Episode 30 Transcript

You're listening to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I am your host Victoria Welsby. Welcome to episode 30 where we're talking about when your partner says they don't find you attractive. Let's do it.

You're listening to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, bestselling author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self-esteem to being a courageous and confident first fatty who loves every inch of this jellied society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money, and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter. Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century. So how do you stop a negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty podcast. Let's begin.

Hello. Hello. Hello, fatty. How are you doing today? Thanks for being here. I'm so excited to chat with you today. I was feeling, I was feeling a bit meh this morning. And so I decided that today would be a good day to record my podcast episode for ya because it makes my brain happy. So yeah, I was just going to wallow in on happiness and because that's sometimes good, but then I just thought, you know what? You know what? I'm gonna put some makeup on. I'm gonna comb my hair and I'm gonna make a podcast episode.

So yeah. Hey, is my accent weird? Do you think my accent is weird? I'm curious. I think it's kind of a little bit weird. I've been watching loads of videos on Youtube of like dialect coaches. Reviewing when you know, people doing accents in movies and stuff and, showing how this is good and this is bad or whatever and how they really now the accent, it's so interesting. And it's something like something that I find really interesting is the different ways that Canadians and people from the States say things versus Europeans, people from the UK. And I'm in Ireland now, so my accent is 60% British and 40%? No, I'd say 70% British, 20% Canadian. And I forgotten what that percent left is 10%. 10% Irish, not even 10% Irish. I was in UK for 20 plus years, in Canada for 10 plus years and in Ireland for one year. So yeah, sometimes I'm saying things and people don't understand what I'm saying, so hopefully you can. But just like the other day I was asking my mom if she had pickles and she was like, what? And then I was like, pickles, you know, she's like, I don't like pickled things. And I'm like, you know, no pickles to put in a burger. And she was like, huh. And I was like, Oh, gherkins. Do you have gherkins? And she was like, Oh, no, no, don't have gherkins. But it was so ingrained in me to say pickles and not gherkins anymore that my mum literally didn't understand why I was saying but I've got some words here that I want to say to you. And so depending on where you are in the world, you might be like, Oh my God, yeah, this is different and weird and funny, but I'm just laugh at being in Canada. I'm just like, no, I'm saying it wrong or maybe Canadians or for people from the States, it's like, no, you're saying it wrong to people, to Brits. The first thing that I noticed when I got to Canada, people were like, go and find somewhere to live on this website called Greg's list.

And I'm like that type it in G R E G, Greg's list. But turns out they weren't saying Greg, they were saying Craig in Canada, I'm just gonna say Canada, but you know, saying, you know, pretty much either United States as well. They you say, or they say whoever, you know, depending if you're a Brit or not, they say Craig instead of Craig, like Greg, but with a C, it's so weird. Craigslist instead of Craigslist. And the next one, the name Graham, they don't say Graham. So G. R .A . H. A. M. There's no H in there. They say Graham, G. R A. M. Graham, graham crackers. Instead of Graham. Not that British people know what Graham crackers are. I don't think. I think we get Graham crackers in the UK. Anyway, here's another name, Dawn D. A. W. N. Dawn, Canadian say Don. D. O. N. In the morning when it's when it's dawn time. Now dawn, there's an A and W not Don. Here's another one. There's a place in the States and they say, I think they say they say St Louis, but it's not written Lewis as Brits. L. E. W. I. S. It's spelled Louie, but they pronounce it Lewis. And so Louis, L. O. U. I. S., in the UK. We would say that's Louie. But Canadians, Americans for people in the States say Louis, I don't even know if W L E W I S that type of Lewis, is that a thing in Canada? And I don't know. Here's one that I really struggle with. Okay. So, and when I'm in Vancouver, I go to a singing group and there's one song that we sing that has the word water in it. Now posh British people say water with a T. I'm not a posh British person, but sometimes my accent can go into posh. But I'm like from a place called Pittsburgh, which is not posh. And so if I was talking normally I'd say wa-er, wa-er without the T. But Canadians say water with a D water. And that, like for me, my tongue is like a little, a little, a little more when I'm saying water. And so the song goes, we come from water and water and it's so hard for me to say to sing that because I want to say we come from water and water. We shout depending if I'm being posh or not. Water and water and water and water and water and water shall remain. Yeah. So when I'm singing that in my song grief, I'm like, it feels like I'm like my tongue is drunk when it says water and I'm probably doing a really bad, but that's what it sounds like to me water, water, W A D U R ,water instead of water? Here's another word. Squirrel. You know like the rats with the bushy tails in the trees. Canadian say sqrrr.

