to feel like Lizzo. But really what it is, is, I want to stand in my power. I want to know that I'm worthy and deserve to be applauded. And just soak it all in. Like, for me, it's, it's like at the end of my TEDx talk. I did my dance, and I put my hands in the air. And people were giving me a standing ovation. And that kind of just fooling that energy coming to me and, and being like, yeah, I deserve this. I work really fucking hard for this. And I deserved it. And however long it lasted like five seconds, 10 seconds, whatever. Feeling like, yeah, I am great. Thanks. And I think that's what a lot of people want to have just feel sassy, and know that it's going to be more people, people that you don't like, but don't like you. And that doesn't matter, because there's going to be lots of people who do like you. And that's cool. And to say, Yeah, I'm powerful, and what,

Unknown Speaker 18:33

and finally know that they are on the right path. So knowing that they are not giving up, they're not being lazy, that they're not greedy, or making excuses. Because this is the real hard work. And it is the opposite of giving up. And being lazy and greedy. This is this is hard. This is hard to unlearn all of that bullshit to go against what a lot of people say about fat bodies, and that you shouldn't like your body. That is hard work that is not for the faint of heart. It's doable, obviously. But it is not giving up is the opposite of giving up. So that's the kind of internal the external reasons why people want to work on this stuff, the external being the kind of surface level stuff, and then the internal being the really what is underneath that and a summary of that is to live, to thrive, to love, to love to step into their power to stop the pain of those around them. and they have big reasons. They have big reasons, not just, I just want to wear a bikini. And I just want to wear a bikini is is a fine and dandy reason. But there's reasons underneath underneath that reason if I just want to wear a bikini is, I don't want to be ashamed anymore. I just want to feel joy, and just want to have fun and not worry. And that is super big reasons. So don't forget about why this work is so damn important. Now, people now if you don't take action on learning to overcome body hates, and a disordered relation with food relationship with food, then there will be an outcome. And some of the outcomes could look like not having a positive impact. And in fact, having a negative impact on those around you. Not feeling confident enough to do the things, feeling stuck and being stuck hiding from the world, being authentic, trying to please everyone, but themselves, accepting less, and all of the consequences that come from that. So when I think about accepting less, I think about, you know, going out with with loser, loser partners, being treated like shit by by, by people working at jobs for far too long when I knew that they were not treating me well, losing relationships, because you can't set boundaries or have difficult conversations. When someone overstepped the mark, going deeper into fat phobia and diet culture, which means it will be harder to get out of. And wasting time, money and effort trying to get confidence in other ways. Ie dieting. So let's talk about the mistakes the common mistakes that that people make. And the common mistakes that people make. I, in my program, first I Academy I there's three modules, the module one is explore number two is unleash. Number three is activate. And so in each of these modules, I am overcoming these obstacles and these mistakes helping people overcome them in the content. And so I want to make you aware of what they are. So step one is explorer in face value Academy. And a big mistake that people make that is helped with the Explorer module in first party Academy is,

Unknown Speaker 22:56

is the mistake is people don't get rid of fat phobia, and diet culture in their life. Not because they don't want to, it's because they are unaware what is problematic. Because because we are so we drown in fat phobia and diet culture. So when you're trying to come out of it, you pop your head above the water and you're like, oh, I can breathe. Oh, yeah, got rid of all the diet, culture and fat phobia from my life, but you don't realize you're still in a sea of it. And it's just that your neck is or your head is above the water. And so you need to explore. And in first idea Academy, we'd go through line by line in the program of all of the common and easily missed areas and also the not so common and easily missed areas that is fat phobia and die culture in action. next mistake is letting other people's judgments stop you from living. This is a big one, right? This is a big one. Because if you were to live on a desert island, you probably wouldn't hate your body. You know, maybe maybe not. But if there's other people there to view your body and make judgments on your body, then all of a sudden it's a different story. And so, we need to learn how to let go of those judgments and then in module two and leash, we go into learning how to talk to family, friends, strangers, how to deal with them, how to cope with a fat phobia or in the world, how strategies for dealing with healthcare professionals and standing up for yourself and how not to internalize the bullshit that's that we're hearing from others. The people. Next big mistake is I've spoken about before, but it's called the Constant Learner effect, something that I made up in my beautiful brain, Constant Learner effect, which is constantly learning about this stuff and never taking action. Action is the backbone of this stuff. I've used this example before, you can't learn to swim by reading a book, you can learn lots of things about how to swim from reading a book, and reading a book might be a really important part of learning how to swim. But at some point, you're gonna have to go and tinker your toes in the water, get your feet wet, and have a go, you know, and I'm not saying jump in the deep end, because that might be very unhelpful. I'm talking about toe tinkling. Okay. So in in module three officers by the Academy, we have activate. And so in here, we're breaking down every, like, every little thing, a tiny little step that you can take, right? Because this stuff is big. If I said, go and just go out and walk in the street, in your underwear, you know, no, that's not achievable for 99.9% of the population. And so breaking it down and giving you the tools that you need to be able to take those teeny tiny steps, which in turn, add to a big old leap. So we need to get out of that Constant Learner effect. So let's talk about the benefits of, of doing this stuff, not just on our world, and our brains, which is sometimes not as tangible, although, of course, it can be if you do certain things, but on things like time, and money. Okay, so let's talk about time. Because a lot of people say, I now have the time to work on loving my body, and have the time to work on my relationship with food. And my response to that is you don't you you don't not have the time, is that a double negative?

