At one point in my life, I was "average" size. After some brutal dieting, starvation, over-exercising, and basically abusing my body, I became "straight" sized. I presumed when I became thin, all this stuff was going to happen.
The stuff I thought was going to happen was Brad Pitt would suddenly contact me, find my email address and be like, "Baby, I've been waiting all this time for you to lose weight. I'm now in love with you."
- I thought money would rain from the skies.
- I thought that I would get an immediate pay raise.
- I thought that I would feel super confident.
- I thought my boyfriend would be like, "Mmm girl. You're so sexy! Oh!"
- I thought that when I looked in the mirror, I'd be like, "Mmm, girl. You're so sexy!"
- I thought that when I went into clothing stores, I'd be proud to buy my size.
- I thought that men would treat me in wonderful and fabulous ways.
- I thought that my life would suddenly become this magical, running through fields of flowers and rainbows and sunshine all the time.
- I thought that I would become happy.
- I thought that things in life would just be better.
- I thought that I would be healthy.
- I thought that I would be a better person.
- I thought that my family would love me more.
- I thought that my mum would be proud of me.
- I thought that I would automatically love all sports.
- I thought that I would be obsessed with only eating salad and I would have no interest in "unhealthy food".
- I thought that I would easily be able to keep the weight off and live as a judgemental thin person forever.
- I thought that I had immense willpower and all these other fatties who didn't lose the weight were disgusting.
- I thought that I would suddenly become uber, uber fashionable and would be wearing styles that came just off the runway.
- I thought that my friendships would become even better.
- I thought that I would become a world-renowned athlete.
- I thought that my job would suck less.
- Basically, I thought it would solve all problems in life and make me extremely happy, extremely desirable, and never sad again.
Guess what? It didn't. None of this shit happened. I never got a call from Brad Pitt. Like, hello, I've been waiting!
The truth is, becoming "straight sized", all it gave me was extreme disordered eating patterns and terrible self-esteem. It made me lose friendships because all I talked about was fucking food, and if anyone put anything in their mouth, I'd be like, "Did you know that that has 17 calories?" Oh my God. If I was around me at that time, I would not want to be my friend.
I forced my boyfriend to go on a diet when he wasn't even fat to "support" me. I was less successful in my career because all I was focused on was becoming thin. I didn't love myself. I didn't think that I was average sized. I still thought I was fat and that fat was bad. I didn't think that I looked better in clothes. I still thought I looked bad.
What did you think that you might get from dieting? What miraculous, magical things were going to come into your life? Do you still think that there might be something magical that will happen if you lose weight? Let me know in the comments below, and if you would like more content like this, and yeah, who wouldn't? Then head on over to the link below where I have my free e-course Extreme Confidence Makeover.
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