No vowels in that at all, sqrrr. It's sqrrr. You are so Britt say squirrel. Squirrel and Canadians say sqrrr, sqrrr. And so I remember like watching RuPaul's drag race, I don't even know, even if he's saying squirrel friend or have you saying, is it squirreled friend that Rupert RuPaul's saying or is he saying, cause he says squirrel friend, squirrel friend. Is he saying squirrel friend or is he saying something else? Which is, you know, sometimes, you know, make up noises and stuff. And I presume that, I've always thought he's just saying sqrr,sqrrr friend, right. Not that squirrel, but maybe it's squirrel. I think it is squirrel. Now here's another one. Now this one grabbed my case. There's grinds my gears because it's like a British word and Canadians have stolen it and they're doing it wrong and it gets on my tits so fucking bad.

But the swear word twat Canadians pronounce it taught it just, I just wanna I just, this one gets on my tits like the other ones, like whatever. But this one gets on my tits. Now he just makes this cool swear words twat and turns it into like, just no, just wrong and not cool any more than just twats. No, it's, it does have a A there. There's no, O. And the other thing that Canadians get wrong and people in the States is on St Patrick's day. Now because I'm half Irish. I can be mad about this too. They say instead of Patty, which is the the shortened version of Patrick. I have an uncle Patty. Obviously, I'm Irish. I let you have an uncle Patty. My granddad was Patty. I have a cousin Patty. They're old Patrick, they instead of saying Patty, not everyone, but a lot of people says, says Patty with T.

Oh my God. Oh my God, it's Patty with T. No, Patty with Ds. Here's another one. Okay, last one, last one. This is a phrase. So the phrase is, I couldn't care less, so I couldn't care less. So even if I tried, I have nothing left to give of caring. There is nothing. I couldn't possibly care less. I hear I could care less. Meaning the same thing. I could care less about you doing that, but it's couldn't. It's kind of, Oh my gosh. Anyway, I've been thinking about this. I'm like storing this up being like, I need to tell someone. I need to tell someone and my audience being international, some of you are gonna be like no Victoria, you're wrong because it is water and no, you should be pronouncing it the posh way and say water or whatever. We're all wrong or right but you know, obviously I'm right about it. All of them. Yes.

Yeah. So it was kind of funny watching those videos of pronunciations is just, you know, making me think about you know, the funny ways that people say. One of my ex boyfriends, he, Oh my God, he had me crying, laughing and saying how when he got to the, he wasn't, he's Canadian, he was Canadian. And he went to the UK, this was before me and he got in the taxi in London and he said, take me to Leicester square. Leicester square. And I was like, what's Leicester square? And he meant Lester and the way that Lester, his spell is L, E I. C E. S T. E. R. L. E. I. C. E. S. T. E. R. So I can get it. Why he said Leicester, but the cabbie was laughing at him and I was laughing at him saying like, no, you're Dingle berry’s Leicester. But yeah, some, some ways that I pronounce Canadian things people have loved it me being like, M, that's not how you say it. So I have been the Dingle berry in lots of situations.

Anyway, what we're talking about today is what if your partner says they're no longer attracted to you or never were. So we're talking about spouses and them confessing or telling you or whatever about, you know, don't get fat cause I won't be as attracted to you or I prefer thin people or whatever. I have had this experience. My long-term boyfriend who I was with for six years told me after I had put on, I'd maybe put on 15 pounds. So nothing that he wasn't attracted to me anymore. So I actually made a video about this in 2018 and I wrote a blog post about this in 2017 and I'm going to read the blog post to you. It's a short one and then we're going to dissect this because a lot of people have this fear or have this issue. Okay. So this blog post, I'll link to it. Yeah, I'll link to it. I was like, actually no, I'm not gonna link to it because I'm gonna read it here, but I'll link to it in the show notes is why I was happy when my boyfriend told me he wasn't attracted to me.

