You're listening to the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I'm Victoria Welsby, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self-esteem to being a courageous and confident Fierce Fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. Society teaches us that living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money, and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed, or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century. So how do you stop a negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty Podcast. Let's begin.
Welcome to episode two of the Fierce Fatty Podcast. I am your host, Victoria Welsby. And in this episode, we are talking about my story. So let's get into it. Before we start, I want to give you a big content warning/trigger warning. In this episode, I'm going to be talking about sexual assault and abuse on a minor, homelessness, self-esteem issues, alcoholism, and eating disorders. It's a pretty deep one today. So this is my story of how I went from meek and mild, hating my fat body, being a total doormat with shitty jobs, loser boyfriends, and an all-around sad existence into a confident and courageous Fierce Fatty who, hello loves her body. Unapologetically, I'm relaxed around food, a best-selling author, TEDx speaker. I have my dream job teaching this stuff. So I went from one extreme to the other.
So if you want change and you want to get from A to B, maybe hearing my story might show you how. So yeah, you might have wondered where this weird accent is coming from. I am a Brit. I was born in a place called Peterborough, which was voted so proud, but worst city in the UK to live. Oh my god dreams do come true. So I lived there, I was brought up there and I lived in a council estate, which is for those who are not British, it's, it's not a nice place to necessarily be, well, my version of the council estate wasn't a nice place to be. So the council being the government, so it's kind of government housing grouped together. And I lived in a really dangerous area where there was a lot of crime and we lived in poverty.
My dad was an alcoholic and from the age of somewhere in his forties, he stopped working because of his alcoholism. He nearly died because of his alcoholism. But fortunately he got a liver transplant and then he died a couple of years ago, so unrelated to, to alcoholism. But we had, we had that to deal with. My mum worked in a corner store and so we survived on her part time wages, probably minimum wage from a corner store. So we're very poor and because we were poor, we didn't have the abundance of food that we necessarily needed. On top of that, my mum was very diet culture mindsets oriented, you know, like don't eat too much of that. We don't want to be fat. She would say things like she was a fat sisters of all of our sisters and she's, she's not fat. None of them are fat.
She's a very small and petite woman. And I would look at my mum and think, well, if she thinks that she's fat, then you know, what the hell am I, you know, I must be some, some, some sort of monster. My mom is five foot two and now as an adult, I'm five, seven. And so even from a younger age, I was close to her height and overtook her height and overtook her weight. So the beliefs that she had about her body really drilled down into my brain that my body, if she wasn't happy with her body, then my body was really wrong. I developed because of this, because of this, I'm not literally not having access to food. And when we did have access to food, it was kind of like, well, don't, don't eat that and you're greedy and you want all the food.
And I developed eating in secret and so I would sneak food because, you know, so shameful that I desired food, but Holy shit, how could I have not desired food? One, I was a human being and two, I was being physically denied the food because we didn't have all the food that we wanted and mentally because anytime I want it to eat all the food, then it would be shame. Around that. So I started binge eating never diagnosed binge eating disorder, but basically that's what it was. And that went on for years and that increased my feelings of low self esteem and thinking that I was out of control and greedy and just this, this horrible human being. The area we grew up in, like I mentioned, was very dangerous. So I was targeted by a local pedophile in that area.
And so we had we don't know who it was, but a local pedophile who would hang around, hang around in areas that were scary to walk, you know, like underpasses under, under highways into the motorway and you know in the bushes and fields and things like that. And he would indecently expose himself to children and two women. One day he did that to me out on the street and then he came to my back garden and would watch me playing and in decently expose himself to me there. So it made my house, it was already dangerous in that area, but it made my house a very, very dangerous and I was a terrified child. I really after that, that experience, and it wasn't just one experience, it happened a few times. I couldn't be alone in a room on my own. I couldn't go to the toilet on my own.
