Episode 66 Transcript

Welcome to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Welsby and this is episode 66. Today, we're talking about Your Body has Changed. Now What?

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident Fierce Fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty podcast Let's begin.

Hello, fatty how are you? How's life? I? Guess what? Today is my day one? First day, our quarantine

Unknown Speaker 1:36

fruit. Oh, it's so exciting.

Unknown Speaker 1:40

I actually went to see

Unknown Speaker 1:45

the apartment that I have just signed a lease for so I did a

Unknown Speaker 1:52

virtual reviewing last week. And then I thought you know what, it's probably a good idea if I can go see it in person because I can ascertain the stink level of the apartment. Now. I don't know about you. But I don't know if it's a Vancouver thing. Is it Canada thing? It's an off America thing. But so many apartments in Vancouver Sterling Reek like, I don't know,

Unknown Speaker 2:23

old socks or I don't even know what the smell is, like just old news. And it's not that it's not that old, necessarily because British, Irish, European places. I've noticed if they're old, they don't necessarily smell. And my theory is that

Unknown Speaker 2:45

in the UK, we build stuff with bricks. But in Vancouver, and I don't know if it's for the rest of Canada, I presume so because there's a lot of wood. Most likely things especially older apartments are paid for built from wood, not brick. And then after years, the wood gets wet. And old stinks. That's what that's my theory. Could be a load of bullshit. But that is my theory. None. Now have you got a new apartment then? It doesn't smell if it's made of wood, in my humble opinion, but if you've got an older apartment like 2030 years old, then then you need to get ready for the stink. But anyway, so this is an older apartment. I went okay, as well. There was only a slight smell. Now that was pretty cool. It's pretty cool it a slight smell raw. Like you know, you wouldn't be like Oh, it smells bad. You'd be like okay, I can smell something. So

Unknown Speaker 3:48

yay. And it is in a great location. Downtown Vancouver went for downtown.

Unknown Speaker 3:55

It is in the heart of Davie village, Gay Village, the gay area.

Unknown Speaker 4:03

So excited. I'm so excited to have a

Unknown Speaker 4:07

there's so many amazing things right on my doorstep. And I'm eight minutes away from the beach. And there's a park close so I can go and walk Dougie.

Unknown Speaker 4:21

Like where he's allowed to go and run run for a little puppy. So that's yeah, pretty cold on the quarantine. Don't have COVID Garden apartments. Life is life has taken along. And I've been getting a lot of messages recently because

Unknown Speaker 4:45

the podcasts that I shared about the troll came out a few days ago. And a lot of people have messaged me and said, you know, thank you so much for sharing and I'm so sorry that you you went through that. That's so nice. You're like

Unknown Speaker 5:00

I forgot that I recorded the episode. And when people were like, messaging me about it, I was like, Oh, yeah. Oh, I forgot what was that? What was that about that episode? So yeah, it's kind of like it feels like a problem shared is a problem problem haft. You know how they say that. And that definitely feels true because

Unknown Speaker 5:19

Yeah, yesterday I was on the phone to the fucking Tax Office for four and a half hours, four hours and 33 minutes to be exact. So my first two hour stint.

Unknown Speaker 5:33

I know first two and a half hour stint, I got hung up on that two and a half hours. And then

Unknown Speaker 5:41

then I tried again in the afternoon, and they just hung up on me again. So and it's a super simple problem, I just need to I've just got locked out of the the tax thing.

Unknown Speaker 5:51

Unknown Speaker 5:55

anyway, I shared this on Instagram, the saga of me trying to get through to the Tax Office, the Canadian tax office, and two people sent me two really helpful things. One person said, Oh, if you do this form, call this form, maybe they'll call you back and someone else said, Oh, I've had the same experience. It took me weeks trying to get through to the weeks. And instead I went to the office, and they have a secret number that you can call and it gets through to them a lot quicker. So hey, if you've got a problem in your life, then why not share it with someone? A problem shared is a problem halved. Honestly, having having you law in my community, and you know, just for little, you know, silly things like, Oh,

Unknown Speaker 6:39

I can't get through to the tax office or big things like, Oh, I'm being trolled by someone with 1.5 million followers to have other humans who don't know me who have never met me maybe never spoken to me, or only new to following me who are out there and supportive. It feels so fucking good. Like, for so sentimental about it, it feels really really good. And and I believe that you know, even if you're you don't have like people following on the internet, other other humans out there that care about other people and strangers who care about you, and who care about me. And that's really fucking cool. So today as well, so today's been big day, I'm out of quarantine, I'm allowed to walk outside.