I always got the impression one of my partners just wasn't that into me. Let me rephrase, just not buy into my looks. My suspicion was confirmed four years in when he told me that he didn't find me as attractive because I had put on a little weight walking in the park at winter when he shamefully told me his secret, I assured him I would quote unquote become better. I would lose weight. The next week I went on what would be my last diet. I vowed I would lose the weight, the quote unquote healthy way and my partner would finally see me, see how wonderful I was and think I was the most beautiful woman in the world. Of course, as all diets do, it failed. I put on more weights. I became resentful. Why couldn't he just love me the way I was? Why did he have to tell me something that was so devastating to me? I was filled with shame, anger, and confusion. Why am I now happy that he gave me this information? Why I am now happy that he gave me this information is that it led me on a path of self-discovery around beauty. Six months after we split, I asked him, would you have liked me better if I was thinner? Yes. This time his words didn't hurt. It didn't hurt because since I gave up on that last diet, I have learned all about fat positivity and feminism. I have learned about our patriarchal society and our beauty ideals. And beauty ideals hurt all of us. Why would a thin girlfriend be important to you? I continued. He explained that having a thin partner improves his status, that having a small girlfriend makes him feel more masculine. Like a lot of people, he has never explored our society's beauty ideals. We are constantly told that the most desirable are white, young and thin. This belief will hurt him as he searches for a new partner. It will hurt him when he finds a new partner and she ages it will hurt him. If she ever puts on weight, it will hurt her too as it hurt me. Knowing that the man I adored would prefer a different version of me. Now I know it's not about me. It's a byproduct of living in a society that objectifies women. Men seeing their partner as a status symbol and women believing their worth is determined by the number on the scale amongst other things. If I could travel back to that time and that icy cold park, I would have had such a different reaction. I wouldn't have seen my body as a problem, but the fact that my partner believed my worth was decreased as my weight increased, I would encourage my partner to explore his belief of what is desirable. And if he couldn't see the beauty of my quote unquote waves and honey, then I would remove myself from the relationship. So if you're in the same situation as I was, know that it's not your fault, it's this fucked up beauty ideal. You deserve to be with someone who accepts you for who you are. And if they don't leave them. By the way, my now ex is a wonderful kind person. He didn't tell me about his feelings to be cruel, but to try and strengthen our relationship. It just didn't work out the way he plans. The end. So that is the post that I wrote about this topic, and I remember it so clearly him saying those words the park were out, the Lake was frozen. We were throwing stones onto the lake and making the ice break. And him saying this and me being absolutely stomach dropping through my body, sick, heart sinking, you know, that feeling of my worst fears coming true.

Like this boyfriend, he was never kind of like, Oh yeah, you're so sexy, you're so fit and you know, that kind of thing. And I was always like, I don't think he finds me that attractive. Now, I don't know if that was the case, but that was the case in that moment. And this incident, it was like two years before we broke up and we didn't break up because of this, but obviously this didn't help. It was like a slow drip of him thinking that I wasn't good enough when, hello I clearly was. And him saying this to me, it was the last diet that I ever started. And this started me kind of getting into disordered eating again. And I remember saying to my therapist at the time, I need to confess to you about how much I eat. And I remember this because maybe a year ago when, yeah, when I was writing my book, we together went through old notes of you know, our past sessions so that I could put it into my book. Because a lot of times when you work on things and it's in the past, you forget about it. Right. And this is one thing that she brought up and I was like, Oh, yes. Confessing to her about saying, I eat so much food. And she was like, well, what do you eat? And then I listed out what I would have in a day and afterwards, you know, a year ago we were kind of laughing about it, not laughing at me, but kind of how now it seems so not ridiculous, but I was making a problem where there wasn't a problem cause I'd be like, I had a piece of dust after I hadn't eaten for six hours and I'm so greedy and like at the time she wasn't like listen out bitch.

Like you're allowed to eat more than just dust. But I just really thought that there was something wrong with me and there wasn't. And I had put on weight because I was slowly starting to get away from diets and, this was kind of like me getting away from diet meetings you know, slightly a little bit more and, who else knows? But I hadn't even put on that much weight really. I remember standing in the mirror naked in the bathroom with him and looking at my hips. And there was a little change in the way the shape of my hips and I was like, Oh, look at that. Isn't that interesting? And kind of like without judgment, observing a change in the shape of my body. And that was really cool that I was able to see like that nonjudgmental. But he in that moment was probably like, Oh no, there's a change in the way that she is looking and there's like an extra bulge, like very slight thing. But this issue is a really big issue for people when they are on that journey of trying to love themselves, try and to accept that their big body trying, to stop dieting. That desperate fear of what weight gain will mean to their partner or has their partner always had a preference for someone in a smaller body. And you know this or you know, you just know that your partner would be happier if you were your current way of thinner. They definitely don't want you to be bigger and that sucks that it's such a big barrier.

