I've got a super sexy 2-part podcast for you today! I will be answering what is happening in your gorgeous fatty brain when you believe your body is unattractive - when I explain this it'll make total sense! Also, I share 3 questions you need to ask yourself that will really challenge some viewpoints.
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
Download The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Disclaimer: Saying you don't have the time to work on loving your fat body when you seriously DON'T have the time is a legit reason and not an excuse for not being able to work on loving your fat body. In this video, I am talking about those of us who have lots of spare time but tell ourselves we don't (and there could be an underlying reason as to why we do that). So if you ARE super busy this video is not aimed at you, just those of us (including, ahem...me) who use the excuse of being busy as a way to avoid fear/stress/doing something difficult/some other reason.
There are 2 big things people say to themselves that stop them from seeing results when it comes to loving their fat body. In this episode learn how to avoid making these 2 pitfalls and reframe beliefs that don’t serve you. Also, I talk about what is really going on when we make excuses and don’t take action. PLUS: It’s my birthday and so I have a present for you!
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
Download The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
If you lack confidence, it is a vicious circle.
You lack confidence so you don't do “the thing” and because you haven't done “the thing”, your confidence doesn't grow.
Remember:
It's like learning to swim by just reading a book.
You have to jump in the water. You don't have to jump in the deep end. Don't jump in the deep end because you may traumatize yourself.
Jump in the shallow end. Just tinkle your toes in a little bit of water. Just get a little bit wet and then run out. Put your clothes on and go home.
If you do those little things and then keep practicing more and more and more. Until then you're diving off a hundred foot diving board.
If you don't and you just learn, learn, learn, you're going to reinforce the belief that you can't do it and you’ll think confidence is just for other people.
You're going to stay stuck.
You will become overwhelmed with information. There are so many things that are on your reading list that you can listen to, watch, and consume.
Sometimes that information isn't helpful and isn't important.
You'll just read this book, read this blog post and save loads of bookmarks of things that you need to do.
The thing you should do is TAKE AN ACTION.
When you do take action, it's going to automatically build confidence if you do it in the right way.
Remember, don't jump into the deep end because you could scare yourself. Just a little tinkle of your toes over the water.
That's going to build confidence and you'll gather momentum.
You can still have that reading list of the hundred things that you need to read, but also you can be doing “the things” and experience freedom.
You will learn that if you’re gently with yourself you can actually do scary things.
You didn't die when you wore that dress.
You didn't die when you wore a sleeveless top.
You didn't die when you looked at your body in the mirror.
You survived and can do it again and do even more incredible things!
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
Bethan (a Fierce Fatty Academy Member) shared her experience…
“There's a little kid who asked me the other month and it was really awkward. This kid asked me when my baby was due while his parents just sat there.
I'm quite small at the top and then my stomach goes out.
It was so awkward and it just went silent. I felt like I was standing there naked and I almost cried.
We were driving back. It was an hour-long drive and I just cried the entire way home.
Even though it's just a kid, it still hurts. I've got a lot of pressure and I just automatically hate it [my belly].
It's not good to carry that around with me, but I think because it's held so much sadness, I guess.
It's not good for me to carry it around.”
Victoria’s advice…
“The word fat and the reason why activists have reclaimed that word is that it was so powerfully painful and by reclaiming it we get to decide the meaning of it.
It takes the power away and exactly like you say it's very difficult for people to call themselves fat or even like my business name, Fierce Fatty.
A lot of people would say they don't want to be associated with the word “fatty.”
Fat is just a neutral descriptor and it doesn't mean that I'm bad or lazy or whatever it is that society has put on that thing.
Your belly could be a representation of sad things or bad things or all of that type of stuff.
Is there a way for you to reclaim your belly and turn it into something that is neutral?
Turn it into something that is a positive thing or a really cool thing about you and that is something unique about you?”
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
Behaviour control is the thing that cults do. Here are some examples:
Regulate an individual’s physical reality
Dictate where, how, and with whom the member lives and associates
Control types of clothing
Regulate diet ~ food and drink
Hunger and/or fasting
Just in those first few things; controlling what you wear, how you eat, your physical reality, what you do with your life ~ this could be how you exercise, what foods you eat, whether you're spending time with certain people who are not dieting. You don't want them to influence you in negative ways.
