Episode 179 Transcript

Read the transcript alongside the audio.

You're listening to the Fierce Fatty podcast episode 179. How to feel more confident in your body? I'm your host, Vinny Welsby. Let's do it.

Unknown Speaker 0:24

Hello, hi, hey, how are you? Oh my goodness, I've missed you. I've not recorded a podcast episode in two months, because I batched a couple. And also, I'm recording less podcast episodes at the moment. So it's, it feels like, you know, I'm giving you updates and stuff. And then as you know, I've not been able to give you updates. So um, anyway, hey, how you doing? Today we're talking about how to feel more confident in your body. And the reason why we're talking about it is that Instagram is has given me something called a channel, which is this new way of communicating with people. It's like a, like a secret kind of messaging place. And so my first message was to people was, what do you want to see on the show? What, What topic do you want on the show?

Unknown Speaker 1:24

I'm always so surprised by what people say. And so I gave some topic ideas. I give the ideas and then people will vote. So what we had was let me see let me see. Let me see. Dating while fat, weird Tiktok diet trends like water talk stuff unrelated to fat liberation diet culture, like celeb gossip or scandal? Or how to feel more confident in your body. And so how do we feel more confident in your body? 109 votes dating while fat 57 Weird tick tock diet trends 28 and stuff unrelated to fat liberation diet culture? 11 This is so interesting to me. Do you know why is because my highest downloaded episodes, it's kind of like talking about scandal.

Unknown Speaker 2:09

But maybe because it's not. It's scandal related to like fat liberation diet culture, maybe that's what it was. Maybe it was like, you want scandal about fat liberation diet? And maybe that's the question, right? I'm gonna Okay. Next time, I'll ask that question. Do you like the scandal and gossip about fat lib? Or is?

Unknown Speaker 2:29

Anyway, so if you want to get on this channel, there's gonna be a link in the show notes. I don't know how you I don't think you can get it get to the challenge. Unless you have the invite link. I don't think you can find it just on my Instagram profile. So anyway, it's gonna be in the show notes show notes.

Unknown Speaker 2:44

We're on episode 179 on my glob. So first fatty.com, forward slash 179. Or probably on the, wherever you're listening to this or probably a link somewhere.

Unknown Speaker 2:55

Yeah, so the reason why we are doing less podcasts is because we want to be able to support the show, and minimum not lose money making it which is a

Unknown Speaker 3:09

dream.

Unknown Speaker 3:12

Because it costs me money to produce a show, right? Because I have someone who edits the podcast. And then I have my admin assistant who posts it and post about it and blah, blah, blah. So we've got almost enough to pay for two podcasts a month. Now I was doing four. So that's a goal. I want to do one every week. And I was doing that for

Unknown Speaker 3:35

three years. So let's get back to that. So we're currently at 300 and debt $10 a month in subscriptions. And so if we get to 510, then we can do three episodes. And again, this is a bare minimum, this is like belly.

Unknown Speaker 3:56

This is not paying me this is just you know, it's probably not even enough. Probably not set the goal high enough, actually, because it's a kind of an estimate. Anyway, so if you'd like to show you like, you value fat liberation, and what I've been doing have done will continue to do in the fat lib space. And you you like this content, then go to the link in the show notes to go to Kofi which is the place where you can donate monthly or just one one off donation. But if you do the monthly for $5, you can get the size diversity Resource Guide, which is beautiful, amazing. So good. And then the more that you donate the more and you also get the science guide and blah, blah blah, depending on whatever level you subscribe to. So it's 510 or 20. But five is you get the get the good stuff. And yeah, and actually I was looking the first video podcast is a top top 5% downloaded podcast

Unknown Speaker 5:00

Normally, I'm always like, who listens to my podcast and that will last ads. Which is not true. It just sometimes it feels like that when I'm, you know if sometimes it feels like that when we're like, Oh, can we get to $300 in donations?

Unknown Speaker 5:14

But in reality, or in the top 5% Say, Yes. I'm gonna, I don't know, I'm gonna tell someone I just told you tell my mum or something. I don't know.

Unknown Speaker 5:25

Like a man basically life I can, you know, giant celebrity over her. Obviously, I'm not.

Unknown Speaker 5:32

Anyway, something happened this week. Something happened this week. And I when it happened, I was like, I need to tell you what happens because you'll get it. Probably. Yeah, you if you listen to this, you'll get it. If you listen to the podcast, you'll get it. So I'm looking after my neighbor's dog. They're on a honeymoon for a month. So I'm looking after their sweet sweet dog Bella for a month. Anyway, so maybe once a month, I go to Starbucks and a Starbucks. A block away from my house. Anyway, so I went to Starbucks, and I ordered two pup cups, which is a pup cup is like a puppy tuna, whatever you wanna call it. It's like a little shot glass with some, some cream in and then got my stuff, got the pup cups and then gave them to the dogs while I waited for my stuff. So put them out to the dogs. Bella fucking loves it Dougie. Dougie is an intuitive eater. So I don't think all dogs can be intuitive eaters, but he happens to be one. So he'll be like, Oh, I have a few licks and then I'm done. Maybe I might have some later. But you know, so he's not like a gorgeous type dog. But Bella loves the pup card. Apparently, she was just going bananas for it. So anyway, just not related to the story, just you know, dogs enjoying the pup cups.