Unknown Speaker 27:24

You don't have the time to not work on this, you don't have the time to not work on this. Okay? So think about the amount of time in a week or in a month, you spend thinking about how your body isn't good enough how you're not good enough? Or how you need to eat this food or that food how how you really should go on another diet or how you really should become healthy by losing weight. How much time is that? Okay? How much time is that, let's say, for the average person who hates themselves, I'm being conservative with this one hour a day, one hour a day, where their brain is filled with. I'm not good enough. Okay, so times that by seven days, which is a week, and then times it by 52 weeks, which is a year. So for every year, it's 364 hours. How many years have you not liked yourself? So say over 20 years, that's 7280 hours wasted. On believing and reinforcing the idea that you're not good enough, because you're ruminating on thoughts and, and not breaking the cycle. And so that could be the 20 years that you've already lived or it could be the 20 years that's ahead of you. And hopefully you live more than 20 years. But we'll just say 20 years just to be conservative. And so, to do something like first party Academy, I say to people spend 30 minutes a week, 30 minutes a week. Okay, so the the course goes over 12 weeks. And let's say we'll add in just to be generous because you get you get six calls with it. But let's double that. Let's say you do get more calls. But let's say over 12 months, you get 12 calls a call a month, and so adding on 12 hours to that. So the total time to complete, face it Academy and go to a year. years worth of course, is 18 hours. Let's be wild and let's just say it's 50 The Hours. Don't know why, but let's just round it up to 50. So if you can bet 50 hours to 7280 Well, then it's, it's pretty black and white, you don't have the time to not work on this. Do you want to spend over the next 20 years 7000 hours. And this is all approx depending on how much you think about yourself or your body, your food, whatever, in a day. So let's say you only do it 30 minutes a day, that's still three and a half 1000 hours, versus to do something like first fire academy 50 hours, or 80? And, yes, it's kind of like, it's doing the work upfront. And, you know, if you're spending 30 minutes a day, just worrying and thing, you know, that's hard, harder to get out of, versus saying, Okay, I'm going to spend 30 minutes a weak doing the work, because you've spent however many years thinking about how you're not good enough. So it's, you know, it's, it's, it's something you have to choose to do, okay, I'm going to choose to do this work so that I can can slowly reduce the amount of time that I'm thinking about what a piece of shit I am, to the point that it's zero. And then I just, you know, I just feel good. So think about money as well. It's unfortunate that not a lot of people are haze aligns of Health at Every Size aligned. Not a lot of people are intuitive, eating aligned, not a lot of people are fat positive. And that goes for the general population. And it extends to healthcare providers. And unfortunately,