I had my mum had to be there with me everywhere because I was terrified. So this happened when I was maybe seven years old. I don't know how does happen, but we managed to get me into, well my mum managed to get me into therapy. How the hell that happened in the time, you know, in the 90s, early nineties to get me into into therapy is just a fricking miracle because you know, that's never heard of. And luckily through cognitive behavioral therapy, I learned how to overcome that fear. I grew braver and I was able to get back to my normal self. So that was a really useful tool that I learned about overcoming fear, which I have used throughout my life about, you know, this overwhelming fear, this overwhelming fear that I had like seriously to the point where I couldn't go to the toilet on my own.
Like imagine fear that, that big to break that down into the tiniest little steps and be able to move forward through that made me learn from a really young age that I could overcome anything. So that was a beautiful lesson I learned from that. So my mom's Irish, she wanted to go back to Ireland where she's from. She had a car accident and she managed to get some money because she got brain damaged from this car accident. She didn't have a car, she was on her bike, someone opened the passenger door and she went over, she wasn't wearing a helmet. And so she got some insurance money and with that money she wanted to get out of this scary, awful neighborhood and move back to Ireland where she's from. At this time I was 16 years old and I didn't want to go cause I had my, my friends and this is all I knew and I'd been to Ireland many times and it wasn't an enjoyable experience to be in Ireland because it was very religious.
With my family, very you know, shamed me in different ways, you know, if you weren't behaving in exactly, you know, a perfect Catholic girl sort of thing. And it was in the countryside in the middle of nowhere. And so I was like, no way. I want to hang out with my friends and you know, go to clubs and stuff like that. We went, yeah, we would go to clubs at age 16 age 15 even. And so I convinced my mom, I said, no, let me stay here. I to finish my, my my school and because my school didn't finish until I was 18. And she, she believed me. She said, yeah, okay, yeah, I'll let you stay here. So she left for Ireland and she sold our family home and after she sold her family home, it was like, okay, the family home, it's, you know, you have to be out in a couple of weeks or whatever.
And I was like, Oh, well what do I do now? I was at school full time. I had a job at school after school doing cleaning the school. That was my job. And that was part time. And in the UK, you can't rent somewhere legally until you're 18. And even if you could, I didn't have the money that you would need to rent a place right at the same time going to the club, I met this guy who I was like, Oh my God, he is so amazing. Now this guy, ah, excuse me, sick. Oh, he was 30 years old. So by this time I was 17, I just turned 17. He was 30 years old. I met him in this club where all these teenagers, teenagers go and instead of, you know, buying me a drink, which is maybe what a boy might normally do, he bought me a lollipop.
Now I'm like, Oh my fucking God, that is so creepy. The whole thing. Like why is he, why is a 30 year old hanging out in a club with teenagers and get, Oh, oops. Like now older Victoria's like bitch, get out of that. But 17 year old Victoria was so starved for love and attention and was lost. So I'd met this guy, I'd maybe been with him for a, you know, a month or something by this time that I was homeless. And so I ended up going to the council and saying, I've got nowhere to live. So they put me in a homeless hostel for children for under eighteens and I was there maybe a couple of months and it was fucking horrible. You, you've got a room and then, you know, everything else was kind of shared facilities, but the other people in there where of course it was unstable people.
It was children who, you know, what, why would these children be be homeless? Basically? they're, they're troubled. And I was troubled too because I was in this situation and so, and so it was a very, again, a very dangerous place to live in. And my then boyfriend creepy 30 year old said, come and live with me and my mum and our seven cats. And I thought that was a great idea. So I moved in with him. I soon found out that he was a, an alcoholic, just like my dad. He was also abusive to begin with. Obviously he wasn't, he was incredibly charming and everything that 17 year old Victoria could have dreamed of, you know, AKA someone, anyone who would date someone who I thought was so disgusting.
So as abusive relationships go, it started out being, you know, great and wonderful. And then slowly things started to happen where any anyone with self esteem would have been like, get out of there. No. eventually he decided that I was too fat for him and so he put me on this diet, I'd say diet. Basically he staffed me. He decided what I could and couldn't eat and he would monitor me. And if I ever deviated from this plan of what I was allowed to eat, then there would be repercussions. So it really, really reinforced that idea that I was so out of control with food and I was so fat and greedy that I had to be controlled by my boyfriend. And I didn't think that it was a problem that he was controlling me in this way. I thought he was very charitable and kind to date someone who was clearly so disgusting.