And what is happening here is that your partner is objectifying you. So the dictionary states what objectifying is, is degrade to the status of a mere object. So the reason why objectification is problematic is it makes you into a two dimensional thing versus a human being with you know, a full and varied life and lots of things to give to your partner. And it would do things like isolate parts of your body, like isolate or just your tits or just your bum or you know, I really like this and you know that single piece of you as being an object for your partner to consume and not seeing you as a whole person. And so the reason why objectification is problematic is because it leads to the idea of possession. If you are an object or if a part of your body isn't object, then objects are owned and so are, are you, is your body no longer yours?

Is it owned by your partner? And if you are an object, objects are treated differently from humans, right? It leads to mistreatment and at least to controlling behavior. And eventually it leads to violence. And eventually it leads to murder. Now, not saying because your, your partner says, Oh, I like skinny girls that they're going to murder, you know. But this is kind of like the big scheme of things of why it's problematic. Remember in last week's episode a common trait that the World Health Organization identified amongst domestic abusers was misogyny. And this is misogyny. So I want you to think of it if the tables were reversed, I cannot even imagine my partner putting on weight and me saying, this is a real problem for me. I don't like the fact that you've put on weight. I'm not attracted to you anymore. I cannot imagine saying to my partner, if their body changed, bring like eww. You ugly now used to be so fit, but now you're disgusting. Like it's ridiculous. It seems ridiculous to me. Like that would not ever happen. I cannot imagine it maybe, you know, 10 years ago when I didn't know better. If my partner's body changed, then, you know, one, I would expect it because human bodies do not remain static and two, I would just think, Oh my God, why are you so cute and lovely? And it would just be lovely to be with someone throughout life. And as their body changes, as they get older, whatever happens to their body you know, it's like a strengthening of the relationship that you can be with them through life and life is your body changing? It is absolutely 100% unrealistic to expect any human body to not change, to not gain weight or lose weight or to age.

What if you become pregnant, your body's going to change. What if you have an accident? You're in an accident. Your body could change. What if you get an illness? Your body could change, your body could change. There's so many reasons. A lot of people are very nervous about getting pregnant because they are very concerned about how their partner will then perceive their body afterwards. Like it's a broken body, like their body before was better, but your body has just created a fucking human being. Your body has just created an organ that you presenter like just grew a fucking organ and a whole other human being like Holy shit. How amazing is that? And how amazing is it that your skin was able to organically grow and stretch and, their stretch marks to show how cool your skin is and that it was able to adapt to this massive change in your body and to have to worry about that, your partner's going to be like, your tummy is different and your vagina is different. It makes me want to do around house kick to someone's face.

So our society fetishize is thin bodies, yet hardly anyone thinks this is an issue. Let me repeat that because this is really important. Our society fetishize is thin bodies, yet hardly anyone thinks it's an issue. Now fetishization is not inherently wrong when all parties are in agreeance and the person doing the fetishizing sees you as a whole person. But we are fetishizing thin bodies where there is not consent. Do you consent to your partner fetishizing a body that you used to have? Do you consent to that? Is that okay with you? For me it was not. It was nonconsensual I didn't consent to that. I do not consent to that. I do not consent to my partner fetishizing my current body to the point that if it changes, they no longer love me or love me differently.

So on the flip side, you know, you can have people who fetishize fat bodies, you know, the level to fat fetishization too thin fetishization that what is hard to say repeatedly is like, you know, a billion to one basically because pretty much everyone fetishizes thin bodies and it's a small portion that fetishize fat bodies and people were like, Oh, is it bad to fetishize fat bodies? Well, no. If I'm the person who, you know, if the dynamic, if there's consent there, you know, then it's okay if I was with someone and they just own, they were like, Oh my God. The only thing I like about you is your fat belly or your fat tits or whatever it is. And then I happened to lose weight and then they were like, Ooh, gross, you're gross. Then it's really clear to see how that is a problem.

But when it comes down to the other way, we don't see it as a problem. We see it as, Oh shit, well I need to lose weight from my partner. You know? If a partner says, I'm just not into fat girls, that's fat phobia. All preferences are not made in a vacuum. Right? All preferences are not made in a vacuum. So do you want to be with someone whose love is dependent on what you look like. Who's no love and affection and sex and care is dependent on your body saying the staying the same size? How sustainable is that in a relationship? How long can you guarantee that your body is going to stay the same? At what point do you, is your body changed so much that your partner leaves? Do you want to get to that point where your partner is eventually like, Oh well you've changed too much because you know you're a human being and I can't handle being well the human being he had a day you get older and how dare you, you know your skin change and this and whatever.