Unknown Speaker 7:25

I got my own apartment and also

Unknown Speaker 7:28

some insulin. I'm talking about all the time on this podcast. My friend

Unknown Speaker 7:34

dropped off my new laptop today, which is good timing because my current MacBook has been giving me my electric shocks

Unknown Speaker 7:45

you know?

Unknown Speaker 7:47

And it's on it's I've been like, come on, come on MacBook. You can make it to the end of the year. Come on, you do it because it's getting it's you know, it's five years old. And I use it about 27 hours a day, approximately because I work on it right. And then in the evening, I'm watching and watching my shows on it as well. So bless this MacBook Air. It's been with me it's done. It's done a lot for me. So this new one has arrived. And I'm really excited about it. It's it's like

Unknown Speaker 8:22

rose gold. So amazing.

Unknown Speaker 8:26

That's really cool. And my phone because I got a Windows in Ireland, I got a refurbished phone. I've had such bad luck with refurbished phones that don't pay dogshit honestly, they're cheaper but honestly dogshit so this phone,

Unknown Speaker 8:44

it was an iPhone, iPhone seven. And it was like turning off and truckin doing all sorts. I think there's a ghost inside it doing all sorts of stuff. And so my new phone arrived as well. And so I have my new new phone too. So I can call people and you know, call the tax office. It's amazing. Anyway, so

Unknown Speaker 9:08

because so I have a nephew nephew. The reason why I'm telling telling you about this. I have a nephew

Unknown Speaker 9:16

nibbling Finley and I send him videos. I send them videos, I say I made a video of me trying to brush my teeth with various implements that were not suitable for the task, asking him to help me find my toothbrush. He's He's three. So if you're thinking like, why are you doing though they're like, you know, how old is this? Yep, three, three. And he loves that ship. Anyway. And so a few days ago, I made this video of how helped me brush my teeth. And with my new phone. Very exciting. And I looked at the video and I noticed that my face

Unknown Speaker 10:00

We looked older.

Unknown Speaker 10:03

And it's because it's a new phone and the camera is like, way better. I was like, what, like, have I just got got got an older and because my laptop is older and that's the images I see of myself because my phone is dogshit. And you know the camera on that as is not as good as this new one. Oh my god have I aged in a way that I've not noticed. But now I've got a new phone. And it's like, the camera is so good that it's showing all sorts.

Unknown Speaker 10:33

So I had a feeling about it. I had I had a feeling, I had a feeling. And then in that same video I was wearing

Unknown Speaker 10:40

working out legging type things. And they had they had rolled down a bit and they had cut into my tummy. And so it was like making my stomach protrude more than normally. And also this year, I think I've put on weight. So I've probably gone up a dress size. And so I had feelings. Now, when I say feelings like not a lot, I was just like, oh, you kind of like, oh, that's different. And I, I'm not sure if i i like it. But I wasn't like oh my god, I'm so unattractive. I've got wrinkles, and blah, blah, blah, it was kind of just like, oh, whoa,

Unknown Speaker 11:25

oh, kind of like a, like a little wobble.

Unknown Speaker 11:29

And I know for a lot of people seeing something like that would be a big deal or or noticing that their body is bigger, would be kind of like it could could go into a big spiral.

Unknown Speaker 11:44

So I wanted to talk about that. And I wanted to talk about you know, if you have put on weight over having to quarantine or you know, self isolate, or whatever it is that you know how our lives have changed in the last year.