Of course, being starved by your boyfriend increases the need, the actual need physically and emotionally to have to, to, to have food. Right. And so any moment he was out of the house, any moment that I was not with him, I would get food and I would just guilty, very guilty, eat it. And it would just, it would just be basic, you know, food like a normal dinner. Like I'd go around my sister's and she cooked dinner and I, and I'd say, don't tell him, but I had this food or I'd, you know, go around my friends and we'd order pizza and I'd order a pizza and I'd have like one slice and I'd be like, don't tell him, don't tell him I'm going to bring the rest of the pizza home and tell him that you ate this slice and I'll give him the rest of the pizza to show him.
I haven't eaten the pizza. And you know, really, really, yeah. Messed up. And really sad. So I really, really, really, really from this point knew that I was horrid, just a disgusting human being eventually. So I was with this guy for about three years, and eventually I got a job at a bar after I finished school and I started socializing with people and I started building a little bit of confidence, you know, talking to customers in the bar a little bit. I was still fucking terrified. Like when a customer would come in, I ducked behind the bar and be like, Oh God someone else would serve, we'll serve them because I'm scared. That's, you know, to talk to them. That's how shy I was, eh, who knows I ever managed to get any job at all because I was really really, really shy anyway.
And so because I, I'd made these new friends, I managed to start understanding that maybe the way that this guy was treating me was not okay and his behavior was escalating the way that it does in abusive relationships. And he started getting violent and he was already verbally abusive and manipulate me and controlled me and decided, you know, what things he wanted me to wear and all that type of stuff. So I managed to, to to leave him and it was very dangerous. He actually chased me with a knife. I had to hide in bushes to get away from him and he said, when we were in the relationship, if you ever dare leave me, then I will do this, this, this, this, this. And he laid out a list of consequences if I ever debt to leave him.
He followed through on almost every single one of the consequences. So the first thing that he did was throw a brick through my sister's window, which is where I was staying. He then went to my work and punched my boss, hoping to try and get me fired. He went to my sister's work and he followed, my sister's boyfriend harassed him. He, he said, I will make sure that you can never live in this city again because I'll harass you so badly. And I did leave. And that was because it wasn't safe for me and that in that city, but that was a few years coming. Anyway. He must have found a new girlfriend or whatever. But he, he eventually gave up a, I got a restraining order against him and even though I got a restraining order against him, he still broke. That restraining order would come to my place of work would contact me.
But the police wouldn't do anything. They'd say, well, we can't prove that he went to your place of work to see you. It's like, Hmm. Yeah, yeah, he was. But like I say, he must've got a new girlfriend because he eventually gave up. So that was poor, pretty much my lowest point. I really, really was really broken from that. And I met a new boyfriend very shortly after. Of course, I couldn't be alone at any point. Like I had to always have a boyfriend because I needed that self esteem boost. I met another guy who was a nice guy, you know, just an average guy. And the way that I would behave around him was he was like, what is wrong with you? You know, I would be so terrified of him. For example, I remember one evening making bolognese and bringing it to the table and putting his down and then mind falling out of my hand and hitting the floor and that moment of absolute terror of how's he gonna react?
And I was quickly sweeping it up and being like, Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry and I won't have any dinner and you know, I'll just, I'll get out of your way. And so, you know, you know, waiting for this big reaction. And he was like just have half of my dinner. You know, it's not a big deal. It's just a play like relaxed sort of thing. And that was the moment that I realized that maybe there was a different way to, you know, experience a relationship and not saying that this guy was perfect at all. Like I wouldn't date him now, but he was exactly who I needed because he was very patient with me when I was, you know, clearly very damaged from this relationship. So I was with him for a few years. In this time I was working in recruitment, which was really, really soul destroying working in this agency in my home city.