Unknown Speaker 6:49

And so yeah, this guy would appear to be a middle aged sis hat white guy, is what I'm assuming. He said to me, something rude about giving the dogs pup cups, something about the ingredients. And so I was like, Yeah, I'm just gonna ignore him. And I just like, Yeah, cool. And then he says, and it does that in humans, too. And so he was saying, I don't want to repeat what he said, because it's, I don't want you to feel the same way I did. But he was like, basically, something terrible is going to happen. And it happens in humans. And my brain just went switched of,

Unknown Speaker 7:32

oh, no, you don't, motherfucker. I'm not the type of person to shout. And I didn't shout at this guy. But I very firmly told him I said, Listen, I don't subscribe to diet culture. And you should really think twice before saying that to people that you don't know. I have an eating disorder, my eating disorder, my disorders are in. I'm in recovery. So but he doesn't need to know that. I have an eating disorder. And what you said to me, has really harmed me, that's really inappropriate. And he said, I will lie. And he said it about the dogs. And I said, No, you didn't you said and in humans, too. You need to think twice about what you say to strangers, because you do not know their relationship with food. I said some other things. And he probably said some other things. But you know, just around that kind of just, you know, when you like leaving, quote, unquote, argument, you're like, What did I say? I should have said this, you know, but I was really like, do not do that you have harmed me. And then I was like, turned around waiting for my my order to come. And I was just like, oh my god, I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. And I started crying. And then I went outside and got my order and went outside and sat on some steps. And Bella was like, give me that fucking pub cup. The rest of the butcombe duble was like, I'm okay with the pub cup. And, you know, I had had a bit of a cry and then just carried on. And the reason why I was crying is because it was just so outrageous that this man was like,

Unknown Speaker 9:07

I'm gonna give this person advice about food, and they're probably going to be like, Oh, thank you so much. Oh, that's so great that you told me that, ah, or whatever he thought that I was going to react, you know, or if it was just like, Oh, I'm, I'm down for a bit of shame. And today, Sunday is a good day for shaming people, that I was just so angry and also upset that the, you know, the fears that we have as fat people. And the real fears are real fears. People are judging what you eat. If you if you there's no winning, right? There's gonna be people who judge. And luckily for me, because of the people that I have around me. I don't experience that in my personal life anymore, and I haven't for years. So this just

Unknown Speaker 10:00

felt so like, my, my, my defenses are down, right? Because I'm not, I'm not I've, I have that privilege of I have been able to help myself by not happy surrounded by that type of stuff. And so, you know, I'm just like, oh, the dogs are so happy, you know, it's a nice day. And this guy was just, you know, knife in the belly type thing. And I was just like, I am not having that shit. I am not having it. And I'm standing up to this guy.

Unknown Speaker 10:29

Which I mean, a lot of people wouldn't have and maybe if I didn't say anything to him, maybe I wouldn't have cried because, you know, I don't I don't like confrontation. I don't want to be having a debate with some guy in Starbucks. We're where there's people there watching. Hopefully the other people watching. We're like, God, that guy's a dick. Not like, what's this crazy person raising their voice about?

Unknown Speaker 10:52

But you never know, right? It's just not nice to be in that kind of confrontational situation. Anyway, so what it made me think of, of EU law is that I just thought, Well, I'm a fat liberationist. Right. I've been doing this for however many years, 10 years, I have been through a bajillion therapy sessions, I have been in therapy for years and years and years, I've worked on on confidence, I have worked on resiliency, I have worked on what to say to fat phobes I teach this stuff. And still, I'm a human. And this stuff hurts me, I was able to be like, Wow, that's fucked up. I can't wait to tell you a lot about it. And you know, tell other people and that afternoon, I had a fat clothing thing. So I got to be in fact community, which was beautiful. Anyway, and be like, girls, what was happened. And it made me think about you, and how long you might have been doing this work and how you might have people who in your life who were saying that who you know, is a family member or a friend or whatever, or this that happening to you could have caused you to literally die. You know, like, that could be the thing that makes someone spiraled deep into an eating disorder deeper into their eating disorder whenever it's so dangerous. And I just felt so angry that this guy was using his words as weapons. And he doesn't even he doesn't know, we might know. But he just did it. And a lot of people are out there and they don't have that same support network or, or don't have that ability to access therapy or, or a new to this or whatever. And they might not have been able to get out of that situation in a way that was, you know, turning the shame back on him. You know, and it could be like, Okay, well, I need to go on another diet, because this guy is saying XYZ, or whatever it is, could happen. Or I will I can't ever go to Starbucks again. And already I feel a bit, you know, myself is I feel a bit thinking about how people are judging me for the food I eat, or whatever of drinks I drink or whatever it like, as we know, type people, there's no winning, right? If I had a, you know, box of salad, you know, people might be like, oh, so who are you kidding? Or, oh, good for you. You're on a diet or if you have something which is perceived as unhealthy and it's like, Wow, no wonder they're fat. They're eating that. And it's just like, just leave me alone. Leave us the fuck alone. Anyway, so I just want to say if you are someone who experiences something like that, and um, you know, a lot of people are, I just want to send big love and hugs to you, you do you do not deserve that shame. Like, that guy probably has an eating disorder himself. If you saying the things that he said, and also, whatever way you react is fine, and normal. And think about you know, someone who's been doing who's someone who's so resilient. And I'm like, I'm gonna cry, you know, or you're gonna cry. And so if you haven't done the same, you know, had the same access to privileges I have, then this type of thing might really knock you which is to be expected is what I'm trying to say is is these types of things could be really knock you off. You're not you're off balance or not, you might be late, I hear it every fucking day very, I don't give a shit. And that's great day. But anyway, so another little update to the weego V saga. So we're had my episodes about we go we slashes Empik which is the new weight loss injections where we go over years as Empik is the medication that is previously prescribed only to people with diabetes. And so Doctors have been prescribing ozempic off label if you want to go list

Unknown Speaker 15:00

Do those episodes

Unknown Speaker 15:02

do because they're really interesting. But anyway, surprise fucking surprises Sarah black from the UK would say a new study has come out to show there is additional harm caused by weak Ovi in people who are not diabetic. So there's a link to a post on my Instagram which says new study ties weight loss drug we go V ozempic to serious gastrointestinal conditions. And trigger warning here mention of side effects suicide risk and censored Oh words in that post. So issues like pancreatitis, stomach paralysis higher among patients using GLP, one inhibitor medications.