Do you always want to be thinking, when is that day coming? When will my partner say I no longer love and care for you in the same way because your body looks different. Is that something that you consent to? Is that something that you agree to? I personally, when I'm in a relationship I don't love someone because of what their body looks like, what someone looks like. Yes. It's a part of what draws me to them and it's part. It's something that will give me pleasure but does my love for them change because of what they look like. Am I, and even if you go to non, you know, non-romantic love, do you love the people in your life, your parents or your friends or your siblings or whoever because of what they look like? Well, no, of course not. Of course not.

Well, why does romantic love have to be so dramatically different than it's based on such a massive part of it is based on looks. It doesn't have to be that your partner and partnership is so heavily based on what you look like and flip the script like, would you be saying that to your partner? Do you have that same expectation of them for their body to never change? How does that sit with you? You might say, yes, I do have the expectation that my partner always has this same body. Well, is that something that is beneficial for you? Is that working for you? Is that something that makes you happy? What is going on there? Why do you want your partner to have the same body now? I think like most people listen to this podcast, which is just be like, well no, obviously no, I don't presume my partner to have the same body forever.

Well one that, why can you not ex extend that? Why can't your partner extend that same grace to you and rebel in changes in your body, especially when changes in your body come from you working on your mental health, healing your relationship with food, getting to a place where you're more confident. Wouldn't that be an incredible and joyful thing? Wouldn't that be a wonderful achievement where you're able to say, I have let go of my disordered eating, my eating disorder, my mental health issue around this and now my body is softer. And that is a like a trophy for how far I've come. When you want a partner that celebrates that with you versus makes it into an issue when it's not an issue. So it's the person who is doing the nonconsensual eye objectification and fetishizing to deprogram their brain is their job to see you as a whole person and not something that's put on earth for their enjoyment and for their sexual pleasure.

They're the one who has work to do. Not you, because even if, say if diets did work, even if there was a reliable way for you to make your body smaller and you could make your body smaller, do you want to be with someone who is thinking of you like that? Hmm. I wouldn't want to be with someone who's thinking like that. So if I do go back to that moment when my ex said that he wasn't attracted to me, I would literally be like, Whoa, Oh, hello dude, you need to work on your fat phobia motherfucker. Don't you see what a fucking gorgeous person I am inside and out. Why is this hard for you to see me as a whole person? Why? Do you fetishize my body when it was smaller? And even, you know, in that article that I wrote six months after we broke up, I said to him, would you have liked me better if I was thin?

And he said, yes. That's so fucked up. Whoa. That's fucked up that we had a lovely relationship. And in his mind, that relationship would have been just that little bit better. If I was thin or thinner, is that the truth? Well, if he fetishizes bodies that he does, then yes, he would have got a little bit more pleasure from fetishizing my thinner body if I had a thinner body. But that is, that was not possible. What is possible was for him to work on his fat phobia, to work on his misogyny, to work on him objectifying his girlfriend. Like that conversation could have gone him saying, I'm finding you less attractive or I'm not attracted to you anymore and I feel terrible about it. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to go to a therapist and I'm going to talk about it because it's not okay for me to be objectifying you like that. I want to be with you forever and your body is going to change and, and my body's going to change and I don't expect you to you know, judge me if my body changes and I am not going to judge you because your body has changed. I see the beautiful work that you're doing in stopping dieting and all that sort of stuff and I realized that I have work to do as well. So that would have been the beautiful outcome of that conversation. Or even if he had just not even told me that he was found me less attractive and just went to therapy and did the work on his own or you know, gone on to read it and like read some blog posts or whatever. He was always on Reedit. And it would just be, you know, now that I am educated, it's just a totally different, you know, conversation.