It was all very sales based, talking to people on the phone, which helped me with my competence again because I'd have to talk to people who had, you know, authority, you know, put people in positions of power and convince them to buy from me and spend, you know, thousands of dollars with me. So that was actually helpful for me and my self esteem before that, to get to that point, I'd worked in a call centre, which a call centre I had to talk to people in the call centre as I was working in was people complaining and complaints. And so talking to lots of angry people. So I had learned how to talk to people are not, you know, run away and cry because I was so terrified. Which was, which was good for me. So a few years after their side meet some guy out clubbing when I was I was, I went to my sister in Sheffield, which is a couple of hours from, I'm from Peterborough and I was like, Oh my God.
So maybe I was 25 by this point. And I fell deeply in love with this guy. He was so cool and quirky and he was so in love with me and I was like, I know I'm going to marry him. We talk about getting married and I was just like, Holy shit, I've never experienced love like this. It was so intense and amazing and, but there were little red flags or red flags that Victoria now would be like bitch get out of there, but I ignored them because I was, you know, still recovering from this, this terrible abuse that I'd experienced and low self esteem in general, I would put them to the wayside. You know, like sometimes he texts me and he be like, remember that time that you did that thing and there was no time that I did that thing.
Or he would just go missing for a few days on an end, you know, not text me or not respond. And I'll be like, Oh my God, he's gone off me. And then he just resurface and be like, Oh, I missed you or sorry, my phone was broken and we had a long distance relationship. And so we would go and see each other maybe at the weekends. And so there were some things that were a little bit fishy. So one day I caught him, I caught him with three of the girlfriends and these were proper girlfriends. He weren't, these weren't like flings or something. So, so I was girlfriend three in a four girlfriend situation as having this long distance relationship. He was able to spend time with these other girls. First girlfriend, girlfriend, number one, he actually bought a house with her girlfriend to he was in a longterm relationship with her.
I had been with him for nine months at this point, and then he had just started with girlfriend number four, also a long distance relationship, go from one and two. We're in his city. So obviously he'd worked out, he couldn't have people in the city. Girlfriend one and two and me go from three. We got got together and became friends. We reached out to girlfriend four and and said, Hey, this guy's cheating. And she said, no, I don't believe you. He's a great guy and dah, dah, dah. Even though we said, Oh, here's all the evidence. She was like, no. So hopefully she worked it out, but she wasn't interested. It was so interesting to, to, to meet, you know, spend time with these, these other women because they were so smart and funny and gorgeous and accomplished and cool and quirky. And then I looked at myself and I was like, Oh, what is he doing with me?
We took a picture together. Actually. I'll put it on, I'll put it on show notes. I'll, I'll put a picture of us three go from one, two and three together. And I'm so thankful that this happens because, because he was such a scallywag and he was, you know, cheating. He wasn't doing it out of the kindness of his heart. He wasn't dating me because he was a good guy. You know, he wasn't dating me to be charitable, which is what I thought of the guys were doing. They were dating me as a favor. They were doing charity work and you know, dating this poor fat girl, you know, he was dating me because I too was smart, funny, quirky, beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, desirable. And looking at the other girlfriends, I was like, wow, I can see that they are those things. And clearly, theoretically I too ambo things. It's not like he did, you know what? Go from one, two and they were great. And then he was like, Oh fuck, I'm just going to date some complete loser who I find physically disgusting. No, you know, he was being selfish and he wanted someone, he also found attractive. So
That's when I realized, okay man, something's going on with my brain update. Its, you know, had terrible day in experiences. I hate my job, I hate where I live. I, I cannot believe that I am acceptable being this weight. Something needs to change and I need to work on my brain because this ain't working for me and head's not fun. So
So this was kind of my turn round point. This is my appear funny. I, from there moved to Canada. My sister was in Canada. She said, Oh fuck, you've got nothing to lose. Why not come and stay in Canada for a bed and see how it goes. So moved to Canada and my planned, six months turned into 10 plus years and Vancouver in Canada is my home. And I started therapy.