Unknown Speaker 11:58

What, you know what, what now what do we do what's going on. So I definitely had judgment about my body in that moment. And I noticed today when I was walking back from the apartment, I was like, I'm going to have a you know, nice, nice long walk, walk through, you know, all these different neighborhoods in downtown Vancouver. And when I was walking back from this, this new apartment, I walked by a botox clinic, and the thought popped into my head, probably for a nanosecond of, oh, maybe I should get that now, you know, or maybe it's too late for me, because you should get it when you don't have any wrinkles. And that thought kind of like popped in really quickly. But then it passed. And I realized that for other people may be seeing that Botox clinic. And so then seeing you know, a couple of days earlier that they their faces changed,

Unknown Speaker 12:54

could send them into kind of like, or maybe I should maybe, you know, and having having not great feelings about themselves. So we need to look at these

Unknown Speaker 13:08

these things, like they are not created in the vacuum, because they're not right, the the way that we feel about ourselves, when we judge our bodies, when we judge ourselves. We're not just judging ourselves because our bodies have changed. We're judging ourselves because maybe our bodies have changed, or maybe the perception of our bodies is different. And also, there is a million other things that that's going on in your world in the world. So, for me, I was thinking about like, okay, so I'm having I'm having a feeling and having a feeling about my body. And again, I'm very lucky because I've been, I spent so long doing this work. This doesn't come up very often for me. Now I'm very lucky because I've done the work, I'm doing the work. These negative body thoughts don't come up very often when they do they're more kind of a, you know, a little hiccup, a little a little blip versus it turning into a big spiral, which is what happened before and which is what happens to a lot of people something, something triggers them. And then as I write Okay, I need to sort this out, you know, especially if you're in January, right, I need to start losing weight and exercise and blah, blah, blah. But we need to look at what is happening and looking at the full picture. So things that have influenced me right now that could cause me to negatively judge my body. So this is just off the top of my head. Okay, so I've moved back to Vancouver

Unknown Speaker 14:54

which is very, quote unquote health focused

Unknown Speaker 15:00

Very kind of, you know, organic yoga,

Unknown Speaker 15:04

holistic wellness, you know, that type of stuff.

Unknown Speaker 15:09

And there's not that many fat people are out like about like when you're walking on the streets. Honestly, if you see another fat person you like, oh,

Unknown Speaker 15:19

Fatty, obviously, you don't do that. But in your brain in your brain, you're like, Oh, there's another one of us. Because so many people ostracized, it's, yeah, it's the thing, especially, especially downtown Vancouver and the kind of close to downtown Vancouver. In the Greater Vancouver area. There is more body diversity, but yeah, here, not so much. So that's the first thing.

Unknown Speaker 15:46

I also experienced high levels of stress because of moving country and not wanting to get COVID or spread COVID You know, trying to be a good citizen and having do go with me during the traveling and then do or not being with me for the last couple of weeks. And if you're a pet owner, you know how much animals can help with our mental health and duchal definitely does that and you know, giving them giving them a good stroke when I'm feeling down really helps my mental health and him just being there and him just being a donkey you know, him just just being like, you know,

Unknown Speaker 16:27

doing all the things he does as a dog you know, chastened reading around wild after having a bath and, and demanding to be to be cuddled and you know, silly things that he does. So kind of that's, that's gone temporarily, until I get into my new apartment.

Unknown Speaker 16:43

I have been spending a lot of time watching TV and because I go so I got a free month of Amazon Prime. I started watching like shows on prime and then I saw that you could buy a channel for 399 which is hey, you anyway, it's got loads of reality shows on it. Like, you know, Real Housewives of whatever. And I started watching like,

Unknown Speaker 17:09

people who sell million dollar listings in New York, whatever is not a show about bodies, birds, these shows do not have diverse bodies on screen. Right? So I'm watching reality TV, which has straight thin, why are people

Unknown Speaker 17:31

not going outside because I'm in quarantine, I'm not I wasn't allowed to leave the building. Not going outside is not good for my mental health, not walking around. And, and, and bathing in nature, all that type of stuff that's not good for my mental health. Being in a new and unfamiliar bed, I don't know about you, but having that kind of routine of knowing what pillows you have. And, you know, the the, the the thickness of the do vais if it changes and the feel of the sheets and all that it's kind of just disruptive to sleep, unless you like wicked tired. So yeah.

Unknown Speaker 18:13

Not knowing where I was going to live. So in the you know, up until today is the 14th of January today.