It's a totally different reality. The reality before was, Holy shit, I'm disgusting. I have repelled the man that I love and adore and want to be with forever. I have repelled him and repulsed him so much that he's had to get up the courage to tell me that he is not attracted to me anymore. How hard is it for him to have to deal with that? That is what my brain is saying now and I'm saying then, but there was nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with you. And to an extent, it's not the person's fault to be fetishizing thin people because we live in a society. But in this moment, if this ever happens to you when someone points out, Hey, this is problematic and this is why it's problematic. You have work to do on your bigotry. Then they're made aware that this is not okay, then it is that, you know, and their issue to work on and not your issue. And you can't force someone to do the work, right? You're doing the work. You've done the work. You know, you are getting to a place where you're realizing like, Holy shit, fat phobia is fucked up. Oh, diets don't work. All that type of stuff. You're doing the work you're in it, you're in the thick of it and your partner is letting you down and it's not okay. Now in this situation, you could just go and try and lose weight. You could try and attract your partner in different ways and I don't know, get a new hairstyle or whatever. I don't know. You could try and do those things that might work out for you. You could have a difficult conversation with your partner and say, this is not acceptable.

I think you need to work on this. You know, misogyny that you're obviously grappling with. You could just be like, see you later. I'm out of here. It depends on the length of the relationship and all that type of stuff and it's hard. It's complicated, right? Like I said at the end of my blog post, generally speaking, my then boyfriend wasn't an asshole. He was a good guy. He was kind. He thought about others. He was a good partner to me on the whole, obviously there was things that weren't good, but he wasn't like he was this demon that was like, Oh, I'm going to destroy her and I'm going to make her really sad by saying this thing. He was already struggling and he thought that the solution was to tell me so that I would then lose weight, you know, and then as well, it wasn't just wrapped up in a traction, which, you know, that's how he presented, but I bet you deep down he was probably like, Oh, just fatness mean that she is going to become unhealthy.

Just fatness mean that we will no longer do the things that we enjoy doing together. Like does this mean the beginning of the end? Does this mean that she will become very, very fat and these things happen? Basically all fat phobia but the way he, I'm guessing, I'm guessing but the way it was presented was I'm not attracted to you. So if you're in that situation is complicated, you know, I don't presume that your partner's just a massive, you know, knob and just a dick and doing this to be mean. That could be the case but you know, giving people the benefit of the doubt there. But it's not okay. It's not okay that someone, anyone presumed that the way to fix this problem, which is based in bigotry is for you to change your body, right. But this is a common thing is we know when someone is a bully, say in the playground there's a bully, the bullies picking on someone because they got big ears. You wouldn't say to the kid with the big ears, maybe you should have like surgery and get your ears pinned back. No, you would say to the bully, stop being a fucking bully. You know, what's wrong with you, what's going on here? But a lot of the times with fat people, we say, well, it might be a good idea for you to lose weight because then you won't get bullied versus saying to bully what's wrong with you? Stop being a bully, you know? So we put it on the fat person to do the problem solving when really it is the bully or it is society or your partner or whatever to be the one to work out.

Why are they feeling like this or behaving like this or reacting like this is not our duty to change ourselves so that we are less of a target or victim. Whew. So complicated one. Hey, but you know, in my mind, like now it, you know, if I met someone, they were like, Oh, maybe you would just be so cute if you lost a lot the other way, I would just be like, suck my fucking saggy tits, motherfucker. Ah, I'd be like, no, see you later. Oh no, I would not fly with me. But as you know, I am starting to date, well, last time I told you that I was starting on Tinder and yeah, well, I've given up on it. I can't be bothered. These like one word conversations. I'm just like, yeah. You know. I can't be bothered. I dunno. I dunno. Is this the reality for everyone? I just keep thinking I'm going to give it another go. I'm gonna give it another go. And then I'm just like, Oh, can't be bothered. And then, so now I'm like, I'm just gonna wait until I get back in Vancouver and then when I'm in Vancouver, then it will be different or better. Or maybe then when I'm in Vancouver, I'll just be like, if the conversation is not really going anywhere, I'll be like, let's just jump on the phone and have a chat or, you know, let's just go on a date or something. Because, I don't like to write people off with the web because of the way that they communicate on the internet to a stranger. Because everyone has different communication styles. Sometimes people are better in person, sometimes people are better when they've got to know someone. And so I always want to give someone the benefit of the doubt when it comes to communication. Now we're content of that communication. Like if they're just like, yo, big tit bitch or whatever, then I'll be like, nah, I'm not gonna give you the benefit of the doubt there. You're clearly a creep. And as I asked him to call me a big tit bitch or whatever, but I always try to, and then say if I go on a date with someone on the first date, they seem nice, but they're a little bit shy. I will always again, given the benefit of the doubt, as long as they're not creepy or anything because I tend to, I'm an extrovert. I tend to romantic partners, get on with introverts better. Even though like in my mind, I'm like, no, give me another extrovert. Really when I'm faced with a guy who was also an extrovert, I'm just like, Oh, who is this guy? Why won't you let me talk? I tend to do better with introverts as romantic partners. If I get on better with introverts, I have to try and, you know, not saying the introverts are shy, but yeah.