I knew that I had to fix what was going on in my mind. So I started therapy. Still, I'm in therapy to this day because therapy is amazing. And I'm very privileged to be able to, to do it. When I first started out, I didn't have any money. And so I managed to find free resources in regards to therapy, different places that would give free therapy
And I was able to, to work on my mental health that way. But still after years of therapy I still wanted to be thin. I just couldn't shake this feeling of wanting to be thin. I was just, I was just like, Oh man, I'm, you know, I've turned my life around. I, I got, you know, better jobs and better relationships and I'm just feeling great all around. But why can't I just be thin? I'm so accomplished in all the different areas there are. I had done different types of therapy to really work through my PTSD, which is what I suffered from after that relationship. And I was, you know, my life was great but I just couldn't fix this one thing. And the one thing is being thin. I didn't know that it was the F the wanting to be thin. It was the being thing.
Like why couldn't I be thin? I, I'm intelligent, I'm, I'm hard working. I'm dedicated. I would crush any diet, but you know, I went on, but of course I couldn't crush a diet because diets don't work. I was, you know, it was a faulty system. So only after years and years and years of therapy and the realization of what if it's okay to be fat. I started following body positive blogs and reading things and looking at the science and reading the, the big breakthrough was coming from reading Regan Chastain's blog, dances with fat and being like, what the fuck? What do you mean it's okay to be fat? What do you mean diets don't work? What do you mean all of this stuff? You know, why hasn't no one told me this? Why w what if only I had known so many years ago that this, you know, this was the truth.
You know, that it's okay to be fat. In fact, it's beautiful. All different body types of beautiful, it's interesting. It's visually interesting. Fat bodies are, they're so sumptuous and gorgeous and, and many people have a preference for fat bodies. The guys who were dating me all through this time, one dating me to be charitable, they were dating me cause I was fucking gorgeous and also had an amazing personality and was resilient and kind and funny and intelligent and all of those things. I didn't realize it because of this and this really, really long journey of working out all of the different things I needed to do to help my mental health, to overcome my rampant internalized fat phobia. I have now made it my life's mission to tell everyone, Hey, it's okay to be fat and because you're fat, you do not have to accept less than if I knew from a young age that it was okay to be fat and that I wasn't greedy and I didn't learn all of that stuff around, you know, food moralizing and all that, all sort of stuff.
And you know, over-exercising and I would never have you know, when I met some 17 year old, you know, 30 year old when I was 17 in the club, I be like, Oh, go away. Creepy old dude. You know, I'm busy being, you know, 17 and having fun. You know, maybe I would have gone to Ireland with my mom who knows, you know, maybe if my mom was in, you know, who knows, who knows. But I wouldn't have ended up in a lot of the situations that I was in that simple, deep knowledge that you are worthy as a human being. No matter what you look like, no matter what you do, no matter what mistakes that you make. And we all make mistakes because we're human beings. If I had that, then things would have been a lot different. Now that's not my reality.
And actually today I feel very thankful that I got to experience those things because now I'm so deeply passionate about sharing this message with the well. So other people who are maybe somewhere along the story that I, you know, the same story of me, maybe not the same extremes of homelessness and abuse and all that type of stuff, but somewhere, you know, not accepting you know, the best relationships and having crappy jobs and just being, you know, walked over and feeling like a doormat and not wearing clothes that they want and scared to wear a bikini and all that type of stuff. They can hear this message and be like, what? And have that same epiphany moment that I had years ago where it's like, what's up? What do you mean it's okay to be fat? No one's told me this. I want to be telling everyone and I want you as a listener to be also sharing this message with people in your life if you're able to and saying, yo, did you know the, it's okay to be fat and Hey, we don't always have to be on a diet.
And in fact diets don't work! And what an incredible world that would be if we could live in a place where little girls, little boys, children of any gender, know that their body is okay, what beautiful things could their lives turn into because of that? So that's why I do what I do. And now because I have this deep sense of worthiness, I have confidence. Now when I say confidence, a lot of people think arrogance. Some people might think I'm arrogant, but I know that I'm an incredible person. I also know that I am a deeply flawed person because I'm a human being. I'm not 100% good and I'm not 100% bad. I'm just a human being. But I'm also worthy of love and respect from everyone around me. And if I don't get it, then I put boundaries in place and I look after myself because I am precious.