Unknown Speaker 18:21

Not knowing where I was going to live and thinking okay, well if I don't find somewhere to live, I'm going to have to get another month of an Airbnb and that sucks. And,

Unknown Speaker 18:30

and because I don't have a quote unquote, real job. Because I work for myself.

Unknown Speaker 18:37

Our people are gonna be like, I don't want to rent to you because you don't have a quote unquote real job.

Unknown Speaker 18:44

And the Vancouver rental market is always very competitive. But I'm like, I'm, I go in with references from landlords since 2011. Like, I have got my shit together when it comes to this. And so, you know, feeling like I thought probably fine, but also will I will I

Unknown Speaker 19:07

you know, and I was I was fine in the end. But you know, that was a stress being away from my family who I grew a lot closer to when I was in Ireland and you know, mentioning my nibbling Finley and in him you know, just being in my life, you know, seeing them a couple of days a week and just him being you know, silly and funny and auntie, Auntie all the time and that's cute and my sister and my mom and and being away from that, that that is a change as well.

Unknown Speaker 19:39

Something you know what? So Doogal is with my ex boyfriend. Now. My ex boyfriend. He's, he's a good guy, right? He's, he's, he's he's got his stuff like everyone has. But he's he's genuine genuinely, generally a good guy. So

Unknown Speaker 20:00

When I first saw him, I, he was used there to pick up decal. I just got off the plane, and I was wearing this really cool. Really cool. Added us. Red tracksuit. really fucking cool. Love it. Because what do you want to wear while you're traveling? The most comfortable thing is also it also when you're traveling you're like, shall I be glamorous and turn up with like a feather coat and, you know, some some like 17 inch high heels just to look so glamorous, or shall I be sensible and wear something of with an elasticated waist? Yeah, so elasticated waist. Well, so anyway, also. And then in that year, in that time I've been away, I've put on on a little bit of way. And this boyfriend is the boyfriend who said to me, if you listened to all of the podcast episodes, if you haven't, you can go back and listen to this one. He said to me that he found me less attractive because when we were together, I put on a little bit of weight. And so I kind of thinking that he is monitoring my body size. In the back of my mind. I'm like he is a body size monitor. And he now you know we're not together anymore, he probably doesn't give a shit. I don't think about it that much. But in that moment, I'm thinking about how is he judging my body. And the very first thing he said to me is, you look like a chav.

Unknown Speaker 21:28

He said, You've been away for two years, and you've turned into a CEF. Now Chow if you if you don't know it is

Unknown Speaker 21:38

a derogatory word for British people, poor British people who are kind of

Unknown Speaker 21:46

it's really it's really hard to describe to anon

Unknown Speaker 21:50

just wanting to know what a Shabbat is. And so if you ever watched Little Britain and Vicky Pollard would be a chav. So maybe someone who is you know, lower class.

Unknown Speaker 22:04

Someone who is

Unknown Speaker 22:10

it's very hard

Unknown Speaker 22:12

Unknown Speaker 22:14

someone who would wear a tracksuit, okay. Google it. I don't know how I don't know how to explain it to you. But basically,

Unknown Speaker 22:22

it's an it's an insult, right? And people wouldn't necessarily want to look like a child. I guess some people who

Unknown Speaker 22:31

might embrace that that moniker, anyway. And so I don't know if he was he was joking. And I said to him, oh, likes, you know, that was a bit rude or something. I didn't say rude. I said, oh, like, I can't remember what I said to him when he said, Oh, I was only joking. But still, anyway, so that happened. And so that was kind of like,

Unknown Speaker 22:52

you know, these are like little things. So I'm not like, Oh, my God, my ex boyfriend who haven't seen in a couple of years, said that I look like a champ because I had a tracksuit on, oh, my God, my life is over, blah, blah, blah. It's like a little, you know, like a little

Unknown Speaker 23:03

that could influence my body image. Okay. So next, my therapist, my therapist who I've been seeing for seven years, in December, she retired from doing one on one coaching because she's built her business. Now she's got like a team of therapists under her, and she can't do it anymore. And that is really sad.