Regulating an individual's physical reality…
When you're on a diet, your physical reality is 100% regulated. From the moment you wake up, the first thing that you would be thinking about is your diet.
When am I allowed to eat?
What am I allowed to eat?
When should I be exercising?
How much should I be exercising?
What clothes should I be wearing to hide my body?
What clothes should I be wearing to indicate that I'm a good fatty?
EVERYTHING. From morning till night, you were affected when you were on a diet. You're obsessed with that.
Diet culture tells you what you should be doing and shouldn't be doing.
The next one on information control is deception. Deliberately withhold information, distort information to make it more acceptable, and systematically lie to the cult member.
The backbone of the diet is DECEPTION.
There’s no study in the world that shows that dieting successfully reduces your body weight in the long-term.
The idea of dieting is based on deception withholding information and distorting information.
You see these adverts, "Oh, look at these people. They are so happy because they are so thin. They're going to be amazing."
I see some sort of stats saying, "10% of members can lose weight."
That's not TRUE!
10% of the members are not able to lose weight.
They don’t have SCIENTIFIC proof to show that dieting works.
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
If you work on your confidence, if you say no to diets, if you say yes to fat positivity, you will change the world.
You are able to break the cycle of body shame and dieting in your family, in your community.
You are the brave pioneer that stands up to oppression and when you make a difference like that, then you affect those around you.
It's like coronavirus. You WILL have an impact on those around you. They will have an impact on those around them.
It spreads like the virus. I wish that there was some statistic to say for every confident person, they positively impact 1.2 people.
Be a role model.
When I say be a role model, you don't have to stand on a stage and talk, but it's those small moments like when you were at work and someone says, "Oh I need to eat a salad cause I had some cake yesterday." You say, "Well, I don't believe in that. I believe that you can have salad and cake and all of the food that you want." That is being a role model for those around you.
Think about if you have children or have any children in your life or children in the lives of people around you, you might not even know that people around you that you were affecting with either good body image or bad body image.
What if you said “I've had enough of hating my body!” how would that affect those around you? And then in the future children are not then dieting and hating their bodies and it's just an exponential positivity.
When one person decides, "No, I've had enough of this bullshit. I'm not dieting. I'm not hating my body anymore" they are changing the world.
Life is too short and you change the world as an individual. You change the world and it is beautiful. It is incredible.
Don't forget the power that you have. If you decide enough is enough and you break that cycle of shame... and also don't forget the power if you don't.
We've all seen it, we've all seen generations of fatphobia being passed down to generation after generation. Because no one above us, no other family member said, "Fuck that shit. I'm putting the end to it and I'm changing our family's legacy. I'm changing the world. I'm changing this community with my one act of bravery.”
You now have that choice. What will you choose?
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
It's really heartbreaking for me to think about people out there just really stressed about their health.
As you've heard me say many times, in many ways, there is no reliable way to reduce your body size. There has never been one study in the history of the world to show a diet that works long term.
Of course, you can lose weight and you can go and starve yourself or have a “lifestyle change” (ahem, diet), and lose weight. But in a year, two years, three years, four years, five years, are you going to still be at that lower weight?
Studies show no and a byproduct is poor health outcomes, mental and physical health.
So dieting doesn't work to make your body smaller. It makes it bigger.
So if someone is saying you need to lose weight, that is not evidence-based because there's no evidence to show what we can do to lose weight reliably.
Even if we could lose weight, having a smaller body will not necessarily protect you from things like genetic predispositions towards certain conditions or illnesses like type II diabetes or type I diabetes. It's so heavily genetic-based that having a smaller body is not necessarily gonna do much.
Sometimes people, when they're trying to lose weight, they engage in certain types of behaviors, which could be helpful. Those behaviors could be eating different types of food, could be moving their bodies in certain ways, but because they are trying weight loss number to the behaviors then when they stop being able to lose weight they stop the behaviors that could have been helpful for their health and then blame the weight.
Those behaviors have been shown to be not sustainable because when inevitably the weight loss plateaus, even though they're still eating in certain ways, even though they're still exercising in certain ways people stop engaging in those behaviors.