Unknown Speaker 32:08

if you want to work on this stuff, there's not that many people out there in the world, unfortunately, hopefully, it will grow. And there'll be more people doing what I'm doing. But at the moment, there's not that many. Yes, there is a lot of thin, white, intuitive eating coaches. That's pretty easy to find, honestly, I've seen I've seen so many, like when I started start doing this work, there was, it feels like there was like 100, it was probably way more, but now it feels like there's 10,000 Like no jokes. So if you just want to do intuitive eating and learn it from a thin white woman, you're, you're fine. But if you want to work with someone who works with fat, people who is fat, who helps fat people love their body, and have a peaceful relationship with food, well, then that, unfortunately, is very difficult to find. So normally, you'll find people who are just teaching peace around food, and they're normally thin. Or there's a handful of people about loving, who teach to teach people to love their body. And mostly, they're thin. And mostly they're white. So getting those two things combined together love your body stopped diet culture combined, in a fat person is super hard to find. So because of that, what a lot of people find and fortunately is that they will reach out to providers to help them with certain aspects of this journey. And they are met with fat phobia. They're met with people who say because this is a big one nowadays, say they're anti diet and I don't prescribe diets. No dieting is bad, but then are super fat phobic, you know, like but you have to eat healthy like, but you can't you can't eat then Oh, you shouldn't go above this way and shit like that. And, and that can be really, really disappointing and, and damaging and a waste of money. big waste of money. And oh man, finding therapists and I'm not a therapist, finding a therapist who is a haze intuitive eating fat positive understands about everything to do with the different systems of oppression that is tied in with fatphobia Oh, man. Oh, I don't know there's hardly any Compared to, you know, just bog standard therapists, not that any therapists a bog standard, like they've done tons of training and they're so important. And I always say that, that going to a therapist, and doing this work with someone who specializes in this stuff is really important. Because having that affirming support from someone who is doing this work for fat people is a fat person is it's wonderful, it's what it's wonderful. And to know you're in a in a safe community with other people who, unlike you, it's super affirming. And also working on this stuff is way cheaper than spending life buying things, or doing things to make yourself feel better about your body, which is not learning to love your body. And so say if you if you go to therapy, or if you do a course, like phys, fatti, Academy, whatever it is you do, and you're like, or go into therapy is expensive. Working with this person is expensive. But then if you compare it to all of the money that you have potentially already spent, and all of the money that you could spend in the future. It is a drop in the bucket. I remember when I first went to therapy, gosh, years ago, and at the time, my therapist was 120 an hour. And I was like 120 Oh my god. This is daylight robbery in my brain. But I was like, but I really need to go so well. I'll pay it.

Unknown Speaker 36:55

And I on my first session, I was like, how long is this going to take for me to be quote unquote, fix? And she was like 10 sessions question mark. You know, she's trying to give me a number. But who knows? And I was like, Okay, well, I'm only going to have to spend 1200 on quote, unquote, fixing myself. Well, I've been therapy for years now. And I have spent many, many 1000s of dollars. And I never did fix myself because it's an ongoing journey. But if I had known that before, when I started, I would have been like, well, I don't want to spend, let's say $10,000 I don't want to spend $10,000 on therapy. Oh, it's fine. That sounds like a lot. I'm just going to carry on doing what I'm doing. Well, then I would have spent way more than $10,000 making up for my my shitty view of myself. And not only might you but you know, my life wouldn't have been that great. And so you're thinking how well you think you think of the obvious things like diets, shakes, shit, your pants, tees, pills, supplements, healthy eating plans, diet, books, classes, that type of thing. But also things like buying magic food, you know, like organic food, or food that's been sprinkled with the sweat of fairies, or food that says what the macros are or no fat or no sugar, or no gluten, even if you're not celiac, because you believe all that will make me healthy. Or things like Spanx, or waist trainers, or corsets to hide your stomach? And what about clothes and shoes? Maybe I know some people buy designer clothes or designer handbags to prove that they're fancy, even though the facts to prove that they are worthy. Or getting new clothes and getting that temporary confidence fix. Right? When you get something new when it fits. And you're like, oh, yeah, I look great. And then like you wore if you wear it a few times, and then you're like, actually doing it great. And then so you have to buy something new to get that same hit again, buying things like high heels to feel sexy, but you can't walk in them. And so you only wear them once and they hide in your closet and you're just like, Oh, I'm such a failed woman. I can't even walk in high heels. And it's, you know, it's absolutely fine. If you'd like you wear high heels and you're like, yeah, man, I'm empowered and I feel great and I can walk in them and I'm just amazing. That's great. I'm talking about things that things that you do to try and increase your confidence or, or fit in with society. And it's not necessarily because you want to is because it's coming from a place of lack. What about make and accessories. So a lot of fat people were told, we have to be hyper feminine to compensate for our fatness. So are there different different makeup and accessories and any other could accoutrement that you might purchase to make yourself feel better? What about gym memberships, or personal training apps that you pay for moving yourself moving your body in ways that you hate, or not using the facilities, which also makes you feel guilty. It's all more wasted money. And it's fine. If you do any of those things, if you like, I have a gym membership. And and I like it, that's great. That's great. I'm not talking about, you know, things that feel good and serve you thinking about the things that you buy to try and make yourself feel good. But it doesn't, it doesn't. It's like a temporary thing. And so then you kind of get in this cycle of, oh, you know, getting on this new juice cleanse, it makes me feel excited for the first bit, but really at the end of it, I don't and, and so you think about all of that type of stuff. And it might be a little bit here a little bit there. But is that over your lifetime, more than spending x amount on a therapist or spending x amount doing a course or wherever it is? You know, everyone's different. So I don't know the answer for you. But I know for me trying to be super fashionable all the time, just to impress people to be like, even though I'm fat, I'm really fashionable. Or I'm really like, edgy or whatever.