Unknown Speaker 23:25

On our last session together, we both were crying. And

Unknown Speaker 23:30

yeah, so the, my normal therapists were hurt, I've had for years, seven years, I now do not have now I'm being transferred to one of the people that work for her. But those really special relationship that you have, and you build up with someone over years. And if you try to look for a therapist, it can sometimes be hard to find someone that you you vibe with. And I trust with, I trust the person that she sent me to. But, you know, it's like, it's so nice to be able to go to therapy therapist and be like, Oh my God, this person without having to explain the back story of you know, this person's relationship said this to me, and, and for them to know exactly what that means and your whole history and everything that they've seen you do in the last X amount of years. And so that support system has changed for me.

Unknown Speaker 24:22

Next, I've kind of noticed my clothes touching me in a different way. Now, because I put on a little bit of weight, a t shirt that I haven't worn in a while I wore it and I noticed like Oh, it's touching my belly. And, you know, just having that kind of

Unknown Speaker 24:43

little kind of reminder. And again, it's not like any of these one things isolated, is going to record it could you know cause a bad body image thought or a bad body image day or blah blah blah

Unknown Speaker 24:59

But

Unknown Speaker 25:01

all together. When I look at, okay, I've just had a negative judgment about my body. Okay, let's look at what's going on in my life. Well, this sssss has happened in the last couple of weeks or month or whatever.

Unknown Speaker 25:18

Unknown Speaker 25:20

I've had a bad body image thought, No shit, Sherlock, of course, like, hello.

Unknown Speaker 25:29

And, you know, even if like only one of those things happen, that could cause a bad body image thought, because, you know, you never know where your mental health is, where that what's going on with that. And so what is going on in your life that could influence you. And it could be things that are totally unrelated, totally unrelated, like, you know, me not having Google. That's not necessarily related to body image, but it's a support system, you know, that, you know, a little support system, and then, you know, with my therapist changing, that's another little support system that's changed. And so what do our minds do, when

Unknown Speaker 26:14

things might be a little bit difficult, or things have changed, and these things, maybe they're not necessarily difficult, like moving to Vancouver, is really exciting. And so there's so much good in that, but then there's like a little bit of, it's really healthiest here, it's really kind of the fat phobic here, there's not many fat people, but then there's also a really good, you know, good stuff going on as well. So we have this stuff going on in our lives, and then it can come to a head, and what have we believed, all of our lives that we can control,

Unknown Speaker 26:56

we have believed that we can control our bodies.

Unknown Speaker 27:00

So maybe I can't control everyone in Vancouver and make them stop being fat phobic, or, you know, see more fat people around on the streets. But

Unknown Speaker 27:11

my life has told me and society has told me that that's okay. Because I could control my body. And I can make it conform. So that the fact that Vancouver is fat phobic is no longer an issue, because if I was thin, then it wouldn't be an issue. Right? Like, that's not the reality, like, this is what, you know, how our brains can be thinking. And to get out of that thought pattern, when it's sometimes very subconscious, you know, you're not, you're not thinking, oh, you know, down to down to that, that detail of, Oh, if only I was thin, then I would fit in with Vancouver. And if I saw, you know, I would, there'd be more people who look like me on the streets of Vancouver, or I'm walking around, you're not thinking that you're just thinking, I don't feel good in my body.

Unknown Speaker 28:01

I shouldn't be thinner. Maybe I shouldn't eat that, you know. But when we get underneath it and look at what's really going on, then we can start to really understand. So what are we told in society that is actually wrong, we're told that is our bodies that are wrong. So what do we think is wrong? Or we think it's our body that's wrong.

Unknown Speaker 28:28

And to get to get control of that, and so that we don't have these negative feelings anymore. We just need to, quote unquote, fix our bodies. If we fix our bodies, then I wouldn't be feeling these negative things about my body. If if I just had Botox and lost way, then life would be amazing. Then I'll be walking around the streets of Vancouver, waving to people below in them cases being like, have you checked out my new thin body? Oh, if I was thin, then I would have got an apartment in one day. If I was thin, then I would have experienced less stress from moving if I was thin, then etc, etc. But that's not true. Right? You know, me having a bigger body. They don't see that on a rent application. Yeah, they can Google me or whatever. But you know, in a rent application, listen, you know, but you know, I guess still people are fat phobic if they saw my face. And so I was fat and maybe a little bit difficult. But really, the stress of finding an apartment wouldn't be different if I had a thin body. And what are we doing to try and get a thin body, putting our bodies under incredible stress, putting our brains under incredible stress for a temporary thing, which then causes more stress than when we put weight back on.

