6 Ways Hating My Fat Body Almost Ruined My Life

💭 I would restrict my food to lose weight and subsequently developed two restrictive eating disorders. From the moment I opened my eyes in the morning I thought of food and what I would soon be “allowed” to eat for breakfast and then counted down the moments until lunch. This behaviour was praised because I was fat.

😢 A gigantic portion of my mental energy was spent on thinking about how I looked and working out how to disguise my fatness from others. I got to events late or not at all after changing outfits multiple times only to feel terrible in them all.

👙 I was afraid of looking silly or unattractive. I would hide myself figuratively and literally. I didn’t want to be in pictures or be seen in a swimsuit for example. I missed out on so many joyful moments and was erased from memories because I didn’t want to be perceived as my genuine self: a fat person. 

❤️‍🩹 I accepted terrible behaviour from others. I was abused, homeless, and had awful jobs and surface-level friendships. I tolerated dismal romantic partners, one who said he wasn’t as attracted to me as I gained a few pounds and another who mocked my body. Anti-fat bias taught me I wasn’t worth more because I was fat.

🗣️ I bonded by gossiping. I wasn’t exactly fun to be around - all I wanted to talk about was dieting and gossiping about other people's bodies who didn’t adhere to beauty standards that I thought were acceptable. After unlearning anti-fat bias I realized the only thing I had in common with these friends was shared bias and low self-esteem.

🏆 My life goals revolved around weight loss or attempting to attain beauty through thinness. I dreamed about the day that I would be “thin enough” to wear a bikini or a certain clothes size. Other life aspirations were secondary - thinness was the ultimate life goal. 

⭐️ It wasn’t my fault I was taught anti-fat bias (and tried to navigate it the best I could at the time), but it was my job to unlearn it.

❓Do these experiences sound familiar to you? How has focusing on your body size and dieting affected your life?

✅ Unlearning anti-fat bias changed my life dramatically. And I will be teaching how I unlearned all that BS in an upcoming workshop.

How to Unlearn Weight Bias (and Be at Peace With Your Body and Other Bodies): https://fiercefatty.my.canva.site/how-to-unlearn-weight-bias-and-be-at-peace-with-your-body-and-others

P.S. For a 50% off price that contributes towards ​economic justice use code SPECIAL50