Anyway, I've done my pandemic hair part two. Remember I did my pandemic hair where I kind of shaved the sides of my head. Well, I have now bleached my hair and because I shared a video on Instagram with this guy bleaching his hair. His hair is exactly the same as mine, and it was the same like dark kind of. My hair is naturally kind of brown. And he bleached it and he looked so fucking good. And so I said, do you, shall I do this? And Instagram told me yes. So I bleached it and now the tips of my hair were properly bleach cause I bleached it, the tips a couple of times. So I was bleaching my roots and so I bleached my roots and they kind of went a little bit gingery, not gingery, but then very brassy. And so then the next day I put in gray. And so now the tips are kind of like purpley, bluey and the roots of kind of, I don't know what color it is, like blonde, I don't know. You can see on YouTube. I put a video of me recording the podcast on YouTube. So if you ever want to see what I look like when I'm recording you and know you can learn, you don't have to see my hairs, see what's going on in my hair. Yeah. So, I might now put in a little bit of a pink on the roots. A hairdresser friend said, why don't you try that? So I might do that. Good thing is being in a isolation. If it fucks up, then who's going to see it apart from, you know, or you lot and Instagram and people in the shop, really. I don't, I really don't care. I don't care. And a good thing as well about having really short hair is if it fucks up like really bad. Like if a damage my hair and I can just shave it off. So one time actually when I very first shaved my head. I shaved my head and it was probably a centimeter long and then I bleached it. And I bleached it and then I was like, okay, I'm going to dye it purple. So I got this purple from the store and I put this purple on my head and of course it goes straight onto my scalp because my hair is so short. And I started noticing like, it looks like it's stating my skin and it says keep in for, I don't know, I think it was like 50 minutes. It says keeping your hair for 50 minutes. And then I, after like 10 minutes, I looked and my whole scalp was stained purple, deep, dark purple. And I hadn't like cleaned around my head properly. And so it was all on my ears. It was like dripping down on my face, like stained. And when I say stain, I like racist motherfucker out. And then I got like scouring brushes. I got like, I went on Instagram, what the hell do I do? And people were like, try this, try that. I was putting everything in my hair, like oil and washing up liquid and then I buzzed the rest of my hair off thinking that might help. But then it made it even worse because then I was like completely bald with a stained scalp. Like it looked like I was wearing, I don't know, a hat of purple drip over my head. And that night I had to go out and I think it was. I could wear a hat because it was like January or whatever. And eventually someone said try bleaching it again. And so I had to bleach basically my skin, you know, like a millimeter of hair and it got out. But, Oh my God, my head was just raw. It was so bad. So anyway, I'm telling you this horror story, but you know, if that happened now, then whatever, it's just hair. Right. And Hey, me shaving my head a bit. Part of that was my ex was always like, I prefer when girls have long hair. And so I always had it in the back of my head. Like short hair is not attractive, which is bullshit. So a little bit a part of me shaving my head was kind of like a fuck you to my ex. And I'm like, huh, yeah, don't like short hair. Well suck my fucking tits. I've got short hair now.

So I have you enjoyed this episode. Thanks for hanging out with me today. I feel good. I feel happy now. You know, it's been in a bit more before now. I feel happy. So thank you. And hopefully this has made you feel a little bit unknown. I don't know if you'd feel happy about me being like, Oh, people are fat phobic. But anyway. Okay, well I will see you on the next episode of the Fierce Fatty Podcasts.

Hey, if you want to go to the show notes or as always, as always, you can go to, I think I've ever told you this, so not as always, but you can go to fiercafatty.com/podcast to get all of the episodes or for this specific episode show notes where the only thing that's going to be there is the link to that article, which is fiercafatty.com/030 for episode 30. I'm also on there in the show notes is a thing where you could submit an anonymous question if you want to and links for other things. So it's not just that link, I lied, I lied to you and Hey, why not message me and tell me weird things that British people say or Canadians say, or people from the US have a say that I've missed out on my list of Greg, Craig Graham, Graham water, water, water. All right. Have a wonderful rest of your day and I will see you later for it. Okay. In a while, alligator. Goodbye.