Unknown Speaker 15:48

What we're seeing is that so I made a post, I reposted post about we go V about you know, is it a miracle drug, blah, blah, blah. Short a little while ago, a couple of weeks ago, and people were in those people commenting about, it's caused me stomach paralysis. And I've been seeing these comments because previously stomach paralysis was not on their list of side effects. Right? And I was like, Oh, so this is anecdotal data. And then this study came out

Unknown Speaker 16:21

last week, and I was like, ah, oh, really. And again, reminder, we go V is a higher dose, not the same dose taken by most people with with diabetes. And this, you know, these these side effects don't happen to everyone. Right. But we, you know, some are in and friend of the show, had said that article to me, and we mean, some are just like, it's just like watching car crash TV, if that's the right phrase of, you know, slowly, you know, people are taking drugs that are, are not studied on people like them, because they're semaglutide Is is, is the drug is studied in diabetics, right for use for treating diabetes, but we don't have long term studies, for using semaglutide to in people without diabetes in order to make them smaller, and we've got limited, limited information. And so it's kind of like a live experiment that's happening. So we're going to see different things coming out. One thing to know is if you are on if you're on weego V, and you're about to have surgery, you should let the surgeons know. And and come off it because it could. Let's see, did a little a the Institute for Safe Medication Practices Canada issued a bulletin last week after a patient who had been taking weekly semaglutide injection for weight loss, vomited a large volume of undigested food while waiting from anesthesia following orthopedic surgery. So you know, we don't we we stop eating the night before surgery because having food in your stomach is a risk because you could choke right, you can vomit and and that's dangerous. And so the food is sitting in the stomach. So perhaps this person you know, that's food from two days ago that's just sitting there you know, I'm just speculating but that's what how this drug works right is it slows digestion. So if you want to read the full post, just go to there's gonna be a link there for my Instagram

Unknown Speaker 18:40

in the show notes anyway, that's a long preamble today, but you know, I feel like there's some interesting things interesting news I cried foul but lol

Unknown Speaker 18:54

and a big a big heads up. We spoke about this in an episode maybe last episode of the episode before how if people are choosing to take we go through because they want to feel relief from the bigotry. The oppressive anti fat society that we live in, that's their business, right? Whatever people do to survive anti fatness is their business. We have body autonomy, you can just decide to do what you want. And also it's important to share new information about these drugs as we begin to learn more about them. So that people can be more able to consent when we have more information about what you know what they do. Alright, so because you asked for it, what do I do? How do I feel more confident in my body? Okay, so this is going to be kind of like let's do some homework type of thing. Or you can just listen and just do the homework in your brain. Or you can just listen and fuck the homework, whatever you

Unknown Speaker 20:00

Do you have body autonomy? Don't you don't do anything? So, so people, you know, this is a big thing, right? You know, I just feel really, I don't feel good, I feel bad. I wish I was smaller. I wish I was smaller. And then I would accept my body. And I just, you know, I'm preoccupied with thinking about my body and, and doing stuff to hide it and etc. Right. So this is a, this is an issue, body confidence issues is something that that so many people have. I mean, again, I've said this before, about, like, if people don't, if people haven't been brought up with anti fat bias, I weighed out, I feel like people don't have body confidence issues, you know, or haven't haven't previously overcome them to feel better now, then I'm like, Who are these people? So, you know, we will if you struggling with body confidence issues, you know, you're in a, you know, big group of awesome people in the same position. But I don't think we talk about it as much about like, what we're actually doing to hide ourselves or whatever. So anyway, so let's start out with, because I want to feel more confident in my body. So first off, we want to know what confidence means. So it's kind of a bit too ethereal. You know, like, I want to be happy. It's like, yeah, it is. That's kind of like, a direction we want to go. But what does that actually mean? Like how do you know, if you are more confident, what does more confident mean to you? And what it means to you might be different to what it means to other people. And so my way of expressing overcoming confidence issues in my body, is by wearing a bikini, and just being wearing a bikini and be like, Forget Oh, is my fat body and you are welcome for getting to see it. That's my idea of what feeling confident means.

Unknown Speaker 21:57

You that might not be you. And so what does it look like for you? And that's a big question. So let's work out how can we can work that out. So I want you to ask yourself, What things are you doing? Or not doing? Because of the way that you feel about your body? Let me repeat that. What things are you doing? Or not doing because of the way that you feel about your your body? I'm gonna give you some examples. So for example, the things that you don't do. Example, made these up. I won't wear things that show my arms.

Unknown Speaker 22:40

I'm not dating even though I want a partner. I constantly think about how people perceive my body.

Unknown Speaker 22:48

I have sex with the lights off.

Unknown Speaker 22:50

I won't let my partner touch my belly. I won't go swimming anymore. i As I've put on quote too much weight. So there are some things that you know someone could they don't do. I don't do these things. Maybe I've never done them. Maybe I stopped doing them. I don't do though. Things I do do. English is weird, isn't it? Things I do? Make excuses about joining friends on a hike. Only wear long tops that cover my bum. Only have headshots in my dating profile.