Unknown Speaker 41:45

Just like whatever. Or trying to spending so much money doing my hair, making it as long as long and feminine as possible, when really, I just wanted to shave my head and get your hair done is expensive, right? I don't know, wherever you are in the world. But in Canada, for a cut and color. I remember it being like between two, to 20 to 50. That type of money, my hair was long and thick. And then tip on top of that. That's expensive, right? And you know, I might have loved it and stuff. But that's, that's fine. But you know, if you're doing those types of things to be so that your boyfriend thinks that you're feminine, and so that, you know it makes up for your fatness and all that type of stuff. Maybe not as helpful. So if you are thinking about joining Facebook Academy, that's great. But I want to one, and if you're not, that's fine, too, whatever. I want to tell you who, who succeeds at this work that I enjoy working with. And so you can kind of if this is not you, you can know Okay, working with Victoria is not going to be a right fit for me. But then if it is you then great or not whatever. Like, just don't want your one. Oh, okay, so who fears Valley Academy as for and who I'm for is someone who's been working on loving their body for a while. And so not someone who is like, actually, I know, I know. Fat people are disgusting, and I hate and they use the O word. I hate being a word myself. And I know it's really unhealthy. So hopefully you're going to help me, like lose weight, but also love myself. Like that's not who it's for. It's for someone who's been working on this stuff for a while they they know, at least the basics about fat liberation. They know that DICE don't work. They know this stuff, but they just can't get it out. They can't get it out of their head. They can't, they can see maybe maybe they can see the beauty in other fat bodies, but in themselves, no. Okay, so also, someone who is not afraid to invest in themselves to work on this issue. Someone who will take action and carve out the time to do this work because it is a top priority for them. So it is not a top priority for for someone. And I don't want to say it's the number one priority because you could you know, have a life. You know, you might have a job or kids or other things and responsibilities, right? I wouldn't want it to you know, and say this needs to be your number one priority, but you need to say okay, I will carve out 30 minutes a week. And if I missed one week, then I'll do an extra next week or whatever. I will carve out time to do this because this is important because if I don't do this work, I will not survive and thrive and To be the person who I want to be. So people who understand that working on overcoming this issue will have a massive impact on their life. People who are ready to do hard things instead of making excuses as to why they can't. And when I say making excuses, I mean, like, proper excuses, not excuses, like, oh, you know, actual excuses. Like, I'm like, what is an actual excuse? Okay, so a May an excuse of, you know, I don't have the time and someone who doesn't have a job or doesn't do anything? I don't know. And they do have the time. But they saying, I don't have the time because they're scared, you know? So if there are excuses there, are you able to look at them? And be like, Is this a real excuse? Or is it something that I'm, you know, kind of making up. And then there are lots of things which are legitimate barriers, I'm not talking about those, I'm talking about the things that we're kind of making up to protect ourselves so that we don't have to do scary things. Next, those who take messy imperfect action, even when they are afraid, because there's never going to be a perfect time for you to do that thing. Never ever,

