Why are fat bodies hyper-sexualised and slut shamed so often? Is there no other way for a fat women to exist, aside from being the voluptuous siren? With numerous fashion outlets coming up with sporty, alternative fashion for the plus size community, and women showing up for hashtags like Alternative Curves there is a clear message: Like straight sized fashion, we embrace diversity in style and have unique fashion senses.

So, why is it so hard to be confident? 

The reason being confident is so hard is because we think confidence happens without fear and self-doubt. We expect our fear and self-doubt to go away in order to be confident when the opposite is actually true.

What does confidence look like through the camera lens?   

We know what we’re told confidence it’s ‘supposed’ to look like. We’re told it’s our goal, told what it looks like, what it wears, what it’s proportions are.

Or at least that’s what I thought. That’s what a lot of us think, even as we’re in the process of unlearning the expectations of what our body is ‘supposed to look like’. It felt like one of the remaining big expectations I had put on myself in my own body acceptance journey.

Confidence what is it, and how the hell do we get it?! It seems just about as confusing and elusive as the Loch Ness Monster. People debate if it is even a thing. Whereas some people seem to be born with confidence, many others spend their lives trying to grab just a glimmer of what it feels like.

In 2009 I had met the man I wanted to marry, the man I knew I was to have kids with and have the most incredible life with. That was until I discovered he had a secret life with 2 other girlfriends.

I recently posted an image of myself on Instagram and described myself as fat and beautiful. The first comment I got was from a Nutritional Therapist/Fitness Coach saying “You HAVE fat.... You are not fat. You also have fingernails. You are not fingernails.”

Hmmmm…..

Semantics you may say, she was trying to reassure me that I wasn’t ugly and not to use derogatory names like FAT to describe myself.

Writing this blog post I felt so embarrassed. So ashamed. I also felt scared.

I feel embarrassed because I am a strong confident woman and why would someone like that be with such a loser for 2 years of her life.

I feel ashamed as in some way, it feels like it was my fault, that I deserved it. I worry you will lose respect for me or see me as a victim.

I feel scared because even after 10+ years of being away from him I still suffer from PTSD and worry he will try and hurt me in any way he can.

I have never written about this time in my life because I was scared he would read my words and try to destroy me as punishment for speaking out.