Unknown Speaker 23:24

Always wear a hoodie to hide even when I'm boiling hot. That was me. Oh my goodness. I feel like my body confidence issues affected my ability to pass school exams. Our school exams are in the early summer. And I would go with my gap hoodie, which in my mind stood for greasy and proud. My gap hoodie to the exam hall would not take it off. Even though I was so deeply uncomfortable and hot. And like How how did that make me be in a position to be able to concentrate on my exam? Probably a little bit less right? Anyway, okay, so next, eat my lunch in private, have a uniform I wear every day as I know I feel comfortable in it. And not an actual uniform. But you know, a lot of people will say to me, Oh, I wear my my my leggings and my hoodie. And you know, it's the same thing every single day. It's my uniform. These are not necessarily bad things. And I'll explain. I want you to ask yourself the question do we want to do you want to make changes to these things? So maybe some you do, maybe some you don't maybe suddenly help you survive in an anti fat world. So for example, say if you make excuses about joining friends for a hike because you think well if I go for a hike, then I'm going to be the slowest one there. I'm gonna be out of breath. They're going to be like, Oh my God, why are we having to wait for them? Baba Baba. So that's probably what's going through our minds right? And so could we do we need to change that may

Unknown Speaker 25:00

Maybe not, perhaps we have friends that we know are anti fat. Perhaps we have friends that we know are like hardcore into hiking and they are like, really advanced, perhaps we have friends that are really kind and are fat themselves, or we have friends who they're just they say it's a hike, but actually, they're just going for a bit of a stroll. And so you would probably be able to know that of all my friends Dick's

Unknown Speaker 25:28

are they going to leave me behind? You know? And so you might decide, you know, actually, my friends are awesome. I love being out in nature. And you know what, I really want to go with them. And so I'm just gonna tell them, I'm gonna voice my face to them. I'm gonna say, Listen, I don't want to be a burden. I'm worried that I'm gonna slow everyone down. And, you know, I'm worried the I'll be out of breath. And people will be like, oh, yeah, because you're fat. And, you know, things like that. And, you know, and then your friends were like, Oh, my god, yeah, me too. I've worried about that, too. But you know, we're, we go slow. And we have lots of breaks. And you know, whatever, right? Or you could be like, Nah,

Unknown Speaker 26:08

no, I just let them go on the hikes. And I'll just go on my own or not, or whatever. Or, for example, so you eat your lunch in private. So if you work in an office, you know that you could have really judgmental colleagues. And it's just not safe for you to eat your lunch in private in public. And so you might decide in and I'm just going to continue doing that, because it's good for my safety. If you have a quote, uniform, like set of clothes that you wear every day, it could be that it makes life easier for you, as you don't have to have any, you're not making decisions in the morning, and you feel good in that, that outfit, it really represents you. Or you can say, I don't feel good in that outfit. Actually, I want to wear things that express me better. But I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, and I'm scared to show my body off in different ways. So all those lists, so you've got the list of the things that you do do and the things that you don't do, because of the way that you feel about your body. Are there things there that you, you want to change or other things that are helpful for you because of your safety. So say, for example, I won't wear things that show my arms. So let's just use clothing as an example. I won't wear things that show my arms, I wear long tops to cover my belly. And really like I have a uniform that I always wear. But really, I don't feel like this really represents me. And I know that I'm hiding and I see, you know, people posting things on Instagram and, and they're in fat bodies, and they look really good. But but you know, their bodies not as fat as mine, or My bed is bigger than theirs on my bum is flat, or my tics are small, or whatever it is that you're saying, you know, but you've got this. You're like, I want to do it. But there's some barriers, right? Okay, there's some things coming up in your mind. So of those things, what things do you want to do? Or are there anything else, any other things that sound exciting to you that you might want to do that could express body confidence to you. So a lot of people might say, you know, I am going to do a boudoir shoot, or

Unknown Speaker 28:11

I'm going to instead of running from the changing rooms in the pool, I'm going to walk slowly in your whatever it is that that you feel that could express body confidence for you. We're going to turn those into smart goals. So smart goals, or whatever way that feels good to you. But SMART goal stands was specific measured. Jesus Christ, why am I broke my brain gone? Blank smuggles, a million times Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and time bound, Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and time bound. So the first one specific, that's why I said, you know, I want to be confident, that's not specific, right? So we won't achieve that thing of I want to be confident if we don't know like, where we're going. And how do we know that we've achieved that? I want to feel confident in my body. measurable. So how will we know? You know that we've achieved that thing again? Feeling it like? Yes, but can we have some type of measurements? Like I did that thing? achievable? Here's the thing that we want to want to think about is sometimes when people see you know, a video of me, for example, doing my TED Talk, where I take my clothes off on stage or just, you know, prancing around in a bikini being a dickhead they think that's so far out of where I am. And it's not inspirational. It's kind of like, well, I will never be that it might make people feel like shit. Maybe it is inspirational for some, but some people might feel like, I'm never gonna get there.