Unknown Speaker 46:21

never, ever going to be a perfect time. And it's never gonna work out perfectly. That's just life, right? And so if you're waiting for your waiting for you to feel 1,000% confident before you do something that will help your confidence improve, well, then it's never gonna happen, right? So who is this not for? Who do you want not want to work with? People who if people buy first party Academy and don't do the work, they're not going to get the results. So it's a waste of, of time. And it's a waste of their money, right? So I wish that I could just wave a magic wand and say, Join face failure Academy just by joining your magically love yourself. But that's not how it works. I give you the roadmap, I support you. I walk along the way with you. But you're the one who has to move forward, right? You're the one who has to do the work. I'm the guide, but you're the one doing the stuff. Okay. So people who think it's a waste of money to work on overcoming this issue, those who don't take action, and complain about not getting results. Now I'm lucky like I because I'm like, lay out the you know, I went before people join us join Facebook Academy, I say, hey, if this is you don't join, you know, like I'm doing right now. And so luckily, I don't see that. I see it in a lot of other groups of people being like, I've not done any of the work. And I've not only seen any results, so I'm angry, and it's your fault. I'm like, is it? Because I don't know. It didn't sound like legit to me. Yes. So people who don't realize the impact of low self esteem has on their lives. Those who don't want to change and don't want to do things that will challenge themselves. People who feel like they need their thoughts to be perfect before taking action. People who don't carve out time to do the work. And something that I've actually I've changed recently is after speaking with my therapist, and and business coach, I used to always say if you have an active eating disorder, then first fatty Academy isn't for you. But you are you know your mind, right? You know, what is what's going on with you? And I will say I was talking about this, I'll send this to my therapist. I was like, she's like, Why do you have that role? And I said, well, because I don't want to cause harm to people. I don't want them to come in and do the work and for it to cause them harm. And I say like if you get the go ahead from your from your mental health team, your therapist, whoever they think it's a good idea then then then it's okay you can join but you know, think about it, talk to them first. And so removing that caveat of you should talk to your therapist or your whoever is helping you with your mental health because the person who owns the brain knows how they're feeling and knows if they are ready to do this work and or if they do need to take some more time working on an eating disorder are other things that could be going on in their life. And I shouldn't be the gatekeeper saying i No one with a active eating disorder is allowed in because I'm afraid that something could hurt them? Well, I don't know what's going on in everyone's brain. And if someone has decided, I am ready, I still got things going on. But I need to learn about fat phobia. And I need to learn about diet, culture and all of this type of stuff. And I am ready, and I will protect my mental health where it needs to be protected. I don't get to make that decision for people. People can make that decision for themselves. So yeah, you know, so that is, that is who it's for who it's not for. So yeah, if you want to join first Valley Academy, then go to the waitlist. And I'll let you know when the doors open. It's fierce fatty.com forward slash weight learners. First fatty.com, forward slash waitlist. Yeah. And so let's, let's kind of review what we've gone over in this episode. So it's important to understand the impact this work has on us and not reduce it down to superficial, unimportant reasons. And understand doing this work. helps us live,

Unknown Speaker 51:15

survive, thrive, be happy, be ourselves, stop the pain and trauma for those who come after us and those who are around us.

Unknown Speaker 51:28

Really deep stuff. That not taking action has consequences. And it could be that instead of just staying still, the you get deeper into fat phobia and deeper into diet culture.

Unknown Speaker 51:48

And that's, that's more difficult to come back from versus potentially where you are three big mistakes that people make, not getting rid of fat phobia and diet culture because they don't yet have the understanding, to see what is fatphobia and die culture around them. And what is reinforcing negative beliefs. Next mistake, letting other people's judgments stop you from living. third mistake, being in the Constant Learner effects are constantly learning, devouring information and never taking action because action is scary. There is tons of benefits for doing this work. The time that you spend Hating Your Body is gargantuan in comparison to the time spent working on this stuff. It is cheaper than spending your life buying stuff to try and make you feel more confident or reduce your body size, which doesn't actually have an effect versus spending money on a resource therapy, a course coaching, whatever. spending that money up front to reduce the costs of hating yourself for years to come. Yeah. So if you do do if you do do, if you do want to do to work, if you do want to do the work, then join the waitlist first party.com forward slash wait list. And I you know, I might not be the right person for you. That's a okay. There might be you know, there might be something about me that you don't like. I mean, you don't have to like me to learn from me. But you know, helps if you don't hate someone. Hopefully, if you listen to the podcast, you don't hate me. And, you know, if you do think it could be a good fit. I would love to be on that journey with you. It brings me so much joy. Every month after I have a call with first party Academy members, I always come off so happy and excited. Because of the stuff that they're doing and the breakthroughs that they're having and the community that we have being in the space with other people who get it. You know, a lot of times on the call like people were like, Oh, I've waited until the call so that I could vent something that happened that no one else will get but I know you lot well. I'd love to be there for you. So yeah, maybe see you there. Maybe not. But hopefully I'll see you on the next episode of fierce fatty podcast. Stay fierce, fatty. Oh See you on the flip side, the bar.