My experience is pretty typical in regards to how abusers behave in relationships and how the behavior escalates into eventual murder.

I want to share with you some stats that I got from the World Health Organization.

By the way, it's not just women who are the targets of domestic abuse. All genders are. It just happens to be the majority of targets and victims are women.

Global estimates published by WHO indicate that about one in three - 35% of women worldwide have experienced either physical and or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.

Most of this violence is intimate partner violence worldwide. Almost one third - 30% of women who have been in a relationship report that they have experienced some form of physical and or sexual violence by their intimate partner in their lifetime.

Men are more likely to perpetrate violence if they have...

• Low education

• History of child maltreatment

• Exposure to domestic violence against their mothers

• Use of alcohol

• Unequal gender norms including attitudes, acceptance of violence, and sense of entitlement over women.

Stats show 4 women in the US die every day as they were murdered by their partner or ex-partner.

So my ex had a fine upbringing. He didn't experience abuse. He had an average education. There was nothing there from his childhood that would suggest that he would go on to become an abuser.

He said that his problems started because his dad died suddenly, but he was an alcoholic before his dad died.

He was being creepy with women before that happened.

I wanted to find an answer to why he behaved like that. I think wanting to know why he behaved as he did is pretty normal. But, I will never know what really was going on in his mind.

What I do know though, is if a parent died suddenly, or if you were abused as a kid, or you saw your mother being abused, it doesn't mean that you're destined to become an abuser yourself.

People can make a decision to end the cycle of abuse. Or make an excuse for that abuse.

I used to always think, “If only his dad didn't die then he wouldn't be like this. He's had this terrible thing happen to him. That's the reason why he drinks so much. That's the reason why such an abuser.”

I would make that excuse for him because he would always be saying, "You don't know what it's like to have a parent die suddenly."

My dad eventually did die suddenly. Guess what? It didn't turn me into an abuser.

I experienced abuse as a child. I watched my mum being abused but still it didn't turn me into an abuser.

So there is no excuse for being an abuser ever at all. It doesn't matter what has happened in your past.

Some people have experienced terrible things and they turn out to be advocates against abuse.

Whereas some people experience abuse and perpetuate the pattern, or they've had no history of abuse, like my ex and he was just a complete asshole.

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