In 2009 I had met the man I wanted to marry, the man I knew I was to have kids with and have the most incredible life with. That was until I discovered he had a secret life with 2 other girlfriends.

I recently posted an image of myself on Instagram and described myself as fat and beautiful. The first comment I got was from a Nutritional Therapist/Fitness Coach saying “You HAVE fat.... You are not fat. You also have fingernails. You are not fingernails.”

Hmmmm…..

Semantics you may say, she was trying to reassure me that I wasn’t ugly and not to use derogatory names like FAT to describe myself.

Writing this blog post I felt so embarrassed. So ashamed. I also felt scared.

I feel embarrassed because I am a strong confident woman and why would someone like that be with such a loser for 2 years of her life.

I feel ashamed as in some way, it feels like it was my fault, that I deserved it. I worry you will lose respect for me or see me as a victim.

I feel scared because even after 10+ years of being away from him I still suffer from PTSD and worry he will try and hurt me in any way he can.

I have never written about this time in my life because I was scared he would read my words and try to destroy me as punishment for speaking out.