Whereas if you are or focus on healthful behaviors outside of weight loss and a number on a scale, those behaviors are way more sustainable.
For example; If you're doing it just because you want to improve your fitness level or you want to happen to get a different variety of foods into your life. Studies show they're way more sustainable if you're not doing it when you're focused on a number on the scale.
So in my mind, it is black and white. There's no way that you can reliably lose weight and so what do people who are small do in this circumstance?
Do they take medicine?
Do they move their body more?
Do they exercise in a certain way?
Do they build strength?
Do they eat more of a certain food?
Of course, I'm not a doctor, but I'm just looking at the science and what I would do personally myself.
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
Judging yourself for the way that you're responding to stress, like the pandemic, and how you cope with this thing that has never happened before in our lifetime is not helpful. Judging yourself for the way you respond isn’t a great idea.
If you need to eat more food, if you need to have loads of food in your house, whatever it is.. that is fine, seriously.
If the way you are choosing to cope with stress is eating more food then have at it! What’s the alternative?
If dealing with stress means that you need to sleep all day, you need to hide, you need to eat all the food or you don't eat anything that you deem to be nutritious.
Perhaps you say, “fuck you vegetables” or you need to watch 37 hours of Netflix every day, then it's all good. It's all perfect.
You are doing your best.
Be kind on yourself during this time because fuck it's hard.
It's really, really, really, really hard.
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
Currently, my body is responding to a perceived scarcity which is not the actual reality because we have lots of food. The stores might not have everything, but there IS still food.
I was going to make macaroni cheese and the store didn't have macaroni pasta. They only had these weird star-shaped pasta. I had to make star-shaped pasta with cauliflower to bulk it up with cheese and it didn't taste good. Anyway, there might be things we need to substitute.
In some areas, you might not have access to food and some people might not have all the funds to access the food depending on your work situation.
So, because it's complicated and this is not anything that we've experienced before in our lifetimes, we're going to have a reaction. It's absolutely 100% normal, even if you've never had a disordered relationship with food, even if you've never had an eating disorder.
Obviously, if you have had either, then it's going to be potentially more heightened.
It's really important for you to eat the food. Do not deny yourself. Do not fall for these fucking bullshit fatphobic, memes, and shit going around the internet saying “Oh my God. I'm going to put on weight while I'm doing this corona quarantining” shit.
It's bullshit. It's really problematic.
Alongside, dealing with social distancing and the world stops. You have not to worry about not putting on weight, fuck that noise.
No, don't look at those messages.
Don't listen to that.
If you're worried about becoming fatter, please look after your mental health and surround yourself with only fat positive messages.
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
You've been brainwashed with millions of messages that you've received throughout your whole life.
From the moment that you had a conversation, from the moment you could understand other humans, you have been told what you should look like. What is good, and what is bad. And that will continue throughout your life.
We cannot stop those messages accidentally seeping into our brains. But what you need to do is you need to go on the aggressive reprogramming of your brain so that you are getting all of those positive messages in there. It is crucial.
So if you have had a million messages saying that fat is bad. You need to get a million and one message in your brain that says “it's okay to be fat” for you to have an effect.
You have to take action. You can't just hope that one day you wake up and decide, "Oh, my body is okay."
You have to protect yourself. You have to put your mental health first to have an effect on how you're feeling about your fat body.
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
If you have experienced this or if you are experiencing this obsession with food...Just needing it, wanting it, desiring this certain type of food or food having this sway over you.
“Oh, don't leave that around me. I'll eat it all up.
You can't leave any biscuits in the cupboard with me around cause I eat them.”
If you are experiencing those types of thoughts, this is what is happening.
I call it the “Diet Land Swing.”
I want you to imagine a swing, a swing like in the playground. When you restrict yourself to certain things, whether it be one food group, eating less food on a whole, mentally or physically denying yourself or any type of restriction...
What you're doing in that moment is you're pulling the swing back as far as possible. The more you restrict, the higher you're pulling that swing back.
Now, you cannot hold that swing up like that forever. It is physically impossible. I'll tell you why in a second.
What happens when you let go of that swing is the natural thing to happen is it swings to the other side. The other side is where you will binge, where you will feel out of control around food and that other side feels very scary.