Unknown Speaker 29:53

Unknown Speaker 29:55

yeah, but you know, it's hard to make this connection. It's hard to say okay,

Unknown Speaker 30:00

I'm having feelings about my body. And it could be that it's a constant thing, that it's not something that's triggered you that constantly you're thinking, your body's not okay. Well, that doesn't that's not happened in a vacuum either. So we have to look at what is going on. And what is influencing us take a step back.

Unknown Speaker 30:23

Be curious, be kind of an investigator. And then, with that information, make a decision now, from here, what next? Like, what are the options? Okay? I am, I've had like a day where Oh, yeah, I've noticed that my body is bigger. I've noticed that my face has more wrinkles. Maybe it doesn't, maybe the cameras like, fortnight? Who knows? Who the fuck knows. Anyway?

Unknown Speaker 30:50

I've had, I've judged myself negatively. So what are your options? Okay, so I can try and quote unquote, fix my body and go on a diet, I can go down to that, that place and get Botox.

Unknown Speaker 31:04

I can try and make my body smaller or better in some way.

Unknown Speaker 31:10

I can get reassurance from others that my body is okay.

Unknown Speaker 31:16

Which is fine. You know, it's fine to do that. But it's kind of temporary, right? We hear I hear it so many times, that it doesn't matter what people say to you, if you believe that you're not attractive. You're part partner says, Oh, my God, you I'm so attracted to you. And people who don't believe that they are attractive. It's like, you know, it doesn't stick? Because they say, Oh, well, they have to say that. Or they're just being nice. They know that that's what I want to hear. And

Unknown Speaker 31:53

which is, you know, there's so many problems with that, like,

Unknown Speaker 32:01

yeah.

Unknown Speaker 32:03

And you can't just accept that someone says, Oh, I'm attracted to you. And then all of a sudden, any low self esteem has disappeared, because

Unknown Speaker 32:14

it's not really about how others view us because, you know, a million people could say, Oh, my God, you're so attractive. And, and you'd still be like, Well, I just been nice. Do they feel forced to say that, you know, because it's, it's an inside job, right, you have to kind of be the one who is blue believes it.

Unknown Speaker 32:36

So I could do something like buying new clothes to feel better.

Unknown Speaker 32:41

There's also different things that I could do,

Unknown Speaker 32:44

where I try and fix the perceived problem, and the perceived problem is that my body is not okay.

Unknown Speaker 32:54

Or I can try and work on alleviating the stressors that are causing me to think that my body is a problem. So we can go inwards, and we can get curious. So understanding that this feeling isn't created in a vacuum, like, it's not that

Unknown Speaker 33:22

all of a sudden, you've become even more unattractive.

Unknown Speaker 33:27

or older, or your body or your belly hangs in a different way or, or your tits or saggy or whatever. Because you know, overnight, that that's not going to happen.

Unknown Speaker 33:40

But something in the way that we perceived ourselves, some of the way that we're viewing ourselves have has changed in that moment, right.

Unknown Speaker 33:48

So there's other things going on.

Unknown Speaker 33:52

There are so many things that are influencing you, oh, my god, think about all of the information that you are getting every minute of the day, information about who you need to be in society.

Unknown Speaker 34:06

It's a lot, right, millions of pieces of information every day. So you're being influenced.

Unknown Speaker 34:14

So we need to try and manage the things that are causing the stress

Unknown Speaker 34:20

and avoid the things that are influencing you negatively. So for example,

Unknown Speaker 34:26

maybe it might be a good idea for me to take a break from reality TV

Unknown Speaker 34:31

and just watch TV with diverse bodies.

Unknown Speaker 34:35

Or not, you know, maybe I get maybe there's an amount of enjoyment that I get from the reality TV that outweighs the negative things that I'm experiencing from it and instead I choose to do something else. You know, your is not kind of black and white. There's no one prescription.

