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Why Diets Are Fucked (get ready to have your mind blown!)

Psst...look out for the awesome freebie worth $400 at the bottom of the page:)


Chances are you’ve been on more than one diet in your life, I know I have.


A diet is any type of restrictive eating, whether it be a juice cleanse (cleanses are bullshit by the way). Telling yourself you wont eat carbs until you get a date with Will Smith (hands off him, he’s mine). Or it could be a full on restriction of calories in order to starve your body into supermodelness.


I am here to tell you why I will never go on a diet again, because my friends…that shit is fucked.


They Don’t Work

Imagine this: you go to your doctor with a serious medical problem. Your doctor tells you to take a pill that could work in the short term, but there is a 95% chance that in long term it will actually make you even more sick that you are today.


Would you take it?


Hell no! You’d tell that doctor to stop smoking the wacky backy.


In medicine, if a prescription doesn’t work 95% of the time doctors would work to create something better, not tell the patient to try harder at taking the prescription.


That is what diets are.


95% of diets do not work and not only do they not work they make you fatter (not that there is anything wrong with being fat in the first place).


And the best thing about this is that once they do fail they have you believing that YOU are the failure and not the diet, so you try again. And again, and again, and again.


Even if They Did, They Won’t Make You Healthier

Ok, so there is a 5% chance that I will go on this diet and succeed…so why not try?


Yes! Great idea and that is something I thought plenty.


I just presumed the 95% who fail were not trying hard enough, they were lazy, they cheated and guzzled down gallons of liquid lard and had 20 deep fried Mars Bars for breakfast every day.


I wasn’t like them, I was disciplined and dedicated. I even lost 50lbs over a year period.


BUT, here’s the thing, there are negative consequences of putting yourself on a diet even if you do lose weight.


These negative consequences include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, depression and cardiovascular disease. Say wha?!


AND what does "success" actually mean anyway?


It means losing 5% or more from your starting weight and keeping it off for more than 5 years.


So if a 350lb person lost 17.5lbs they would be in that top 5% of winners of the diet lottery.


Doesn’t seem like that much to lose in return for all that mental anguish/money/self hate.


But what if you do lose weight, won’t less fat on your body mean that you’re healthier?


Simply put: no.


Having more fat on your body does not automatically mean you are not healthy.

Having less fat on your body does not mean you’re a walking health guru.

Indicators of health are things like good blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose and triglycerides.

You could even look at how much time you spend moving your body, making healthy eating choices, or working on your strength and stamina for example.

A fat person can display all of these qualities despite having more fat on their body. Fat does not equal sickness.

Picture courtesy of

Picture courtesy of

In Fact They Make You LESS Healthy

Oh FFS, really?!


Yo-yo dieting (going on a diet, losing weight, putting it back on, repeat) damages your long term health.


Many studies show yo-yo dieting is less healthy than being "obese"*, it leads to numerous health problems and a potentially shorter life.


But Victoria, fat people will have a shorter life anyway from all their fatness!


Umm, no. Statistically obese people live LONGER than “normal” weight people (STFU!).


Now I know you think I am talking crazy, but it’s science!


No one really knows why, but the suggestion is that "overweight"* and "obese" people are less prone to disease than "normal" and "underweight" people.

The Diet Industry is Profiting from Fat Shaming You with Scam Products

So if dieting doesn’t work then why are so many people on diets? And anyway, my Aunts Friends, Brothers, dogs Friend knew someone who lost like 1000lbs on this quinoa diet and won the lottery and fell in love and grew wings so dieting MUST work!


Think about this: if dieting worked there would be no dieting industry, everyone would be thin. 


There is NOT ONE SINGLE STUDY that exists that shows weight loss products or diets work in the long term. Not one.


Instead, the diet industry is worth $64 BILLION a year, every year and it’s growing. That shit is fucked.


They diet industry is like, “Hey do this diet, you’ll become slim and super sexy, you’re disgusting right now, you should really change you slob!”.


And then they’re like, “That diet didn’t work as it didn’t include seaweed detoxes and parrots toenails, and also you’re a fat loser, try this one instead, maybe you’ll work harder this time and stop being so hideous.”


I think we should tell the diet industry to get fucked!


I’d rather give my money to a company who isn’t preying on my low self esteem with hocus pocus “cures”.


Oprah recently bought into Weight Watchers (no Oprah, noooooo!). She has been on WW diets previously and guess what: she is still fat!


Even if Oprah, a woman with endless money can’t force her body to be smaller do you think the average person can? No. No they can’t.


Losing Weight Won’t Make You Happy

I had this fantasy in my mind that once I had become slim that I would shit glitter, rainbows would appear from my bumhole, I wouldn’t be able to get George Clooney to stop calling me and money would miraculously appear on my doorstep.


Yeah….that didn’t happen.


That didn’t happen because what I was seeking was self love and acceptance.


No matter how slim I was, there was always someone slimmer and therefore more beautiful, and therefore I wasn’t worthy.


I know all this talk might have bummed you out or made you angry because you were hoping one day you’d get your shit together and finally lose 20lbs or 100lbs or whatever.


I have come and pissed all over your parade, taken your hope away that you will one day be Beyoncé (holy shit spell check just put the accent of the e of Beyoncé for me, she is sooo famous even spell check knows her!).

How about you think of it like this instead:

·      You can now start to forgive yourself for not ever sticking to a diet (as your body doesn’t want you to starve). You can come to terms with where you are at now (we all have a natural weight set point that has a range of 10-20lbs).

·      You can begin to embrace the awesome body you have today (your body does some pretty kickass things for you, like sleeping, blinking, high kicking, guffawing).

·      You can spend the money you would pour into diets on something awesome like these cosmic cat t-shirts.

·      You can have some more space in your brain to think about cool things instead of spending 29 hours a day dreaming of when you can eat next and how to sex up a celery stick.

·      You can buy clothes that fit you instead of a size down hoping you’ll slim into them. You can clear your overstuffed wardrobe of all those clothes that would only fit a toddler version of yourself and fill it with new awesome and super sassy outfits.


So, my friends, that’s why diets are fucked. What do you think? Have you had similar experiences to me? Let me know, email me at I would love to hear from you! P.S. Feel free to buy me laser kitty t-shirts but the crochet hot pants….not so much.


*The terms "Obese" and "Overweight" etc are terms used to categorize bodies based on the BMI scale. The BMI scale is total bullshit at measuring health. I only use these words to reference data that comes from science. I believe there is no weight you should be and therefore there is no such thing as over that weight (overweight).


Victoria is a confidence and self acceptance coach at BAM POW LIFE. Learn how you can be exceptional at whatever you turn your hand to with free advice by signing up hereRead more articles, and register for her sublimely entertaining online courses.


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