6 Ways Hating My Fat Body Almost Ruined My Life
💭 I would restrict my food to lose weight and subsequently developed two restrictive eating disorders. From the moment I opened my eyes in the morning I thought of food and what I would soon be “allowed” to eat for breakfast and then counted down the moments until lunch. This behaviour was praised because I was fat.
😢 A gigantic portion of my mental energy was spent on thinking about how I looked and working out how to disguise my fatness from others. I got to events late or not at all after changing outfits multiple times only to feel terrible in them all.
👙 I was afraid of looking silly or unattractive. I would hide myself figuratively and literally. I didn’t want to be in pictures or be seen in a swimsuit for example. I missed out on so many joyful moments and was erased from memories because I didn’t want to be perceived as my genuine self: a fat person.
❤️🩹 I accepted terrible behaviour from others. I was abused, homeless, and had awful jobs and surface-level friendships. I tolerated dismal romantic partners, one who said he wasn’t as attracted to me as I gained a few pounds and another who mocked my body. Anti-fat bias taught me I wasn’t worth more because I was fat.
🗣️ I bonded by gossiping. I wasn’t exactly fun to be around - all I wanted to talk about was dieting and gossiping about other people's bodies who didn’t adhere to beauty standards that I thought were acceptable. After unlearning anti-fat bias I realized the only thing I had in common with these friends was shared bias and low self-esteem.
🏆 My life goals revolved around weight loss or attempting to attain beauty through thinness. I dreamed about the day that I would be “thin enough” to wear a bikini or a certain clothes size. Other life aspirations were secondary - thinness was the ultimate life goal.
⭐️ It wasn’t my fault I was taught anti-fat bias (and tried to navigate it the best I could at the time), but it was my job to unlearn it.
❓Do these experiences sound familiar to you? How has focusing on your body size and dieting affected your life?
About the Author:
Vinny Welsby (they/them) is a fat activist, diversity, equity and inclusion leader and founder of Fierce Fatty and Weight Inclusive Consulting. They have been a leading voice in dismantling anti-fat bias and diet culture for over a decade, a TEDx speaker, a podcast host, and a master's student in psychotherapy. Vinny is trans-non-binary and is dedicated to shifting how society views fat and queer bodies through education and compassion.
When Vinny isn’t talking about DEI stuff, they love snuggling with their dog, cross-stitching swear words and singing in a pop choir.
Follow Vinny on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn or get their free resources the Body Love Roadmap or How to Make Your Workplace Size Inclusive (or check out many other free resources here).