Unknown Speaker 34:54

You kind of have to work it out yourself, unfortunately. Or with the help of others, right?

Unknown Speaker 35:00

but

Unknown Speaker 35:01

so do the things that make you feel good. So for me, this morning, I washed my hair. I put on some lippy. And I was inspired by I was looking out the window the other day and yesterday and some someone came out on their balcony. And she took a selfie of herself with the, you know, the pictures in the background. And I was like, oh, what can I thought about that? That's probably a really good picture. You know, will these because there's all the skyscrapers in the background?

Unknown Speaker 35:35

So I, I, yeah, I put on some Lippia put on the top, my sister had bought me and I went and took some pictures on the balcony. And that felt good. I felt inspired. And I was like, Yeah, this feels good.

Unknown Speaker 35:52

Now doing something like that, that might that might be something bad for you taking pictures of yourself might not feel good for you.

Unknown Speaker 36:01

Only you know the answer to that, right?

Unknown Speaker 36:05

Work on detaching your worth, from how your body looks. This is really hard. And this is stuff that, you know, this is stuff that you could work on in first party Academy might my program detaching that, you know, that kind of deeply tangled stuff that's going on in your brain,

Unknown Speaker 36:27

detaching your worth as a human being to, you know, your attractiveness as a human being or how your body looks. So that's like an ongoing journey, not something that you can just do overnight. And also that goes for unlearning. fatphobia and diet culture. Because really,

Unknown Speaker 36:48

why am I having that reaction that, oh, my face looks older? Why do I think that that's a bad thing. Because really, it's a good thing, it means that I am still alive, that I have the privilege of getting older, holy shit, how many people have never got to my age, who would have done anything to have lived as long as I have? And I'm still very young. But how many people would be like, Give me those wrinkles, please, I'll trade you please. Because I am not alive. I couldn't make it there for whatever reason, I didn't make it there.

Unknown Speaker 37:31

It is an absolute privilege. And as well, that that walking into that feeling of

Unknown Speaker 37:40

more wisdom, more

Unknown Speaker 37:45

feeling that i

Unknown Speaker 37:49

i Yeah, I just lived more, write more. And so I might know a little bit more. And I've experienced more than a year ago because I have you know, so it really is a gift and a privilege. And my brain telling me it's a bad thing is because of all of these systems that I don't want to buy into

Unknown Speaker 38:17

you know, sexism, first thing that comes to my head sexism, women have to look a certain way.

Unknown Speaker 38:24

Women are objects and not

Unknown Speaker 38:29

three dimensional, four dimensional five dimensional whoever 10 dimensional

Unknown Speaker 38:35

beings like we are real living beings, you know.

Unknown Speaker 38:43

And so, I'm supporting these ideas that I don't want to support because

Unknown Speaker 38:51

I'm saying Oh, yeah, it is bad, but I my faces is aging.

Unknown Speaker 38:58

I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to buy into that bullshit. And so continuing to unlearn it means that I am able to more quickly be like, Oh, well that's a load of bullshit that I am not buying into versus you know, taking taking longer or, or doing things to try and you know, change the way that I look. And if you've had Botox or if you want Botox, you do you that's absolutely fine. Like you doesn't mean that you're a bad person or, or whatever. But for me, I know that the reasons that I might do that is because you know, it's coming from a negative place, not from a positive place.

Unknown Speaker 39:43

So, something to just to think about is that this is temporary.

Unknown Speaker 39:49

This feeling is temporary. If you are having a hard time or or struggling with a bad body image.

Unknown Speaker 39:57

You are probably going to

Unknown Speaker 40:00

In I don't know, like in your life, but however many days or weeks or whatever you there will be a day where you're like, Oh, I feel pretty good. I feel happy. I feel hopeful. I am not thinking about my body today, or I appreciate my body today because let me do something really cool. You know, this, this feeling is temporary. And as well if you're feeling okay right now, right this very second, this second listening to my voice. Are you okay? In this second? In this moment? Are you okay? Probably. You probably you know, you listen, you listen to me. So you're okay. You know, we're okay. You know, right? In this moment. I'm okay. I'm okay. I, I am okay. You know?