This behavior is upsetting. It's upsetting to be in that place where you are bingeing, where you're allowing yourself food.
Now you might physically be allowing yourself certain food, but you're not necessarily emotionally allowing yourself because you're beating yourself up. So the reaction from that, the higher the swing one way of restriction means the higher the swing into bingeing.
When you're at the very peak of the bingeing, there's only one way to go and that's back into restriction. This cycle of restriction, binge, the restriction will continue forever for as long as you're pulling up that swing into restriction.
As soon as you stop pulling it back up and putting yourself on a diet saying, “Oh, I mustn't eat the thing. I mustn't do this. I must not eat past this time” or whatever it is that you've decided that you shouldn't do or should do.
It's making the swing higher but as soon as you stop doing that stuff, the swing loses its momentum. It's not immediately, it will lose its momentum because that's not the way swings work. It will slowly go into a binge and then it will slow down a little bit of restriction because you still might be mentally restricting and slowly all rest in the middle.
The middle is food neutrality. The middle is where you would intuitively eat and that is "normal" is.
I say “normal” because who's normal, what's normal? It’s all made up.
That is what's happening in an analogy sense when you feel like you are addicted to food.
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
Confidence isn't feeling never feeling scared.
Confident people are oftentimes shitting on their pants with fear.
The reason why confident people are shitting on their pants is because they are doing things that expand themselves and help them grow.
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
People say “I think that people should love their bodies.”
Which is incredible! But that is not body positivity, that's self-love.
It's self-love.
It's just the act of self-acceptance and that's cool.
You can be into self-acceptance and also want to diet and also hate fat people.
Body positivity is a political movement that advocates for the rights of fat folks and those living in marginalised bodies.
Did you know that body positivity is a political movement and NOT about feeling good in your body?
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
Have you ever heard of the trope “the No-Fault Fatty”?
This is one that I think about quite a lot. It happens when people find out or know that their fatness has been “caused” by something that is out of their control.
Because of this they feel a lot better about their fatness versus they are fat for a “reason” that they blame themselves for.
For example “I am fat because I took medication and it made me put on weight; therefore it’s not my fault I am fat”
What do you think the problems are with embracing this trope as a fat person?
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
We are buying into the idea that being attractive is something that is valuable and it's not, in regards to our worth as human beings.
We are worthy whether we are "attractive" or not.
We are worthy if we were identified as the ugliest motherfucker on the planet, you are still worthy.
I am still worthy of whether some random person on the street is like, “Oh, she's ugly.”
I'm still worthy if someone said, "She's the most sexy thing that I've ever seen in my life."
It has nothing to do with my value as a human being. This desire to be seen as attractive is also playing into these ideas. We just don't need to worry about it.
Who cares if you are unattractive? If you've decided, "Yeah. I'm unattractive." That doesn’t mean you’re unworthy.
What is attractiveness? It's just so complicated.
I see a lot of times people will say, “Oh, well confidence is the sexiest thing people can wear, a woman can wear.” I think yeah, confidence can be sexy but...
We're still pandering to other people by saying confidence is sexy. Who the fuck cares if other people think that you're sexy.
If YOU feel sexy, great. If you don't feel sexy, that's fine, for example if you're asexual, that’s cool.
Make it about you and not how others are perceiving you. A lot of people want to become confident so that they can be sexy.
They know that they can't change their size, but they think “if I'm confident, then I will be sexy.”
That is problematic.
How about feeling confident just because it feels good or, you're able to relate to your body better. Maybe you'll feel sexy yourself.
Fuck that; doing shit for other people all the time so that they can consume you.
You're not an object.
You're you and your fabulous, right?
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
Susie, a member of my program Fierce fatty Academy shared her story...
“The first memory I have of knowing that there was something wrong and inverted commas with my body were when I was about 10.
I was still at junior school and I heard my teacher talking to another teacher walking in the corridor behind me, and they said that "Susie's really “hip-py”, isn't she? I knew at that age that wasn't a compliment and it's so scary.
I'm 46 and I have not forgotten that. I can take myself back to that moment. I can hear the words. I know exactly the words that were said, and that really left a mark on me.