And not only am I precious, everyone is, and it doesn't matter if you are fat or thin, you're still precious and worthy. So because of my new found confidence, I would do things like change up who I was dating. I'd start spotting red flags and be like, Mmm, no see ya later and I would ask for pay rises. I remember one time in my job I asked for a pay rise and my boss was this very conservative American guy. I was like can I have a two K pay rise? I was thinking, you know, I'd worked there for a couple of years and, and got a pay rise. And I remember very clearly him saying, Victoria, you're not worth two K more you're lucky you even have a job. And kind of went on a, on a rant of, you know, in this economy, blah, blah, blah.
And I listened to him and I, this is when I really knew my confidence or the work I'd been doing. All my confidence was paying off because I was listening to him, watching his mouth move, watching him being so certain that he was right in his opinion. And you know, he was right and his, his mind, he was right. That saying I wasn't worth 12 two K more and I wasn't internalizing what he was saying. I was just like, that's your opinion. That's not a fact. And so I went out and I got someone else's opinion. I got other company's opinions and he was right. I wasn't worth two K more, I's worth 12 K more, which is what I did is I got another job within a couple of weeks paying me 12 K more so old Victoria would have heard him say, you're not worth two K more.
And I would've just been like, I wouldn't have even asked for two. Came or did just settled in this job that I really hated, but knew Victoria was able to understand that what one person thinks of me is not the truth. I can decide. I have control about the narrative that's going on in my mind. And I continued with this like all these little steps of bravery, like at the time that were just so overwhelming. Now I wouldn't think twice of being like, give me some fucking money, bitch. You know what I mean? But at the time there were massive and all these little steps and big steps turned into even bigger things. So wearing a bikini and filming myself and putting it online and I was like, Oh my God, this is so scary. And then doing a TEDx talk where I take my clothes off at the end, if you haven't seen it, seen it, go find it.
Look at a TEDx and Victoria Welsby. And yes, I take my clothes off at the end. It's amazing shape. My fat titties all over the place. And wrote a best selling book and really I don't give a fuck what other people think of me. In regards to the negative opinions and really positive opinions about me is lovely, but it doesn't mean anything about me. It means something about you. What you're thinking about me is a reflection of you. Right. You know, someone who has high self esteem, who feels great is not gonna be you know, saying mean shit on the internet, right? Or the troll comments I get, I'm not like, that's a well balanced person, that person who's telling me that I'm a disgusting human being and I should die, they're not happy. So, but if someone is, you know, thinking good thoughts about me, it's probably because they have good thoughts in their brain about themselves.
So I wanted to tell you my story because I wanted to show a kind of dramatic version of going from someone who was terrified to talk to other people who, you know, experienced these things because I thought that I wasn't good enough into the extreme version of, you know, flopping my tits out on a TEDx stage and not giving one single flying fuck if people thought that I was unattractive. And so wherever you are, you can do it too. You can that there's a process that I have developed through all these years of therapy and all of this, you know, body positivity and fat positivity that I've been exposed to, but helps you get from, from a to B. It's called the fierce framework. And we'd be talking more about that in upcoming episodes. About the different things that you can be doing. But I just want you to know that it is possible.
It is possible. It doesn't matter how many years you have been hating your body. It doesn't matter if you are 90, a hundred years old. It can change. It doesn't matter if you really, you know, have a deep, deep hate for yourself. Of course it matters. But what I'm saying is that it can change, right? No matter what dark hole you're in right now, or maybe you're coming out of that dark hole it just takes one step in front of the other doing things that sometimes are scary and pushing yourself and surrounding yourself with messages like this message that I'm sharing today. So just by listening to this podcast today, you're taking another step forward to submerging yourself and fat positivity and knowing that, that it's possible and you know, anything is possible for you. Really, really anything is possible. So that's my story. I hope you got something from sharing this.
If you did, please let me know. Reach out to me if my story resonated with you in any way. And because I know you're the type of person who wants to share this message with the world, then please share this with with your friends. Please leave a review and subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss out on the future episodes which are going to be so juicy and filled with such amazing content. I can't wait to share that with you and I so appreciate you being here with me till the very end and being part of this first fatty revolution. Youre incredible thanks for being here. And I will see you on the next episode of the Fierce Fatty Podcast.