Unknown Speaker 29:50

People struggled to believe like, where I was, and how shy and unconfident I used to be because of what they see today. And so

Unknown Speaker 30:00

You don't need to think about like this big, ridiculous goal, just thinking about what is the next step for you. And so if it is that you want to wear,

Unknown Speaker 30:09

clothing that is more aligned with you, is taking the smallest step possible to get to that, you know, first little bit so it could be just browsing clothes online. You know, that's that first step. So anyway, so specific, measurable, achievable, were can you achieve it? Or is it something that you could probably achieve in five years, and you know, it's fine to have a goal that that's further out. But also we want to have goals, which are quick wins, so we can, you know, boost the confidence, relevant, or, you know, these are certainly relevant to what we're doing and time bound. So we want to have some goals, and when we want to do these things, right, so that we can move forward. Again, you might say, Fuck SMART goals, I hate them, they can suck my tests, call, whatever, if there's another way that you want to do it, that's good, you know. And so you might decide to get some smaller ones, maybe some bigger ones, and maybe some medium ones. You don't need to have like 57,000 goals, it could be that you just have 315, whatever. Next, all that barriers, that is going to make it hard for you to achieve those goals, or barriers that make feeling more confident in your body harder. And so let's think about in your life, who is who or what is supporting you to move towards body confidence, who or what is making a little bit more difficult. So for example, in your life, you might have a mum that's on a diet, your sister might talk about how ugly and fat she is, you might have a health problem that is associated with fatness or you're scared that you might get one because you have a health issue in your family. Maybe you have a partner that says that they're attracted to thinner people. Maybe you love watching trash trashy reality TV with only normative bodies in it, like love is blind, for example. Right? So these are barriers, we don't necessarily need to remove them, we might need to understand how we can navigate them. Or we could decide to remove them if the barriers are really just annoying and not helpful. And we will use the my formula which is remove, reduce or protect. So I've spoken about this in other episodes, but when we have these barriers, we're going to ask ourselves, can we remove the anti fatness? If not, can we reduce exposure to the anti fatness? If not, can we protect ourselves from the anti fatness in some way? So for example, mom is on a diet. So can we remove mum? No, we've just thought well, you know, you can. I'm not saying go and like gunned down your mum. Because she's like, well, you watch us. Fuck you, mom. You know? But can you some people do decide to remove people from their lives? And that's absolutely fine. But for most people, are we going to remove mum? Probably not. Can we reduce the amount of time that we see Mum? Maybe maybe not. Can we ask mum to stop talking about diets? Maybe maybe not depends on the your relationship dynamic dynamic? Can we protect ourselves from the things that mama say? Mama saying so it could be that you're you whatever you do choose to protect yourself, you know, change the subject.

Unknown Speaker 33:25

Listen to an episode of First party podcast, talk to your friend or therapist or whatever it is to protect yourself. Okay, so you might decide mom's she's a huge topic. Well, we'll, we'll tackle that later. Let's start with something that is a little bit easier. Okay, I love watching all these trashy TV shows. Me too. And so am I going to remove it?

Unknown Speaker 33:51

Well, they bring me happiness. But they also made me feel like shit. So shall I remove it? Maybe? Maybe not? Shall I reduce the amount of time I'm watching it? Maybe? Maybe not. Maybe I'll you know, watch a few episodes and then watch something else. can I protect myself. So maybe I'm watching that. And then I'm going to go on Instagram and look at pictures of awesome fat people to kind of help reset my brain. So you'll know, you'll know like, what should I do if you feel like they feel like barriers are coming up and up and up in your life and they're just really just what your mum says really just makes you just furious and really is difficult for you, then you know that you might need to take action there and try and come up with a way to either remove reduce or protect yourself. And so with the barriers to can we educate ourselves around certain pain points. So for example, a lot of people who say, Well, I'm scared that I'm gonna get diabetes, right. I'm scared that I'm going to not be able to run around with my kids. I'm scared them. And so for me

Unknown Speaker 35:00

That is a gift, that's your brain telling you, okay, I've got some learning to do around these areas. And so you would look into that specific thing. And educate yourself more around that and say, you know, you know, if I do have a bigger body, will I then automatically automatically become a terrible parent?

Unknown Speaker 35:19

No.

Unknown Speaker 35:22

Nope. If diabetes in my family, am I going to eat my way into diabetes? No, because that's not how diabetes work works. If I do get diabetes, can I survive? It? Probably,

Unknown Speaker 35:34

you know, is that something that I need to to help myself around in regards to education and talking to someone you probably right, and some barriers we just can't overcome? Right? So you might say one of the barriers is that I live in an anti fat world, which is an absolutely true barrier. Unfortunately, we cannot remove that right at this time, we might be able to reduce our exposure to it. And we might be able to protect ourselves from it. Right? So so we are always going to have these barriers to feeling more confident in our bodies, like that decayed in Starbucks. So what barriers? Can we help ourselves remove, reduce or protect? Right? So we've got our goals. And this is where people kind of stumble, right? We've got our goals, yeah, I'm gonna do this thing. And they're like, Oh, I'm just gonna read some more books. And I'm just gonna listen to some more podcasts. And I'm just going to, I'm just going to wait until I feel better. Before doing those things. Here's the thing is, I've caught I call that constant learning mode, constant learning mode and not taking action. So think about the way that we learn to swim. We cannot learn how to swim by reading a book, we can learn a theory about it. But eventually, we're going to have to get in the pool. Now, what we don't want to do is be like, well, I read a book about it. And so I'm just going to go in the deep end and be like, let's How about I drown? What happens a lot of times when people are like, I'm just gonna go and do this big, scary thing. And I've never done anything like it before, is they'll they'll traumatize themselves, you know? They were like, well, water is scary. I'm not doing that again. And so sometimes people will be like, Well, I tried where I, you know, I bought some short shorts and split crotch panties, and a peephole bra. And I went and went down to the post office, and people were like, Oh, shit, and I've never done that again, you know, and so, you know, there might be a bit much right. And so you might want to say, I'm gonna get shorts that go to my knees and just wear them around the house and see how that feels. And so well, that's what I call tinkling your toes in the water. So we want to go into the shallow end, we want to tinkle our toes. And so say if your goal is to wear different clothes, do exactly that. So the first step and so you have this big you know, the big step is wear clothes I want want to wear wear more daring clothes, whatever it is that you want. So I would say you want to break that down even more like what is a debt? What is daring clothes? You What are you? What are the clothes? And you could say, okay, a shirt with no sleeves, because I'm sweating my tits off with these fucking sleeves.