I was 10, it started from there and the shame gradually built about my body and I quickly learned that being big as a girl was not a good thing and that it wasn't feminine. I was just too big.
From that experience, age 10 where someone planted the seed that my body wasn't right, I then quickly received loads of other messages as well that I was too big that has left a mark on me.
I'll always remember that. I have sort of different feelings about it and we're dealing with it, but I won't forget those words.”
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
Our society fetishizes thin bodies yet hardly anyone thinks this is an issue.
Let me repeat that because this is really important. Our society fetishizes thin bodies yet hardly anyone thinks it's an issue.
Now, fetishization is not inherently wrong when all parties agree and the person doing the fetishsizing sees you as a whole person. But we are fetishizing thin bodies where there is no consent.
Do you consent your partner fetishizing a body that you used to have, if you’ve put on weight? Is that okay with you?
I do not give consent to my partner to fetishize my current body to the point that if it changes, they no longer love me or love me differently.
On the flip side, you can have people who fetishize fat bodies.
The level of fat fetishization to thin fetishization is like a billion to one....because pretty much everyone fetishizes thin bodies.
It's a small portion that fetishizes fat bodies and when that happens people are like, “Oh, is it bad to fetishize fat bodies?”
Well, no, if there's consent there.
If I was with someone and they said, “The only thing I like about you is your fat belly or your big boobs”.
Then imagine if I happened to lose weight.
And they had a problem with my new smaller body and thought it was gross.then it's really clear to see that it is a problem.
But when it comes down to the other way, we don't see it as a problem. We see it as, “Oh shit, will I need to lose weight for my partner.”
If your partner says, “I'm just not into fat girls.” That's fatphobia.
Our preferences are not made in a vacuum, right?
So, do you want to be with someone whose love depends on what you look like?
Whose love and affection depends on your body staying the same size?
How sustainable is that in a relationship?
How long can you guarantee that your body is going to stay the same?
At what point does your body change so much that your partner leaves?
Do you want to get to that point where your partner eventually confesses, “Well you've changed too much because you're a human being and I can't handle being with a human being!”?
Our body will constantly change.
But do you want to be with someone who you have to worry that a day is going to come when they tell you they don’t want your real human changing body anymore because they are a fatphobe.
Is it ok for our partners to say “I don't have love and care for you because your body looks different?”
Is that something that you consent to? Is that something that you agree to?
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
My experience is pretty typical in regards to how abusers behave in relationships and how the behavior escalates into eventual murder.
I want to share with you some stats that I got from the World Health Organization.
By the way, it's not just women who are the targets of domestic abuse. All genders are. It just happens to be the majority of targets and victims are women.
Global estimates published by WHO indicate that about one in three - 35% of women worldwide have experienced either physical and or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
Most of this violence is intimate partner violence worldwide. Almost one third - 30% of women who have been in a relationship report that they have experienced some form of physical and or sexual violence by their intimate partner in their lifetime.
Men are more likely to perpetrate violence if they have...
Low education
History of child maltreatment
Exposure to domestic violence against their mothers
Use of alcohol
Unequal gender norms including attitudes, acceptance of violence, and sense of entitlement over women.
Stats show 4 women in the US die every day as they were murdered by their partner or ex-partner.
So my ex had a fine upbringing. He didn't experience abuse. He had an average education. There was nothing there from his childhood that would suggest that he would go on to become an abuser.
He said that his problems started because his dad died suddenly, but he was an alcoholic before his dad died.
He was being creepy with women before that happened.
I wanted to find an answer to why he behaved like that. I think wanting to know why he behaved as he did is pretty normal. But, I will never know what really was going on in his mind.
What I do know though, is if a parent died suddenly, or if you were abused as a kid, or you saw your mother being abused, it doesn't mean that you're destined to become an abuser yourself.
People can make a decision to end the cycle of abuse. Or make an excuse for that abuse.
I used to always think, “If only his dad didn't die then he wouldn't be like this. He's had this terrible thing happen to him. That's the reason why he drinks so much. That's the reason why such an abuser.”
I would make that excuse for him because he would always be saying, "You don't know what it's like to have a parent die suddenly."