Unknown Speaker 40:54

I'm okay. I'm okay. You're okay. So it's okay. It's okay. So the two options is lean into the negative emotion and believe that, yes, your body is bad. And you should change it or lean into the negative emotion, examine it and say, No, I'm not falling for this bullshit. Again, I'm not buying into these harmful systems, these oppressive systems, I'm not buying into that bullshit, because it hurts me, and it hurts others.

Unknown Speaker 41:21

So, you know,

Unknown Speaker 41:24

you choose what you want to do. For me, I'd rather try and like examine things and be like, it's not about me and my body. It's about keeping

Unknown Speaker 41:35

men in power, it's about keeping straight size, people in power, it's about keeping white people in power.

Unknown Speaker 41:42

I don't want to buy into that.

Unknown Speaker 41:46

And we're but no one's perfect with this, you know, I've been working on this stuff for years and years, and I want to share when I do have a bad body image moment,

Unknown Speaker 41:54

the behind the scenes of what's going on and, and how it impacts me. And, and like I said before, I'm so lucky that I have, you know, been able to work on this stuff where it doesn't really affect me. And it doesn't affect what I'm doing day to day, but for a lot of people it does, it does affect their day to day and it does mean that they struggle to go to work or, or or date or see their friends or do activities because of the way that they view their body and, and I want you to know that there is hope for you to be able to get to a place where it's just not that big a deal. Like in your brain. It's just not that big a deal. So some phase fatty news, a four year

Unknown Speaker 42:39

phase fatty News, I'm super excited to be able to offer one on one coaching with sliding scale payment options. I've never done this before.

Unknown Speaker 42:56

And something I said in the last podcast episode is that I want to try and make things pricing more accessible for more people and and,

Unknown Speaker 43:07

and yeah, so this is what I'm doing. Now, in one on one coaching doesn't matter where you are in the world.

Unknown Speaker 43:15

We do coaching over zoom and the sessions are 15 minutes long and the types of things that we can cover is learning to love and accept your body and learning fat phobic beliefs body neutrality, how to stop dieting, setting boundaries with fat phobes or dieters

Unknown Speaker 43:34

how to practice bravery. Learning about what to do when your favorite fat celeb has lost weight or how to tell weird uncle Keith to fuck off with his keto Facebook posts. Anything you want basically it's a it's a respite away from this fat phobic world where we can Yeah, help you help you sort out that that fat phobia and and feel more at home in your body.

Unknown Speaker 44:08

Because you deserve you deserve not don't have to think about that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So go to facebook.com forward slash coaching, if you want to see the sliding scale payment options, and it's on on how much privilege you have. So your privilege could be financial privilege. It could be body size privilege. It could be if you're a white person or cisgender, then those with more privilege can choose to pay more. And those who have less privilege can choose to pay less and so I'm not the privilege police and so whatever you choose to pay is up to you. Okay. And I'm not going to ask any questions like I'm not gonna be like, right so you chose to pay this much

Unknown Speaker 45:00

How do you define a while? Why do you think that you should only pay this much? Like no?

Unknown Speaker 45:06

No, that's totally what I'm going to do. I'm totally going to do that. No. So you just pick whatever price you think is right for you. And the options there. And we can have a good out fatty chinwag. And you don't have to be fat, like

Unknown Speaker 45:25

straight size people deal with body image issues and dieting and all that type of stuff. So yeah, but also just FYI, I'm not a therapist, I'm a trained coach. And so if you're looking for therapy, that's not a support that I can offer. A therapist, or a counselor would be better suited to you. But if you're looking to

Unknown Speaker 45:51

feel better about your body and learn how to stop dieting with a coach, then that's me.

Unknown Speaker 45:59

So first party.com forward slash

Unknown Speaker 46:02

coaching.

Unknown Speaker 46:04

What was it coaching? Yeah, fers.com forward slash coaching. Or you can always just go to first party and there's a work with me thing and you can see the different ways to work with me. So thank you for hanging out with me today. I so appreciate it. And I shall see you in the next episode. See you later crocodile.

Unknown Speaker 46:34

Thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to fears fattier Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body, then go to first party.com forward slash waitlist again, that is phase fatty.com. Forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist. For when first party Academy my signature program opens