Unknown Speaker 38:17

Okay, so then that might be your goal. wear a shirt without sleep sleeves. And let's break it down a little bit more. wear a shirt without sleeves. In my house. Okay, cool. So that should go by three weeks from now. So what's the first step into search? Where to buy? Plus size clothes? Whatever, you probably know that. If you don't, the size diversity Resource Guide has hundreds of places to shop. You can get that from Koh Phi. And so then you can decide I'm going to order a few different things. And then I'm just going to try them on in my room. See how it feels? You did it? You did it. Right. No one has to say. Now you might say okay, well, I survived that, you know, the, you know, the hell didn't freeze over. No one called the police. I had my arms out. And I did it. Right. So the next step might be like, Okay, well, I'm going to just wear a sleeveless top around the house for an hour for two hours for the day. And then it might be like, Okay, next, I'm going to walk to the end of the street, and then run back and be like, Oh, my God. Next, I'm going to walk the dog for 10 minutes and see how that feels. And at any one point there, there could be a barrier that comes up. And so then you're going to support yourself. So the reality is, you know, a lot of times people say, Oh, you think people are looking at you but they're not. The reality is if you're a fat person, people could be looking at you and judging you. Some a lot of times they could be not who knows right? But depending on your levels of privilege and your

Unknown Speaker 40:00

If you have any other historically marginalized identities, then it's more likely that you're going to be a target for unwelcome experiences, right? You might go out in the street, and someone might be like, Oh, fuck you, or whatever, you look horrible or whatever. And so what can you do then to help yourself? If that does happen? If that does happen, would that be too much and just derail you? And so you know, right now, it's not safe. So, instead of being out in the, in general public, you're just going to, you know, meet a friend who's super safe for lunch, and just stay in that one place. And you know, that, you know, your friend is probably not gonna be like, Girl, look at your arms, whatever. So there's an, you know, taken away that black and white thinking of, you have to do this. And if you don't do this, and if you don't do some big expression of confidence, and you failed, or whatever, because it's complicated, right? The reality is, being a visible, happy fat person means that you're going to be attacked at some points. And that might not happen for a long time. Or it could happen on a daily you know, so he's kind of so this is you know, all like building confidence building resiliency during the toe tinkling. Next, we want to reassess. So what is what is tripping you up? What is fear, what feels good, what doesn't feel so good? What things are really triggering you. So for example, your clothes are tight, because you've put on weight. And that feeling of tight clothes is really difficult for you. You're scared of health stuff. So you want to lose weight, fear of judgment from others, the mirror, if those things are coming up, how can you support yourself to feel better or safer, and learn more about that particular thing. Something about the clothes thing, I saw a post from Mindful closet. The Post said, buying clothes that fit when you've gained weight is a signal to your body that you will trust it and will take care of it, no matter what I'm gonna read that again, buying clothes that fit when you've gained weight is a signal to your body, that you trust it and will take care of it no matter what. So a lot of times we have this you know fractured relationship with our bodies, because we're just like, Fuck you, you're a piece of shit. You're gross, and our bodies like Oh, bitch, I'm just trying to fucking get around, I'm feed you and like, keep your organs going. And you're just constantly giving me Hey, like, fuck you. And our clothes are tight, stop that I don't like that feeling of it on my skin, just buy some new clothes. And your brain is like, No, I'm not gonna buy some new clothes, because then that will mean that I'm fat. Or that will mean that I've gone over the edge into whatever or it could be, I don't have the money to or I don't, there is no accessible clothing for me, whatever. But if you can, I'd say go and go and get some clothes, that feel good, right? That could be nice. And that can be a way to help gain that that trust with your body.

Unknown Speaker 43:07

Another thing that's really helpful is focusing on what your body does for you versus what it is as an ornament to society. And really, oh my god, the list is, is endless, of the stuff that your body does for you. And also recognizing there are people who are chronically ill and disabled, who might not be able to have that experience of being like thank you body for doing this because they might be having a really shit time had a shit life with their body. And holding that to. So again, getting out of, of black and white thinking. So finally, if if that type of stuff, you know, taking those steps and working towards taking actions to to do things that you're not letting yourself do right now because of the way that you feel about your body. And doing those things and seeing how that feel. If that's really not feeling good for you, then I would say that you you could if it's available for you get extra support from a therapist or a body image coach or someone that can help you unlearn anti fat bias, whatever it is, you know, anti diet dietician, fat, positive dietician, whatever it is, right? Because sometimes getting someone else's opinion really helps us see things that we can't perceive, helps us perceive things that we can't perceive ourselves, you know, shit, like,

Unknown Speaker 44:35

my therapist, you know, says things all the time. And I'm like, Oh, how can I not see that? Again, I have privileged to be able to go to afford afford to go to a therapist. But it could be even that you're just talking to your friends and say I'm really struggling with this thing. Can we talk about it? I can really you know, if you have a friend who is not going to be like, Yo, oh my god, you know

Unknown Speaker 45:00

I want to get diabetes, oh God, you know,

Unknown Speaker 45:03

fat people are terrible, you know, don't don't talk to that friend.