My dad eventually did die suddenly. Guess what? It didn't turn me into an abuser.
I experienced abuse as a child. I watched my mum being abused but still it didn't turn me into an abuser.
So there is no excuse for being an abuser ever at all. It doesn't matter what has happened in your past.
Some people have experienced terrible things and they turn out to be advocates against abuse.
Whereas some people experience abuse and perpetuate the pattern, or they've had no history of abuse, like my ex and he was just a complete asshole.
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
I presumed that when I became small, all of this super cool stuff was going to happen in my life.
Now, I look back and I'm like, that is so funny. Why did you think that?
I'm like, “Oh, Victoria, I understand you. I feel you.”
It's not my fault that I believed in this magical thinking because diets, diet companies and society as a whole hates fat bodies.
They make it seem like having a thinner body or smaller body is going to get you these super cool things.
So I'm going to list them out for you and I'm curious if any of these resonate with you. If you had the same feelings?
First thing was around men. I thought Brad Pitt was going to suddenly contact me and find my email address and be like, "Baby, I've been waiting all this time for you to lose weight and now I'm in love with you."
Obviously not actually Brad Pitt, but men basically would fall at my feet. It'd be like a movie scene. I'd be walking down the street and men would be so distracted by my thinness that they'd walk into a lamp post.
Just another day. Thin me. Men falling over themselves to be near me, obviously!
I thought that I would become richer, like money would rain from the skies. I'd get an immediate pay raise.
I also thought that I would become super confident. Now at that time, when I was working in a call center, I was so shy. I could barely talk to people on the phone. I would do everything I could to not have to talk to another human being.
I was just so different from what I was today. I thought that having less fat on my body would mean that my brain would change.
I'd be like, "I've arrived now. I'm confident!"
My life in general, I thought it would become like magical running through fields of flowers, rainbows and sunshine all the time.
I would be happy and my life would be just better because I had less adipose tissue or my body. I thought my brain chemistry would change.
Any mental health issues that I was dealing with would just dissolve away because now I'm thin.
Thin people don't have problems right? Wrong.
I also thought that I would become healthy. I’d be an athlete.
I would love eating only salad and I would have no interest in "unhealthy food."
I'd probably be in the Olympics. Like some champion marathon runner, not that I'd ever run a marathon before, but you know, that's what happens when you're a thin person, right?
LOL!
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
If you want to do something new in your life like loving your fat body or stop talking about diets and you don't because.....
You're worried about what your family is going to think
What your loved ones going to say
How they're judging you
I challenge you to challenge that judgment that you're making about THEM.
A lot of times we think, "Oh yeah. Our family, I know what they are like. If I come in and say, "Hey, can we stop talking about diets?" They're going to say, "No, I love dieting, screw you."
They could do that but we don't know until we try it, right?
We don't know. If you went to your loved ones and you said, "Hey, I've hated my body my whole life. I've dieted and it's not working. I'm going to try something new. I'm going to try to work on loving my body and to stop dieting cause it's not helpful for me. Can you help me out and not talk about dieting in front of me?”
Most of our loved ones will try to understand where you're coming from and help you with this new request.
Most people will because most people are not monsters, right?
However, some won’t because they've known you as a certain way for your whole life potentially. You say," Oh, I'm going to change it all up and do something different."
It's threatening for them inherently.
If someone that you love is judging you vocally, expressing their negative judgments about you... you can't stop that.
We can't stop people thinking about what they're thinking...unfortunately, ha.
We can't change the way that they're behaving or thinking, but what we can do, what we can control is the way that we respond. The way that we take care of our mental health.
If your loved ones are like, "Oh, you're so fat and horrible" and "Oh, you should go on a diet."
Here are the things that you can do:
Setting a boundary with them
Minimizing contact
Protecting your mental health. (Not saying anything or go into a different room or putting your headphones)
P.S. Are you sick and tired of hating your body? Learn the exact steps to take to get to a place of body love and the 3 BIGGEST mistakes all people make in this journey here by getting The Fierce Fatty Body Love Roadmap for free: https://bampowlife.kartra.com/page/roapmap
Let's continue the conversation in my free group! >> https://tinyurl.com/fiercefattyfriends