Unknown Speaker 45:07

Or it could be that if you don't have access to, to friends that you go and find community online,

Unknown Speaker 45:14

fat community is the best. And a reminder about this, this study that we talked about how to protect yourself from anti fat bias, a big part of that is feeling like you're a part of the group of fat people, you know, you're, you're, you're in the in group of fatness versus trying to get out of that group. Right. That's helpful for people. And also, part of white supremacy, culture is a sense of urgency, right. And so a lot of folks have been conditioned to expect instant results, especially when we've been dieting all of our lives, and it's like, lose several 37,000 pounds in 12 minutes. And, and so, you know, you might be doing these things, and you might still be be struggling for a while. And, and that's normal, right? Because think about how long you have struggled with not loving your body with dieting with anti fat bias, probably decades. Right? And so, if we're able to turn this around in, you know, years, that's astonishing, right? And, you know, I say that a lot of times, it is a lot quicker, because people are really kind of, I'm doing this, I'm doing this, versus where a lot of times just soaking up anti fatness, you know, we're not like, Oh, I'm going to I'm going to do a course on how to how to hate fat people more, you know, but you might be like, Oh, I'm going to do a course on how to stop, you know, unlearn anti fat bias. So. So, you know, I don't want to say it's going to, you know, if you take it to, you know, you've been alive for four decades. So it's going to take you another four decades to not hate yourself. You know, it's probably this probably not going to be like that. But also give yourself time and record recognize how far you you you go. Because I think a lot of times we can poopoo our achievements. I know I do. I was at a party a couple of weeks ago. birthday party with a bouncy castle. Yes. From my friend, Michael, who turned 40. And I'd seen some friends who hadn't seen in a while and they were like, Oh, my God. So you run on a BBC show. That's cool. And oh, you wrote a book? And oh, that's cool. And you did? And I was just like, Ah, you Yeah, I was shared.

Unknown Speaker 47:46

And they were like, are you hearing yourself and ask?

Unknown Speaker 47:52

How easy it is, you know, I'm just like, I'm embarrassed by my book now. Because, you know, there's some words in there that I wrote that I wouldn't use now. And that's not the direction that I would go. Now if I wrote a book and, you know, brutal, you know, therefore, I'm a piece of shit.

Unknown Speaker 48:11

Therefore, I don't deserve to alter another word in this space. Because in the past, I was at a different place. It's just so silly. It's so silly. Yeah. And so really celebrating these, these places that you're going and the direction that you're going because it is wonderous. that any of us are able to escape, diet culture and anti fatness, like holy shit. Can you imagine how hard that how hard that is? In the episode that I did on dye culture is diet culture, a cult.

Unknown Speaker 48:52

I talk about how in most high control environments like a cult, like M L M, multi level marketing schemes, like diets a lot of time, but not not the same or dies. When you get out of that high control environment. Your loved ones and society are like, crew. We're so glad that you got out of that environment that wasn't good for you.

Unknown Speaker 49:24

Please welcome come back into society. Let's help you unlearn all of that, that stuff that you were, you had learned and they really took advantage of you and you were a victim to this. This brainwashing, right. And so a lot of experience, not everyone's experience with high control environments like that. But on the whole generally, society is like that supporting people who leave fat people who leave diet culture, do not get that support.

Unknown Speaker 50:00

From general society, they get told, get back in there, try harder, you need to be controlled more. And so it can be so hard to leave diet culture, especially with the promises, to put promises of fake promises, you know, and we can look at high control environments and be like, well, you know, in an MLM, you know, it's probably not true that you're going to become a millionaire or a billionaire, like, probably not true that, you know, there's gonna be some Armageddon day and the world's gonna end and you know, the good people are going to be saved. That's probably not true. It's probably true. If you've just tried hard enough, then you could become thin. That's probably true. It's not though, right? So anyway, so that, that all that to say that, it's wrong to say the word miracle, but it's remarkable that you're even here. And that that is something that somebody should be celebrated really, really, really, really should be celebrated. So just celebrate yourself today, I'll pay discover, give yourself a Go and wear a hat, okay, just wear any hats, just wear hats. And I don't know, drink or drink, or whatever, to celebrate how awesome you are, that you're here. And that you're healing, and that you are in that direction of often been. And also, again, with this black and white thinking, you are probably not going to arrive at this destination where you're like, holy shit, I am so confident in my body, it's never going to change. I've arrived and Oh, life is good. Like, you might have moments like that, you know, obviously there's, you know, lots of moments where I've just been like, Fuck, yeah, I'm gonna mess and then you have decayed guy and Starbucks. And then you like,

Unknown Speaker 52:03

sad, you know.

Unknown Speaker 52:05

And then that thinking that we we've been learned and we've been taught and learned about, you're in a bad situation you're going to get into a good situation in life is going to be great diet culture, white supremacy, culture, all sorts of different things that

Unknown Speaker 52:21

systems of oppression that we've learned that from.

Unknown Speaker 52:24

And the truth is, it's, it's more fluctuating. And it's more like, here's what it's more like, you're just not thinking about it that much. You're not thinking, Oh, my goodness, is that person looking at me, and oh, my goodness, is my is my body bad and Oh, my goodness, I really should lose weight. If I lose weight, then I'm going to be better, more attractive. It's just not that much of it is just not in your mind as much you just more like, I want to do a poo, or

Unknown Speaker 53:01

what should we make for lunch or, you know, when, you know, whatever it is, and this is saying with intuitive eating, right. So once you've healed your,

Unknown Speaker 53:10

your, if you if you if you've been a diet or whatever,

Unknown Speaker 53:15

and you're an intuitive eater, you're just not thinking about food as much. And for me, that feels good, right? So not just it just not being a thing. And then you'll have times where you're like,

Unknown Speaker 53:28

an amazing mother, like, ah, and then you'll have times where you're like, I don't feel good today. And that, you know, there's just that's just the reality of being a human being with a gorgeous brain with a wrinkly brain, not a smooth brain. Because you because you're not as smooth brained, then you're gonna have ups and downs, but generally speaking, like the, the,

Unknown Speaker 53:49

the level, what you're feeling about, your body is just raised, and it's kind of like, you know, like a zigzag. And before those zigzag would be really kind of extreme peaks and lows, maybe, because you've dieted and you've lost weight and you feel amazing and then you put weight back on and all but you buy clothes that you think fairly look good in and then you see a photo of yourself in those clothes and and you think, Oh, what was I think and thinking I look good, because I look like shit. And then you do this and do and so it's like a extreme zigzag, but then the, the line kind of being lower on the body confidence and then doing this type of work. The line is more smooth, undulating, like a smooth voice on the radio, and at a higher level, right, less less of those peaks and valleys. But again, you know, a lot of this work is complicated. There's lots of different factors to it, you know, levels of, of privilege and access and, and so if you need help, reach out to someone, even if it's community online, or if it's a professional, whatever. And you deserve to feel that peace in your body and not be thinking about how you're not good

Unknown Speaker 55:00

Get enough all the time cuz that shit sucks. And it's boring. Oh, thing all the stuff that you could do. If you're not thinking thinking about food or thinking about how you're a terrible person. Yeah, I should take that advice in regards to terrible person, you know, what I'm going to do is I'm going to do because I've talked to my therapist about this a lot is I'm going to do an F, I think next episode I'm going to do is on that BBC documentary and go and deep dive into shame around

Unknown Speaker 55:30

what people experience being on reality TV, because my experience that was something I think four years ago, and I think about it, so often, the shame, the shame, the shame from it, and how I'm a bad person because of that documentary. And so I'm going to talk about it. Next episode or whatever in the future. I'm going to do some research about other people's experiences and ah, because shame cannot survive the light.

Unknown Speaker 56:05

Shame cannot survive the light. I think that's Brene Brown quote, brainy Brown is a fat photo that will take that quote from her stop being a fan by Brene Brown, I did run a brown course and she's like, Oh, we can see all the ills in the world because people are fat and you know, they eat a piece of dark chocolate.

Unknown Speaker 56:22

What? What Brene Brown No, that's not true. Go away. I mean, a fat person. Fat people and then people eat a square of dark chocolate but you know fatness is not a sign that the of the of the ills of the world Yeah, she was she was like, you know, we have addiction. We have fat people. What? What?

Unknown Speaker 56:44

We have addiction. We have brown haired people. That what? What are you talking about? Brene Brown a stop that stop at you. All right. Well, if you enjoyed this episode and you got anything from it, feel free to subscribe to me on cofee link in the bio. If you do not have the means to subscribe. Why not leave a Chico Riverview High.

Unknown Speaker 57:11

Here what I was looking at more reviews and we haven't had to I feel like the only time I get reviews is when I say hey, write me a review.

Unknown Speaker 57:18

Do this thing go. And so I haven't asked people to write a review in a while. So if you want to, if you can be involved, if you can be involved

Unknown Speaker 57:29

write a review. Let me read the last one that we got this this website called listen notes, which will give you all the reviews from all around the world because you know you have different played in different platforms. And you know if there's a review on Apple, Germany, it won't show up on Apple, Australia, whatever. Oh, actually, we're in top 2% of the global rank

Unknown Speaker 57:54

actually wasn't listened. Notice that just just tells you how popular podcast is. It's chattable That tells you the reviews. Okay, last review is from June 2023. Empowering five stars. Vinny is great and the show is very empowering. well researched, funny, everything you'd want. Thank you. I can't tell you how much Vinny has helped me with my self esteem and recovering from my disordered eating. Oh, thank you. Five stars. Great show. I love you so much. Thank you. They have great topics and have a way of presenting that is easy to understand and fun to listen to and make me laugh so much great information for anyone on an intuitive eating journey that are looking, looking to work towards fat liberation. Thanks, Vinny.

Unknown Speaker 58:41

Thank you, ah, those reviews really make my brain happy. Anyway, if you want to write a review, we're at 4.9 stars from 159 ratings. Oh, there was one. I think there was a one star thing saying Vinnie should stop singing.

Unknown Speaker 59:01

Which is made me saying Oh, and someone else didn't have to review saying I like it when you say

Unknown Speaker 59:07

he's always gonna. It's always gonna be people who like what you do and don't like what you do. And it sounds like a lot of people like what I do, which I really appreciate. And if they don't, they're probably not telling me or they're telling me and I'm just deleting the comments, or whatever.

Unknown Speaker 59:21

Deleting the messages rather.

Unknown Speaker 59:24

So thanks for hanging out with me today. If you want to tell me about what you want podcast episodes in the future. Go to that. Instagram channel thingy. thing. I'll put a pole in. Do you want industry gossip? I have I have gossip. I just don't share it. I don't know if I will. I'm not saying that. I'm gonna be sharing gossip. Okay, why? There's some gossip that I will like, share about because, you know, everyone's talking about it. But there's other gossip that, you know, I'm too scared to share about because I don't want people I

Unknown Speaker 59:58

don't want me to gossip

Unknown Speaker 1:00:00

Guide Oh, anyway, all right, let it go. Stop rambling. I Tassie by.

Unknown Speaker 1:00:09

Hope you have a good day. And I will see you in a while alligator stay fierce, Fatty, go bowling